Can i start a new relationship again ?
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This is going to be a long story….. I need advice….
I am married for 8years with no kids.
All these 8 years, I carry the status of ‘married’ in paper.
This doesn’t mean my hubby doesn’t love me, its just that we did not consummate our marriage – no sex at all. No he is not a gay!!!
We are like any dating couple – holding hands, sometimes watching movie together.
Things start to change for the past two to three years. He has been playing online games and spending more his time computer than going out with me. Other than normal meals and buying necessities, the rest of the time, he is hook on the computer.
Some of you may say that its ok since he is not going out to gamble or fool around. And he gives you freedom to do whatever thing you like, not many married women get this freedom. Yes I admit this freedom given but I believe in communication and spending a little more time together.
I told him before but he will just say that I am not going out to gamble, drink or fooling around, I am playing computer games. What is wrong with this ?
He still cannot see what is the problem.
5 months ago, our flats were sold – the agreement of selling the flats was decided by him. The reason is that property market was good and we can make big profit ( which we did).
There were no ‘but’ on this transaction and I have to sign on the dotted line.
I was too (emotionally and physically) tired to argue with him (the whole transaction took place when I was on business trip)
We moved to stay with my parents after the flat was sold.
Every night, he will just play his online game while I do my own things.
Up and until now the flat was sold, I have lost interest in this marriage.
I am beginning to feel like doing things alone and staying with friends are more happy than to be with my hubby.
Recently I met a guy, someone which I wanted to know him more. And if there is a chance I will like to develop a relationship with him.
Whenever I am with this guy, I feel guilty….guilty not towards my hubby but to this new guy.
This guy doesn’t know the above situation and I really wanted to tell him.
I wanted to tell this guy about the above situation and prepare for a divorce (which I have been thinking since the time I sold my flat, so whether this guy appear or not, it doesn’t matter)
Do you think after telling the whole situation above, I will still be able to be with the (new) guy ?
If you are in the shoe of this (new) guy, what will you think ?
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i feel that u shld give ur hubby another opportunity...the last one in fact.
talk to him seriously abt ur problems and how u feel towards this marriage, how it is not working out etc.
if he remains adamant in his ways and habits, its perhaps time for u to move on. no point wasting ur youth on this hubby if he lacks in communication with you.
marriage is not a method of keeping a partner to oneself. the love and communication between the two should continue and remain strong after marriage.
ask urself if u really want to spend ur life with a guy like this for ur years to come before making any final decisions.
dun regret..when its time to move, u go on.
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sorry if i din answer ur qn.
i feel that u shld make certain and sure that the guy really likes u before telling him ur situation and declaring ur love for him.
if i were the guy..and i truly am interested in you, i wont have any qualms in being with u.
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Sure. I believe one is never too old to restart anything in life again. You should be in ur mid 30s. 34yrs soon, if i am not wrong.
The only thing that i found weird is why din u couple ever consummate ur marriage? What is the point of having the paper marriage when u are doing nothing that a married couple should do?
I sense that there is something u are not telling us. Is this an arrange marriage? Are both of u local? If u are in ur mid 30s, can i also assume that your husband is in nearing his late 30s? And he still behaves like a teen addicted to games?
It isn’t wrong to love someone else regardless of the age. But it is only responsible to do it when u is single and not while u is still married. For all party involved.
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Sometimes it's better to be trueful. Have you talked to your husband about your feelings?
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y no sex? that might bring u two closer.
do u intend to save or u have made the decision??
i think ur husband might be hurt if tats wad u think.
bcos to him, he has done nothing wrong but obviously this marriage has a problem.
why not consider counselling?????
just m2cw..
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whatever you choose. be very sure and once you move forward, don't regret
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hmm i think if you never consumate your marriage, you can get it annulled but im not sure.
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you can apply for annulment of marriage because of non-consummation..
click here for the link => Family Law
that is, if you really want to go through with the leaving of your husband who seems to be married to his computer games..
whether you want to leave him and go with the other guy or not, it is your choice... but seriously, it seems like a lonely "marriage" without much happiness or fulfilment
i wish you well and may you find your way to happiness
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8 yrs and never consummate marriage? hmm.. he got prob ma?
and why stay with ur parents? y never buy a new flat or stay with his parents?
well abt the new guy.. it may not be love.. but loneliness.
if u want to be fair to ur husband, perhaps going for family counselling would be good.. if really no hope, then.. like wat bear said, u can actually apply for annulment of marriage bcos of non-consummation.
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Whether the new guy will still be able to accept you will depend entirely on how much he loves you - it will be the ultimate test. If he loves you, I don't think your untold story will/should bother him one bit. On the other hand, if he doesn't love you enough, he might get shaken.
In any case, between you and your hubby, you don't hafta get a divorce. You can go for an annulment on the ground of non-consumation though it's difficult to substantiate this claim. Who's gonna believe that there's no sexual relation between a couple living together for so long a time?
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you have one life
live it the way you like
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Originally posted by hina_74:
This is going to be a long story….. I need advice….
I am married for 8years with no kids.
All these 8 years, I carry the status of ‘married’ in paper.
This doesn’t mean my hubby doesn’t love me, its just that we did not consummate our marriage – no sex at all. No he is not a gay!!!
We are like any dating couple – holding hands, sometimes watching movie together.
Things start to change for the past two to three years. He has been playing online games and spending more his time computer than going out with me. Other than normal meals and buying necessities, the rest of the time, he is hook on the computer.
Some of you may say that its ok since he is not going out to gamble or fool around. And he gives you freedom to do whatever thing you like, not many married women get this freedom. Yes I admit this freedom given but I believe in communication and spending a little more time together.
I told him before but he will just say that I am not going out to gamble, drink or fooling around, I am playing computer games. What is wrong with this ?
He still cannot see what is the problem.
5 months ago, our flats were sold – the agreement of selling the flats was decided by him. The reason is that property market was good and we can make big profit ( which we did).
There were no ‘but’ on this transaction and I have to sign on the dotted line.
I was too (emotionally and physically) tired to argue with him (the whole transaction took place when I was on business trip)
We moved to stay with my parents after the flat was sold.
Every night, he will just play his online game while I do my own things.
Up and until now the flat was sold, I have lost interest in this marriage.
I am beginning to feel like doing things alone and staying with friends are more happy than to be with my hubby.
Recently I met a guy, someone which I wanted to know him more. And if there is a chance I will like to develop a relationship with him.
Whenever I am with this guy, I feel guilty….guilty not towards my hubby but to this new guy.
This guy doesn’t know the above situation and I really wanted to tell him.
I wanted to tell this guy about the above situation and prepare for a divorce (which I have been thinking since the time I sold my flat, so whether this guy appear or not, it doesn’t matter)
Do you think after telling the whole situation above, I will still be able to be with the (new) guy ?
If you are in the shoe of this (new) guy, what will you think ?
i think that dun do anything behind ur husband or be unfaithful to him first. i feel that communication is very important in any kind of relationship particularly ur marriage in this case. i mean does 8 years of marriage really counts for nothing at all?
try talking to him. no dun try, have a serious talk with him on how you feel. make him see the problem the seriousness of it all. i mean try to save the marriage first. i personally do not think that divorce will resolve anything at all, it's just a way of running away though. If you never solves the root of the problem, it will come back to haunt you. think about it urself.
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Listen rlsh07 advise! Don't treat marriage lightly and talk abt divorce. To say yr husband do nothing wrong is misleading. Uncaring and ignoring the emotion of yr wife is already a wrong...
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u sure can start a new r/s but then did u close the old one nicely? ya ur hubby play games but hv u reali sit down n get serious discussion(abt ur marraige n how u feel is falling)? did u take in initiative to suggest/drag ur hubby out? as for making love, u got try to initiate? or u jz wait for things to happen n then blame he din do it? marriage is a 2 way thing... got problem talk it out... wan to get things done can u can start 1st... u better try to salvage the marriage 1st b4 jumping at the new exciting guy...
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Originally posted by hina_74:
This is going to be a long story….. I need advice….
I am married for 8years with no kids.
All these 8 years, I carry the status of ‘married’ in paper.
This doesn’t mean my hubby doesn’t love me, its just that we did not consummate our marriage – no sex at all. No he is not a gay!!!
We are like any dating couple – holding hands, sometimes watching movie together.
Things start to change for the past two to three years. He has been playing online games and spending more his time computer than going out with me. Other than normal meals and buying necessities, the rest of the time, he is hook on the computer.
Some of you may say that its ok since he is not going out to gamble or fool around. And he gives you freedom to do whatever thing you like, not many married women get this freedom. Yes I admit this freedom given but I believe in communication and spending a little more time together.
I told him before but he will just say that I am not going out to gamble, drink or fooling around, I am playing computer games. What is wrong with this ?
He still cannot see what is the problem.
5 months ago, our flats were sold – the agreement of selling the flats was decided by him. The reason is that property market was good and we can make big profit ( which we did).
There were no ‘but’ on this transaction and I have to sign on the dotted line.
I was too (emotionally and physically) tired to argue with him (the whole transaction took place when I was on business trip)
We moved to stay with my parents after the flat was sold.
Every night, he will just play his online game while I do my own things.
Up and until now the flat was sold, I have lost interest in this marriage.
I am beginning to feel like doing things alone and staying with friends are more happy than to be with my hubby.
Recently I met a guy, someone which I wanted to know him more. And if there is a chance I will like to develop a relationship with him.
Whenever I am with this guy, I feel guilty….guilty not towards my hubby but to this new guy.
This guy doesn’t know the above situation and I really wanted to tell him.
I wanted to tell this guy about the above situation and prepare for a divorce (which I have been thinking since the time I sold my flat, so whether this guy appear or not, it doesn’t matter)
Do you think after telling the whole situation above, I will still be able to be with the (new) guy ?
If you are in the shoe of this (new) guy, what will you think ?
Mayb he is too tired? no time or something.
or he jus don wish to have kids? We can't ans u certainly but only one person can..
and thats him.
So go ahead and ask abt it =)
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Originally posted by the Bear:
you can apply for annulment of marriage because of non-consummation..
click here for the link => Family Law
that is, if you really want to go through with the leaving of your husband who seems to be married to his computer games..
whether you want to leave him and go with the other guy or not, it is your choice... but seriously, it seems like a lonely "marriage" without much happiness or fulfilment
i wish you well and may you find your way to happiness
I agreed with Bear.
Perhaps you should take your time to mull it over to decide whether do u want to break the news to him.
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Originally posted by hina_74:
Do you think after telling the whole situation above, I will still be able to be with the (new) guy ?
If you are in the shoe of this (new) guy, what will you think ?
I guess you have made your choice.Assuming that the guy treats you as a friend, as a view point of a "friend", he will support you and accepts that everyone is different. However, as a view point of "slightly more than a friend", doubts will rise before he can accept the relationship with you. He need to overcome the insecurity before he can starts the relationship with you.
Well... I guess it would be better if you could tell those after the relationship have started.
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I guess.. After everything you did marry your husband and loved him for a time. Wouldn't it be a waste to just give it all up? Maybe your problem with him is lack of communication; let him know how you're feeling. Exactly what you're feeling, even your thoughts about divorce. Let him know your reasons too. If he doesn't change/cannot be bothered, then maybe the new guy is a heavensent shot at something better (:
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I just want to share with you this video, Utada's Hikari
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hina,
I hope I understand correctly. Your problem is with the new guy.
He does not know you are legally married.
He does not know you are interested in him and that you will liked a relationship with him.
You do not know whether he likes you.
You do not know whether he can still likes you knowing you are divorcing. (Take note....Divorcing....not divorced.)
You do not know whether he can accept you if you are divorced.
Your hubby does not understand that you are not satisfiied with this current lifestyle
Your hubby might give problems to any of your new relationships.
Your hubby may result in problems with the family living arrangements.
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so you just want sex? and more concern?
If this is a guy who posted, he would get flammed on his ass.
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I seriously dont think a normal and loving (you mentioned he loves you right?) husband will do such a thing. There might be more then meets the eye.
There are so many possibilities so the only way to find out is to ask him. Get him out to a park or whatever and communicate your fears to him.
My guess is there he is hiding something from you, could be he has became impotent? could be that he has lost his job? I don't know. Its up to you, as a wife, to find out. Care for him instead of jumping into conclusion. Show him you care and as humans, we'll reciprocate.
My suggestion to you is that knowing someone in a world of billions of people arent easy. Treasure what you have instead of thinking of escaping.
Hopew everything turns out good for you. Give your hubby and yourself another chance. Give it a timespan, maybe 1 month? In this month, cook for him, sit by his side when he is playing his game and chat with him, give him a massage... things that show you care and then see what happens.
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hmm.... maybe hina you can give a response?
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Actually Im unfit to post this msg,
but I do have something to say,
Ur relationship with ur husband went wronge a few years back,
now you now longer feel anything for him,
I believe no matter what he do, you wont go back to him anymore.
cause the feelings dies off.
It seem really sad to let go, but what done has been done,
what has happen have happen.
You live only once,
not many people were given a 2nd chance to start afresh.
No matter what decision you make, its either you will suffer or he will suffer. I believe one day he will regret but its too late for him.
Do what you feel its best for you.
What ever decision you made, be happy with it.
Good luck and all the best for you.