My story revealed (long story)
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We were a quarrelsome couple but we loved each other.
2 fridays ago, we went clubbing and I got angry with her, so I walked off from the dance floor. She got upset and wanted to go home. So I pushed her to the wall and held her tightly. She cried and wanted to break up with me. Usually, she says she wants to break up. Now, my friends talked to her.
She told them she was fustrated and wanted things to work out, ever since, we had been together. Till last friday.
Last friday, we were talking about making a future in us. Then when we settled it in a peaceful manner giving me a chance to change, smarty pants decided to confess to her that 1 month before I knew her, I had a fling. She got angry, asking me why did I not tell her during our relationship, only now after 5 months? And she cannot accepts that I done it and it is a fling. She said I could not trust her in the past, now she cannot stand my infidelity. She said she wants a break up due to this and that I cheated on her.
In my mind I was thinking, I had cheated on her? It is my fault that I had done it and I did not know she was my future partner. It is not really my fault even though she may think I have loose morals, it happened once, and before our relationship. I promised her not to ever do it and be honest, she did not want to listen. She insisted that I cheated on her and she wanted a breakup.
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Here comes the worst part. On the saturday after the incident happened, I went to talk to her. I tried to convince her that I would not do it again and that she has to believe me that I did not want to tell her so early is because I did not want her to think so much and put the burden on her.
She kept agitating me with things like 'What time are you going home?', 'You better leave by 12.15pm', 'Don't need to say anymore, whatever, it is just no, I won't be with you anymore'.
I talked to her, she shouted and kept antagonizing me. So what I did was wrong, I threw two punches at her head. She cried, going home and telling her parents. I was so remorseful. It started with shoutings and pushing, but what I did, I will always regret.
I went to the police station to surrender myself. The family was called down but they did not want to press charges. The officer told us to bid each other goodbye. It was tearful, she was crying and I hugged her before she left. Her tears and how she allowed me to hug her made me remorseful. The officer talked to me and told me that it isn't right to do this. At the end I will find someone better.
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yes, she will definitely find someone better than a scum like you.
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Somehow, her parents told her not to contact me and not to meet up with me. I cried after I hit her, I cried at the station after she left. I messaged her asking how was she. She told me not to call her. I cried myself to sleep that night.
The next day, I went back home as I was outside, when I saw her pictures on my wall, I cried. My mother told me that girls would always come. But no one understood, she is the one I really feel a lot for.
She removed our pictures from friendster, keeping some, and changed her profile. However, my comments remained. I had to meet friends to keep my mind off. I talked to my friends. They told me she loved me and she would come back to me. I was happy and I decided to go for professional counseling. However, I told myself, I wanted to change for her, not for myself. Silly me, keeping my hopes up. She kept messaging my friends to take care of me.
I smsed her that night, asking her, do you still have feelings, she told me yes. But she cannot be with me anymore because I had hurt her. She does not want to be hurt and that her parents forbid us to talk. I went home and talked to her. She said she did not have feelings anymore and that what I had done had made her truely dissapointed and sad. She was extremely upset that I hit her and that I cheated on her. She was angry at first but now, it turned to dissapointment.
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I could not take it, I waited for her at the MRT station. She told me we could be friends but not for now. She needs time off and that she is tired of everything. I cried my heart out. I had to let go. We talked, I made sure I told her to take care and what to do and not to do. We held hands and our waists while I sent her under her block. I hugged her and kissed her the last time. While she walked away, I shouted:' I will always be here for you!'
She said :' So will I, I can be here for you as a friend.'
I went home feeling empty, I drank a lot till I puked. Went home to sleep. Everyday after this incident, I can only sleep 4 hours a day and eat up to 2 meals only.
What she told my friends made me cry. She told my friends that out of all her boyfriends she had, I was the worst in terms of treating her, but she loved me the most. This was the shocking thing and that I was crying over it.
At the end of the day, I asked her out on Valentine's day as friends. She rejected me. Now, I am getting through, trying very hard.
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evidence that you're a loser:
1. you had casual sex. it doesn't matter if you're single or attached.
2. you hit a girl.
3. you cried.
4. you kept hoping to hitch up with the same girl
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pls leave her so that u don't screw up her life. i suggest u stay single so that u don't screw up another girl's life.
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no matter wat u do u cannot hit a girl..... i read that, and i fast forward and reply liao.
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Another man, in self-denial mode.
You loved each other, yet, you don't stop hurting each other.
This is not love.
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What is running through my mind is that, she had been giving her best for me, she had been living the life I wanted her to live, by doing things that pleases me. She loved me, that is why she did all these. She asked me to change, encouraged me. The only setback was that we were quarrelling and she had the 'always think I am right' mentality. She had been faithful and devoted, even assuring me before she is leaving for Australia. Now I did this to her, and that I hit her, I totally regret my actions.
She asked me,' Why do you have to do things and then regret? Why can't you think before you do so you will not regret? Now that you done it, I cannot accept it, I am very dissapointed, I cannot be with you anymore.' She told me she could not talk anymore, her parents forbid us to talk.
As I downed bottles of beer, I called her. She told me that I am making my parents, friends and her worry. What could I do? She told me I am giving her a negative impression and that she'd rather I give her some positive impressions. She hopes that I change and give her positive impressions.
I regret my actions, I let my friends, her, her parents and everyone around us down. I want to change. I need to change. I asked her if the future could be seen, we would be together? She told me she did not know. She knows that we have to be friends from now on. I told her I will come back when I change.
Deep down inside I regret every action and I had tried calling the SOS hotline. I know she is upset but she is strong. She will get over it soon. But I am the one who did this and I had a guilty conscience of letting her down time and again after she had given me chances. She did her best, I did not, now I regret. I am sorry to ... ... you.
Those who think I am a bastard, so be it. What is done is done, what can be done is to curb my anger because everyone is saying my anger is horrible. I am going for counseling nowadays and I hope to change. I am a bastard, I am a loser, I am a weakling. i cry for what I had done while she did not even shed a tear for me. I hit her. Now is not the time for insults and hurtful words. I just need to know what to do, how to do it and what are the things I should do. I am very confused because my life had revolved around her.
Thank you for hearing me out.
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Originally posted by sEphIrOth:
What is running through my mind is that, she had been giving her best for me, she had been living the life I wanted her to live, by doing things that pleases me. She loved me, that is why she did all these. She asked me to change, encouraged me. The only setback was that we were quarrelling and she had the 'always think I am right' mentality. She had been faithful and devoted, even assuring me before she is leaving for Australia. Now I did this to her, and that I hit her, I totally regret my actions.
She asked me,' Why do you have to do things and then regret? Why can't you think before you do so you will not regret? Now that you done it, I cannot accept it, I am very dissapointed, I cannot be with you anymore.' She told me she could not talk anymore, her parents forbid us to talk.
As I downed bottles of beer, I called her. She told me that I am making my parents, friends and her worry. What could I do? She told me I am giving her a negative impression and that she'd rather I give her some positive impressions. She hopes that I change and give her positive impressions.
I regret my actions, I let my friends, her, her parents and everyone around us down. I want to change. I need to change. I asked her if the future could be seen, we would be together? She told me she did not know. She knows that we have to be friends from now on. I told her I will come back when I change.
Deep down inside I regret every action and I had tried calling the SOS hotline. I know she is upset but she is strong. She will get over it soon. But I am the one who did this and I had a guilty conscience of letting her down time and again after she had given me chances. She did her best, I did not, now I regret. I am sorry to ... ... you.
Those who think I am a bastard, so be it. What is done is done, what can be done is to curb my anger because everyone is saying my anger is horrible. I am going for counseling nowadays and I hope to change. I am a bastard, I am a loser, I am a weakling. i cry for what I had done while she did not even shed a tear for me. I hit her. Now is not the time for insults and hurtful words. I just need to know what to do, how to do it and what are the things I should do. I am very confused because my life had revolved around her.
Thank you for hearing me out.
She has already told you what needs to be done.. ARE YOU LISTENING ?
She speaks her mind, but you choose to be deaf to her needs... this is why your relationship has broken down.
Give her not what you want her to have. Give her what she wants from her heart.
THIS IS WHAT SHE WANTS FROM YOU .
"She told me I am giving her a negative impression and that she'd rather I give her some positive impressions. She hopes that I change and give her positive impressions."
If you are still too stubborn to heed her requests.. then you are only giving yourself a dead ended option.
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This whole thing is a rather sorry episode of growing up. You can't cry over spilled milk. So just move on. It's already the past. To make the best of this experience, learn from it and apply the lessons you've learnt to the future. It is the future which you can make a difference to.
As for wanting to make amends, I think there's no necessity. Getting a new life and moving on is the best option.......
Hope TS realises and learns that :-
"Angry words don't stop a fight
Two wrongs don't make a right
A new heart is what I need
Oh God make it bleed............."
- Lyrics from 'Like A Song' from the album "War" by U2
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Originally posted by Jamie Zawinski:
evidence that you're a loser:
1. you had casual sex. it doesn't matter if you're single or attached.
2. you hit a girl.
3. you cried.
4. you kept hoping to hitch up with the same girl
I know what you say is harsh but I agree. Casual sex is wrong. I hit her, my biggest mistake.
But crying is normal. I cry because I am upset, not because of physical pain.
I hope to be with her because I am doing somethin to change. It is up to her now.
But in the mean time, as much as I care for her welfare now, I need to care about myself. I do not want to end up screwing someone else's life or my own. I need to change. I am going for counseling at this period for anger management and to get over it.
You people may insult me, but I need help on how to get over it and how to cope with it. Insults because all of you are angry will not help me. But I deserved to be flamed. However, I know it is wrong, I want to change, but what should I do?
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Originally posted by sEphIrOth:
I know what you say is harsh but I agree. Casual sex is wrong. I hit her, my biggest mistake.
But crying is normal. I cry because I am upset, not because of physical pain.
I hope to be with her because I am doing somethin to change. It is up to her now.
But in the mean time, as much as I care for her welfare now, I need to care about myself. I do not want to end up screwing someone else's life or my own. I need to change. I am going for counseling at this period for anger management and to get over it.
You people may insult me, but I need help on how to get over it and how to cope with it. Insults because all of you are angry will not help me. But I deserved to be flamed. However, I know it is wrong, I want to change, but what should I do?
you yourself said it: you need to grow up
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Originally posted by Jamie Zawinski:
you yourself said it: you need to grow up
i certainly need to. its time i should be mature enough. i have to change even how hard it is. but i will only face her when i totally change. before i give happiness, i muz understand what happiness is.i hurt her so much. i know i should let go but i wan to change before facing her again. she may not get back to me but i wanna start from stage 1, the chasing stage all over again. i really wanna make it right
but for now i m really suffering alot.
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One, leave her alone. Stop sms-sing her and asking her questions which she has to reply to.
If you must, sent her sms-ses to wish her well. Nothing more.
Two, you need to go for counselling. Then go for it, and actively does it, not wait for sky to fall on your lap, a girl or herself to accompany you.
Three, you need to go for disciplinary training to train your 'martial arts'. Suggest you do Aikido to learn some self restraint.
Four, you need to actively use your energy. Volunteer your body for the elderly, disabled services. Once you learnt how others are struggling with their lives, then you will fully understand how you can lead yours.
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well..first thing first is the will
u have to really work on it..talk is cheap but action really proves it
know that the world does not bow towards you
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yes i understand. for now, i will wish her well, nothing more. only when i changed, then i will start from stage 1 with her. but she is going to aust in june.
if i cannot change, then i will leave her alone and be friends forever with her.
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While you truly boo-booed in the sorry episode in your life, I think you are not beyond redemption.
The fact that you acknowledge your grave mistake, willing to take the arrows for it and resolve to change for the better is clear indication of character and courage - the mark of a man!
Who hasn't committed mistakes in his past? More than merely anger management, I think TS should learn to exercise greater patience to better manage his life.
but well bro, you're still young and you've got a lot to learn........
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i really hope to get her back as all i want is her.
i change, people tell me to change for myself...
secretly, i change for her.
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Originally posted by sEphIrOth:
i really hope to get her back as all i want is her.
i change, people tell me to change for myself...
secretly, i change for her.
??????
Through out your account, you keep saying what you want... u want this... u want that...
Have you considered her needs and wants ?
She has explicitly told u that she needed space. So why not just leave her be for now ?
If you are sincere abt changing... Then do it and then show her.
What you are doing now is nothing but empty promises...
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You beat your gf?? Shameless....
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Originally posted by Ferret:
??????
Through out your account, you keep saying what you want... u want this... u want that...
Have you considered her needs and wants ?
She has explicitly told u that she needed space. So why not just leave her be for now ?
If you are sincere abt changing... Then do it and then show her.
What you are doing now is nothing but empty promises...
yes, i shall leave her alone for now.but thinking that i shall change, i am going for counseling already. now, she says she cannot be together with me cuz of family and she dun wan to be hurt anymore. she has no feelings. what can i do? -
Originally posted by sEphIrOth:
yes, i shall leave her alone for now.but thinking that i shall change, i am going for counseling already. now, she says she cannot be together with me cuz of family and she dun wan to be hurt anymore. she has no feelings. what can i do?Feelings can grow again.
You need to learn how to nurture, and maintain it first.
Just like a successful farmer, in order to maintain a good harvest year after year, he must learn how to tend to the crops, nurture it and most important.. he must be patient.
He must learn also , when natural disaster strikes, know what to do, and how to get his crops back again.
To fall , is to have a chance to stand up.
You have failed once, let there not be another time.
What you have now, is hope.
Hope that she will be available when she returns.
Hope that there will be no other man who can make her heart feel, like she feels for you.
Hope that when she is ready to accept you again, you will not fail her again.
Hope. Change. Remain strong.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Feelings can grow again.
You need to learn how to nurture, and maintain it first.
Just like a successful farmer, in order to maintain a good harvest year after year, he must learn how to tend to the crops, nurture it and most important.. he must be patient.
He must learn also , when natural disaster strikes, know what to do, and how to get his crops back again.
To fall , is to have a chance to stand up.
You have failed once, let there not be another time.
What you have now, is hope.
Hope that she will be available when she returns.
Hope that there will be no other man who can make her heart feel, like she feels for you.
Hope that when she is ready to accept you again, you will not fail her again.
Hope. Change. Remain strong.
thank you for those words. i know i m wrong, i msged her mom telling her im sorry. i really wanna change, but at the end of the day after so much hope and effort put in, if she doesnt accept me, what can i do?