problem in relationship ... need advice
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now both of us is trying to make the little time that we have toggether the best so that slowly passion can come back lor ...
i know that he sld b able to plan time to meet me, but because of his job, he has a target to meet n he got meetings every morning n nite so he dun have muc htime left to meet me lor ...
i oso know he wants his career ( as wat peppermint has said, coz its exactly what my wants n say) ... -
Hi all,
i think i'm facing the similar problem as Love_him. Last night, me and my bf had an agrument. He said that he thinks that i'm taking up too much of his time, $ and energy. He is working and doing a part-time course. I'm looking for a job so that i can help him financially. He said he has been thinking of a break-up for quite a while but sometimes, we are still discussing abt the future and seems so happily together. Currently, we have been meeting once on a weekday after his work and the other on a weekend. Actually, i think he doesnt have good time mgt becoz most of his free time is spent watching tv and playing games and yet he complained to me that he has no time left for himself. We have been together for 1 and a half yrs. I also start to feel that he is rather self-centred and sometimes he juz dont listent to what i have to say.
Should I cut the meeting time so as to give him more time for himself or any other better advise?? Thanx.. -
clara
he feels that he does not have enough time for himself. be in playing games, watch tv etc, simply put, he needs his own time his own private time. even if it means he is going to lie on bed whole day do nothing he also happy. because that's how he is going to chill out. and yes he wants it without you around. not because he doesnt like you, but more likely he feels stress if you are around as he cannot relax properly, even if you just sit there doing nothing.
for myself, when i am on the bus to work, my gf will call me on my hp since she reahes office earlier then me. everytime i will feel very pissed off at her, but the problem is not her, she didnt do anything to irritate me. but i will talk to her like i bad mood. so she became upset. so i told her, dear, i will call you when i reach office. i told her that i feel that this time i have while using transport is my own private time and i wish to just relax all the way until i reach office, any distractions however nice, wont go down well with me.
clara, dunno whether if above helped, you may want to look into this rubberband/caveman theory which i wrote last time.
http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=28980&page=1 -
He's probably VERY SERIOUS both in his business and job ventures and YOU.... And this is likely one of the MAIN things which make you feel so attached to him....Originally posted by love_him:ok , i meet him when we were in poly ...
i was with him thru , poly, NS ..n until now.
he's a gemini, i'm aries. ( u know how to see horoscop ah)
he's workin in a sales job n he'sfighting for a busines oppunity, n he dun know when he will get the target, he jus say ASAP.
i think oso may we r quite dull these years, everytime either his hse or ny hse watch tv, vcd, once in a while go shopping or walk walk...
well especially this yr, coz he dun have much money, coz his job no basic pay, commission base...
i am workin a 9-5 job., his working hrs irregular ... especially now he needs to fight for his business, he work until late at nite, to meet ppl ..etc
i think last time, he everytime give in to him, so mayb he oso sian abt it lor ... well , i already change for that part, n he oso know that i change liao...
Now wat i hope is that we can work it out, i know it will be super difficult for him coz he needs to do it career n me ... but i really want to work it out.
He's STABLE in career and PATIENT with you.... You could be rather wildful with him at times... But like you've said, you've probably changed for the better already...
He's probably the kind of guy who can be REAL SWEET, try to give you a STABLE Life-style and can go through the simplest romance with him... Things with him are probably mild burning... You can be on BOTH sides... One side of you more wildful and demanding... The other side of you UNDERSTANDING and appreciative to the kind of man he is....
ON LONG RUN....
He would most probably spend quite ALOT of TIME on his career... Such form of Life STABILITY is ESSENTIAL to him... But he would not be the kind of guy who would ignore you if you show him that you need his concern... He can be most attentive and caring to you... This form of mentality which is shaping up in him makes him DEVOTED to the career path he've chosen.... This is probably an inevitable path for now.... Things between you and him would have to go a little slow or static for now.... For how long would not be varified... Alot would depends on individual's luck and compability....
If you're prepared to go things SLOW with him for how long not truly known, this could be the guy for you.... There's a chance that he would be EQUALLY occupied with his business (if set up) to a stage where things are REALLY STABILISED for it.... Truly fruitful bliss should be expected in later stages of Life... Though constantly showering you with care and concern shouldn't be a problem.... If you wish to have more romantic moments with him at times, provoke his thoughts with hints and stimulations and he should be quick to attend.... And such a task shouldn't be of much difficulty for you....
Take note not to try and shake him off his career path or things might prove to be most disasterious for BOTH of you....
Regards..... -
I think your case and hers' is not quite the same....?Originally posted by clara:Hi all,
i think i'm facing the similar problem as Love_him. Last night, me and my bf had an agrument. He said that he thinks that i'm taking up too much of his time, $ and energy. He is working and doing a part-time course. I'm looking for a job so that i can help him financially. He said he has been thinking of a break-up for quite a while but sometimes, we are still discussing abt the future and seems so happily together. Currently, we have been meeting once on a weekday after his work and the other on a weekend. Actually, i think he doesnt have good time mgt becoz most of his free time is spent watching tv and playing games and yet he complained to me that he has no time left for himself. We have been together for 1 and a half yrs. I also start to feel that he is rather self-centred and sometimes he juz dont listent to what i have to say. Should I cut the meeting time so as to give him more time for himself or any other better advise?? Thanx.. -
...... No offence... Just a word of caution.... Theories and reality... Sometimes don't blend in so easily.....Originally posted by Yunhaier:Like many similar cases, relation that gone through a long period of time suffer a risk of entering into a stage of stagnation - what people known as habitual relationship.
What is habitual relationships?
It refers to relationships that has been far too long without marriage and both parties are just keeping the relationship going for the sake of keeping it - don't talk about feelings. Talk about the time spend together, the things you people do together. Its is reduced to very routine and its unseen draining of the relation. Most people feel that by going a long period of time = a very safe relation because both party must have love each other very much and stuff, but reality, this is not very true.
1 week meet 3-4 hours is definitely not enough, you don't have to meet everyday, but that is far too few in terms of ability to mantain or upkeep the relation. Think about this - Am I right to say his good friends even spend more than that YOU, being his girl friend?
Feelings can find back, but it is difficult because unless he really wants to be with you and take the EXTRA mile to work on the relation, if not it is like clapping with one hand - zero result. Career is an excuse... because if he organise and plan his time well, he can still find time - time is there for people to plan, not plan by time. Issue is whether he wants anot. The easiest way out is just to mention that he is so busy cannot spare time - and avoid all responsiblities and still expect the relation to go on like usual - relation never works in this way and never will.
Both of you have already reach the peak of the relation and PROPER communication is needed to ensure the continuing of the relationship. You have to speak to him about all the points regarding this issue. Then - that is the first and essential step to solve the problem.
Cheers -
Thanx Peppermint.. Maybe I should give him more of his own time.. Guys really different from gals.. Will get the book to read so can understand guys better.. Thanx..
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You're welcome! All the best. Keep us updated.Originally posted by clara:Thanx Peppermint.. Maybe I should give him more of his own time.. Guys really different from gals.. Will get the book to read so can understand guys better.. Thanx.. -
Many faces of a dice.... many faces of a problem you can see... many different way you can approach it... can't solve problem through words... have to let people see many different way of preception... they can then make proper decision...Originally posted by Devil1976:...... No offence... Just a word of caution.... Theories and reality... Sometimes don't blend in so easily.....
Thanks for the feedback dude anyway...
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Originally posted by Devil1976:
to devil1976,
He's probably VERY SERIOUS both in his business and job ventures and YOU.... And this is likely one of the MAIN things which make you feel so attached to him....
He's STABLE in career and PATIENT with you.... You could be rather wildful with him at times... But like you've said, you've probably changed for the better already...
He's probably the kind of guy who can be REAL SWEET, try to give you a STABLE Life-style and can go through the simplest romance with him... Things with him are probably mild burning... You can be on BOTH sides... One side of you more wildful and demanding... The other side of you UNDERSTANDING and appreciative to the kind of man he is....
[b]ON LONG RUN....
He would most probably spend quite ALOT of TIME on his career... Such form of Life STABILITY is ESSENTIAL to him... But he would not be the kind of guy who would ignore you if you show him that you need his concern... He can be most attentive and caring to you... This form of mentality which is shaping up in him makes him DEVOTED to the career path he've chosen.... This is probably an inevitable path for now.... Things between you and him would have to go a little slow or static for now.... For how long would not be varified... Alot would depends on individual's luck and compability....
If you're prepared to go things SLOW with him for how long not truly known, this could be the guy for you.... There's a chance that he would be EQUALLY occupied with his business (if set up) to a stage where things are REALLY STABILISED for it.... Truly fruitful bliss should be expected in later stages of Life... Though constantly showering you with care and concern shouldn't be a problem.... If you wish to have more romantic moments with him at times, provoke his thoughts with hints and stimulations and he should be quick to attend.... And such a task shouldn't be of much difficulty for you....
Take note not to try and shake him off his career path or things might prove to be most disasterious for BOTH of you....
Regards.....[/b]
is ur 'prediction' base on the horoscope ?? or on wat u have read from my posts ??
thanks for it anyway ...
if its base on doroscope,so do u have any advice on how i can help to make the relationship better ?? -
guys, if they still wanna make things work, they still hope for a future with u.. then there's no reason they will say these kinda things to u.
from wat i apprehend, he's hinting a break up, though he dun wan to be the one to initiate..
like wat sgboy2004 said, the career thing could well be jus an excuse. . something to justify for why he no longer had feelings for u...
6 yrs is a long time, most gals see it as a part of a stable relationship, yet for guys... it could be too stable?
and environment do changes a person, he might jus found something worthy for him to commit himself to, and at the same time, realises tat the relationship actually isn't his top priority..
if u really wanna try for the two of u, have a real peaceful talk with him.. let him know wat u think, and your stand..
i think it could be tat both of u might have took for the long relationship for a bit too much of a granted,
tat both of u forgotten how to be sweet to each other at times?
anyway, wish u lots of luck..... -
Still toking about your lover... get a life lah...
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It's based on an overall view of all information available to date... And sorry.... I'm afraid I can't give you much of any advices to make your situation better for now except what I've mentioned earlier in previous posts....Originally posted by love_him:to devil1976,
is ur 'prediction' base on the horoscope ?? or on wat u have read from my posts ??
thanks for it anyway ...
if its base on doroscope,so do u have any advice on how i can help to make the relationship better ??
I can only tell you roughly what you should be expecting from this relationship... What you really want (whether you would want this relationship or not?) is still up to yourself.....
Perhaps just some things to add...? If you've decided that this relationship is yours to keep, it'll better to go mild.... Time with him would be short for now... Cultivate more on the sensitive and refined side of you when you're with him.... (that doesn't mean you cannot have fun with him... He can be as fun-loving as you are...) This would help stabilise your relationship with him, help him save energy to concentrate on his work, help synchronise BOTH of your pace and mentality for better maintainence and understanding in relationship.... (think you've mentioned that you're already doing something like that in your earlier post...?) Direct your energies into your own Life (I'm sure there're lots of things which interest you in Life...) and with your friends... But to prevent your relationship with him to wear off on a monotonous mode, try to plan some things or activities which would spark up for both of you once in a while....? (duration which you deem fit...)
Could be a pretty good man you're holding onto here you know..? At least I don't think I would wanna give him up just like that if I'm in your shoes...? And what would become of him in the future.... REMEMBER, you would most probably be able to play a MAJOR part....? 
~good day! -
Serious ah!!! I am exactly like this also. I love travelling alone and will off my phone when i alight the transport.Originally posted by Peppermint:clara
he feels that he does not have enough time for himself. be in playing games, watch tv etc, simply put, he needs his own time his own private time. even if it means he is going to lie on bed whole day do nothing he also happy. because that's how he is going to chill out. and yes he wants it without you around. not because he doesnt like you, but more likely he feels stress if you are around as he cannot relax properly, even if you just sit there doing nothing.
for myself, when i am on the bus to work, my gf will call me on my hp since she reahes office earlier then me. everytime i will feel very pissed off at her, but the problem is not her, she didnt do anything to irritate me. but i will talk to her like i bad mood. so she became upset. so i told her, dear, i will call you when i reach office. i told her that i feel that this time i have while using transport is my own private time and i wish to just relax all the way until i reach office, any distractions however nice, wont go down well with me.
clara, dunno whether if above helped, you may want to look into this rubberband/caveman theory which i wrote last time.
http://sgforums.com/?action=thread_display&thread_id=28980&page=1
Can't believe that someone is speaking my mind man.