I know what you mean.. about the comment thing, I will know it once I visit her family. I know that whether us being together is up to us not her family.. hence, that about how her family comment on me and that bastard.. it really dosent mean anything.. but at least, its nice to leave a good impression.Originally posted by jojobeach:My suggestion to you , thread cautiously.
Her family haven't even met you in person yet. And they have positive comments on you already ? Red flag number 2.
Everything so far has been " she said". How much of what she said is truth / fabrications ?
So, the answer to your question is. No, it doesn't mean anything, other than the fact that, I see sugar coating every corner.
You... do know the meaning of "stepping stones"... right ?
Get to know her more... I suggest you drag out the time, a little just to be sure.
Tell her, you are not ready to settle down yet.
Ask her to give you another 5 more years. You need more time to know her better.
Japan is not a country that is easy to live in. Have you been there before ?Originally posted by aicuole:I know what you mean.. about the comment thing, I will know it once I visit her family. I know that whether us being together is up to us not her family.. hence, that about how her family comment on me and that bastard.. it really dosent mean anything.. but at least, its nice to leave a good impression.
Well, if she is that honest enough to tell me everything about her past, even of her seeing that guy after the break, i dont see what's the point of her lying to me. And she know the outcome of lying which i had clarify with her many times. Maybe 10 days was not enough of knowing a person but to a person who fly over to see you regardless the time and money spend. It's somehow worth my trust for her... If it's out of 'stepping stones' I have nothing for her right now except my body... so what gives? what can she rely on me for? she can remains in japan to find richer guy.. i believe japan is better than sg to certain extend.(correct me if im wrong), and have to listen to all my lecture for her with tears. To a normal girl, I believe they would break up with me long time ago and wrote about how hateful a guy can be in AA.
After all what had happened, i sincerely ask her why she love me.. Maybe it's childish for some people to a certain extend. But to me, it's really important. I would definitely think twice for a girl whom I wish to commit for a lifetime if her answer are like 'because of your look/charm/attraction' (look might change too), 'because you are nice and gentlemen-liked guy'(as time goes by, people might change.), 'because of your personality' (personality might change too and would act like a better person when you are together for a while. I mean without seriously know each other for a long time.) and of course any other reason you can think of... I've received such answer before and it's confirmed that relationship wont last. The answer she gave me was 'because you have more sense when it comes to doing thing like this and you are responsibility for your action'
She confirmed it again after she came to sg when we were actually together. Little detail that I didnt notice and she sees in her own eyes and could feel it.
Saying what our relationship now might be too early but time will tell. I believe..
Saying what our relationship now might be too early but time will tell. I believe..Originally posted by aicuole:I know what you mean.. about the comment thing, I will know it once I visit her family. I know that whether us being together is up to us not her family.. hence, that about how her family comment on me and that bastard.. it really dosent mean anything.. but at least, its nice to leave a good impression.
Well, if she is that honest enough to tell me everything about her past, even of her seeing that guy after the break, i dont see what's the point of her lying to me. And she know the outcome of lying which i had clarify with her many times. Maybe 10 days was not enough of knowing a person but to a person who fly over to see you regardless the time and money spend. It's somehow worth my trust for her... If it's out of 'stepping stones' I have nothing for her right now except my body... so what gives? what can she rely on me for? she can remains in japan to find richer guy.. i believe japan is better than sg to certain extend.(correct me if im wrong), and have to listen to all my lecture for her with tears. To a normal girl, I believe they would break up with me long time ago and wrote about how hateful a guy can be in AA.
After all what had happened, i sincerely ask her why she love me.. Maybe it's childish for some people to a certain extend. But to me, it's really important. I would definitely think twice for a girl whom I wish to commit for a lifetime if her answer are like 'because of your look/charm/attraction' (look might change too), 'because you are nice and gentlemen-liked guy'(as time goes by, people might change.), 'because of your personality' (personality might change too and would act like a better person when you are together for a while. I mean without seriously know each other for a long time.) and of course any other reason you can think of... I've received such answer before and it's confirmed that relationship wont last. The answer she gave me was 'because you have more sense when it comes to doing thing like this and you are responsibility for your action'
She confirmed it again after she came to sg when we were actually together. Little detail that I didnt notice and she sees in her own eyes and could feel it.
Saying what our relationship now might be too early but time will tell. I believe..
Yes, living in japan is hard. The living standard there is high. But I should say, not all japanese treat Asian foreigner that harsh..Originally posted by jojobeach:Japan is not a country that is easy to live in. Have you been there before ?
And they are harsh towards other Asians foreigners.
You may think it is noble of her to spend her time and money to come visit you.
But given the fact that it is her first time to visit a country.
Have you considered the fact that, you may be a good facilitator for her to come visit ?
If she want to go ... say... USA.. isn't it easy enough for her to find a man and tells him she loves him.. and that she wants to go spend time with him there, AND tour the country ?
Perhaps you are right, perhaps she really is some one worth the effort.
Indeed, time will tell...I just hope you are not another gullible guy. Because obviously, she's been saying all the right things you want to hear.
May your dreams come true.
aicuole,Originally posted by aicuole:Yes, living in japan is hard. The living standard there is high. But I should say, not all japanese treat Asian foreigner that harsh..
Maybe I wont say it's noble for her to do all that. But if one didnt truly love someone, they wouldnt need to go until this extreme of going oversea to visit another person. (Not if you are rich, of course.) I'm not a love saint whereby could have the ability to sweet talk girls and make them come visit me. You can say that it's little 'investment' she made, but like i say, what gives? some guys might be bastard that ditched her after sleeping with her... she had made a lost-lost situation if did not trust a correct guy. You said your friends met someone over the net and live happily with them right?
If it's the money she is after, I know... i've seen countless girls like that, might not happen to me, but with my friends.
However, how she know that it's the right thing to say that what I want to hear? I didnt tell her that 'I like to hear you saying you like me because blah blah blah' Sometimes thing are said from the depth of the heart and it's something I feel.. right? For example, i mention that I dislike being like because of look. For some guys, they might think it's essential for them to hear. But it's not my cup of tea.
Oh well, I wrote all these is not to doubt the love she gave. But her bastard ex bothering her as she told me about her past.. see how things being link together.... I want her to be honest with me, to know that her ex call her, in the past, he called because of his need, her foolishness with no self protection.. and everything.. It's not that Im jealous.. i just cant bear to see someone I love now had encountered such a cruel past and bad experience. I dunno how to put that in words... im bad at explaining though...
Hi TS,Originally posted by aicuole:Yes, living in japan is hard. The living standard there is high. But I should say, not all japanese treat Asian foreigner that harsh..
Maybe I wont say it's noble for her to do all that. But if one didnt truly love someone, they wouldnt need to go until this extreme of going oversea to visit another person. (Not if you are rich, of course.) I'm not a love saint whereby could have the ability to sweet talk girls and make them come visit me. You can say that it's little 'investment' she made, but like i say, what gives? some guys might be bastard that ditched her after sleeping with her... she had made a lost-lost situation if did not trust a correct guy. You said your friends met someone over the net and live happily with them right?
If it's the money she is after, I know... i've seen countless girls like that, might not happen to me, but with my friends.
However, how she know that it's the right thing to say that what I want to hear? I didnt tell her that 'I like to hear you saying you like me because blah blah blah' Sometimes thing are said from the depth of the heart and it's something I feel.. right? For example, i mention that I dislike being like because of look. For some guys, they might think it's essential for them to hear. But it's not my cup of tea.
Oh well, I wrote all these is not to doubt the love she gave. But her bastard ex bothering her as she told me about her past.. see how things being link together.... I want her to be honest with me, to know that her ex call her, in the past, he called because of his need, her foolishness with no self protection.. and everything.. It's not that Im jealous.. i just cant bear to see someone I love now had encountered such a cruel past and bad experience. I dunno how to put that in words... im bad at explaining though...
jojobeach, thnx for your words as I know you are someone quite understanding. For now, yes... her foolishness bother me.. why? Because I dont want one day after we are married, and I went to look for prostitute, after she discovered and she believe what lame excuse I give her.. That is something common sense that i dont have to tell her right? From what I see, she did forgive the guy that betray her and let him have whatever he wanted... such as sex? .. an unprotected one... even after undergo an abortion once.... That's.... depression.Originally posted by jojobeach:aicuole,
I know you have a good heart.
A man with a heart like yours is hard to come by.
Perhaps, after what she's been through, a good man is what she is looking for.
My words may be harsh, but I just hope you have think this through thoroughly.
Many men are easily wounded by love. I just hope you will not ever become a victim. Women knows how to sweet talk a man too.
I hope you can see beyond words and promises.
Her foolishness may be bothering you.
That is a valid concern.
Because you wouldn't want to marry a foolish wife now, would you ?
Give her a second chance... observe with open eyes.
Use your brain, not your heart to decide if she is truly the person you want to spend your whole life with ?
Ask yourself this, If she don't have such a cruel/unfortunate past, would you still love her ?
Is it really love you have for her personality ? or pity ?
Don't fall in love with sympathy.
yes I know what you mean.Originally posted by aicuole:jojobeach, thnx for your words as I know you are someone quite understanding. For now, yes... her foolishness bother me.. why? Because I dont want one day after we are married, and I went to look for prostitute, after she discovered and she believe what lame excuse I give her.. That is something common sense that i dont have to tell her right? From what I see, she did forgive the guy that betray her and let him have whatever he wanted... such as sex? .. an unprotected one... even after undergo an abortion once.... That's.... depression.
Yes, if she dont have such a past, I will still love her and wont want her to experience such mishap. If only I meet her first... but... no.
If i have to love someone out of sympathy, there's million of people out there to love... like i said, im not Jesus... im a normal guy who have a mindset and love someone after interacting not out of fun.
btw, thnx for your reply..
Oh really? I'll catch that novel if i have time..Originally posted by ordinaryguy32:Hi TS,
Forgive me for saying this, but your love story with your koibiito sounds very much like a taiwanese love plot from qiong yao's novel.
She brings with her a lot of emotional baggage which you may struggle to handle on a day-to-day basis.
You may be mixing sympathy with your love, and that may not be healthy for you.
You sound like an overseas rebound for her to me, and I am not sure if she's not suffering some form of depression.
You don't sound like the best person to help her, in my humble opinion.
There's no point pulling someone out of the quicksand if you are not certain you wouldn't get sucked into the mire.
Guys like us tend to try to think we are emotionally strong enough for such a mess, but it's more difficult than we think.
Trying to help a person out of his/her depression and being in love with him/her at the same time doesn't work.
I agree with jojobeach on this.Originally posted by jojobeach:aicuole,
I know you have a good heart.
A man with a heart like yours is hard to come by.
Perhaps, after what she's been through, a good man is what she is looking for.
My words may be harsh, but I just hope you have think this through thoroughly.
Many men are easily wounded by love. I just hope you will not ever become a victim. Women knows how to sweet talk a man too.
I hope you can see beyond words and promises.
Her foolishness may be bothering you.
That is a valid concern.
Because you wouldn't want to marry a foolish wife now, would you ?
Give her a second chance... observe with open eyes.
Use your brain, not your heart to decide if she is truly the person you want to spend your whole life with ?
Ask yourself this, If she don't have such a cruel/unfortunate past, would you still love her ?
Is it really love you have for her personality ? or pity ?
Don't fall in love with sympathy.
is up to him to decided.Originally posted by fymk:I am gonna be harsh on my part and this is just my opinion .
The girl is playing you for a fool. If you don't see it now , you won't see it til the big kahuna of treachery comes along.
I would be very cautious with her if I were you.
This is just my opinion - up to you to take it or not.
its all in yr brain.... if u always think its him then no1 can help u.... u must think that she got other frens too... it may not be him....Originally posted by aicuole:Once bitten, twice shy... how to forget that? Whenever I see her receiving calls or sms, I would think of him calling... how to forget all these?
P.s: She had went to check up and she's clean. Am I doubting her too much?
You mean she went with you to checkup already in SG ?Originally posted by aicuole:Once bitten, twice shy... how to forget that? Whenever I see her receiving calls or sms, I would think of him calling... how to forget all these?
P.s: She had went to check up and she's clean. Am I doubting her too much?