charming as a friend,a boyfriend, a lover but not a hubby.
-
Originally posted by huzane89:
TS. since he is that way, you can do the same thing.
He says that he doesnt know love. Have flings and see if he's mad, angry etc.
If he's not, then do whatever you want.
My 2nd suggestion is that you can leave him, take the children with you. He claimed that he doenst know what is love, definitely the judge wont give the children to a man who cant love. Get my point?
No money? Get a lum sum from him. Since you'll get full custody, he'll pay you a huge amount of money. No worries. No point of stressing yourself for such a person.
Huzane89....
Like botahead as say ... I lost the self-respect as a woman.
Losing the pride as the wife.
pls leave me with some tinny winny pride and respect as a mummy.
I dun want to fling like he do to make him angry
very childish though it a good way to revenge
but when my children knew it, I am just a slut to them who cant close my legs when they learnt about it when they grew up.
Men flirt. they say it a fling..
Women flirt they say she's a slut.
Anyway , I dare not...
Lump sum ... how much is enough ?
-
Some women can play this game. You are obviously not one of these women. There's only so many years a person can live. At least live happily and in a manner that you see fit for yourself.
-
I am trying to live as happy as I can
I started this thread because now days woman are becoming challenging
They hurl abuses and wanted to slap then I become very upset and I wanted to think about this relationship
PRC , sg, indo and mas.... never met a soft spoken ones... maybe not to me.
Then I stand there like a idiot to let them scold.. (wonder how they know me )
from a few yrs back got reaction ... to now.. no reaction liao...
Cant be bother with them.
And I wonder if he divorce me... the women coming to hurl abuses abt the kids ? I can remove my status but I cant remove the kids .
-
Originally posted by delores:
I am trying to live as happy as I can
I started this thread because now days woman are becoming challenging
They hurl abuses and wanted to slap then I become very upset and I wanted to think about this relationship
PRC , sg, indo and mas.... never met a soft spoken ones... maybe not to me.
Then I stand there like a idiot to let them scold.. (wonder how they know me )
from a few yrs back got reaction ... to now.. no reaction liao...
Cant be bother with them.
And I wonder if he divorce me... the women coming to hurl abuses abt the kids ? I can remove my status but I cant remove the kids .
Delores,
You are a good mom. You are a good wife.That is all you need to know.
The women are desperate to steal your man, that is why they hurl abuses at you. You should pity them, because they cannot find other betta men.
You say you have 2 kids. Ask yourself why your hubby didn't just stop at one ?
Because he knows you are a good mother and you are a good wife.
And that is all you need to know.
-
Originally posted by delores:
I am trying to live as happy as I can
I started this thread because now days woman are becoming challenging
They hurl abuses and wanted to slap then I become very upset and I wanted to think about this relationship
PRC , sg, indo and mas.... never met a soft spoken ones... maybe not to me.
Then I stand there like a idiot to let them scold.. (wonder how they know me )
from a few yrs back got reaction ... to now.. no reaction liao...
Cant be bother with them.
And I wonder if he divorce me... the women coming to hurl abuses abt the kids ? I can remove my status but I cant remove the kids .
Dear Delores,
You must be strong, dun let we sg gal down, if you think you are on the right as mother and wife status, you should not let other scold you and destroy your family. No doubt, those women are to be blame, but the biggest person responsible is still you damn husband, if he dun flirt, no women will come to him. And if you cannot control you husband, you are skilful enough. Be it a young mistake or whatever, you choose your man, you trusted him, you believe you can be with him forever till old age and death, but it seem that all is shattered now. There is nobody actually to blame other than marrying the wrong guy.
On the other hand, if you are daring enough, at 28, you still consider young mature and good looking, go flirt with men you like, and see the response from you husband. As the saying goes, you cannot beat him, join him lor, go flirt and enjoy life.
If still cannot do it or get over it, i can call my 666 gangs down and give him a big bash up and make sure he come crawling and kneel in front of you to seek forgiveness.
-
Hi Delores,
I'm not sure about all the 'pride of these and that'...there are times when pride cannot be put on the table for consideration.Why? Cos pride in this case is a zero sum game.
For your case, there are 2 categories of pride: pride as an individual woman and pride as a mother. If you fight for your individual pride, you lose others. In your case, you will lose your family if you walk out to try to regain your pride. your children/parents/in-laws will question why dun you stay with them. I'm not sure if they will understand now, tomorrow, in the future.
Most young people will opt for this cause they have nothing to lose; and able to start all over again. But can you really start all over again with your kids around?
If you take the 'mother's pride' route, you will keep the family intact. Your pride as a mother who sacrifices will increase. Your children will be grateful, your parents and in-laws will be grateful, and if your husband is still around when your kids are all grown up, he will also be grateful!
Think about it. We are not about upmanship here. We are about welfare of yourself, your family and children.
Whatever your decision, you won't be the first to experience. Neither will you be the last. But there is one decision that you will gain more. Can you see it?
As for seeing another guy. If you are doing it for revenge, than I must say you are childish. But if you are doing it cos you need it metally, biologically and physically, then that's another story.
I think your past decisions were influenced by your parents. Think how your action today will affect your children next time.
Lastly, we are all hiding behind our nick and we are not accountable for our words. You need to find real support from your familiy and friends.
Good luck : )
"Linger"
If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade.
I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,
It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everything.
I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.
So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?
But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?
Oh, I thought the world of you.
I thought nothing could go wrong,
But I was wrong. I was wrong.
If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,
Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used,
But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you.
But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?
And I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?
You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?Performed by Delores O'Riordian of The Cranberies
-
Originally posted by nehpyh:
Hi Delores,
I'm not sure about all the 'pride of these and that'...there are times when pride cannot be put on the table for consideration.Why? Cos pride in this case is a zero sum game.
For your case, there are 2 categories of pride: pride as an individual woman and pride as a mother. If you fight for your individual pride, you lose others. In your case, you will lose your family if you walk out to try to regain your pride. your children/parents/in-laws will question why dun you stay with them. I'm not sure if they will understand now, tomorrow, in the future.
Most young people will opt for this cause they have nothing to lose; and able to start all over again. But can you really start all over again with your kids around?
If you take the 'mother's pride' route, you will keep the family intact. Your pride as a mother who sacrifices will increase. Your children will be grateful, your parents and in-laws will be grateful, and if your husband is still around when your kids are all grown up, he will also be grateful!
Think about it. We are not about upmanship here. We are about welfare of yourself, your family and children.
Whatever your decision, you won't be the first to experience. Neither will you be the last. But there is one decision that you will gain more. Can you see it?
As for seeing another guy. If you are doing it for revenge, than I must say you are childish. But if you are doing it cos you need it metally, biologically and physically, then that's another story.
I think your past decisions were influenced by your parents. Think how your action today will affect your children next time.
Lastly, we are all hiding behind our nick and we are not accountable for our words. You need to find real support from your familiy and friends.
Good luck :
Not all children appreciate their parents being together. Parents being together does not mean that the children would grow up in a good environment. Would you as a child, want a father who does not respect your mother?
Children are a reflection of their parents.
In your case, Would you want your daughter to grow up thinking that its okay for a man to fool around with other women? Would you want your son to think that he could disrespect women?
-
Originally posted by huzane89:
Not all children appreciate their parents being together. Parents being together does not mean that the children would grow up in a good environment. Would you as a child, want a father who does not respect your mother?
Children are a reflection of their parents.
In your case, Would you want your daughter to grow up thinking that its okay for a man to fool around with other women? Would you want your son to think that he could disrespect women?
Frankly Huzane,
I dunno. I cannot make that decision for Delores. Same goes for you.
We are not responsible for her and I think I have to be responsibile for what I say/typed. That said, I say keep the peace as long as possible. That is the only tangible action available. Tangible, not possible.
Delores,
If you are desperate now, you are 10 years too late. What are your priorities moving forward? Say it.
If you already knew what you want and merely venting your fustrations, we are here.
-
Originally posted by nehpyh:
Frankly Huzane,
I dunno. I cannot make that decision for Delores. Same goes for you.
We are not responsible for her and I think I have to be responsibile for what I say/typed. That said, I say keep the peace as long as possible. That is the only tangible action available. Tangible, not possible.
Delores,
If you are desperate now, you are 10 years too late. What are your priorities moving forward? Say it.
If you already knew what you want and merely venting your fustrations, we are here.
of course i am aware that its her decision. Just pointing out my opinion. Thats all
-
you're tooo faithful, too kind. Tolerating makes things worse. Try to communicate with him, and does his parents know about all these? I know its hard to let him go because it's a fact that you love him more than he loves you.
But if you were to divorce you husband, make sure you are able to provide the kids all they need. I can tell you that the kids will be broken of course 'cause i'm one kid who grew up in a broken family since i was 4.
I'm sure your kids will understand one day and support you when they are mature enough to know more about their father's misdeed. I support my mom for what she did
and i really hate my dad till now. It's better to let your kids know that they have a faithful and good mom rather than a flirtatious dad.Trust me. Men will never change. Just like a leopard that never changes their spots.
-
....
-
Originally posted by delores:
I am trying to live as happy as I can
I started this thread because now days woman are becoming challenging
They hurl abuses and wanted to slap then I become very upset and I wanted to think about this relationship
PRC , sg, indo and mas.... never met a soft spoken ones... maybe not to me.
Then I stand there like a idiot to let them scold.. (wonder how they know me )
from a few yrs back got reaction ... to now.. no reaction liao...
Cant be bother with them.
And I wonder if he divorce me... the women coming to hurl abuses abt the kids ? I can remove my status but I cant remove the kids .
Why do you even let them hurl abuse at you? Why does your husband even allow his flings to hurl abuse at you? That is one red flag for you , honey.
My grandfather had 2 wives ( in those old days) . The eldest wife was allowed to hurl abuse at the second because she is the principal wife. If you want to allow your husband his freaking harem, start acting like a principal wife. You are married to the man , not them . They are the ones at fault, not you. Why are you allowing yourself to cop abuse from those type of women?
-
Originally posted by angel7030:
Dear Delores,
You must be strong, dun let we sg gal down, if you think you are on the right as mother and wife status, you should not let other scold you and destroy your family. No doubt, those women are to be blame, but the biggest person responsible is still you damn husband, if he dun flirt, no women will come to him. And if you cannot control you husband, you are skilful enough. Be it a young mistake or whatever, you choose your man, you trusted him, you believe you can be with him forever till old age and death, but it seem that all is shattered now. There is nobody actually to blame other than marrying the wrong guy.
On the other hand, if you are daring enough, at 28, you still consider young mature and good looking, go flirt with men you like, and see the response from you husband. As the saying goes, you cannot beat him, join him lor, go flirt and enjoy life.
If still cannot do it or get over it, i can call my 666 gangs down and give him a big bash up and make sure he come crawling and kneel in front of you to seek forgiveness.
Hmm well yea 28 is still young...
But i guess she said she doesn't want a bad impression for her kids?
Maybe remarriage and find a real husband?
-
Originally posted by popikachu:
Hmm well yea 28 is still young...
But i guess she said she doesn't want a bad impression for her kids?
Maybe remarriage and find a real husband?
Harlow...
She already has 2 kids.
Later remarry to another man.. you think that man don't want kids meh ?
That means.. she has to give birth again ah ? How many children she has to raise ?
-
Originally posted by jojobeach:
Harlow...
She already has 2 kids.
Later remarry to another man.. you think that man don't want kids meh ?
That means.. she has to give birth again ah ? How many children she has to raise ?
hmm well just my 2 cent worth though haha
-
Hi Delores,
it is half truth when you think you must have done something right to keep him for 10 years, therefore it makes sense to continue doing it. You have been doing the same thing for 10 years, you yield the same results.
As for why he has open relationships and blabs to you about it, I can think of only one reason, there is no love in the marriage. Tough nut to swallow but it happens to be the truth. So what options are you considering now? There are no options. Options means choices but what choice have you got? Leave him? For what? The man is already gone. You are the one beating yourself with a stick here.
If you cannot stand up for yourself, no one else is going to respect you for who you are. Certainly not him.
And I'll always wonder why couples insist on keeping a marriage for the sake of the kids. It is far more traumatising for them to grow up under the care of very unhappy parents who live unfulfilling lives.
-
Originally posted by delores:
botahead...When I read your msg.... I broke down. sadly again
this three mths... I used up the amount of tears I used in 10yrs.
I am 28 tis yr. I did think through why I married him in the first place. I conhabit with him for 2-3 yrs before I get married to him
I am married for 8yrs. So actually I got 3 yrs to think and commit to this marriage. but at that time , what I only want is a family , a family and a baby that I called my own. I dun think this is materialistic. I agreed, His family is wealthy and I threw away the self- respect of a woman to gain these. but dun the adults taught us to fight for what we want..
At 17 , I met a guy who is handsome, charming, doesnt have any tendency of being violent , have a job , family well to do .
He doesnt treat you badly and he gives in to you .pamper you.
Since at that time, I thought that girls eventually get married, this man appeared. will I find a guy who I had to suffered with him over the next meal-
贫贱夫妻百事哀
or a guy who at least can provide me with a comfortable life whom I do not need to worry about the next meal.
I dun buy Lv , or other branded stuff. I dun buy diamonds or a lot of money stashed under my pillows.
You see... I thought when guys mature, they will change. I am waiting but he did not.
The woman outside is always better than the wife at home.
I threw away the self-respect as a woman to marry him but
I just want some pride as a wife. issit too much to ask .
I dun have the ability to bring up the kids.
I dun have the courage to walk away (I am a coward.)
I wont divorce him rather I will wait for him to divorce me then .
because I still love him and my heart is not dead yet. But when he really want a divorce, I promise I will let it go . ..
I love my family because It is mine. belongs to me.
Who is not greedy.... I have a nice hubby, 2 nice kids and a nice family with an a bit above family income. is this consider greedy
He likes buffet style of woman. A lot of variety.
Sometimes I just felt that he is a fine example of PRC woman pattern sg style. small fat thin skinny ugly old young....
international flavours incl. sg
I started to feel disgusted and I feel tired.
Tired to hold on.
I dun believe in commit suicide. stupid move though.
Mentally tired... trying to fight them off....
i am sorry about the post i made, actually you dont have to take it so seriously cus that was only my opinion from what i have read.if you have make up your mind on these matter, just be strong, stand firm on your decision and dont broke down so easily again.
best wishes
-
Originally posted by Matthiessen:
Hi Delores,
it is half truth when you think you must have done something right to keep him for 10 years, therefore it makes sense to continue doing it. You have been doing the same thing for 10 years, you yield the same results.
As for why he has open relationships and blabs to you about it, I can think of only one reason, there is no love in the marriage. Tough nut to swallow but it happens to be the truth. So what options are you considering now? There are no options. Options means choices but what choice have you got? Leave him? For what? The man is already gone. You are the one beating yourself with a stick here.
If you cannot stand up for yourself, no one else is going to respect you for who you are. Certainly not him.
And I'll always wonder why couples insist on keeping a marriage for the sake of the kids. It is far more traumatising for them to grow up under the care of very unhappy parents who live unfulfilling lives.
2nd that. I was told this when I ran into troubles:
Sometimes we must make that daring step forward, for ourselves (regardless of the people around us) instead of continue on with what we do not want/unhappy about. So just to know that there are better things out there, perhaps there is some initial struggle and issue, but its always better to live for oneself.
Let me put it this way, looking at you Delores. I know you live in your own closed up world for a long time. It take courage to step out. It takes courage to recognise you are more than just a mom and someone's wife. It takes courage to recognize that you are a worthy person and your children are taking all that in as example. Do not ever give up living for yourself even for your children because they have to live on their own.
Sometimes we must become that which we are not,For it is when we see the shadows, that we also see the light. - Kalib Gibran
-
BTW, don't delude yourself that by staying together for the kids, they will appreciate it. You are just extending the damage to them.
-
Originally posted by mistyblue:
2nd that. I was told this when I ran into troubles:
Sometimes we must make that daring step forward, for ourselves (regardless of the people around us) instead of continue on with what we do not want/unhappy about. So just to know that there are better things out there, perhaps there is some initial struggle and issue, but its always better to live for oneself.
Let me put it this way, looking at you Delores. I know you live in your own closed up world for a long time. It take courage to step out. It takes courage to recognise you are more than just a mom and someone's wife. It takes courage to recognize that you are a worthy person and your children are taking all that in as example. Do not ever give up living for yourself even for your children because they have to live on their own.
Sometimes we must become that which we are not,For it is when we see the shadows, that we also see the light. - Kalib Gibran
x2 on the above 2 posts... -
Just to share this story with you, it actually happened to my cousin's classmate cum best friend and she is waiting for divorce. She is in her early 30s with 2 sons living with his-in-law.
I don't really know how long she had been married, but should be quite young when she got marrried. I happened to check into a local hotel with my family 3 weeks ago while she was on duty and she contacted my anuty whom she regarded as half mum. She related that during the last 4 years, her hubby has been away in China busy on business trip and work only sending $$ back as allowance for his parents and living with his girl friend.
You see, she discovered he had an affair and then subsequently, even seeing that woman around and her hubby even made it open about that relationship. Worse, his parents who are staying with her are aware of his son's affair but only revealed later and told her they are treating her like a step daughter. This happened when she confronted his parents because she found them behaving extremely nice to her of late out of the blue...only to discover the disheartening news.
Now already 4 years, she had given up hope and even found herself a boyfriend who knows her condition and pain she had gone through and even advised and encourages her, her course of action and she is now waiting for divorce letter to be signed. Problem is, her hubby is still in China, just that both party has agreed to signing the paper...
-
And I think TS refuse to ask for divorce is simply afraid of losing her waterface. She is afraid society will gossips. Worse, enemies of the old will laugh behind her back for her failed marriage.
And Botahead nailed it on...the head
-
Originally posted by BotaHead:
i am sorry about the post i made, actually you dont have to take it so seriously cus that was only my opinion from what i have read.if you have make up your mind on these matter, just be strong, stand firm on your decision and dont broke down so easily again.
best wishes
botahead......dun need to apologise.... u are 200percent rite.
sometimes i also dunno what I want . I also like to hide my feelings.
so when I see your msg.. it just hit rite to the point.
hahaha.. I usually bery blur ... then cant exactly pinpoint the feel.
-
Originally posted by jojobeach:
Harlow...
She already has 2 kids.
Later remarry to another man.. you think that man don't want kids meh ?
That means.. she has to give birth again ah ? How many children she has to raise ?
ya lor .... if like maia like that .... also very chiamI admired her but I pity her as a woman.
She just a very simple woman who keeps falling in love with the wrong guy . two kids , two different father and two different relationship. She is much braver than me . She met two s**kers whom thought they really love her ... then ditched her again . She will continue to look for the guy who will love her .Thx jojobeach u r rite..... I always like your stand.
-
Originally posted by popikachu:
Hmm well yea 28 is still young...
But i guess she said she doesn't want a bad impression for her kids?
Maybe remarriage and find a real husband?
Popikachu ......Shld put the advertisement like that ?Who want buy 1 + 2 ?woman caN give birth proven and tested ... dna genes ... qa pass.ready and lovely kids ...... no need to go through 9 mths pregnancy woes with the woman ...immediately can call daddyof cos .... income shld be at that level so if combine can have more kids.suitable for impotence man also ? so he dun go out and flirt .