charming as a friend,a boyfriend, a lover but not a hubby.
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Originally posted by FocusPoint:
And I think TS refuse to ask for divorce is simply afraid of losing her waterface. She is afraid society will gossips. Worse, enemies of the old will laugh behind her back for her failed marriage.
And Botahead nailed it on...the head
Focuspoint人言��
skin very thin only ... how ...
plus sg government culture... kiasu .
Enemies ... sometimes I love my blur blur and bad memories...
memories su*kx I cant rem em much ... work and study plus kids and festives season with both side of the family ( my own and his )
new yr x2, mother's dayx2 , birthdays ... so much to handle.
... already no time.. how to be bother with enemies
and since 17 I already with him ... u think I got so many frens ?
and I dun have much gfs to be enemies with ...
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Originally posted by fymk:
Why do you even let them hurl abuse at you? Why does your husband even allow his flings to hurl abuse at you? That is one red flag for you , honey.
My grandfather had 2 wives ( in those old days) . The eldest wife was allowed to hurl abuse at the second because she is the principal wife. If you want to allow your husband his freaking harem, start acting like a principal wife. You are married to the man , not them . They are the ones at fault, not you. Why are you allowing yourself to cop abuse from those type of women?
you say in the old days liao .Scold my children ... can
cant even scold my maid ...
quarrel need skills and I am not canto .
canto show... woman are good players .
nowdays how to scold.
first it happen so suddenly that my reaction usually very slow then plus think .. where tis woman come from ... then their ' die ' voice and screeching language and try to figure out what they scolding .. then you get angry and paiseh .....
and you cannot be bothered becos you dun want to stoop to their level and lastly even try reasoning. then if they try to slap you ..before you "siam" you get scare . if you got kids and maid with you ... you will try to protect your kids .. scare that crazy woman will do anything.
then when you go home you forget to complain ...
scare till you want to eat kia feng sui pills.. calming medicine.
then worried if she stalk you home and harm the kids when you not around.
I ask him .. he say he never tell em .. never show em any pics.
maybe saw us together after our evening classes...
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Originally posted by delores:
I married him for 8 yrs. We had 2 beautiful kids. To everyone, I was the lucky girl to marry a handsome,charming hubby whose family is quite well to do. then the 2 children. A girl followed by a boy are making a lot of people envy. People like my neighbours are wondering.. a plain jane like me is so fortunate. life is good for me.
No one knew we had an open relationship. He is indeed very charming as a friend , a boyfriend, a lover but not a hubby.
He loves to fling. Right from the start till now... it had been 10 long years. I thought I could just close one eye to it. I conhabit with him, got pregnant then a shot gun marriage at early 20s . Now I am coming to 30. I changed, he did not , he is still the same old guy whom I knew 10 yrs ago. His list of flings became longer, cos new flings are always added to the list and the old list remained.
I am surprised. Some flings are indeed challenging, some girls wanted to let me know that they are around, some girls just want to have the flings even accomodate to his needs and wants. He did not pay for them or pay for their living like some guys did. But the flings just love him. He got the charm to have the free fXXk.
I am confused and tired. He wanted the family and also his flirting ways. I scared of the diseases that he may brought back to the family. He loves the excitement of meeting new girls. This is something I cant do.
I love him till this moment but I dunno what I shld do.
I am terrified of these girls. I am also scared of getting hurt somemore, 10 yrs is enough. I dun want to wait for him at home while he go out and fXXk those girls. This type of pain is really getting unbearable. I know some may tell me in this reality world which guy dun fling. Maybe there is really a minority of guys who are really faithful when they are in the relationship. I dun want to be a bitchy wife who fight with other woman over my hubby. If it belongs to u, it will be yours.
I really dunno how to hold on to this relationship, he said he doesnt know how to love and what is love. So what am I doing in this relationship for the past 10 yrs.
He say he was trapped to the marriage because of the baby.
I wanted to return his freedom back to him, shld I ?
There is a saying if you love somebody, you shld let him be happy.
So if I returned his freedom to him, he will be happy i suppose.
I am a loser rite?
By now, you would have harshly learn that a marriage cannot change a man unless he is willing to allow his marriage to change him. And I can ask you: why should he change? Just because he is married?That's already very naive to begin with.
The women that flocked to him projected one typical structure of Love's cosmic lesson - of uncommitment and unavailability. CloUdiSm states 'we attract the quality we exude' - hence, those who are unavailable or uncommitted themselves attracts mates that demonstrate such personality. This is the essential reason why your man continues to attract slattern simply because he hasn't evolved his spirit and personality.
You willingly chose a man that cannot remain faithful and an evolutionist psychologist would claim that Natural Selection (his ability to better provide the environment or genes component for replication) overwhelmed all factors in love. It's no wonder you are suffering in your marriage because at you sow the cause of wrong reason for marriage and thus effecting the law of causation, channeled through this karmic relationship.
I can pinpoint to you how this vicious cycle persist with the absence of wisdom and higher self awareness:
Originally posted by delores:
[Quote] I came from a divorce family, I hated it when the teacher in class asked me...every yr when they ask personal details at the beginning of each yr. Then it become a topic .u need to explain every yr [unquote]
You loathed the chaos in your early childhood years. You reckoned that you have already moved on from that episode, but I can tell you that this history still binds you till this very day, like an unbreakable adamantine chain. What happens is that you probably chose an escapist route in your developmental stages in Love. You are at no wrong to desire a warm home, happy family with lovely children and husband, but you are missing one critical ingredient to manifest this dream into reality.
It is the Self.
How can such fulfillment be attained without first changing the self component, which has been mutilated and distorted through the passing of time and the negativity of one's environment? One will not be able to find a home in the external world without first seeking to find a home in the internal realm. Love, as pristine as it can get, is an unadulterated innate energy coming from within - which is why a miserable person, thinking that Love is going to save him/her, despite being in different environment, still ends up being miserable because that sort of union is often for reasons outside 'Love'.
In summary of the entire mambo jambo above: you are simply paying your guts off your lack of wisdom and enlightenment of yourself & in areas of Love and certain essential Love cosmic lessons that wasn't mastered previously. Your fixedly nature (worst if Taurus, Scorpio, Leo or Aquarius) also lockdown your ability to make decision for yourself to get out of misery, mimicking your earlier childhood experience of learned helplessness.
Just as you initially wanted to flee from your chaotic home environment, hoping to make a fresh start with your marriage to construct an ideal family, you end up recreating your earlier chaos.
Irony isn't it?
And trust me, he won't divorce you. Why should he give up a woman who can tolerate his promiscuous ways? LIke you, when the day he give up spreading his seeds randomly, at least he still knows that there is somebody back at home waiting for him. Your man isn't stupid, he knows that if he converts free fuck into committed fuck, it is going to cost him much more.
And no, he is not thinking about your emotional well-being. Why?
Because your relationship begins from an open relationship. Therefore, you set your foot the exact same way as how all these women began and all these women loved him for the same reasons you did. The rule of uncommitment does not take emotional well-being into consideration because this is how an open relationship is being played: mutual exchange of needs. Period.
He made a mistake - he got you pregnant.
He learned. Now he won't make the mistake twice.
I think you need to anchor your life into something deeper. To find meaning outside that of your relationship and for once, get to know and rediscover yourself.
You must find an answer from within to move forward and not remain stagnant at where you are. If interested, I can PM/share with you my Buddhist practice that might be able to achieve just that.
Cheers
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Originally posted by Yunhaier: By now, you would have harshly learn that a marriage cannot change a man unless he is willing to allow his marriage to change him. And I can ask you: why should he change? Just because he is married?
That's already very naive to begin with.
The women that flocked to him projected one typical structure of Love's cosmic lesson - of uncommitment and unavailability. CloUdiSm states 'we attract the quality we exude' - hence, those who are unavailable or uncommitted themselves attracts mates that demonstrate such personality. This is the essential reason why your man continues to attract slattern simply because he hasn't evolved his spirit and personality.
You willingly chose a man that cannot remain faithful and an evolutionist psychologist would claim that Natural Selection (his ability to better provide the environment or genes component for replication) overwhelmed all factors in love. It's no wonder you are suffering in your marriage because at you sow the cause of wrong reason for marriage and thus effecting the law of causation, channeled through this karmic relationship.
I can pinpoint to you how this vicious cycle persist with the absence of wisdom and higher self awareness:
Originally posted by delores:
[Quote] I came from a divorce family, I hated it when the teacher in class asked me...every yr when they ask personal details at the beginning of each yr. Then it become a topic .u need to explain every yr [unquote]
You loathed the chaos in your early childhood years. You reckoned that you have already moved on from that episode, but I can tell you that this history still binds you till this very day, like an unbreakable adamantine chain. What happens is that you probably chose an escapist route in your developmental stages in Love. You are at no wrong to desire a warm home, happy family with lovely children and husband, but you are missing one critical ingredient to manifest this dream into reality.
It is the Self.
How can such fulfillment be attained without first changing the self component, which has been mutilated and distorted through the passing of time and the negativity of one's environment? One will not be able to find a home in the external world without first seeking to find a home in the internal realm. Love, as pristine as it can get, is an unadulterated innate energy coming from within - which is why a miserable person, thinking that Love is going to save him/her, despite being in different environment, still ends up being miserable because that sort of union is often for reasons outside 'Love'.
In summary of the entire mambo jambo above: you are simply paying your guts off your lack of wisdom and enlightenment of yourself & in areas of Love and certain essential Love cosmic lessons that wasn't mastered previously. Your fixedly nature (worst if Taurus, Scorpio, Leo or Aquarius) also lockdown your ability to make decision for yourself to get out of misery, mimicking your earlier childhood experience of learned helplessness.
Just as you initially wanted to flee from your chaotic home environment, hoping to make a fresh start with your marriage to construct an ideal family, you end up recreating your earlier chaos.
Irony isn't it?
And trust me, he won't divorce you. Why should he give up a woman who can tolerate his promiscuous ways? LIke you, when the day he give up spreading his seeds randomly, at least he still knows that there is somebody back at home waiting for him. Your man isn't stupid, he knows that if he converts free fuck into committed fuck, it is going to cost him much more.
And no, he is not thinking about your emotional well-being. Why?
Because your relationship begins from an open relationship. Therefore, you set your foot the exact same way as how all these women began and all these women loved him for the same reasons you did. The rule of uncommitment does not take emotional well-being into consideration because this is how an open relationship is being played: mutual exchange of needs. Period.
He made a mistake - he got you pregnant.
He learned. Now he won't make the mistake twice.
I think you need to anchor your life into something deeper. To find meaning outside that of your relationship and for once, get to know and rediscover yourself.
You must find an answer from within to move forward and not remain stagnant at where you are. If interested, I can PM/share with you my Buddhist practice that might be able to achieve just that.
Cheers
Exactly .... enlighten me ....He even want to go for the operation after he think he got enough kids. ..... Arghhh...
pm me pls.
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Hi Delores
I know someone from online game who is just like you. You're right. Divorce is not only between the husband and wife. They have to consider how are their kids going to face the whole thing and the after-effects. It's really not a very good decision-making scenerio..
It'd hurt me like taking thousands of needle piercing through my heart if I know my guy is flinging like nobody's business and outside having sex with someone else.
Handsome and charming..? So what? Don't you rather a guy who looks like shit but has a heart of gold than a guy who looks like gold but has a heart of shit now?
I'm proud of you in a way but can also say you are downright stubborn.
You as his wife, stayed faithfully by his side raising the kids with no complaints whatsoever for 10 bloody years and he doe not feel a thing and takes you for granted?
Have you ever sat down and discussed with him how his actions hurts you and that FLINGS ARE NOT ALRIGHT..? I believe you still love him but how about him.. Does he? He claimed he was trapped in the marriage because of the baby.. Tell him NO, he made you trapped in the marriage cos he made you pregnant. What an irresponsible guy.
Sometimes I really cannot believe that there's such people on Earth.
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TS, you;re not a loser. He is. I believe u cant turn back time but u can make things better for your and your children. He is not the kind of responsible person. U should consult professional to divorce him and obtain rights for your children. WHat a kind of man who say to marry juz becuz of the baby. U did sacrifice many things for him, but he didnt. What u did is a dream of any man who want their love to do the same. You are good, he is the bad. Think bout your children in future and expect big difficulties if u divorce. But no matter how big, i believe u are happier then compared to now.
Dont prolong this anymore. U know what you should do. Just do it before it gives u more problems.
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Originally posted by delores:
Exactly .... enlighten me ....He even want to go for the operation after he think he got enough kids. ..... Arghhh...
pm me pls.
You mean vasectomy ?
Let him go do it lah.
Show support for this decision.
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Originally posted by HaraYumi:
Hi Delores
I know someone from online game who is just like you. You're right. Divorce is not only between the husband and wife. They have to consider how are their kids going to face the whole thing and the after-effects. It's really not a very good decision-making scenerio..
It'd hurt me like taking thousands of needle piercing through my heart if I know my guy is flinging like nobody's business and outside having sex with someone else.
Handsome and charming..? So what? Don't you rather a guy who looks like shit but has a heart of gold than a guy who looks like gold but has a heart of shit now?
I'm proud of you in a way but can also say you are downright stubborn.
You as his wife, stayed faithfully by his side raising the kids with no complaints whatsoever for 10 bloody years and he doe not feel a thing and takes you for granted?
Have you ever sat down and discussed with him how his actions hurts you and that FLINGS ARE NOT ALRIGHT..? I believe you still love him but how about him.. Does he? He claimed he was trapped in the marriage because of the baby.. Tell him NO, he made you trapped in the marriage cos he made you pregnant. What an irresponsible guy.
Sometimes I really cannot believe that there's such people on Earth.
ya agreed... find someone who is not that charming but willing to love you faithfully.Stubborn ... ya lor I am....
" to err is human to forgive is divine "
thaT Y very stuck in the relationship for 10 yrs ...
busy till no life liao
then u realise he is flinging outside .. and he give you damn stoopid reasons ... then you give up making noise and forgive and forget
The girls and him lie low then in no time come again
so sick and tired .....
I am not angel... I also complain ... and quarrel before .. till now ..not quarrelsome liao ...
we discuss about flings, he say he likes the thrilled.
actually I feel very sad at times but sometimes other happy things divert your attention .. people thought I am the happy go lucky type.
like what yunhaier say
it is a very vicious cycle.
No calm within or outside me .
Feel so homeless....
really hate the Chaos
during the childhood and in this marriage
really really feel like telling those women and him .....大慈大悲 ...饶了我 .
If they want him so badly , take him ....
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sorry ... dunno why the spaces so big leh ...
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actually thinking of divorce.
but dun have the ability to take care of the kids.
50% of the assets...太便宜 他了
stay around at least till got a few houses, a car and money for my kids. orr he can trf all to them then I go lor. I dun need so much money , I can work and stay alive myself but 便宜 了 those woman ..
that's y I am holding back .
It is materialistic but without money very pitiful and somemore
those woman just take over what we bulit and my children's grandfather left for my children .
Silly.... bai ren chen jing.......
if he is willing to give all, I dun mind.
He got the ability ... at least I never take his brains and knowledge AWAY.. he can earn back one.
actually simple only mah ..
give me .. i go
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
You mean vasectomy ?
Let him go do it lah.
Show support for this decision.
yeah ... think so too...
and trf all the assets to my kids.
before the women spent and decide for him .
Still can be hi bye fren.
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Originally posted by delores:
yeah ... think so too...
and trf all the assets to my kids.
before the women spent and decide for him .
Still can be hi bye fren.
Yah lor.
Bring him go lah.
Do it as soon as possible.
Don't wait till it's too late.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
You mean vasectomy ?
Let him go do it lah.
Show support for this decision.
It also means he regret deeply. He might have felt forced to be with our TS and resent it. He does not want that responsibilities and will not want to make the same mistake in future given that he's sleeping around.
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would you consider moving out and staying on your own with your kids to get your peace of mind back?
Its a possible option until you decide what you want for yourself
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put it this way ...
y dun he move out and stay with those woman .
then I can enjoy my peaceful evening after work with a cup of cuppa.
resent.
yeah he resent, but need to carry the line .
All men like tat ..
dun wan responsiblities but want to carry the line.
Either he scare
1. outside woman bring back a baby and want him to marry her
2. His children grew up and bring a bf/gf whom turn out to be their siblings ?
3. try to get some money from him ?
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Originally posted by delores:
put it this way ...
y dun he move out and stay with those woman .
then I can enjoy my peaceful evening after work with a cup of cuppa.
resent.
yeah he resent, but need to carry the line .
All men like tat ..
dun wan responsiblities but want to carry the line.
Either he scare
1. outside woman bring back a baby and want him to marry her
2. His children grew up and bring a bf/gf whom turn out to be their siblings ?
3. try to get some money from him ?
Check your message inbox woman.
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Originally posted by delores:
put it this way ...
y dun he move out and stay with those woman .
then I can enjoy my peaceful evening after work with a cup of cuppa.
resent.
yeah he resent, but need to carry the line .
All men like tat ..
dun wan responsiblities but want to carry the line.
Either he scare
1. outside woman bring back a baby and want him to marry her
2. His children grew up and bring a bf/gf whom turn out to be their siblings ?
3. try to get some money from him ?
\Why are you so concern about who move out? Its your own health and your life that is on the line now. Its not his that is having any issue. So you should be taking action for yourself rather than he take action for you. If he cares for you, would he have done all those things to hurt you? And what is it with all those women that you care so much more about what motive and their choice than your OWN personal welbeing?
If you don't care for yourself and you just want lots of attention and sympathy, Then there is nothing further I can offer. Ultimately, even if you pray to god, god give you solution and you tell god that why don't your husband change his life to suit you or wy don't all those women keep their hands off your husbandso that you can have him to yourself. Then the god definitely also feel very LPPL. I can see why if I am your husband I also get fedup. Seriously, you got yourself into this situation. Get yourself out of it. its your own problem and responsibility. Youc an gripe till the cows come home and even die, and nothing will change. I just feel damn sorry for you kids to have parents like this.
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Originally posted by mistyblue:
\Why are you so concern about who move out? Its your own health and your life that is on the line now. Its not his that is having any issue. So you should be taking action for yourself rather than he take action for you. If he cares for you, would he have done all those things to hurt you? And what is it with all those women that you care so much more about what motive and their choice than your OWN personal welbeing?
If you don't care for yourself and you just want lots of attention and sympathy, Then there is nothing further I can offer. Ultimately, even if you pray to god, god give you solution and you tell god that why don't your husband change his life to suit you or wy don't all those women keep their hands off your husbandso that you can have him to yourself. Then the god definitely also feel very LPPL. I can see why if I am your husband I also get fedup. Seriously, you got yourself into this situation. Get yourself out of it. its your own problem and responsibility. Youc an gripe till the cows come home and even die, and nothing will change. I just feel damn sorry for you kids to have parents like this.
.. dun get wrong ... actually the point is that is my house.
I just want to staY comfy in my own dog house with my kids.
the rest I type is non-sense talk.... say say only .
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Originally posted by mistyblue:
\Why are you so concern about who move out? Its your own health and your life that is on the line now. Its not his that is having any issue. So you should be taking action for yourself rather than he take action for you. If he cares for you, would he have done all those things to hurt you? And what is it with all those women that you care so much more about what motive and their choice than your OWN personal welbeing?
If you don't care for yourself and you just want lots of attention and sympathy, Then there is nothing further I can offer. Ultimately, even if you pray to god, god give you solution and you tell god that why don't your husband change his life to suit you or wy don't all those women keep their hands off your husbandso that you can have him to yourself. Then the god definitely also feel very LPPL. I can see why if I am your husband I also get fedup. Seriously, you got yourself into this situation. Get yourself out of it. its your own problem and responsibility. Youc an gripe till the cows come home and even die, and nothing will change. I just feel damn sorry for you kids to have parents like this.
some part ... i dun understand what you toking abt.....blur
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Comfort wins. Peace of mind lose.
Do what you will. I am tired and ultimately its your responsibility to see yourself through this issue.
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Sorry
My reaction very slow.
-
so your gonna get a divorce?
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Originally posted by delores:
ya agreed... find someone who is not that charming but willing to love you faithfully.Stubborn ... ya lor I am....
" to err is human to forgive is divine "
thaT Y very stuck in the relationship for 10 yrs ...
busy till no life liao
then u realise he is flinging outside .. and he give you damn stoopid reasons ... then you give up making noise and forgive and forget
The girls and him lie low then in no time come again
so sick and tired .....
I am not angel... I also complain ... and quarrel before .. till now ..not quarrelsome liao ...
we discuss about flings, he say he likes the thrilled.
actually I feel very sad at times but sometimes other happy things divert your attention .. people thought I am the happy go lucky type.
like what yunhaier say
it is a very vicious cycle.
No calm within or outside me .
Feel so homeless....
really hate the Chaos
during the childhood and in this marriage
really really feel like telling those women and him .....大慈大悲 ...饶了我 .
If they want him so badly , take him ....
Yea lor, don't let him slave you any longer, slay him! >_<
-
I got briefly say ... but he never finalised yet
Me is like government- bodies pattern...
everything slow slow.... no temper.. no quarrel... all was peaceful .
tonite after my children go to bed at 10pm I am going to watch
" you dun mess with zohan "
-
Originally posted by delores:
actually thinking of divorce.
but dun have the ability to take care of the kids.
50% of the assets...太便宜 他了
stay around at least till got a few houses, a car and money for my kids. orr he can trf all to them then I go lor. I dun need so much money , I can work and stay alive myself but 便宜 了 those woman ..
that's y I am holding back .
It is materialistic but without money very pitiful and somemore
those woman just take over what we bulit and my children's grandfather left for my children .
Silly.... bai ren chen jing.......
if he is willing to give all, I dun mind.
He got the ability ... at least I never take his brains and knowledge AWAY.. he can earn back one.
actually simple only mah ..
give me .. i go
Listen to yourself "If he give me everything I don't mind.' So in actual fact it all boils down to you are also being 'greedy' and coveted after his money after all and not just half but want all of it at the expense of your own pain and even your children's expense. So, you don't really care for your children's mental welfare whether they will grow up psychologically scarred because of you and your husband constant bickering and quarrelling. So, it's not enough your kids have to suffer because of one faithless parent and now the other one is just as bad. Tell me what kind of mother are you? Putting your own need above your children? Selfish of you, aren't you?Oh, yes I do agree in Singapore society especially for a divorce woman MUST have money assuming you have the custody of the kids but YOU wanted everything! Yes, we all know your hubby is the one at fault here but tell me which idiot will give everything to you? Practically NONE! If he is willing to let you go uncontested for the kids and give you half of his assets you should cut loss and take it then use it rebuild your life! NO! Instead you wanted everything and that means you are just being vengeful at your own expenses! Yes! Your own expenses! You rather continue to wallow in self pity, in pain and complain rather then to concentrate on rebuilding your own life! To me you're only , 'zhi chao si lu'
Now it's not the time to get revenge . Now it's the time to set in motion to get your own life back. When you rebuild your life and remarry the second time around and to a real better guy than your hubby THAT would be a sweeter revenge.
Sitting behind the computer and keep on lamenting and complaining to strangers about your pathetic life is NOT going to do anything good for you!