Uncertain Relationship
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Re-post for better understanding of the whole things after the incident he brought the lady fren into our friends gathering.
He invited me to dinner 3 days after the clubbing where he brought the lady friend into our group. During chatting, he explain that gal tag along that night becoz she called him and was telling him she is sad. For some reasons which he didn't say anyway it's ok.
Topic 1: He told me he dnt understand gals, coz gals like to show the independant side of them before relationship but then when into relationship they tend to show their true personality of being over dependant on bf. He told me, his last ex-gf were like that. I ask him if he is talking abt me, he say No nt me.
Topic 2: He say usually if he date a gal, even if he know their characters don't click but he will never forsake the gal. I asked him why.. He said it's his responsiblity to stay but he will wait for the gal to leave. I ask what if she dnt leave ? He replied, then he will stay put.
I told him it will hurt the gal. Even if you were not breaking up with her, as we have feeling that the man do not luv us.1 day ago
Topic 3: But he said no, coz he will not tell her, but come on we will know ppl dont luv us.
Then he say he isn't trying to say he will not luv the gal.
He will not leave but will still treat her as good even scarifice for her . But It's just inside he know they aren't suitable.
Topic 4 : I told him, i distance away from a close guy fren suddenly after he start showing feeling. He told me, he don't like this type of reaction, i shld tell the guy not react this way ? Which i did disappear away from him, 1 or 2mth. Then contact him again. I disappear when i know i start to fall deeper for him :( to control my feeling.1 day ago
He also grumble at me, to ask him out only when my friends ain't available. I told him i am afraid he will find me nuisance. he say no lah.. He say he don't have much outing during weekend, if i want just ask him.
He would tell me A - Z what he did last weekend. But i didn't asked. -
Originally posted by CrabbyShaSha:
i think if you are interested in him and since he has confessed to you, it is better that you have another talk with him where you open up yourself a bit more. It is only thru open and honest communication that a healthy relationship thrives. No point playing games. If you are beginning to like him but unsure about him, tell him so too. At the same time since this is the early stage, do not invest too much of yourself until you get more assurance from him that he will be into you solely.
Meanwhile, keep an open eye to look out for any inconsistency between what he said and what he actually did.
The problem is i admit i am interested in him, but it's seems i like him more then he do. Although he confess his feeling but i don't really trust his words. Coz reason very simple as one face he confess like angel, turn his face he confess his confusion in relationship. He actually made me lost confidence that he like or fall for me. He might not even know if he really like me not. or just some impulsive feeling like he confess.
Pardon me, these part doesn't sound too good though. Is he already attached? He sounds as if he's trying to put out a disclaimer that he is a good guy but want to have his cake and eat it too.
I ask before his reply is " i am so busy day in and out night shift like mad, how is it possible to know any gal" but it's crapz coz he know that lady through fren mah.. haiz... Me very trouble, dnt know what i should do. I haven't really made up my mind.
Ask him directly whether he is attached or seeing anyone. I know you might say it is out of your character to ask and you dun like to probe. But understand that this "good girl" mentality we girls are brought up in works against us if we are dealing with a smooth player in relationship.
If he avoid your questions or didnt give u any direct answer... hmm... i think that says a lot doesn't it. Girl, don't be confuse any longer. Cos it's supposed to be simple and happy.
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Originally posted by de_middle:
aiya bro, take it with a pinch of salt k.....was missing coz kinda not used to this new sgforums arrangement but bo pian....felt like i was missing something so i'm back.
plenty of gals out there just gotta keep searching & u'll get the right one eventually, no worries
u too :D
worst come to worst, we can la kopi in old folk home haha... *reminds me of the Buddha jump over the wall show*
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Originally posted by Uncertain:
u too :D
worst come to worst, we can la kopi in old folk home haha... *reminds me of the Buddha jump over the wall show*
haa.. Buddha jump over the wall. remind me of today joke in office.
There was a group of middle age man hog around my cubicle. My fren said louding "Why your cubicle become old folk home ? Ma chiam like Buddha jump over the wall. ...They say gum mah.. i become that "Kim" haa.. KNS leh.. haaa
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Martini....
Why don't you just go ahead and confess your feelings to him ?
If the feelings are mutual... this guessing game will be done. No more agony.
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Next time, bring a guy friend of yours down.....or if you want more challenge, bring two.
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Originally posted by Martini7712:
Re-post for better understanding of the whole things after the incident he brought the lady fren into our friends gathering.
He invited me to dinner 3 days after the clubbing where he brought the lady friend into our group. During chatting, he explain that gal tag along that night becoz she called him and was telling him she is sad. For some reasons which he didn't say anyway it's ok.
Topic 1: He told me he dnt understand gals, coz gals like to show the independant side of them before relationship but then when into relationship they tend to show their true personality of being over dependant on bf. He told me, his last ex-gf were like that. I ask him if he is talking abt me, he say No nt me.
Topic 2: He say usually if he date a gal, even if he know their characters don't click but he will never forsake the gal. I asked him why.. He said it's his responsiblity to stay but he will wait for the gal to leave. I ask what if she dnt leave ? He replied, then he will stay put.
I told him it will hurt the gal. Even if you were not breaking up with her, as we have feeling that the man do not luv us.1 day ago
Topic 3: But he said no, coz he will not tell her, but come on we will know ppl dont luv us.
Then he say he isn't trying to say he will not luv the gal.
He will not leave but will still treat her as good even scarifice for her . But It's just inside he know they aren't suitable.
Topic 4 : I told him, i distance away from a close guy fren suddenly after he start showing feeling. He told me, he don't like this type of reaction, i shld tell the guy not react this way ? Which i did disappear away from him, 1 or 2mth. Then contact him again. I disappear when i know i start to fall deeper for him :( to control my feeling.1 day ago
He also grumble at me, to ask him out only when my friends ain't available. I told him i am afraid he will find me nuisance. he say no lah.. He say he don't have much outing during weekend, if i want just ask him.
He would tell me A - Z what he did last weekend. But i didn't asked.
It seems that this guy just has about an explanation for everything.....that's dangerous. He could be stringing u a long w/o u realising it.U see...when humans like someone, we tend to accept whatever reasons the person offers or conjure up some acceptable excuse for that person.
No my dear.....think with ur brain more than u would with your heart. Logic should always prevail over emotion.
Next, u shd follow what 1 forumite suggested....that u bring a guy fren to the next group outing. Never underestimate the omnipotent power of jealousy. It may solve a lot of ur nagging doubts.
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Originally posted by Rock^Star:
Next, u shd follow what 1 forumite suggested....that u bring a guy fren to the next group outing. Never underestimate the omnipotent power of jealousy. It may solve a lot of ur nagging doubts.
No, as gal myself, i shall never want to bring someone just to gain jealousy, it really quite hypocrite to do such thing, and beside i will be using that poor guy fren for a purpose and that is really uncall for. He may feels hurt or angry if he found out that i am using him as a tool for gaining jealousy. -
TS,
I think you had better stop drinking Martini now, probably go for a stronger drink.
I think for one you should stop the mind game and ask yourself and I mean yours truly - Do you want to carry on and have a r/s with your hunk? There will be no maybes here as that will be for babies. If it is a yes, then I suggest you should stop your readings and mind boggling games and start doing something to carry the r/s to the next level.
From what I have read, it seems like the both of you are dropping hints for the other to pick up and worst waiting for the other to initiate. He is afraid to loose straight on his face again and you are non committal because maybe you feel that the other party should initiate since you're a girl. Well, today's world everyone is equal so stop wasting each other's time and say what you have to say and then that's it.
About the other girl at the club, as you had understood and been told that she is just a tag along as she had some personal problems so just close the case. No point 2nd guessing what's her role here. Just stick to your plan and gut instincts and tell him that you are concern about him and the r/s at hand. Being honest will do the both of you good here. I mean what will you get to loose here?
To begin a journey, we need to walk and to walk we need to take a step forward. You cannot stand there and keep on reading the map and expect to reach your destination. Sorry to say, but the age of magic carpets is over and we really need to take a hike with no. 11. Relationship is mutual and it needs the both of you to be even considered a relationship.
All the best.
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Originally posted by Martini7712:
haa.. Buddha jump over the wall. remind me of today joke in office.
There was a group of middle age man hog around my cubicle. My fren said louding "Why your cubicle become old folk home ? Ma chiam like Buddha jump over the wall. ...They say gum mah.. i become that "Kim" haa.. KNS leh.. haaa
Paiseh for hijacking ur thread, cos my de_middle bro long time nv online on sgforum liao.
Like what other forumers said, the guy may be a player which i have warned u about. So if u wanna risk, do ensure that time reveals one character. Know him better through time and brain, not so much about heart.
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Originally posted by angel7030:
No, as gal myself, i shall never want to bring someone just to gain jealousy, it really quite hypocrite to do such thing, and beside i will be using that poor guy fren for a purpose and that is really uncall for. He may feels hurt or angry if he found out that i am using him as a tool for gaining jealousy.
Pakat with a male buddy.....now that's a world of difference from hypocrisy. Think out of the box..... -
juz ask him who's that girl? wat's their r/s?
juz tell him u dun like it when she clings on to him.
see wat he say.
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With no disrespect to jojobeach and browniebaobao, what's this thing about confession? More often than not, it's the quick answer to hell.
I dunno abt other guys but if a gal confesses her feelings to me (even if the feeling is mutual), I will find her less attractive. Her stock value seems to go down like a ton of bricks.
Anticipation and suspense will make me love her more.
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Originally posted by Rock^Star:
What then is it about her that will lessen your impression about the girl who confesses to you? Is honesty so wrong? What is wrong with a person's pursuit for happiness?
I just felt that you are a little chauvanistic here.
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Originally posted by Rock^Star:
you are the typical fan jian type of guy lor.
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Originally posted by Rock^Star:
Rockstar,
That;s because you are the type that enjoys the chase.
After you get her. likely you'd kiss, use and dump. Because the novelty is gone.
Guys like you.. I've seen alot.. unfortunately smart girls know how to avoid your kind.
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Say whatever u want, ladies. A female's cognition and judgemental ability is often clouded by anger and disdain.
No reply from martini7712?
My advice is to give this kind of guy up but I bet u can't. So be smart when u play this kind of game cos this guy feels like a player to me.