Relationship problem
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Firstly, i do not know how to tell my bf about how i feel about his friends. We seldom met up with 1 another as he is always with his friends.
Calling him, he reply as he is busy at the moment. Ask me to wait for his call. Waited for hours, never call me, call him again, he is still busy.
Ask him whether he still want the relationship, he say yes, ask me don't think too much.
I am 20 while he is 23. Is there a problem with the age ? -
duh! get a clue!Originally posted by [L]inG_eR:Firstly, i do not know how to tell my bf about how i feel about his friends. We seldom met up with 1 another as he is always with his friends.
Calling him, he reply as he is busy at the moment. Ask me to wait for his call. Waited for hours, never call me, call him again, he is still busy.
Ask him whether he still want the relationship, he say yes, ask me don't think too much.
I am 20 while he is 23. Is there a problem with the age ?
can't you see he is busy? you really are thinking too much. all this happens in one night and u fear the worst, thinking he's gonna throw away ur relationship just like that.
why do u make snap judgements like that? is it paranoia or habit?
just try again next time. get ur priorities right. first, ask him about ur relationship and where its at. then ask ur bf about his friends. btw, what do you FEEL towards his friends? attracted? angry? unpleasant? happy? sad? -
The time i call is ard 9+ pm , he is those working in an office. Not everyday having overtime work mah.Originally posted by spy8reak:duh! get a clue!
can't you see he is busy? you really are thinking too much. all this happens in one night and u fear the worst, thinking he's gonna throw away ur relationship just like that.
why do u make snap judgements like that? is it paranoia or habit?
just try again next time. get ur priorities right. first, ask him about ur relationship and where its at. then ask ur bf about his friends. btw, what do you FEEL towards his friends? attracted? angry? unpleasant? happy? sad?
he told me first priorities, he dun like to let me know about his friends. i only know those he seldom meet up with.
angry, jealous , sad , for myself i do not know what i can do too. -
why dont you have a good talk with him, just let him know that you are uncomfortable with his ?recent? behaviour? i'm sure you guys can work things out properly!
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a talk to him is like picking a fight with himOriginally posted by j@@ck:why dont you have a good talk with him, just let him know that you are uncomfortable with his ?recent? behaviour? i'm sure you guys can work things out properly! 
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he doesn't trust you with his friends. its fairly obvious. he's trying to hide something. hahaha!Originally posted by [L]inG_eR:The time i call is ard 9+ pm , he is those working in an office. Not everyday having overtime work mah.
he told me first priorities, he dun like to let me know about his friends. i only know those he seldom meet up with.
angry, jealous , sad , for myself i do not know what i can do too.
i'm jus kidding dun get so worked up over nothing. he's doing that simply because he wants to be left alone with his friends. bcos there is a time to be with his friends and another time to be with you. nuthin wrong with that right? think what he feels if you keep asking about his friends. he might think ur being too posessive.
in fact, this whole thing might be cause from the fact that you might be a little bit too posessive to someone, that you want to intrude on his friends jus bcuz you feel that he's neglecting you. i mean, ppl should have some level of freedom. ultimately, this is where u should trust him in order for him to trust you in return. give him time to mellow and dun keep prodding him on the same issue. that will agitate him. thats y ur conversation with him always turns out a war.
or maybe, u shouldn't rush him on making any major commitments for the time being. dun give working guys stress. give him time. trust has to be built first. then u will earn ur keep. -
Communication is not only important - its hell of an importance - the survival of your relation depends heavily on it. If talking to him = to picking a fight with him, it simply means that you employed that wrong way to speak to him. Quick to throw words and especially use words like 'You this', You that', which puts him into defensive mode? Tone of voice? Visible anger ready to tear him apart? Be firm, yet calm when speaking. Don't mention all the problems (or past) onto the table - do things one at the time. Always explain your intention in your words, don't tell him 'this is shit,' SHOW him 'this is shit' - let him feel in your shoes.Originally posted by [L]inG_eR:a talk to him is like picking a fight with him 
As for the part that he don't like you to know his friends, rationally, this is something weird - what so shameful about letting your gf knows about your friend? But everything exist for a reason - ask indirectly. Don't go to him and ask why you can't... ask if there is anything/something wrong with you that he has to do that - start from there.
Working in office and currently busy... give him the benefit of the doubt - trust him until he does something that loses this trust. Because since he didn't, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt - you can't let suspicion based on feelings to get over you. But, however if this goes on for *TOO* long... for most woman, its not a very good thing - percentage of them leaving for another men is very high.
So... to prevent such things from happening, communicate and sort things out. If you avoid communication, you are letting this relation deteriorate gradually. Don't think communication as a dreadful or something that will harm your relation through arguments... learn to speak the right way to get your message across to avoid this.
Cheers. -
Hi ling er .. tink we both are on the same boat ... tink u hab to mit up talk tins wif him clearly ...if this conitnues, its not gd .. all the best~Originally posted by [L]inG_eR:Firstly, i do not know how to tell my bf about how i feel about his friends. We seldom met up with 1 another as he is always with his friends.
Calling him, he reply as he is busy at the moment. Ask me to wait for his call. Waited for hours, never call me, call him again, he is still busy.
Ask him whether he still want the relationship, he say yes, ask me don't think too much.
I am 20 while he is 23. Is there a problem with the age ?
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«»°("v")You See me in real life u think that i'm happy but u are actually wrong...In my heart I hurts myself so much("v")°«» -
haiz.... nowadays guys are hard to please & understand ... ling er u gotta do it fast before you're hurt!~~
____________________
«»°("v")You See me in real life u think that i'm happy but u are actually wrong...In my heart I hurts myself so much("v")°«» -
[quote]Originally posted by [L]inG_eR:
Btw how did u get to know him?
how long have u know him b4 going into the relationship?
Anyway if u know him well,i dun think u would be asking why is he like this....
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more like gers are hard to please.. if u are asking guy's opinionOriginally posted by m|rager-:haiz.... nowadays guys are hard to please & understand ... ling er u gotta do it fast before you're hurt!~~
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«»°("v")You See me in real life u think that i'm happy but u are actually wrong...In my heart I hurts myself so much("v")°«»
but like all other cases, it goes both ways, both are hard to please -
Right things... Right approaches... Some things have to be done....Originally posted by [L]inG_eR:Firstly, i do not know how to tell my bf about how i feel about his friends. We seldom met up with 1 another as he is always with his friends.
Calling him, he reply as he is busy at the moment. Ask me to wait for his call. Waited for hours, never call me, call him again, he is still busy.
Ask him whether he still want the relationship, he say yes, ask me don't think too much.
I am 20 while he is 23. Is there a problem with the age ?
It's hard to tell what's going on now... You want an 'surface analysis'....?
What the relationship means to each of you...? Probably not a concern with the small age gap but more like a mentality thing.... -
[quote]Originally posted by m|rager-:
[b]haiz.... nowadays guys are hard to please & understand ... ling er u gotta do it fast before you're hurt!~~
Maybe nowadays is like tat ? -
the living stardard getting too high which cause this to happen ?Originally posted by AngelDark:more like gers are hard to please.. if u are asking guy's opinion
but like all other cases, it goes both ways, both are hard to please -
u know the problem with this "aunt agony" forum?
everyone that posts will either try to advice, or else share their own sad experiences. those pple with good memories, or going thru an extremely happy time with their partners (or lives for that matter) will feel awkward posting their happiness here, not that it's needed.
so wat happens is that the more u read the sadder u become, becos it's all gloom and doom here. -
U really think so...?Originally posted by jOhO:u know the problem with this "aunt agony" forum?
everyone that posts will either try to advice, or else share their own sad experiences. those pple with good memories, or going thru an extremely happy time with their partners (or lives for that matter) will feel awkward posting their happiness here, not that it's needed.
so wat happens is that the more u read the sadder u become, becos it's all gloom and doom here.
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Only trying to help out mah. But sometimes they don't mean to do it on purpose one. It's just that they are unaware that they are pinning their happiness on someone else sorrow. -
Majority of the guys will give their friends 1st priority, and gf.....2nd lor or maybe 3rd (if carreer comes in 2nd).Originally posted by [L]inG_eR:[quote]Originally posted by m|rager-:
[b]haiz.... nowadays guys are hard to please & understand ... ling er u gotta do it fast before you're hurt!~~
Maybe nowadays is like tat ?
you can try these:
1) You got to sit down with him and talk calmly (not giving him the feeling that you r gg to fight). or
2) if u are a person who calls him everyday now and then.....try NOT calling him anymore, I'm sure he'll call u when he needs you. But if he doesn't call,..........forget it, he is not the one you r looking for! It's NOT worth it!
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Hi Ling
Not sure if your problem has been solved. You may wish to take a look at this thread. Look for the *Rubber Band* and *Cavemen* Theory.
http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=28980
If he ignores you, just take it as a chance to go out with friends, engage in your lesiurely pursuits. Your life does not totally revolve around him. Live for yourself not him.
You should trust him until hes proven untrustworthy. Working late? Did you call his office number or mobile? Give him a *surprise* at the office. Bring supper for him.
Cheers. You can also PM me if you need more help. -
Age is no problem...it's a small gap.. and guys who r older may be better..Originally posted by [L]inG_eR:Firstly, i do not know how to tell my bf about how i feel about his friends. We seldom met up with 1 another as he is always with his friends.
Calling him, he reply as he is busy at the moment. Ask me to wait for his call. Waited for hours, never call me, call him again, he is still busy.
Ask him whether he still want the relationship, he say yes, ask me don't think too much.
I am 20 while he is 23. Is there a problem with the age ?
Sounds like my ex stead.. super bz.. always telling me not to worry.. always call him out, he'll ask his frens along.. dammit
I broke off wif him.. . of cos not telling u to do so.. can see u love him alot.. cos u'll still holding.. on..
If telling him = quarrelling.. tink abt it.. he may listen and review the quarrels.. beta than u.. not saying aniting.. keeping everyting to urself. at least he noes something..
Tink abt it.
If u still love him and endure.. go on.. but let him noe wad's going on.. and hw u feel.
Or else things will jus be accumulating -
that is why sometimes older guys are better, they treat u the best liao, cause they are trying to settle down.Originally posted by steph`-:Age is no problem...it's a small gap.. and guys who r older may be better..
Sounds like my ex stead.. super bz.. always telling me not to worry.. always call him out, he'll ask his frens along.. dammit
I broke off wif him.. . of cos not telling u to do so.. can see u love him alot.. cos u'll still holding.. on..
If telling him = quarrelling.. tink abt it.. he may listen and review the quarrels.. beta than u.. not saying aniting.. keeping everyting to urself. at least he noes something..
Tink abt it.
If u still love him and endure.. go on.. but let him noe wad's going on.. and hw u feel.
Or else things will jus be accumulating
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what do u know about a relationship? U tok like u see everything so easy, when u have a serious gf and she's outside with "friends" u don know, and not telling u what she doing, and keep saying busy for whole night, how would u feel?Originally posted by spy8reak:duh! get a clue!
can't you see he is busy? you really are thinking too much. all this happens in one night and u fear the worst, thinking he's gonna throw away ur relationship just like that.
why do u make snap judgements like that? is it paranoia or habit?
just try again next time. get ur priorities right. first, ask him about ur relationship and where its at. then ask ur bf about his friends. btw, what do you FEEL towards his friends? attracted? angry? unpleasant? happy? sad?
She might be screwing other guys, flirting with other guys, u might not know. And u will feel insecured. Thats how she feels understand anot? When u r in a relationship, then u will get to know all these feelings man.
Ling^er, i understand about ur insecurities towards this relationship. But maybe u shd just meet up with your guy, and have a good talk with him. Tell him how u feel, and maybe join him with his group of friends or what. Tell him u about your insecurities, and ask for explanation. Sometimes girls must not give in too much too. -
Bullshit lah, if teh guy is serious, he will nicely explain to his gf, and not picking a fight man...Originally posted by spy8reak:he doesn't trust you with his friends. its fairly obvious. he's trying to hide something. hahaha!
i'm jus kidding dun get so worked up over nothing. he's doing that simply because he wants to be left alone with his friends. bcos there is a time to be with his friends and another time to be with you. nuthin wrong with that right? think what he feels if you keep asking about his friends. he might think ur being too posessive.
in fact, this whole thing might be cause from the fact that you might be a little bit too posessive to someone, that you want to intrude on his friends jus bcuz you feel that he's neglecting you. i mean, ppl should have some level of freedom. ultimately, this is where u should trust him in order for him to trust you in return. give him time to mellow and dun keep prodding him on the same issue. that will agitate him. thats y ur conversation with him always turns out a war.
or maybe, u shouldn't rush him on making any major commitments for the time being. dun give working guys stress. give him time. trust has to be built first. then u will earn ur keep.
Only guilty guys will use "pick fight" to distract the tension. Girls when see their guys like angry they will give in and not ask anymore.
Ling^er, u better take note what ur guy is doing lor, small things can lead to big secrets....
Anyway, i hope things don really go that worse tough... =) -
hmm no leh, u ask my gf how good a b/f am i, hehe =)Originally posted by m|rager-:haiz.... nowadays guys are hard to please & understand ... ling er u gotta do it fast before you're hurt!~~
____________________
«»°("v")You See me in real life u think that i'm happy but u are actually wrong...In my heart I hurts myself so much("v")°«» -
break off la