Feeling Lost
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Hi all,
I have a bgr problem which has been bothering me for several months
I like a guyÂ… but he already has a gf. Currently, his gf went overseas for holidays and will be back next weekÂ… Two days ago, he asked me out for a movie outing. I agreed cos I thought we were just friends and I really missed him.
In the cinema, he held my hands for a while during the early part of the show. I tried to pull off my hands initiallyÂ… but in the end I let him held my hands. We went for a drink after the show.
He offered to send me back home. All seems normal until the part when he kissed me in the lift. I was quite surprised by his action. After cooling down, he apologized to me. I guess he felt that what he did was wrong as he is already attached. He asked me whether he can still know other girls if heÂ’s attachedÂ…. I told him that he should ask his gf this question as I dun think I am in a position to answer the question. He also asked me how to remain faithful but I really dun know how to advise him on that matter. I guess his heart is still not very stable.
I felt really lost after that incident. Although he expressed to me before that he likes me when I asked him about his opinion of myself.... However, deep in my heart, my sixth sense keeps telling me that if he can kiss me behind his gfÂ’s back, he can do that to other gals tooÂ… so I kept asking myself why am I still so silly to continue liking him. I guess I should stop initiating SMS messages and minimize my contact with him, but I felt so difficult cos I really like him a lot. I am now trying to get over him but I really dun know how toÂ… I think I need time.
On the other hand, I am having problems with my job hunt as well. After graduating for several mths, I am still unable to find a suitable job. ThatÂ’s making me feel a little bit worried. I find that most jobs which I am interested in require related experience and relevant qualifications. I find that I am at a disadvantage as I am lacking experience in those areas and my degree is quite general.
Okie, gota end nowÂ… thanks for lending me your listening ear.. If possible, hope u could offer me some advice on the above matters.. I just hope that I can stop thinking about that guy and find a suitable job soon.... I apologise for my poor English.
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my opinion
he is using u as a temporary replacement until his gf returns.
on your job hunt, times are bad, you might want to apply for junior entry jobs stating only your a levels. why? most employers feel that degree holders will most likely *run off* once things pick up
all the best! -
Pro 1
Becareful what you are getting involving with. Triangular affair and i already can see you will be the losing party at the end of the road. Reason? You are just a replacement, subsitute..... Part time!!!
Pro 2
Now the economic so bad...got job can liao...looking for jobs that you are interested, very hard to come by... there are alot of experience ppl out there hunting for that job too, so take anything comes your way, when the economic recover, then look for your ideal one -
The thing about your case is that I assume (89% confidence) that he knows that you like him prior you ever told him/ or already told him. When this happens - comparison takes place, which constitutes for his advancing behavior. Deep inside his mind, he knows your liking and knew that if he held your hand/etc he wouldn't reject him - Your weakness.Originally posted by autumn:Hi all,
I have a bgr problem which has been bothering me for several months I like a guyÂ… but he already has a gf. Currently, his gf went overseas for holidays and will be back next weekÂ… Two days ago, he asked me out for a movie outing. I agreed cos I thought we were just friends and I really missed him.
In the cinema, he held my hands for a while during the early part of the show. I tried to pull off my hands initiallyÂ… but in the end I let him held my hands. We went for a drink after the show.
He offered to send me back home. All seems normal until the part when he kissed me in the lift. I was quite surprised by his action. After cooling down, he apologized to me. I guess he felt that what he did was wrong as he is already attached. He asked me whether he can still know other girls if heÂ’s attachedÂ…. I told him that he should ask his gf this question as I dun think I am in a position to answer the question. He also asked me how to remain faithful but I really dun know how to advise him on that matter. I guess his heart is still not very stable.
I felt really lost after that incident. Although he expressed to me before that he likes me when I asked him about his opinion of myself.... However, deep in my heart, my sixth sense keeps telling me that if he can kiss me behind his gfÂ’s back, he can do that to other gals tooÂ… so I kept asking myself why am I still so silly to continue liking him. I guess I should stop initiating SMS messages and minimize my contact with him, but I felt so difficult cos I really like him a lot. I am now trying to get over him but I really dun know how toÂ… I think I need time.
On the other hand, I am having problems with my job hunt as well. After graduating for several mths, I am still unable to find a suitable job. ThatÂ’s making me feel a little bit worried. I find that most jobs which I am interested in require related experience and relevant qualifications. I find that I am at a disadvantage as I am lacking experience in those areas and my degree is quite general.
Okie, gota end nowÂ… thanks for lending me your listening ear.. If possible, hope u could offer me some advice on the above matters.. I just hope that I can stop thinking about that guy and find a suitable job soon.... I apologise for my poor English.
I disagree with the top posts as they refer to you as a substitute (substitute refers to break already but needed a companion, for her case, is gf away and he needed a fling/flirt/etc, but regardless, good advice from your people) - rather, it is...
1) Trying to two time with you knowing about his gf
2) Trying to abandon the relation and hop onto the new one. (You)
In other words, it will all seemed as if you are seducing him kind of shit and he is being very selfish. You womanly instinct screamed a warning in your mind - heed it. It speaks about the point where if he could do that to you... he could do that to other girls - you must consider this point and not just be blinded to your emotional eyes. You have to be rational and need the time to fully see through him.
For your case, under my unorthodox teaching, he is a shapeshifter - someone who is doing things that is pleasing to you now and could alter and change when the situation changes. DO NOT accept him right away or anything. Let me tell you, when he breaks up with his gf and comes looking for you (you are standing higher ground advantage, so use your resouce carefully - TIME)... you wouldn't fall for him UNLESS you are blinded by emotional eye -because you WILL see through such guy are not meant to enter a long relation with you. You will then take time to see... and see... and see... then still wouldn't. But if he is quite a pro - he wouldn't break up with his gf unless he know that he can get you when he pops the question. Consider you actions and options carefully.
*Drama mode on*
'In the lift... where there is nobody, you felt a little insecure as your instinct and automatic thoughts throws warning, but he chose to put it aside. There is insecurity and indecision in you...
Like the wind he charge forward and seal your lips with a kiss, whom you thought a minute ago would be so passionate, but now as you feel its lingering - you were plunged deep within a pool - totally lost.
He moves and you retreated - surrendering to him as he attacks and advance towards the capital - your heart. He has already conquer the fortress - you mind and it is filling you mind with images of him.'
You solution, you have already realise it - you KNOW you needed time. You KNOW you shouldn't be contacting him, shouldn't be take initiative to, shouldn't.... shouldn't... You need time to bring yourself BACK to normal and see whether he is really a good catch to take the risk.
Cheers -
*Extra post*
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
i am impressed...
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wen shi jian qin wei he wu
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1) Never go out wif him again...else it is not just a kiss next time, u may lose more...
2) Not onli u got no job...a lot pple no job...in the mean time, go to your CDC and ask for help...they can reali help.
If u r bored...i guess u r abt 21-23 yrs old...come join some of the activities in sgForum ... esp there will be a BBQ end of this month...ok
U take care.
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nt bad ur post getting betterOriginally posted by sgboy2004:1) Never go out wif him again...else it is not just a kiss next time, u may lose more...
2) Not onli u got no job...a lot pple no job...in the mean time, go to your CDC and ask for help...they can reali help.
If u r bored...i guess u r abt 21-23 yrs old...come join some of the activities in sgForum ... esp there will be a BBQ end of this month...ok
U take care. -
meaning he previously post craps nia?Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:nt bad ur post getting better
*juz kidding* hee... -
I've always had a problem defining such situations. Just the other nite i was talking to a friend of mine who is married and for some reason we started talking about third parties.
I asked him what would he do if by pure chance (say working, or church or watever) he manages to spend time with another girl and both start developing feelings for each other? He told me straight out that he would get himself out of the situation. So to put it simply, if it was work, then quit the job, if church, then change church etc etc.
So I said but then this gal is someone u've dreamed of. she's almost perfect! to which he replied, i've made my choice, and i will stick to it. it's like going to a restaurant, and ordering ur meal. as ur meal arrives u see the adjacent table with another dish that looks fantabulous. wat are u gonna do then? does that mean that u CANNOT enjoy wat u ordered? just sit down look straight ahead and enjoy ur dinner.
There is a little twist. Just so happens that his marraige is very unstable now. his wife has moved back to her parents' place and to cut a long story short it doesn't look good. no thrid parties involved, we can just sum it up as the marraige crumbled due to factors that are not important to the context here.
so i ask him. if u meet that other gal NOW... when ur marraige is on the rocks, will u go to her?
the almost instant reply was a resounding yes. why? i asked.
becos the reason that has kept him looking ahead and "enjoying" his choice has failed to be.
i tok alot of cock rite? two things i derive from the above story to sum it up:
1. if a reln is healthy, one *should* not look elsewhere, becos if u do u will never be satisfied with ur "order". grass is greener attitude.
2. it's only when the reln is crumbling that pple succomb to such temptations.
so which one is your guy autumn? -
Man/woman should be responsible for their own decison made. If they accepted their partner into the relation - they have to uphold it until when the fortress wall crumples and the relation is in ruins, then they should move on - 36th stratagem. Its unhealthy to linger on a relation which is already dead - you can't raise the dead can you? The spark is lost and chemistry is gone - virtually impossible to do anything about it.Originally posted by jOhO:I've always had a problem defining such situations. Just the other nite i was talking to a friend of mine who is married and for some reason we started talking about third parties.
I asked him what would he do if by pure chance (say working, or church or watever) he manages to spend time with another girl and both start developing feelings for each other? He told me straight out that he would get himself out of the situation. So to put it simply, if it was work, then quit the job, if church, then change church etc etc.
So I said but then this gal is someone u've dreamed of. she's almost perfect! to which he replied, i've made my choice, and i will stick to it. it's like going to a restaurant, and ordering ur meal. as ur meal arrives u see the adjacent table with another dish that looks fantabulous. wat are u gonna do then? does that mean that u CANNOT enjoy wat u ordered? just sit down look straight ahead and enjoy ur dinner.
There is a little twist. Just so happens that his marraige is very unstable now. his wife has moved back to her parents' place and to cut a long story short it doesn't look good. no thrid parties involved, we can just sum it up as the marraige crumbled due to factors that are not important to the context here.
so i ask him. if u meet that other gal NOW... when ur marraige is on the rocks, will u go to her?
the almost instant reply was a resounding yes. why? i asked.
becos the reason that has kept him looking ahead and "enjoying" his choice has failed to be.
i tok alot of cock rite? two things i derive from the above story to sum it up:
1. if a reln is healthy, one *should* not look elsewhere, becos if u do u will never be satisfied with ur "order". grass is greener attitude.
2. it's only when the reln is crumbling that pple succomb to such temptations.
so which one is your guy autumn?
Cheers -
Thanks you...I am changing for the better...heh heh...Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:nt bad ur post getting better -
Originally posted by sgboy2004:Thanks you...I am changing for the better...heh heh...
jia You! -
Originally posted by autumn:
[/b]
...All seems normal until the part when he kissed me in the lift. I was quite surprised by his action. After cooling down, he apologized to me.
I felt really lost after that incident. Although he expressed to me before that he likes me when I asked him about his opinion of myself.... However, deep in my heart, my sixth sense keeps telling me that if he can kiss me behind his gfÂ’s back, he can do that to other gals tooÂ… so I kept asking myself why am I still so silly to continue liking him. I guess I should stop initiating SMS messages and minimize my contact with him, but I felt so difficult cos I really like him a lot. I am now trying to get over him but I really dun know how toÂ… I think I need time.
It's pretty normal for him to hold your hands & giving goodbye kiss as i assume it's not the 1st time both of u went out. Since both were on the same wavelength
, he likes you & u like him too, it isn't surprising that u let him held yr hands in the cinema when it seems that wat he's doing wasnt right. Most gals would do the same as u did to the guy tat they really like, so as not to disappoint him. But u didnt explain y he had to cool down after his actions in the lift. did u kiss him back ? anyway also give yrself some time to cool down after the date..then decide how u gonna address him..but i've to say that guys who cheat on their gf can have many reasons..it might be that they're not happy with the relationship, or its just not going any further..so cant say he wants to 2 time..he might just not know how to end it. And i can see he really likes u, as all his actions show..so gd 4 both of u 
..go for it. Another simpler way is 2 decide whether u wanna take him seriously..if not then just go 4 the fling..as i always say, dont miss out the fun 
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If u like him, then hav sex wif him lah...do oredi then c how...hahaha
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Originally posted by sgboy2004:If u like him, then hav sex wif him lah...do oredi then c how...hahaha
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Originally posted by sgboy2004:If u like him, then hav sex wif him lah...do oredi then c how...hahaha
u siao le.... kekeke..... -
bo bian mah...Originally posted by [gEr]^_^:
u siao le.... kekeke..... -
hey.. i agree with youOriginally posted by jOhO:I've always had a problem defining such situations. Just the other nite i was talking to a friend of mine who is married and for some reason we started talking about third parties.
I asked him what would he do if by pure chance (say working, or church or watever) he manages to spend time with another girl and both start developing feelings for each other? He told me straight out that he would get himself out of the situation. So to put it simply, if it was work, then quit the job, if church, then change church etc etc.
So I said but then this gal is someone u've dreamed of. she's almost perfect! to which he replied, i've made my choice, and i will stick to it. it's like going to a restaurant, and ordering ur meal. as ur meal arrives u see the adjacent table with another dish that looks fantabulous. wat are u gonna do then? does that mean that u CANNOT enjoy wat u ordered? just sit down look straight ahead and enjoy ur dinner.
There is a little twist. Just so happens that his marraige is very unstable now. his wife has moved back to her parents' place and to cut a long story short it doesn't look good. no thrid parties involved, we can just sum it up as the marraige crumbled due to factors that are not important to the context here.
so i ask him. if u meet that other gal NOW... when ur marraige is on the rocks, will u go to her?
the almost instant reply was a resounding yes. why? i asked.
becos the reason that has kept him looking ahead and "enjoying" his choice has failed to be.
i tok alot of cock rite? two things i derive from the above story to sum it up:
1. if a reln is healthy, one *should* not look elsewhere, becos if u do u will never be satisfied with ur "order". grass is greener attitude.
2. it's only when the reln is crumbling that pple succomb to such temptations.
so which one is your guy autumn?
you see most people wont exactly jump from girl to girl like nothing. usually it only starts when their relationship has problems.. the thing once inpenetrable now becomes something like a blown up balloon that can pop anytime. and that's when you come into the picture.
there are some questions.. are you very nice to him? are you always around when his gf isn? do you always care for him and do lotsa things for him?
if there's a yes, MAYBE his girlfren isn doing this things, and then you are like always there to do those things that a girlfriend should do, SMSing him, going out with him etc etc.. so he will naturally feel something.. but it might or might not be love, it really depends. it si like you're filling up the space within him, the emptiness that he felt when he was with his girlfriend, and he then will start to reconsider the relationship with his girlfren, because you appeared.
it's normal for you to do wat you did, felt wat you felt, it's really wat most pple will do.. u like him rite.. i think this kind of things happen to many pple b4, me included but.. wat decision you make will determine alot of things..
see if u decide to be with him, when the day his girlfren comes back, will he have second thought bout u, or is he really in love with you?
if u decide not to be with him, would it be an opportunity lost? a door that's wide open in front of you but u did not choose to enter? there are many otucomes, many consequences, many situations, it all interlinks.. so think and chose wisely girl
by the way, try thinking about the 'jiu cheng kao' the part when ke something [the very fierce with hubby one] and her husband quarrel alot, and then the biao mei very good to her hubby? yah.. mayeb u can get some light from there
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I think what u are saying may be right... I guess he's just treating me as a temporary replacement while his gf is away... That's why I am trying my best to minimise my contact with him.Originally posted by Peppermint:my opinion
he is using u as a temporary replacement until his gf returns. -
Yup, u are right... I hv expressed my liking for him in October.. That's why he knew that I liked him.Originally posted by Yunhaier:The thing about your case is that I assume (89% confidence) that he knows that you like him prior you ever told him/ or already told him. When this happens - comparison takes place, which constitutes for his advancing behavior. Deep inside his mind, he knows your liking and knew that if he held your hand/etc he wouldn't reject him - Your weakness.
Cheers -
I guess that guy is under no.1... I dun think there's anything wrong in his current relationship. He spends a lot of time with her while she's in Singapore... only currently she went overseas for holidays.Originally posted by jOhO:i tok alot of cock rite? two things i derive from the above story to sum it up:
1. if a reln is healthy, one *should* not look elsewhere, becos if u do u will never be satisfied with ur "order". grass is greener attitude.
2. it's only when the reln is crumbling that pple succomb to such temptations.
so which one is your guy autumn? -
Originally posted by highflyer:
Hi....That was the first time that we went out on a solo basis. I think most likely, it will be the last time too as his gf will be back latest next week...
[b]
It's pretty normal for him to hold your hands & giving goodbye kiss as i assume it's not the 1st time both of u went out. Since both were on the same wavelength, he likes you & u like him too, it isn't surprising that u let him held yr hands in the cinema when it seems that wat he's doing wasnt right. Most gals would do the same as u did to the guy tat they really like, so as not to disappoint him. But u didnt explain y he had to cool down after his actions in the lift. did u kiss him back ? [/b]
After the kiss, I believe he cooled down his actions later on probably bcos he felt that what he was doing was not right.. as he's attached already.