Hi.
It is my first time in sgforums, so feeling abit blur on what to do. ALso my first time posting on any forum...so hope that you could pardon my posting if it seems not well written.
I am posting on here is because I am facing a big dilemma in my lfe now. I am a guy, but I have been adopting a life of a girl for the past 4 years.
I started wearing girls stuff at a very young age. It was only until 2004 that I became more and more involved and serious about crossdressing. I have spent easily at least 10k on female clothes, lingerie and s*x toys.
The turning point in my life came in 2005, when I met a man from IRC. He was the first man who I had intimate acts with, and he taught me alot. He was married, so he eventually had to quit meeting me. At that time, I felt very lost. He had become an important person in my life. I was depressed for a few months in fact. But as I recovered, I met other men and I soon was having intimate acts with men I didnt know.
The thing is that, as time goes on, I get more and more involved, and I know I have no way of turning back. However, my family has no idea of what I am doing whatsoever. I stay with my mum and sis, whereas my dad is in Hongkong for work. They have no idea about my secret life.
However, I feel that I can no longer hide it from them. I find it very tiring always having to pretend in front of them, and always having to find excuses for going out. I have to hide all my stuff, which again is very tiring. In fact, my family thinks I am still attending school at a local university...but I actually havent attended classes for almost 3 semesters.
I want to be truthful with them, but I am afraid they can't accept it. But I really want to be free to lead my life. i know my life now is rotten and shameless, but I don't see how I can go back to being a good child to my parents.
I really do not know what to do...I want to tell and break free, but I cant bear to hurt them...
What should I do?????
I think you are snowballing the issues... so many issues here, which one do you think is the most important to you?
1. Cross dressing?
2. Having sex with strangers?
3. Wanting to tell your parents about your life and not knowing if they can accept it?
4. Wanting to be yourself and not needing to hide.
5. Not attending school
I suspect that embarking on what you consider a 'wrong' path had made you gone down the slippery slope since you feel you can't go back on a good path. But making a wrong decision doesn't mean that you have to make other wrong decisions too, i.e. not attending school
So what are your priorities?
I have very much accepted crossdressing and sex with men as my life. To be very honest, my life revolves it, and I feel this is what I want to do all the way.
My main concern is whether to let my parents know, so I can be myself as well, and not hurt them when they eventually find out. Or should I just keep it a secret all the way... and then one day just move out and never appear in front of themn again???
With regards to school, I have decided not to study anymore. It is only that my family still thinks I am attending school...
Originally posted by silkyworries:I have very much accepted crossdressing and sex with men as my life. To be very honest, my life revolves it, and I feel this is what I want to do all the way.
My main concern is whether to let my parents know, so I can be myself as well, and not hurt them when they eventually find out. Or should I just keep it a secret all the way... and then one day just move out and never appear in front of themn again???
With regards to school, I have decided not to study anymore. It is only that my family still thinks I am attending school...
Hmm...
Actually since you know what you want with regards to your sexual identity, it is a personal choice for you and there really isn't much of an issue that.
But sex with men does not equate to sex with strangers and/or indiscriminate sex. The area for concern would be if you are having sex dangerously.
It is hard for others to advise regarding if you should let your parents know because it really depends on how your parents would take it - some may never recover from the shock. On the other hand, an issue like this would not be very easily hidden. I reckon your mom probably already knows, but she don't want to say it out loud so she could still have the illusion of a 'normal' son. It depends on how much you love your family to risk it really - is the price of pretending in front of them more than the price you are willing to pay to be yourself?
So if you do not wish to study anymore, how would you intend to earn your living? From the men you meet?
What makes you say that my mum already knows?
Originally posted by silkyworries:What makes you say that my mum already knows?
well I have many gay and lesbian friends whose parents actually already know in the heart, they just don't want to say it out in the open. Some actually live with their partners and their parents will just refer the partner as 'your friend'. But in your case it is different, because you cross dress as well.
I am not sure how close you are with your family but unless you really hide it very well, or else someone who is 'bursting' to reveal your sexual identity would find it very difficult. In mannerisms, in speech, and you say you have so many clothes and all - your mom if she is the one who tidy up for you - are you sure she have never found them?
Gut feel - do you think your mom already know?
She never talked to me about this before. But she did find my female clothing and stuff on a few occasions... And I think my sis did find some naked guy pics in my drawer and computer b4.
But they never spoke to me about anything b4...I assume they think nothing of it. My dad has not mentioned anyting also...
If u like sex with men and cross dressing, come to my pub and work, u got to earn lot of money with rich uncles and even young ang mo guys, wat say u.
With the money, u can give yr parent a better life.
Originally posted by silkyworries:She never talked to me about this before. But she did find my female clothing and stuff on a few occasions... And I think my sis did find some naked guy pics in my drawer and computer b4.
But they never spoke to me about anything b4...I assume they think nothing of it. My dad has not mentioned anyting also...
What do you think? If I find female clothing (Did she find make up? Clothing still can think maybe is girlfriend's one.. but make up a bit...) and pictures of naked guys in my son's/brother's room - do you think they are completely clueless?
I think they love you enough not to confront you about it. (Or maybe they really don't know how to handle it.)
If your dad don't live with you, I suspect your mom and sis probably didn't tell him either.
Silkyworries,
Since you have not been attending school.. what have you been doing the past 3 semesters ?
Are your parents still paying your school fees ?
My suggestion to you is ...
Find yourself a job.. be self sufficient.. before you self confess to your parents.
When the time is right.. talk to your mother first.
But in order not to add salt to wounds.. please MAKE SURE you are already financially independent and able to take care of yourself WITHOUT your parents.
If you want to live a life OF your own.. you need to live the life ON your own.
They've already lost a son, no parents in their right mind will be willing to support and finance your kind of lifestyle.
I don't go to school, but my parents are still paying the fees cos they tink im attendin.... I spend my time with my male frens, since most of them are not locals, so I do get to spend the daytime with them.
I currently am not working, but my guy frens take care of me. Im not saying I get paid to sleep with them, but they sort of support me by giving me money to spend.
I havent thoght so much abt the money issue, but I will want to get a job I enjoy doing, and where I can b comfortable in.
Originally posted by silkyworries:I don't go to school, but my parents are still paying the fees cos they tink im attendin.... I spend my time with my male frens, since most of them are not locals, so I do get to spend the daytime with them.
I currently am not working, but my guy frens take care of me. Im not saying I get paid to sleep with them, but they sort of support me by giving me money to spend.
I havent thoght so much abt the money issue, but I will want to get a job I enjoy doing, and where I can b comfortable in.
I'm surprised your school never sends your parent a notice about you being a delinquent.
Do you think your parents will not be extremely sadden by your irresponsible behavior ?
You think the money they pay for your fees grow on trees ? It's their hard earned money you are throwing away.
You are not making matter any easier when you skip school, while they still continue to pay for your absentee.
Be a responsible adult.. stop making them pay for nothing. You're essentially screwing them over with what you're doing.
If they save the money.. they could at least use it for their retirement savings.
Yes your guy friends are supporting you now.. how long more do you think they will continue with the good will ? Until they get tired of you, perhaps ?
You want a comfy job with no proper qualification and no working experience? Tough luck kid. Why don't you go flip open the newspaper under "Classifieds". See what you can get with your current background. Not very much .
sounds familiar...
Originally posted by jojobeach:I'm surprised your school never sends your parent a notice about you being a delinquent.
Do you think your parents will not be extremely sadden by your irresponsible behavior ?
You think the money they pay for your fees grow on trees ? It's their hard earned money you are throwing away.
You are not making matter any easier when you skip school, while they still continue to pay for your absentee.
Be a responsible adult.. stop making them pay for nothing. You're essentially screwing them over with what you're doing.
If they save the money.. they could at least use it for their retirement savings.
Yes your guy friends are supporting you now.. how long more do you think they will continue with the good will ? Until they get tired of you, perhaps ?
You want a comfy job with no proper qualification and no working experience? Tough luck kid. Why don't you go flip open the newspaper under "Classifieds". See what you can get with your current background. Not very much .
agreed.
I think your issues about not studying, not caring how to take care of yourself, depending on other people for your livelihood is a far more serious situation to be concerned about than cross dressing or being gay.
You can be a gay transvestite - but don't be stupid! Start taking care of yourself first - there will be one day you are going to be old and wrinkly you know - then how?
So I assume you all think I should continue to keep it a secret?
are u harisu?
Originally posted by silkyworries:So I assume you all think I should continue to keep it a secret?
A secret is NEVER easy to keep. Especially one like yours.
But to be honest.. you are not ready to pay the price for letting the secret out.
And you did not put your parents in a easy position to accept who you really are.
There is a time for everything.
Do what you need to do first.. before you let the bomb explode.
Harisu? Whats dat?
Originally posted by silkyworries:I don't go to school, but my parents are still paying the fees cos they tink im attendin.... I spend my time with my male frens, since most of them are not locals, so I do get to spend the daytime with them.
I currently am not working, but my guy frens take care of me. Im not saying I get paid to sleep with them, but they sort of support me by giving me money to spend.
I havent thoght so much abt the money issue, but I will want to get a job I enjoy doing, and where I can b comfortable in.
ya, u need a job, come, me offering u underground ya..hv been finding for such local gal for a long time, u will be unique among the prc n our local gals, most never attend school one.
Today, it very hard to find a young gal of your behavor, most are studying in JC, poly or University, all educated and able to support themselve, have good intergrity and dignity to be a good gal.
Therefore, me hv to go malaysia, thailand and china to find gals to work in my club, u will foot the bill just fine, i can groom u up to be the queen of Sg.
Originally posted by angel7030:If u like sex with men and cross dressing, come to my pub and work, u got to earn lot of money with rich uncles and even young ang mo guys, wat say u.
With the money, u can give yr parent a better life.
I thought that you are a kind lady but I am quite shocked to know you operate this kind of business.You dare to claim that you know what nirvana is.
For the benefit of readers in similar predicament.
I'd like to let you know that , being what you are..may not be an easy choice.
But just because your path is not the same as the majority, does not means you are destined to be a drop out or a loser your whole life.
I have friends who are successful mainstream professionals by day and whatever they want by night.
Right now, you lay your path, so that in the future, you can walk an easier path to where you really want to go.
ive heard of some non-straight couples living tgt.
their parents alr know about it but they just dun go arnd telling every1 else.
i think most sgreans are liberal enough to accept this alr.
silky,
I think what is happening to you is not a simple occurance and without any reason(s) but whatever it is I think you should not forget your responsibilties to your family.
I really do not advocate that you throw away your life just because you are a gay and cloud your mind with issues of living out your lifestyle. You may be living off from your b/f now, but what about the future to come.
You do not simply act as though you will be young forever and come one day you will find these people disappearing from you. Leaving you desolate and no one to turn to - not even your family members and I just hope that day won't come for you.
Whether you have abnormalities or not it does not give you the right to behave so irresponsibily to your family. You need to take hold of yourself, either to continue with your education or if studies isn't your cup of tea - then go out there and find a job and start learning something and be useful.