Heartbroken> =(
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hmm she just told me she have sort it out with him alr and wont contact him again...she said its ok if cant accpt her anymore..
i dunno what to do.. -
Give it a shot again if you really love her and let things flow naturally by itself. Maybe there is a need of trial period, then you can be sure of what is the right choice and does she still able to generate the feeling for you..
or simply let it go.. since the quality of the relationship has changed but as i have said.. it can change for better or worse, as life itself is ever-changing.
There is pro and con.. as usual.. you should know better for the situation that both of you are in than me.. -
Originally posted by ahkeat:people usually cross over to the new year in a happy mood but not for me.
it have been an painful year for me.. and heres my story.. i just think i might feel better if i write it out.
2007
im serving NS.
shes studying.
we have been having probs. she always complain i dun have enough time for her always think i neglected her. to some extent i did, however most of the time i dunno why did this happen. 'he' came in. 'he' was just a random friendster guy that pm her. 'he' was at the right time , at the right place. 'he' console her whenever we have fights, basically acting like a good guy.
i know of 'he'.
'he' have been doin alot for her. like accompanying her whenever she needs, no matter how late, like popping over whenever she needs company. these are things that im not really able to do. i got ns, no personal transport while 'he' owns a car n can go around as n when he pleases. im not rich so i do not have the luxury of taking a cab.
they got closer. 'he' started to display his true color as 'he' know she likes him now. 'he' keep asking her to break off with me but she didnt wan to and got angry n threw his wallet away. he was upset n went off, she went crying to me asking me what to do to appease him and she dun wan to chat with me becuz she needed to talk to him desparately. i knew it was over by then. i confronted her n ask her to pick n she picked me. i was happy but she was not goin to let him go, she said she still wan to keep him as fren. im soft hearted and thought she will do it(my frens say my heart super big)..
anyway, they were still on talking terms which got me upset but i decided not to say anything as i thought she needed time. the dreadful moment comes, she started to treat me very coldly till i cannot take it n asked her(EG, when i was at her place, he called she would pick up the call n dash into the room. i was quite upset as the day b4 she promised not to hide anything. so i decided to leave and she remained in her room and didnt bother to even give me a call. she claim it was just politeness to move away to talk)
she said it not abt him. she say she feels numb abt me n him. she appreciate what i do for her but she could not reciprocate anymore. she dunno how.
she wanted to come up with some kind of mutual conclusion but we didnt really get to any..
im really upset now. shd i just get over her n move on or try to salvage this r/s??
she is a really nice girl. her character n personality is what is still keeping me.. haiz..
This whole drama mama karmic-fueled relationship between the three of you centered on one classic problem that always spark similar crisis - your woman's definition of love.
Her perception of love lies largely in the realm of emotions (CloUdiSm states the three realms of relationship is divisible by physical, emotional and spiritual); and the direction of this relationship is fetter by her intense need for companionship much more than love per se.
In other words, regardless of what Love means to you - if she doesn't have companionship, she strays easily. Such archetypes of mates are highly volatile and mutable - they seek to stabilise their emotions through the presence of their partner and they reckon such companionship as Love.
Not saying that Love doesn't have companionship, but when you reverse this equation - what I am saying to say is that not all companionships are love.
I was talking to my jie mei the other day and she suffers from this problem. Her rationale is that when she doesn't have her other half around, she finds herself easily 'strayable', especially when other guys are around when she is feeling 'low'.
You see, Love is a constant - it isn't a variable. It doesn't matter what your external circumstance is, but if this basic condition of Love still lies undisturbed, indeed, this relationship has transcends the need for a marked boundary to function as a 'relationship.
What kind of Love does one command, or wished to command, if his/her is so easily influenced by his/her environment?
Because a relationship is but two entirely separately individuals, with vastly different psychological mindset, personality and home environment, coming together - via freewill - in this imaginary bonds we call 'Relationship'. The truth is that we are not bounded into any relationship like what you could do to two items by tying them up with a nylon thread.
But we stay 'bounded' because in our hearts, we appeared to have melded into one. Therefore, in that sense, if we could detach this heart away from another just because the circumstance seemed 'fertile' for it, perhaps this love isn't functioning the way it ought to be.
Love never stays stagnant; it either provides growth or degenerates. Therefore if you cannot seem to achieve growth, chances are, it could be declining subtly without your acknowledgement. And I can tell you that it's not just negligence that is causing this .
This seeming-innocent-friendster-message-turn-into friend scenario is so gawd damn stupid. Let's preview the rationale behind this 'innocent' message.
Conditions before a guy would message anyone in friendster, that is not his friend, to 'ai cho peng you mai?' would be:
I) She must have looked attractive to him.
II) Please refer to (I)
III) Please refer to (II)
Duh.
Do anyone seriously think that guys message another woman in friendster just because he somehow, 'miraculously and mystically', finds her personality appealing and wants to know her? I think it's more likely for a guy to have taken fancy at her 34C, for example.
Understanding this, it's even more gawd damn bloody stupid for one to even buy such 'marketing tactics' employed by a guy through such medium. But the fact is that if it does happen, it only reveals one thing - that your woman will definitely not be able to withstand any form of relationship crisis because she is far too malleable and so easily subjected to 'mass marketing'.
And in economics, it's the law of supply and demand - she needed someone to be there, while he is seeking for one gawd damn bloody stupid woman to response. I can tell you that this guy probably messaged one hundred other ladies, spending his time prowling in friendster and sniffing out the more 'chio' ones. The other 99 probably don't give a damn.
The gist of his thoughts probably goes like this:
'Oh, someone did response. That's great! Time to zoom in for a 'catch'. Oh, got boyfriend? Who gives a damn. Army ar? Great! Because girlfriend sure kanna neglected one. Wah this woman very emo somemore. Good good. Bf no money, lagi best. Kanna-neglect-plus-emo-woman is best recipe for a snatch thief like me! Wahahahahhahahahahahhahaa... chong ar!'
The classification of this technique, I have seen and studied previously is segmented under the umbrella of 'AOBD' - the lesser version and to me, the strategy is passé.
Seriously, I say you deserve someone better. Personally, I cannot stand needy mates. Not because I am emotionally cold, but because my aspiration in life cannot be tied down by a partner who is needy and only seeks the companionship in love and not greater things in life.
In love, you need someone to walk your life with; side by side, hand-in-hand.
Not someone that craves for your attention to play with them all day.
In that sense, your growth will only limits itself to companionship and you will never grow out of this shell to fully experience the extend of the true power in love.
Cheers -
Yun, this is by far your most humorous reply.
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Protect her?Originally posted by ahkeat:hmm she just told me she have sort it out with him alr and wont contact him again...she said its ok if cant accpt her anymore..
i dunno what to do..
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Sorry man. I just can't help it.Originally posted by jojobeach:Yun, this is by far your most humorous reply.
Cheers -
..........i just lost my girlfriend of 8 years..........reason for breaking up i don't really know......when she is in aust studying, i give up everything in singapore and flew there to accompany her,when she is sick i dare not sleep afraid that her condition might worsen.......then just one fine day she says its over....................Now i have nothing in life anymore..........Screw all those heartless beaches......................................................... -
hmm i kinda get what u mean yun..
and i just found out one thing.
while he came by,
and i neglected her,
and her need to get attention,
she didnt told him that she was attached as she thought this is just some random guy that will go off in a while if he cant win over her. but instead. he stayed on and she grown fond of his companionship. she just told him recently abt us and he was quite upset to be 3rd party but hes so involved now he wont give up.
if only she would just tell him she is attached in the first place. i believe he would have backed off...
sad.... -
If you think worth a try, give it a shot.Originally posted by ahkeat:hmm i kinda get what u mean yun..
and i just found out one thing.
while he came by,
and i neglected her,
and her need to get attention,
she didnt told him that she was attached as she thought this is just some random guy that will go off in a while if he cant win over her. but instead. he stayed on and she grown fond of his companionship. she just told him recently abt us and he was quite upset to be 3rd party but hes so involved now he wont give up.
if only she would just tell him she is attached in the first place. i believe he would have backed off...
sad....
If not, just move on and dun ever look back.
It will do you no benefit. It seems easily said than done.
Delete all her msg, mobile, and pics. or chuck them away. -
Yun, that was a fantastic post. Just into my first r/s and about to enter university after ORD...hope I won't be tied down by hers/my emotions. I can see myself living with her for a long, long time but I hope to live a blast for the next 4 years and see the world while at the same time not neglecting her.
For TS, you are still young! It is never too late to love, or should I say fall in love again, when you meet someone more suitable next time -
Why sad? Just remember all the good times~Originally posted by DarkYakuza: ..........i just lost my girlfriend of 8 years..........reason for breaking up i don't really know......when she is in aust studying, i give up everything in singapore and flew there to accompany her,when she is sick i dare not sleep afraid that her condition might worsen.......then just one fine day she says its over....................Now i have nothing in life anymore..........Screw all those heartless beaches.........................................................
If you have loved her with all your heart sincerely, then there will be no regrets and you can wish her well...
Would you rather hold on to a r/s that makes both parties suffer.. -
For him, it is about the special one at this moment of time, the betrayed feeling, the inability to do anything to savage it.Originally posted by crimson soldier:Yun, that was a fantastic post. Just into my first r/s and about to enter university after ORD...hope I won't be tied down by hers/my emotions. I can see myself living with her for a long, long time but I hope to live a blast for the next 4 years and see the world while at the same time not neglecting her.
For TS, you are still young! It is never too late to love, or should I say fall in love again, when you meet someone more suitable next time
it never feels good to be helpless or take the consequences of other's decision.
Somewat a victim for now. -
I am indeed very impressed by Yun's who can always articulate out the same views and opinions in the flowly and coherent style.
Any TS, listen to what Yun said and make your own decision.
Best of luck -
hi ahkeat,
cheer up boy. matters of the heart extend beyond grand notions about love. don't be too hard on yourself by trying to measure up to these ideas. real life is much more complicated than text book theories.
if you've got a really great girl and you're constantly away on national service, it's going to be a lot harder to keep things going. why don't you just keep it light and funny for now, be a friend to her and see where it goes?
take some time off and re adjust your emotions, then see how hard she tries to keep in contact with you. bonds between two people are forged over time and if she really likes you, she will make the effort. -
For all you guys out there who advice other men to pursue girls already taken.
I hope you learn from this sad story how bad your advice is.
You never interfere in an ongoing relationship and you never advise anyone else, no matter what the circumstances are, to ever contemplate doing the same. -
hmm. it might be abit late to reply at this point of moment
but ahkeat. u shd get over this kind of girls.
my bf didnt like me hidding anything from him neither from jus a sms from a guy fren of mine.
everything a girl do and what she does when u ain't ard.
she shd tell u everything.
yes. everyone have privacy and secrets.
arent they suppose to be shared with the ones they loved?
keat. think over carefully. dont rush into any actions that u might regret at the end of the day.
good luck :B
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thanks guy for all your opinions. yeah i have broken up with her. mayb in near future just keep her as a friend. i just met her ytd, i thought im ready emotionally to meet up. but i guess i was wrong.. im still quite disturbed when she sms -you know who-. looks like i need to stir away from her for quite awhile to let me broken heart get mended up..
and yeah, dun ever encourage any of ur friends to tear up some other people's relationship... its bad for everyone..
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Originally posted by DarkYakuza: ..........i just lost my girlfriend of 8 years..........reason for breaking up i don't really know......when she is in aust studying, i give up everything in singapore and flew there to accompany her,when she is sick i dare not sleep afraid that her condition might worsen.......then just one fine day she says its over....................Now i have nothing in life anymore..........Screw all those heartless beaches.........................................................
i can understand u .. u dun walk alone here.. but shes the one who dont know how to appreciate good guy.. dont worry. u should give yourself a big applause cuz u did ur best and most gal would have a dream to get a guy like u. dont worry. the right gal will love u more later.
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Bro,
you see, some people get over broken heart : 1. Fast, 2. Slow, 3. Never
your "headache" now should be which category to choose.
If a lady vacillates btw two then there is no "true" affection and love towards 1 in the 1st place. Hence today u may be able to win. But tomorrow and the day after??
I gone thru the same experience like you. My category is btw 2 and 3. Hopefully not 3.
Let go.... Army life and buddies will be the true memories that you should cherish. Trust me when the smoke dissipates and the sun shine, make no mistake army life and friends make for the better part of life.
Take care.