It has been quite a long while
-
I truely believe that some of us need to experience love in order to noe what we want in the end...
Well... u can consider yrself fortunate as you are not his first love
Saving yrself from even further heartbreaking...
Now meantime, just move on...
u will never noe wat's up in the future... -
Seriously, those things you mention above will never come across as hints under most reasonable circumstances. For a start, how's the guy you like supposed to know how you treat every other guy to begin with?Originally posted by 15963:True I had a few boyfriends through the 4years. Maybe its why he thinks he have no chance. But if I do not like him, would I bother to go buy him food when he is alone? He knows how busy I am.
I never once rejected his calles or his asking me out. Even for stupid things like he need a charger I go pass to him. I do not do those things for other guy friends, maybe pass things I am okay, but surely no buying food.
It is obvious I always reply his messages and calls so enthusiastically. How can he not tell? I always make reasons for us to meet, say that This weekend so boring, can we go out do something fun? Any good movies lately?
I have always been the one initiating. I askes other guy friends because I say we are friends as a group, if I never ask them and they know, I will appear bad. And I am scared if they think why I always glue to him only, everything always only seek of his opinions. So I am keeping a "friend" front.
I of course do not want anyone to know about my feelings of him.
As for the latter, I do not understand how others' perception (and other concerns relating to your potential failure) should matter so much to you that you would actually prize their opinions above your own happiness.
How old are you by the way? -
so now u have to play tha waiting gameOriginally posted by 15963:I am afraid of the answer.
To be honest, I do think that he likes me somehow a little. But I cannot be sure.
But now I know that is not true, because if yes, he will not go so crazy over a girl. Everything he telles me now, I put into mind.
I wish for the day he knows about my feeling of him.
I do not want to do anything now. Because I cannot think of any that will change the direction of his heart also. He is really crazy over her.
I never thought that my tear glands are powerful.
I cried myself to sleep last night. I woke up and I immediately calls one of my best friend to discuss what happened. After that friend, I call up another to ask for opinion, deep down, I just want people to tell me he loves me and what he is doing is to make me jealous.
But that will not happen.
I stared blankly into the air. I feel... There really got nothing much for me to go do. Can only wait for the result see if the girl is like him too.
I hate how I am feeling...
just remmeber, if the gal doesn't accpet the guy.
u HAVE to tell him ur feelings. pls don not sit and wait for him to say something. good luck
ps : i don''t tink tat wild gal would go for ur friend -
The friend that brought the girl there.Originally posted by stellazio:nevermind.. i think he'll get rejected by the girl..
He said to him "I never seen her danced so wild to anybody before, in the sense like I never see her grinded anyone before. You are the first."
When he was saying that to me, I can feel he is happy that happened. I put myself into his shoes, If there come a guy not bad looking, never dance much before to other girls, but come dancing with me, I would of course feel elated! I feel proud! Cos I am the first girl that he danced to.
I think he is feeling like that. He is proud of that fact.
I forgot to say this, they are out together now, with more other friends.
One friend came back from overseas and going to club together, invited all to turn up. Yes he is there. MOS today. So is she.
So if the girl never danced much with other guys before, first time she going already grinding my friend, does it mean she is into him? If not why would she do so? There were alot more guys. Hell she even is attached.
Of course I hope he gets rejected too. If not the other way-:: Faster be together. Faster break up.
Haha... -
Why would she not go for my friend?Originally posted by gunner77:so now u have to play tha waiting game
just remmeber, if the gal doesn't accpet the guy.
u HAVE to tell him ur feelings. pls don not sit and wait for him to say something. good luck
ps : i don''t tink tat wild gal would go for ur friend
My friend mentioned to me today when smsing, he say the thing that is obstructing him is that she is attached.
He continued saying It is okay, I am willing to wait, No worries here.
I think he is bent on her.
Serious, finally.
If fortunately enough for me, in the end they are not together, I have to tell him my feelings already? Surely?
Like I replied the rest, I am very scared. I have no guts to open and say. I think he will find me disgusting because later he thinking How can my best female friend falles for me? It is so weird. I do not wish to see her anymore, for if I keep leading her on? Wasting our time.
I wish to let him know and I want to know how he feeling of me too. But I just feel that there are alot of things involved... -
ur agony very deep. 4 yearsOriginally posted by 15963:Why would she not go for my friend?
My friend mentioned to me today when smsing, he say the thing that is obstructing him is that she is attached.
He continued saying It is okay, I am willing to wait, No worries here.
I think he is bent on her.
Serious, finally.
If fortunately enough for me, in the end they are not together, I have to tell him my feelings already? Surely?
Like I replied the rest, I am very scared. I have no guts to open and say. I think he will find me disgusting because later he thinking How can my best female friend falles for me? It is so weird. I do not wish to see her anymore, for if I keep leading her on? Wasting our time.
I wish to let him know and I want to know how he feeling of me too. But I just feel that there are alot of things involved...
poor gal
the thing about wild gals is tat, they ALWAYS change their bf until they found the prefect one. even the best of the best oso they will dump them. get wat i mean ?
since u are afaid to open ur mouth, use sms ? i tink tat will be betta
i feel for u, especially the part where u are afaid he might not see u anymore.
if he doesn't see u anymore, it means he wants to avoid the situation instead of facing it. im guilty, coz sometimes i tend to avoid instead of facing the problem
like wat i say, 4 years, its worth a shot. if he is not interested in u, then its ok. just be normal friends. i noe its not easy. but just give it a shot
poor gal -
Hello there. Thank you for replying. Firstly I am 21 now.Originally posted by walesa:Seriously, those things you mention above will never come across as hints under most reasonable circumstances. For a start, how's the guy you like supposed to know how you treat every other guy to begin with?
As for the latter, I do not understand how others' perception (and other concerns relating to your potential failure) should matter so much to you that you would actually prize their opinions above your own happiness.
How old are you by the way?
We all go out as a group. Him and I have the same group of friends. So he could see what I do for the other guys is nothing and to him is everything.
I did not bothered to plan gatherings or birthday things for everyone but him. I did not get flowers for the rest but him. I did not buy food for the rest, but him.
I did not ever reject him of asking me out. I rejected some others before. He needes me, he calles me, I reach the place, always happens. Others call me, I make up stories to say I cannot make it. Or If I have nothing to do so then I meet up, if not I do not bother.
Others' perception affecting me, why so? I tell you.
Firstly Please understand he is not a very romantic kind of guy. He will dies if his guy friends are not around. Seems boring. He is crazy over games, during free time will always drive friends go to LAN shop and do Counterstrike the wholeday. He told me before he does not tolerate girls who are unreasonable and demanding, even if already is his girlfriend, he will ignore her. He feels that it is not right. From this I can say he is not those "giving in" kind of boyfriend.
But I am okay. I know I can have the patience to deal with him (Sadly I have no chance to). He is not romantic, Okay, I am romantic, I can do many things for him. He do not even have to lift a finger. I am willing to help him in all.
Going into others' perception after granny story up there.
I am not optimistic about the thing between him and I now. I never do think that we will be a couple even that has always always always been my wish/hope.
So Situation One if I do tell him I love him. He rejects me. Our group of friends, same group.. All will be very awkward to be together anymore. Because I am very surely that they will be informed of this "gossip". I do not know how to handle such kind of situations. So best is to not be in one. So I will not tell him how I feel.
Situation Two if we become a couple. Breaks off in a few years after. How do we still go out and have fun with the group of friends? Please remember, same group of friends. Hard? I do not only care about this group of friends, but I also know his sister. We go for manicures/pedicures and salons and we even travel together to Bangkok before. We are very close, his family knows me, but my family does not know him that well sad to say.
Even so close to his sister, 25 this year 2007. I do not tell her about my feelings of her brother. They have a younger brother of 14 but I seldom see him. I know his sister and him are very close, just like friends. They talk about everything, when no one to go shopping, he will accompany her. He will be like the boyfriend, help to carry bag and put arms around the sister. That is very close am I correct?
So I cannot tell the sister also. I met 3 close friends earlier on who known about my feelings of this guy. They say I am stupid to encourage him, I am stupid to suffer all these, I am stupid to even do so much for him.
Now I really do not know where to head. And by the way, he is same as me, 21 this year 2007. -
Do not feel bad for avoiding instead of facing the problem. Because I am also like this. I know how you feel. It is something we do not wish for also, but just cannot help it, am I right to say this?Originally posted by gunner77:ur agony very deep. 4 years poor gal
the thing about wild gals is tat, they ALWAYS change their bf until they found the prefect one. even the best of the best oso they will dump them. get wat i mean ?
since u are afaid to open ur mouth, use sms ? i tink tat will be betta
i feel for u, especially the part where u are afaid he might not see u anymore.
if he doesn't see u anymore, it means he wants to avoid the situation instead of facing it. im guilty, coz sometimes i tend to avoid instead of facing the problem
like wat i say, 4 years, its worth a shot. if he is not interested in u, then its ok. just be normal friends. i noe its not easy. but just give it a shot
poor gal
If he really avoids me after my confession, I cannot imagine how I will be. But I know where I will be, I will be at sgf. Haha. Anyway... 4 years, give it a shot?
Give it a shot is 2 things, Either it will kill my friendship with him (rejection), 4 years vanish just like that. Or hopefully blossom into something beautiful.
Call me an idiot. I do want things to happen, but I am always waiting. If He comes to me, I will definately open my arms as wide to welcome him. If I go to him, and I do not see any open arms... Sigh. I am just very afraid to try.
I read other threads, some of you said Try = Still have A little possibility.
No try = 0%.
What bright sides are there for me to look at now? I stopped crying already but I feeling unesay the whole day. I have no idea what monster I will become. Every day I wake up feeling crappish.
Last time I wake up normal, because he was still single and stupid me Thought that it will keep remain like this until the day I am brave enough to say out my feelings Or maybe even do not need me to, I hope he feels for me one day and he be the one confessing.
It is all my wishful thinking. All along. -
Originally posted by 15963:
as an individual...
Hello there.
Firstly, thanks for takeing time to reply. I appreciate that very much
Maybe it is because I had been rejected twice. Both guys telling me we just cannot work out because no feelings are grown between us.
Last time, I took up so much courage and confessing to a guy I like is something a crazy person would do, to me is like destroying your own very close frienship with the guy, then ending is nothing you imagined. It is all bad things.
I also wish I can tell him that I feel alot for him over the many years. Then if he rejects me, okay I wish good friends will still stay the same in us, and that nothing will change. I wish we will be still okay if going out for movies, going out for dinner. I wish he will still calles me to buy him food. But after confessing and have a rejection, I know it will not be easy to see or face him already.
He may say it is okay we stay as good friends. But who knows maye deep inside from him he sees me then awkward. What will happen if he decided to stop contacting me?
Yes sorry I go abit far. Back to rejection, Okay I am very afraid. Very very much. Some friends scold me saying I am useless for me not brave enough to say out how I feel of him. I reply them say Okay I am useless. But I rather I do not know the answer, than to know that he do not love me (Yes I know this setence maybe make many of you readers feel like I am hopeless and giving up on me) But Please understand, I really do not know what else to do.
Been through one fail time, easily give up. I am scared of history happen again. You also tell me rejection sucks. I already hint in some ways, maybe too mild. So he never get it. [color=red][b]Are guys really suck at getting hints?[/color] It is clear I do many things for him and none as much for other guys.
Tell me how.[/b]
i personally is not bad at getting hints...
but when i get the hint, i treat it as nothing and move on as usual...
so maybe he gets ur hint but he is like very "bei dong" and needs u to be initiating the first move and pop the question... then...
but just maybe.. maybe not...
anyway good luck..
IA -
its is a pity tat at 21, u only have him as a close friend. why didn't u have more males friends ? tis will open ur opportunities.Originally posted by 15963:Do not feel bad for avoiding instead of facing the problem. Because I am also like this. I know how you feel. It is something we do not wish for also, but just cannot help it, am I right to say this?
If he really avoids me after my confession, I cannot imagine how I will be. But I know where I will be, I will be at sgf. Haha. Anyway... 4 years, give it a shot?
Give it a shot is 2 things, Either it will kill my friendship with him (rejection), 4 years vanish just like that. Or hopefully blossom into something beautiful.
Call me an idiot. I do want things to happen, but I am always waiting. If He comes to me, I will definately open my arms as wide to welcome him. If I go to him, and I do not see any open arms... Sigh. I am just very afraid to try.
I read other threads, some of you said Try = Still have A little possibility.
No try = 0%.
What bright sides are there for me to look at now? I stopped crying already but I feeling unesay the whole day. I have no idea what monster I will become. Every day I wake up feeling crappish.
Last time I wake up normal, because he was still single and stupid me Thought that it will keep remain like this until the day I am brave enough to say out my feelings Or maybe even do not need me to, I hope he feels for me one day and he be the one confessing.
It is all my wishful thinking. All along.
i tink u got it wrong with the avoiding thing, wat i meant is once he knew u love him, he avoid u. i noe its a sad case but some ppl are like tat.im guilty of tat too.
i have to agree with the other thread tat at least if u try = u still a chance
never try = no chance
ok, why not u ask ur other good friends to drop hint to the guy ? i mean tat is betta rite ? look at the bright side, he might like u. show more obvious hint to him.
let him have the idea. its now or never.
i noe u fear for the worst scenario, 4 years of friendship at stake. its really tough, even if he doesn't like u, at least by the account of the 4 years, he will still accept u as a close friend. -
Not only him is my close friend. I have alot of other close friends too. It is just that I feel closer to him, so many guy friends I have, I think he is the most sensible one compared to the rest. My guy friends are more than the females friends. But Sad to say I only feel just for him, More opportunities? Yes that is why I had another few boyfriends during this 4 years. I tried hard too but not working out.Originally posted by gunner77:its is a pity tat at 21, u only have him as a close friend. why didn't u have more males friends ? tis will open ur opportunities.
i tink u got it wrong with the avoiding thing, wat i meant is once he knew u love him, he avoid u. i noe its a sad case but some ppl are like tat.im guilty of tat too.
i have to agree with the other thread tat at least if u try = u still a chance
never try = no chance
ok, why not u ask ur other good friends to drop hint to the guy ? i mean tat is betta rite ? look at the bright side, he might like u. show more obvious hint to him.
let him have the idea. its now or never.
i noe u fear for the worst scenario, 4 years of friendship at stake. its really tough, even if he doesn't like u, at least by the account of the 4 years, he will still accept u as a close friend.
One broke off saying cannot take me being so close exposed to my guy friends, especially this one that I like.
He is so happy partying now at MOS. Weird today that he never SMS me no not even one. Most likely I think... I will carry on just being a friend to him...
It is just so hard to make my feelings of him known. -
In a hypothetically perfect scenario, your confession would work out and this, in turn, leads to a blissful marriage.Originally posted by 15963:Hello there. Thank you for replying. Firstly I am 21 now.
We all go out as a group. Him and I have the same group of friends. So he could see what I do for the other guys is nothing and to him is everything.
I did not bothered to plan gatherings or birthday things for everyone but him. I did not get flowers for the rest but him. I did not buy food for the rest, but him.
I did not ever reject him of asking me out. I rejected some others before. He needes me, he calles me, I reach the place, always happens. Others call me, I make up stories to say I cannot make it. Or If I have nothing to do so then I meet up, if not I do not bother.
Others' perception affecting me, why so? I tell you.
Firstly Please understand he is not a very romantic kind of guy. He will dies if his guy friends are not around. Seems boring. He is crazy over games, during free time will always drive friends go to LAN shop and do Counterstrike the wholeday. He told me before he does not tolerate girls who are unreasonable and demanding, even if already is his girlfriend, he will ignore her. He feels that it is not right. From this I can say he is not those "giving in" kind of boyfriend.
But I am okay. I know I can have the patience to deal with him (Sadly I have no chance to). He is not romantic, Okay, I am romantic, I can do many things for him. He do not even have to lift a finger. I am willing to help him in all.
Going into others' perception after granny story up there.
I am not optimistic about the thing between him and I now. I never do think that we will be a couple even that has always always always been my wish/hope.
So Situation One if I do tell him I love him. He rejects me. Our group of friends, same group.. All will be very awkward to be together anymore. Because I am very surely that they will be informed of this "gossip". I do not know how to handle such kind of situations. So best is to not be in one. So I will not tell him how I feel.
Situation Two if we become a couple. Breaks off in a few years after. How do we still go out and have fun with the group of friends? Please remember, same group of friends. Hard? I do not only care about this group of friends, but I also know his sister. We go for manicures/pedicures and salons and we even travel together to Bangkok before. We are very close, his family knows me, but my family does not know him that well sad to say.
Even so close to his sister, 25 this year 2007. I do not tell her about my feelings of her brother. They have a younger brother of 14 but I seldom see him. I know his sister and him are very close, just like friends. They talk about everything, when no one to go shopping, he will accompany her. He will be like the boyfriend, help to carry bag and put arms around the sister. That is very close am I correct?
So I cannot tell the sister also. I met 3 close friends earlier on who known about my feelings of this guy. They say I am stupid to encourage him, I am stupid to suffer all these, I am stupid to even do so much for him.
Now I really do not know where to head. And by the way, he is same as me, 21 this year 2007.
Now, I can't add much more to the points not already discussed here. With the greatest respect, you just might not see the bigger picture at your age. For a start, many friends you make are just there for a phase in your life - just because you have been close with this group for the last couple of years does not in any way indicate you'd still keep in contact with them when you're 70.
What some have suggested in terms of you confessing would at least give you a chance (however futile is another matter and may not necessarily be an accurate reflection of his thoughts about you anyway since you don't really know what he thinks) is logical in the sense of looking at the bigger picture. Now, picture the ideal scenario and contrast that with the other possibility of a rejection that leads to awkwardness in the group and you effectively have to do an thorough evaluation as to whether a potentially risky action in the short-term is worth more than a long-term bliss. At your age, peer acceptance may mean an awful lot to you and it may be the single biggest factor in determining your course of action.
Perhaps, just let me shed some light on the long-term ramifications which you may wish to consider besides thinking exclusively in the short-haul. Let's assume you didn't confess and you actually stop socialising with the same group (include that guy in your assessment) 20 years from now. Would you actually look back and wonder what might have been had you been more proactive? For many, even a formal rejection is a proper closure (after all, there is a reason why most job and college applications yield an outcome, right? ) to move on and is something for them to look back on in the distant future that they had at least tried and not live to look back on things that might have been. In the event that, through some other circumstances, you actually find out your destiny might actually have been very different had you been more proactive, would you be able to live with that and be at ease with yourself? In that regard, you would then be deciding on whether a lifetime's regret is actually worth a momentary awkwardness (which may not even materialise).
The point here is do you like him enough to actually want to settle on the knowledge that you will never know what he really thinks just so that you do not feel awkward in the company of a group of friends which may not necessarily be everlasting? If it's just an infatuation, then it might not be that viable and prudent for you to express your interest in him. However, if you're convinced it's love you're talking about that would last a long time, you might just wish to reconsider the fact that the risk you're taking by not confessing could actually be worse than if you were to confess - especially if you looked at the bigger picture in the long term.
Good luck whatever you decide to do... -
i agree with u. i tink its sensible to just wait and carry on being a friend to himOriginally posted by 15963:Not only him is my close friend. I have alot of other close friends too. It is just that I feel closer to him, so many guy friends I have, I think he is the most sensible one compared to the rest. My guy friends are more than the females friends. But Sad to say I only feel just for him, More opportunities? Yes that is why I had another few boyfriends during this 4 years. I tried hard too but not working out.
One broke off saying cannot take me being so close exposed to my guy friends, especially this one that I like.
He is so happy partying now at MOS. Weird today that he never SMS me no not even one. Most likely I think... I will carry on just being a friend to him...
It is just so hard to make my feelings of him known.
in life u have to prepare for the worst and hope for the best
i have never seen a gal tat waited so long. u touched me -
u got common frens?? if possible ask them for help...
at least those more sensible ones...
ask them how he feels about you or ask them to help gauge his feelings for you... then think about the next step... -
Originally posted by 15963:Hello there. Thank you for replying. Firstly I am 21 now.
We all go out as a group. Him and I have the same group of friends. So he could see what I do for the other guys is nothing and to him is everything.
I did not bothered to plan gatherings or birthday things for everyone but him. I did not get flowers for the rest but him. I did not buy food for the rest, but him.
I did not ever reject him of asking me out. I rejected some others before. He needes me, he calles me, I reach the place, always happens. Others call me, I make up stories to say I cannot make it. Or If I have nothing to do so then I meet up, if not I do not bother.
Others' perception affecting me, why so? I tell you.
Firstly Please understand he is not a very romantic kind of guy. He will dies if his guy friends are not around. Seems boring. He is crazy over games, during free time will always drive friends go to LAN shop and do Counterstrike the wholeday. He told me before he does not tolerate girls who are unreasonable and demanding, even if already is his girlfriend, he will ignore her. He feels that it is not right. From this I can say he is not those "giving in" kind of boyfriend.
But I am okay. I know I can have the patience to deal with him (Sadly I have no chance to). He is not romantic, Okay, I am romantic, I can do many things for him. He do not even have to lift a finger. I am willing to help him in all.
Going into others' perception after granny story up there.
I am not optimistic about the thing between him and I now. I never do think that we will be a couple even that has always always always been my wish/hope.
So Situation One if I do tell him I love him. He rejects me. Our group of friends, same group.. All will be very awkward to be together anymore. Because I am very surely that they will be informed of this "gossip". I do not know how to handle such kind of situations. So best is to not be in one. So I will not tell him how I feel.
Situation Two if we become a couple. Breaks off in a few years after. How do we still go out and have fun with the group of friends? Please remember, same group of friends. Hard? I do not only care about this group of friends, but I also know his sister. We go for manicures/pedicures and salons and we even travel together to Bangkok before. We are very close, his family knows me, but my family does not know him that well sad to say.
Even so close to his sister, 25 this year 2007. I do not tell her about my feelings of her brother. They have a younger brother of 14 but I seldom see him. I know his sister and him are very close, just like friends. They talk about everything, when no one to go shopping, he will accompany her. He will be like the boyfriend, help to carry bag and put arms around the sister. That is very close am I correct?
So I cannot tell the sister also. I met 3 close friends earlier on who known about my feelings of this guy. They say I am stupid to encourage him, I am stupid to suffer all these, I am stupid to even do so much for him.
Now I really do not know where to head. And by the way, he is same as me, 21 this year 2007. Then you shall suffer from silence expression until the day you have no chance to speak.
Quite obvious isn't it?
There's so much 'logical' deduction revolving around one attempt at confession. Too much mental calculation will eventually burn away your courage to even do anything because you are seeking for a risk-free path that opens the door of happiness on your behalf, money back guarantee, with no chance of failure. Oh ya, there must be 10% compounding growth too.
Idealistic.
That's why you are still stagnant in writing your pages in Love. The above scenario NEVER happens.
*** A strong hint is still a hint.
A stronger hint is still a hint.
The most obvious gawd damn powerful hint which could resolve global warming, Iraq crisis, Japan pension issue simultaneously is still a gawd damn hint.
Why hint when all you need is to speak?
Let me reframe the context - so, you are saying that if this guy end up chasing you and you (surely) accept this relationship, it will eliminate your given scenario of one and two?
Duh. It doesn't!
You still face the risk of a failed relationship.
You still face the risk of being in an awkward situation in the same social group.
Since I have proven that your rationale of fear is baseless as per reason provided, let me reveal to you your REAL underlying problem:
*** I am going to explain the concept of femme passiveness: most women don't end up with the man they want, because they would rather wait, like most femme psyche, for the man they want to express or initiative their love to. And if this chap doesn't do a thing, the chance is gone - usually forever.
Ironically, these women later end up with man whom initiative/chase them, but it isn't the man that they want. They somehow just accepted them - for some reason or another.Originally posted by 15963:...True I had a few boyfriends through the 4years. Maybe its why he thinks he have no chance. But if I do not like him, would I bother to go buy him food when he is alone? He knows how busy I am. Ok I am not passing this as a general remark - rather, I am suggesting the fate of a passive woman in face of a man they love and you seemed to fit into this given plot.
Therefore, the cusp of problem lies in you being unable to accept the notion in having to reverse the flow of the chase. And all these scenarios you have painted are mere excuse to allay your fear of having to initiate in Love. Your given scenario appeared to act as a barrier to advancement, but when you carefully analyze your own thoughts, it doesn't even make sense.
You have two choices:
You can either opt for a closure because as long as you do not resolve this emotionally, no other man can capture your heart wholesomely and you will always love in a handicap mode, despite being in a relationship with another man.
OR
You could learn to face your REAL fear and confess, because there are times when people should learn to think less and feel more.
How many 'long while' are you going to take before you make any decision that would free you from this emotional bondage?
You decide.
Cheers -
it's easy for me to say all this because i haven't been through any love relationship at all. but i believe time will heal... get yourself busy with other stuff, get him out of your mind. i know it's so hard, your heart hurts like crazy, but if you allow yourself to carry on thinking about him, it'll only hurt you more and he may not even know about it. i'm sure you know all this, and i'm saying this just to remind you that you can control yourself and be strong. it's just a matter of time that things will be better. just let life flow normally, do the things you normally do. be happy. the world won't end even if you can't have him. there are better guys out there. take care my dear!
-
Oh no.
I posted last night but do not know why it is not up.
Sorry for not updating.
First thing first Happy 2008 to everyone hope nice things happenes to all. "Bad go, Good come" Haha.
Okay things between me and him remains normal he calls me as frequently we talked as normally only that we have one extra new topic and that is her. He telles me it is hard for him to not think of her. I said do not be bothered by it it is okay just do not stress yourself to NOT KEEP THINKING of her because if you do that, then you ARE thinking of her. Confusing?
I spent my New Year Eve with him and 4 Other friends.
There were moments left only just me and him when the others went to get something or just not there. It was my first time meeting him for dinner after I knew he is crazy for that girl.
Do not know why it was super damn hard to speak to him normally (the phone calls I say above were DAYS AFTER we met on New Year Eve).
I had to think in my mind what topic to discuss and things. I do not dare to look into his eyes. I am very afraid of him later looking into mine and then some how sees through me then knows that I am so affected by this girl's presense, I am dead because he will feel super disgusted by me and all my lies for these years.
I am afraid to speak as much as I always do when with him because I am very afraid that I will say the wrong things or accidentally say out how I feel and then again he find me weird and see the change in me.
Over the phone I askes him all that in my heart I wishs to know. Questions like if she never dance with him will he still love her so much, His reply was that when at first sight of seeing the girl only He is very much attracted to her and He think that no matter dance or no dance He is still crazy over her.
He telles me that they talk online once in a while and when he sees her coming online he do not know how to start talking and panickes. I told him that it is very easy to talk to girl I teach him go Youtube find some stupid or funny videos, or find funny pictures or food blogs or human blogs (examples da*nya*g or x*axi*e) or copyandpaste a few jokes from funny sites or just simple send her a song and ask her for comments like how she think of those that he showes her.
I met 3 friends for supper just now. They sort of scolded me for being stupid. They askes me why am I being stupid why am I still helping him and being here for him? Stupid to the point I can even encourage him how to approach her.
But everyone please understand, in his mind I am only his best friend, If I do not help him, I am selfish as a friend. But when I help him, my heart feels terrible. It is helping the guy I like, to be together with the girl he likes. Am I doing the wrong move? I thought all it matters is for him to be happy? Yes I think he is happy also.
If I do not be here for him and run far far away he will think why I acting cold and weird? He went clubbing again few days ago and I think she was there too.
Everyone again understand I am not trying to be or act noble If there is a choice I rather I run far away from him and her. I find it so painful to see him these days. Everytime I see him near me I just wish to go up and give a hug then may the time freezes. But I know it will never happen. I will not even have the courage to try.
Back to the noble part.
There is no choice for me to choose. As a friend I am to help him. I cannot possibly ask him to keep quiet and not askes me questions or telles me things about the girl am I correct? Some more I am only his friend in his mind. He do not even know that Inside me I have been carrying this torch for years! He is not to know of it either.
I wish them being happy and hopefully he can get her he seems really keenes on her. Oh He even told me before even she has a steady but he is okay with it because he is willing to wait for her to become single then start his pursuit. Haha.
He calles me yesterday noon and we talked many things I feel so different now because I know his heart is full of her and no space for me. Does any one can describe this feeling for me? The feeling of him telling me how much he love her and inside me I also wish to tell him how much I love him but I cannot I only can listen to him speak. It is making me feeling terrible. Now I understand what people always say about the pain.
Help.
So I be like this-- a friend helping him to get his girl, all the way? Headache.
I see the future so tough. So tough. -
So many days before I sleep at night (even before he met the girl)
I wish under my window at the sky that next morning he will suddenly be realising all that I do for him. The flowers I got for him, the foods I always pack for him, the birthday I plan for him, the cookies I baked for him, the things I always buy him when I go overseas, the happy times me him and his sister spent driving around Singapore at night when I moved here, the many times we talk on the phone until late late, and the times I look into his eyes I wish he can tell.
The list is very long. But in short, every night before I sleep, I tell myself next day Is a new day and I will be happy because it means another hope for him to realise all that I do for him and it means I still have a small little chance to be with him, to love him more.
Many "tomorrows" were gone and stupid me still wish like that. I am thinking maybe 5 years after today, I will look back and laugh. Laugh for being so stupid, Laugh for being blind. I do not have any routes to take for a move on now.
If I were to let go, the things I do for 4 years are wasted, I am okay. It is that I am not willing to tell him how I feel for the things I mentioned in earlier posts, and Do I really have to leave him without realising all that I do for him, is my love for him, not the "friend" part in me for him?
I picture the things we can do when we will be together everyday. I will buy him breakfast without him knowing on holidays. I will hug him every chance I get. I will look at him in the eyes and tell him finally you are mine. I will hold his hand and tell myself he is beside me and he is real. I will tug his shirt and hide behind him when I am scared. I will kiss him when I want his attention. I will bring his parents out for dinners. I will invite him over my place to spend special occasions. I will plan itineraries for 2 weeks holidays in Europe. I will burn his favourite songs on a CD so he can listen when driving to work thinking of me. I will put a packet of tissue in his pants because he is messy when he eats and he always forgets to bring tissue. I will help him to quit smoking.
Maybe the above all too idealistic things. All too good to be true. All hard to achieve, but one thing for sure, I will and I can definitely love him more than anybody else...
How I wish he surfs sgf. Sorry he does not. Sigh. -
He called me earlier on
But I was bathing and so I did not see so obviously I cannot answer his call.
I called back and he just said Nothing much already bye. This is not the first time that it happens. He is always like this. When He calles and I do not answer then I call back he will always say nothing. I wish to know what is it that he is looking me for but am afraid if I probe further he will think that I am very irritating.
Is this a sign that he could be taking me for granted?
Suddenly these days after all that happened (him meeting the girl) I suddenly do feel very tired and unappreciated.
In short I feel like giving up... yes, without even trying. -
sad story -
This is so true.Originally posted by Yunhaier:I am going to explain the concept of femme passiveness: most women don't end up with the man they want, because they would rather wait, like most femme psyche, for the man they want to express or initiative their love to. And if this chap doesn't do a thing, the chance is gone - usually forever.
Ironically, these women later end up with man whom initiative/chase them, but it isn't the man that they want. They somehow just accepted them - for some reason or another.
For me is always this case.
I am the passive kind. hai. -
Poor girl~ I think u should not think of him for a moment.Originally posted by 15963:He called me earlier on
But I was bathing and so I did not see so obviously I cannot answer his call.
I called back and he just said Nothing much already bye. This is not the first time that it happens. He is always like this. When He calles and I do not answer then I call back he will always say nothing. I wish to know what is it that he is looking me for but am afraid if I probe further he will think that I am very irritating.
Is this a sign that he could be taking me for granted?
Suddenly these days after all that happened (him meeting the girl) I suddenly do feel very tired and unappreciated.
In short I feel like giving up... yes, without even trying.
Just relax yourself and do your own things.
From what u wrote I feel he dun feel the same as you do.
Dun let him take ur kindness for granted.