Should I Wait Longer?
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Originally posted by BrUtUs:
yup tis is wat's happening now... the common reason for guys eating out...
since ts wans to keep virgin no one can stop her.. but every action will hv its effect...
If the guy just goes out to sleep with other woman simply because he can't get it at home, then that says so much about his character.
For me and my SO, we believe sex is something to be engaged with someone you truly love, otherwise it will become lust and cease to have any meaning. Might as well get rid of the urge by masturbating.
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Originally posted by Tinkerbelle2008:
If it happens 1 year later after our traditional wedding, at least our parents won't have anything much to say anymore, I think by that time they would be pestering me to have kids anyway!
And I am going to further my studies soon, so this is really a wrong time should an accident happen...because definitely it is going to disrupt my studies plus the fact we are not financially stable at the moment...
Most people would just say, just do it, what for think until so far? But I believe every action will lead to certain consequences, and if I am not ready for the consequence, I rather not take the risk at all.
since u already set on keeping the door shut then dun tink anyone here can say anything liao... maybe can mod close thread? saw ur reply tat u will be very open to lovemaking after wedding is gd... so hope u dun lose the fire to do it nightly else ur hubby might go mental[since he waited so so long] and seek 'help'... tats oso 1 of the consequences u should tink of when the bubble burst... enjoy ur wedding...! -
Originally posted by Tinkerbelle2008:
I am currently attached to one of the sweetest men I have ever known. We are going to register our marriage in a few weeks time but will only hold our customary banquet around a year later.
The problem is my husband would like to consummate our marriage as soon as possible, possibly after ROM but for me I would like to hold it back for a bit longer, preferably until after our customary marriage. We are both virgins and have not had any intercourse throughout our 3 year relationship, although of course we do indulge in petting every now and then to satisfy our urges.
Why would I want to wait longer? Maybe this is because I fear that I might get pregnant. Yes, I know there are condoms and all that, but all those can still fail to work at times. I know the percentage is very low, but I would rather be 100% sure that I will not get pregnant before the customary marriage. I am raised in a very conservative family and I know my parents would kill me if I dare to get into this kind of situation before the traditional wedding. And of course it wouldn't look appropriate for me to walk down the aisle in a wedding gown with a big tummy, would I? We are also not really financially stable to have a kid at this moment as both of us are still building our career and we also do not have our own house yet.
I am afraid if I give in and let him make love to me before the traditional wedding I might break down because I am not ready for it and my mind would be worrying about a lot of things so I would not be able to enjoy it. I really do love him very much and I want to make love with him more than ever but I just have this nagging concern in my mind everytime I thought of doing it before the banquet. Am I being unreasonable?
I am afraid of disappointing him yet I am afraid if I give in before I am 100% ready, it will turn out to be a disaster. Sigh. Do give some opinions on this issue. Thanks.
By now, you have probably realised that sex per se isn't merely about the physical plane - the cultural, social & psychological influences on the individual, in fact, have more impact. Especially in Asia, there is a deep social stigma attached to the notion of pre-martial sex, which amplify anxiety level in the woman before any act of intimacy, hindering fulfillment, even if sex is achieved.The most powerful sexual organ is in between your head. If the mind doesn't see it well, then chances are, sex will be bad because essential comfort is missing.
Intimacy cannot be fulfilling without high level of comfort. This comes certain degree of trust (even in a ONS situation, one generally 'trust' the other to be disease-free before committing the act).
You see in Love: Man suffers from approach anxiety, while woman suffers from intimacy anxiety. Simply because in an approach, the man becomes more vulnerable to rejection as he has more to invest and more to lose. In the same frequency, woman becomes more vulnerable in close intimacy, as she has more to invest, thus more to lose.
Hence, the source of anxiety derive from fear and incurring of higher risk.
Once you ROM - you are legally married in the eyes of the law and you also become 'MRS something'. It's perfectly normal to enjoy and engage love making, between husband and wife.
Your worries about unplanned pregnancy is reasonable - every pregnancy should be plan, especially in Singapore, where everything is about dollars and cents. But if because of calculated pregnancy, you eliminate love making altogether - you effectively abrogate one major physical component of Love, in a marriage setting. And this is something you might want to review.
Self awareness is very crucial - if you reckon that customary is the passport to love making (cultural factor), I would have advise that you put the ROM date on the same day or something, so that you won't have to go through a situation of 'Although I bought my car due to cheap COE, but now I can't drive to work because of $6 ERP'. (You can't change much now)
I am not suggesting that you should have kids in an unplanned fashion; that's why contraception is invented for a reason.
I will reiterate again: the most powerful sexual organ is in between your head - only by appeasing the mind can intimacy hope to occur.
There is no right or wrong beliefs - it's all about what you believe in.
Cheers
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Originally posted by Tinkerbelle2008:
If the guy just goes out to sleep with other woman simply because he can't get it at home, then that says so much about his character.
For me and my SO, we believe sex is something to be engaged with someone you truly love, otherwise it will become lust and cease to have any meaning. Might as well get rid of the urge by masturbating.
every man or woman has desires too..yup gd he has tat idea but talk and action can be different and no so simple... but as lon gas u do ur part as wife should be ok ba... if DIY works everytime, u tink ur bf will still wanna push further? geylang sure close shop...
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Originally posted by Yunhaier: By now, you have probably realised that sex per se isn't merely about the physical plane - the cultural, social & psychological influences on the individual, in fact, have more impact. Especially in Asia, there is a deep social stigma attached to the notion of pre-martial sex, which amplify anxiety level in the woman before any act of intimacy, hindering fulfillment, even if sex is achieved.
The most powerful sexual organ is in between your head. If the mind doesn't see it well, then chances are, sex will be bad because essential comfort is missing.
Intimacy cannot be fulfilling without high level of comfort. This comes certain degree of trust (even in a ONS situation, one generally 'trust' the other to be disease-free before committing the act).
You see in Love: Man suffers from approach anxiety, while woman suffers from intimacy anxiety. Simply because in an approach, the man becomes more vulnerable to rejection as he has more to invest and more to lose. In the same frequency, woman becomes more vulnerable in close intimacy, as she has more to invest, thus more to lose.
Hence, the source of anxiety derive from fear and incurring of higher risk.
Once you ROM - you are legally married in the eyes of the law and you also become 'MRS something'. It's perfectly normal to enjoy and engage love making, between husband and wife.
Your worries about unplanned pregnancy is reasonable - every pregnancy should be plan, especially in Singapore, where everything is about dollars and cents. But if because of calculated pregnancy, you eliminate love making altogether - you effectively abrogate one major physical component of Love, in a marriage setting. And this is something you might want to review.
Self awareness is very crucial - if you reckon that customary is the passport to love making (cultural factor), I would have advise that you put the ROM date on the same day or something, so that you won't have to go through a situation of 'Although I bought my car due to cheap COE, but now I can't drive to work because of $6 ERP'. (You can't change much now)
I am not suggesting that you should have kids in an unplanned fashion; that's why contraception is invented for a reason.
I will reiterate again: the most powerful sexual organ is in between your head - only by appeasing the mind can intimacy hope to occur.
There is no right or wrong beliefs - it's all about what you believe in.
Cheers
another 5***** reply...
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Originally posted by Tinkerbelle2008:
Does pills really affect one's fertility?
Got any article for me to read on that?
Erm in jc nv took bio ar? When your body get too much of estrogen, which consistently tear off the placenta to prevent pregnancy. It will start to adapt to two things, as estrogen is a hormone, under the steroids category.
1) Bodily changes becomes permanent, body adapts to that high estrogen level.
2) Your body recognises that the estrogen level is higher than the norm, thus reduce production under the instructions of the pituitory gland. Over a certain time, that brain part switches off as tolerance sets in.
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Originally posted by KungPaoChicken:
Erm in jc nv took bio ar? When your body get too much of estrogen, which consistently tear off the placenta to prevent pregnancy. It will start to adapt to two things, as estrogen is a hormone, under the steroids category.
1) Bodily changes becomes permanent, body adapts to that high estrogen level.
2) Your body recognises that the estrogen level is higher than the norm, thus reduce production under the instructions of the pituitory gland. Over a certain time, that brain part switches off as tolerance sets in.
Thank you Doctor for your explanation.
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Originally posted by KungPaoChicken:
Erm in jc nv took bio ar? When your body get too much of estrogen, which consistently tear off the placenta to prevent pregnancy. It will start to adapt to two things, as estrogen is a hormone, under the steroids category.
1) Bodily changes becomes permanent, body adapts to that high estrogen level.
2) Your body recognises that the estrogen level is higher than the norm, thus reduce production under the instructions of the pituitory gland. Over a certain time, that brain part switches off as tolerance sets in.
Erm, I know your biology knowledge is impressive, but not everyone takes Biology in JC.
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
You see in Love: Man suffers from approach anxiety, while woman suffers from intimacy anxiety. Simply because in an approach, the man becomes more vulnerable to rejection as he has more to invest and more to lose. In the same frequency, woman becomes more vulnerable in close intimacy, as she has more to invest, thus more to lose.
This is very true...maybe it is because this is my first time doing it as well? If you have been a virgin for the past 20 plus years, you would feel a bit nervous about doing it right? Especially when the people around you kept instigating that it is not right to do it now, plus the fear of unplanned pregnancy...all of them just complicate something which should be simple and uncomplicated.
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Originally posted by Tinkerbelle2008:
This is very true...maybe it is because this is my first time doing it as well? If you have been a virgin for the past 20 plus years, you would feel a bit nervous about doing it right? Especially when the people around you kept instigating that it is not right to do it now, plus the fear of unplanned pregnancy...all of them just complicate something which should be simple and uncomplicated.
The problem of intimacy.Our society and culture teaches that it's 'wrong' to engage in pre-martial sex, but the education stops right there. (Because the topic is about couple in a marriage settling, I am eliminating the portion about the problem of sexually active young people completely). Our society and culture doesn't teach what's next after marriage because it seemed that sex just comes 'naturally or automatic', in which I will show you that it simply doesn't function as linear and blindly.
Truth number one: sex life doesn't become fulfilling JUST simply because of marriage. What you must recognise is that a marriage doesn't change the inner component of an individual - namely the mindset and self belief. Believe you me, there are enough women out there who have been reinforced continously by their environment that love making is 'bad' that it appears almost impossible to reverse this notion even after marriage. You are one perfect example - you are married and your anxiety heightens in face of close intimacy.
With all that negativity about intimacy, tell me how can one truly enjoy being close? Hardly. That's why many women are unable to enjoy intimacy as much as they would like to because of the self inflicted barriers they gave themselves.
Truth number two: some people believe that marriage can function without being intimate. In that same line of argument, I can tell you that a marriage can also function without mutual respect or in presence of neglect.
The biggest question remains: is that the life you want?
Marriage is but a mere shell. By itself, it is hollow and only by filling it up with representation of the individuals working for the relationship can it take shape. A relationship can be empty, yet the decision to remain together can still take effect. Therefore, In Love, you GROW three dimensions collectively: CloUdiSm states it as the physical, emotional and spiritual plane. You can't just try to grow the pie selectively because it creates an imbalance in the relationship (unless the relationship is spiritually very evolved to override, but this kind of relationships ain't as common).
My point is very simple: review your situation and try to understand about your own inner workings and decide if there's a need to alter or remove certain barriers, before you can advance to the next stage in Love.
P.S: Possible Saturn or other malefic planets afflicting significator of 5th/8th house. I.C could be strong and rooting (Check Moon?)
Cheers