Falling in Love with someone you shouldn't
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Since you are feeling guilty now, you shld try to stop fallin in love with him. Thoughs feelings are hard to control, but what if your best friend finds out one day ?Originally posted by Dallas:Nothing can describe the guilt and hurt u harbor in your heart when you know what you're doing is wrong... I'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend....
I made a wrong choice of accepting his invitation for dinner one night and it went beyond tat... i've been regreting ever since..
Yet what i felt for him is strong...
I'm playing with fire i noe.. betraying my friend...
I'll be paying for the consequenses... that's what happened when you fall in love with someone you shouldn't
She will feel very hurt by yr betrayal.U are her best friend, and yet u did such a thing to her.Tell yrself, are you willing to hurt her like this ? She will sure treat you as her enemy once she knows the truth sooner or later. -
DoDont know whether you guys consider this bad but i seem tot have this feeling of liking for some1 for some 4,5 years is that bbad or some1 i think she knows me but we never had communicated
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hiya... tks for yr advise.. really do appreciate it..Originally posted by Devil1976:Wish as you may, sometimes equations just don't work out to be so mathematically wonderful especially when it comes to relationship and matters of the heart.... If 'best' don't fit in, try to settle for the 'better'....
Logics might not work for you here...? All that logic can do, you've most probably got it worked out.... But afterall you're just a human, don't push it too hard on yourself....
Perhaps you don't even have to try too hard to dismiss him from your mind.... Probably because he's not even as wonderful as he seems to be.... You see him standing in front on you... because he's on your mind.... You shaped him.... So volatile.... Exist, just because you gave him 'life'..... Your Life could be SO REAL.... If you simply stop living on this tiny part of your mind.... This dream of yours and illusion..... Perhaps its time.... To wake up....? What happened cannot be reversed.... But your future....? ~Wake up....?
u were prob right in saying that i made him more than he is..
i remember when i first met him.. i wondered what was it that my friend saw in him.. never would have guessed then that i myself would have fallen in love with him.. ironic huh..
i'm trying very hard now to at least contain that feeling if not to stop it completely.. yes.. you are right.. it's time for me to let go of my illusions.. that's the logic.. but can i really do that.. i guess only time will tell..
tks again for your support.. it's good to noe that there's people who understands when u r down..
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When i first made this post.. it was mainly to let go of everything that was bottled up in me... i had no one to turn to in this matter.. all the emotions was suffocating me... had certainly not expected great supports from everyone... tks...
Been trying to sort out my feelings these past few days... I'm doing now what i should have done when i first took the wrong step.. it's not easy.. but i'm trying my best...
Once again.. tks u all for the advise n support.. it's good to know there's people out there who understands when u r down..
rgds... -
Do the right thing, it's called the right thing for a reason.
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Don't force yourself and try too hard.... When you know how things really should be, just let them happen.... The way they should be..... If its for the better....Originally posted by Dallas:hiya... tks for yr advise.. really do appreciate it..
u were prob right in saying that i made him more than he is..
i remember when i first met him.. i wondered what was it that my friend saw in him.. never would have guessed then that i myself would have fallen in love with him.. ironic huh..
i'm trying very hard now to at least contain that feeling if not to stop it completely.. yes.. you are right.. it's time for me to let go of my illusions.. that's the logic.. but can i really do that.. i guess only time will tell..
tks again for your support.. it's good to noe that there's people who understands when u r down..
~good luck.... -
Frankly...i wont say you are wrong.Originally posted by Dallas:Nothing can describe the guilt and hurt u harbor in your heart when you know what you're doing is wrong... I'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend....
I made a wrong choice of accepting his invitation for dinner one night and it went beyond tat... i've been regreting ever since..
Yet what i felt for him is strong...
I'm playing with fire i noe.. betraying my friend...
I'll be paying for the consequenses... that's what happened when you fall in love with someone you shouldn't
Life has its jokes and games. They like to play with us.
Your case is not unusual regarding the fact that i have seen and experienced these kind of situations.
E.g. My cousin just got marrried. Nothing unusual, lovers get married in the end...mostly...the only difference is that he is marrying the girlfriend of his best friend of 10 yrs.
They went to the same Uni to study, but my cousin's best friend graduated earlier, so he left first. There left my cousin and the girl. Slowly as time goes by, feelings developed.And she realized that my cousin is the one she wants. This was told to me by my cousin's younger sister. She also told me that the girl confessed that she had the feelings for a very long time.
So, your case is normal. It does not mean that he betrayed your best friend to be with you makes him a bad guy. Feelings can never be totally controlled, no matter how hard you try. Once you have it, you have it.
Just do what you think you have to do. We can only advise you, but ultimately the choice is yours. Whatever decision you make, no one is wrong here. Dont blame yourself, the guy or your best friend. This is life. Reality. -
it isn't wrong to fall in love with a guy, esp. if that guy is ur best fren's steady......
if the guy and ur best fren are a very close couple, and seems inseperable........, but still can manage to stray....
it's hard to confirm that he won't do the same to u.....
my earlier post was juz as a reminder.....
as alwiz, i like to say this ==> we live our own lives, whatever decisions we make, be it gd or bad, we have to live with whatever is left over for us........
and so..... if we know what's going to come at us, we have to face it...
u have only 2 choices (from the most general POV), one is love, being with the guy and forget abt frenship.... the other, is frenship, let the guy and ur best fren continue on......
ultimately, a sacrifice has to be made, no such thing as a win-win situation... in this manner.....
reality bites, and it bites hard..... -
Saw him tonight after trying to avoid him all week...
It hadn't been easy...
U c.. me and my 2 best friends works together in the same company... and we have made it our habit to go for supper after knocking off from work.. and it's very common for both their bfs to join us.. so, this whole week i've been coming up with one excuse after another to avoid going for supper... if i heard that he is coming to the office, i'll rush straight to the ladies or will go hide in my studio...
It's not the solution i know.. it's juz that for the time being i need some time to sort out how i feel.. and seeing him wouldn't help...
Both my friends had sensed that something was wrong with me... they kept insisting i tell them what it is that is bothering me.. why am i so moody lately....
We are the best of friends.... we know each other's deepest secrets and never keep anything from each other... but how do i tell them that i'm betraying one of them by being with her bf???
It was one of our colleague's birthday party.. and i could'nt come up with any excuses not to be there....
Seeing him tells me that this is not going to be easy on me..
But do i really have a choice? My feelings for him does not reflects his for me... rite? All this time with him, i'd never gathered enough courage to ask him where do i stand in his heart.. do i even belong? we've always avoided talking about our feelings.. so i dun relly know how he feels... but when i'm with him.. i truly felt loved.. i felt safe.. but was it real? is it worth giving up a frenship for?
There's too many questions... even though the both of them dun get along at times... but when they do.. u can see that they care for each other very much.. their's is a relationship of 3 years... there's a solid base there.. Our's is a frenship that took a leap into sex... in my case my feelings for him grew.. but can i say the same for him???
Is he willing to give up a relationship of 3 years to be with me?? even if he is willing.. do i really want to watch it go down the drain because of me???
I'm really confused... sigh... love was never so complicated before this... why is it now????
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Just tell yourself what you wanna and DO IT.... You think TOO MUCH.... Ain't gonna get you anywhere...?Originally posted by Dallas:Saw him tonight after trying to avoid him all week...
It hadn't been easy...
U c.. me and my 2 best friends works together in the same company... and we have made it our habit to go for supper after knocking off from work.. and it's very common for both their bfs to join us.. so, this whole week i've been coming up with one excuse after another to avoid going for supper... if i heard that he is coming to the office, i'll rush straight to the ladies or will go hide in my studio...
It's not the solution i know.. it's juz that for the time being i need some time to sort out how i feel.. and seeing him wouldn't help...
Both my friends had sensed that something was wrong with me... they kept insisting i tell them what it is that is bothering me.. why am i so moody lately....
We are the best of friends.... we know each other's deepest secrets and never keep anything from each other... but how do i tell them that i'm betraying one of them by being with her bf???
It was one of our colleague's birthday party.. and i could'nt come up with any excuses not to be there....
Seeing him tells me that this is not going to be easy on me..
But do i really have a choice? My feelings for him does not reflects his for me... rite? All this time with him, i'd never gathered enough courage to ask him where do i stand in his heart.. do i even belong? we've always avoided talking about our feelings.. so i dun relly know how he feels... but when i'm with him.. i truly felt loved.. i felt safe.. but was it real? is it worth giving up a frenship for?
There's too many questions... even though the both of them dun get along at times... but when they do.. u can see that they care for each other very much.. their's is a relationship of 3 years... there's a solid base there.. Our's is a frenship that took a leap into sex... in my case my feelings for him grew.. but can i say the same for him???
Is he willing to give up a relationship of 3 years to be with me?? even if he is willing.. do i really want to watch it go down the drain because of me???
I'm really confused... sigh... love was never so complicated before this... why is it now????
...... If you want more help, e-mail me at [email protected]...
~good luck..? -
Two wrong doesn't make a right - do not accept him within if he is willing to destroy this three years relation with her girlfriend because you will never able to recover from the critical blow that would give you.Originally posted by Dallas:Saw him tonight after trying to avoid him all week...
It hadn't been easy...
U c.. me and my 2 best friends works together in the same company... and we have made it our habit to go for supper after knocking off from work.. and it's very common for both their bfs to join us.. so, this whole week i've been coming up with one excuse after another to avoid going for supper... if i heard that he is coming to the office, i'll rush straight to the ladies or will go hide in my studio...
It's not the solution i know.. it's juz that for the time being i need some time to sort out how i feel.. and seeing him wouldn't help...
Both my friends had sensed that something was wrong with me... they kept insisting i tell them what it is that is bothering me.. why am i so moody lately....
We are the best of friends.... we know each other's deepest secrets and never keep anything from each other... but how do i tell them that i'm betraying one of them by being with her bf???
It was one of our colleague's birthday party.. and i could'nt come up with any excuses not to be there....
Seeing him tells me that this is not going to be easy on me..
But do i really have a choice? My feelings for him does not reflects his for me... rite? All this time with him, i'd never gathered enough courage to ask him where do i stand in his heart.. do i even belong? we've always avoided talking about our feelings.. so i dun relly know how he feels... but when i'm with him.. i truly felt loved.. i felt safe.. but was it real? is it worth giving up a frenship for?
There's too many questions... even though the both of them dun get along at times... but when they do.. u can see that they care for each other very much.. their's is a relationship of 3 years... there's a solid base there.. Our's is a frenship that took a leap into sex... in my case my feelings for him grew.. but can i say the same for him???
Is he willing to give up a relationship of 3 years to be with me?? even if he is willing.. do i really want to watch it go down the drain because of me???
I'm really confused... sigh... love was never so complicated before this... why is it now???? 
Reputation crash, under social vicious gossip, under strange stares - this is psychologically damaging and even if that guy is with you - he won't do a sh|t to save you from this. TRUST ME - he will only carry the name of being a two timer - while *you* will carry the name of s|ut, b|tches, wh0re, etc. (Pardon my words, because of the seriousness of this case & for your sake, I cannot be soft on my words.)
Paper cannot prevent fire from burning - it is sooner or later that they might find out. I strongly suggest to take a counter route - which means you have to speak with that guy and throw everything out - work for a solution as in you don't want to see him kind of shit - be firm or you will lose. You see - the thing is that you *cannot* breathe a word to anyone, except here - where your identity is a secret. If is very killing to your emotions - but think again, you could speak to him, who is partially responsible for this fated incident to happen. At the very least when you blast everything to him - you will get him to avoid you *OR* at least you will feel better when you and your best friend are together with their boyfriend.
Woman are sensitive as hell - if you don't do that, your secret will be exposed sooner or later. You could blame it on PMS for your behavior now, but don't drag it too long. By blasting to him - you shift partially the guilt to him - because you are now carrying the burden. (I deduce from his conducting normal behavior like visiting to your workplace, without feeling very much awkward or different - which again shows how irresponsible and lame he is.)
Your feelings is there because you have a crush and he *knows* your weakness. This meaningless ONS that happen only brings out the womanly insecurity, confusion and more love for this guy, which is all *illusionary*. Woman needs to be emotional satisfied when it comes to sex, not just physical - so when that doesn't happen, gulity often take place.
Prays. (You could pte msg me, if you need to ask anything) -
the funniest thing happened yesterday... i was out for lunch with my two good frens when all the sudden one of them said that they noe the reason why i've been so moody lately... At that moment my heart really stopped beating... it was until my mind registered the fact that she was smilling that i'd started breathing again... she wouldn't have been smilling if she knew the real reason...
the reason both of them came up with was that i was without a boyfren for far too long... and because of the holiday seasons lately.. it's only natural that i felt lonely and left out.. especially when the two of them are already attached... then on and on they went telling abt tis guy they noe and tat guy tat would juz be the one for me...
the irony of it all... at tat time i'd really felt like screaming out loud tat tat's not the reason... at tat time i'd really felt like confessing it all, then beg for mercy!!! end all tis misery once and for all.... but i managed to smile instead and juz shook my head saying tat's not e reason.
I guess my behaviour nowadays is really affecting everybody... sad to say it had also affected my work... ppl are noticing how quiet i've been and how often i seemed to retreat into my own world...i really felt bad....
I'll be meeting him tonight... if everything goes well, we'll be nding this charade once and for all... then maybe then i'll be able to carry on with my life..now, juz thinking abt it hurts too much...wish me luck.. i'll definitely need it... tat and the courage to let go... -
~good luck....Originally posted by Dallas:the funniest thing happened yesterday... i was out for lunch with my two good frens when all the sudden one of them said that they noe the reason why i've been so moody lately... At that moment my heart really stopped beating... it was until my mind registered the fact that she was smilling that i'd started breathing again... she wouldn't have been smilling if she knew the real reason...
the reason both of them came up with was that i was without a boyfren for far too long... and because of the holiday seasons lately.. it's only natural that i felt lonely and left out.. especially when the two of them are already attached... then on and on they went telling abt tis guy they noe and tat guy tat would juz be the one for me...
the irony of it all... at tat time i'd really felt like screaming out loud tat tat's not the reason... at tat time i'd really felt like confessing it all, then beg for mercy!!! end all tis misery once and for all.... but i managed to smile instead and juz shook my head saying tat's not e reason.
I guess my behaviour nowadays is really affecting everybody... sad to say it had also affected my work... ppl are noticing how quiet i've been and how often i seemed to retreat into my own world...i really felt bad....
I'll be meeting him tonight... if everything goes well, we'll be nding this charade once and for all... then maybe then i'll be able to carry on with my life..now, juz thinking abt it hurts too much...wish me luck.. i'll definitely need it... tat and the courage to let go... -
hope things go well for you.....
am just in the beginning of the stage where am trying hard to avoid the 'other' person am seeing... been trying to drw the line btw this guy and i for a while now...but while i've been at it, i've been fallin' for him more...
does not help that we wrk together... wish me luck too... *hugz... -
Perhaps you should talk with Dallas..?Originally posted by fiona:hope things go well for you.....
am just in the beginning of the stage where am trying hard to avoid the 'other' person am seeing... been trying to drw the line btw this guy and i for a while now...but while i've been at it, i've been fallin' for him more...
does not help that we wrk together... wish me luck too... *hugz... -
*nods...been reading this thread for a while...felt that i can relate to dallas...
anyway, the update is that, i've finally spoken to the guy on fri and have drawn the line btw us. was really difficult and i felt terrible... worst of all as am a person who hides my feelin's when i saw his tears, i just stood there in front of him and appeared emotionless. (to him that is) He now feels that he put in more into wat we had and i felt really hurt by that comment. Met him at work again on sat. and my heart just tore... am trying to resist all temptation to tok to him abt things other then work related stuff. I know its goin' to be really difficult for both us to meet each other at wrk the next few days.
If i think abt things with my head rationally, I feel that I've done the rite thing by keepin my distance from him... i like him, and i dun wan to hurt him, neither does he deserve to play second fiddle in my life, neither does my BF deserve this sort of behaviour from me.
i hope i've done the rite thing. -
HIya... very glad that you have made a decision...Originally posted by fiona:*nods...been reading this thread for a while...felt that i can relate to dallas...
anyway, the update is that, i've finally spoken to the guy on fri and have drawn the line btw us. was really difficult and i felt terrible... worst of all as am a person who hides my feelin's when i saw his tears, i just stood there in front of him and appeared emotionless. (to him that is) He now feels that he put in more into wat we had and i felt really hurt by that comment. Met him at work again on sat. and my heart just tore... am trying to resist all temptation to tok to him abt things other then work related stuff. I know its goin' to be really difficult for both us to meet each other at wrk the next few days.
If i think abt things with my head rationally, I feel that I've done the rite thing by keepin my distance from him... i like him, and i dun wan to hurt him, neither does he deserve to play second fiddle in my life, neither does my BF deserve this sort of behaviour from me.
i hope i've done the rite thing.
Hope that things will continue working out the way you want it to be...
Like ya i had finally broke my relationship wz him...
These past few days had really been tough on me... My mood swings like a pendulum out of control that even i'm a bit afraid of myself...
I'm experiencing all this yet i dun think that it affects him at all....
That night when i trash it out wz him... i was crying so hard i tot my eyeballs would probably pop out anytime... and all he did was just gave me a hug and a kiss on my forehead and he went off!!!!
Till today... i have yet to see him... nor did he made any attempt to contact me....
The both of us are working really hard to avoid each other... My fren made a comment yesterday saying that he have been acting very weird... that he kept saying that he's very tired or not feeling too well every time she ask him to come over for supper with us...
Today's my turn not feeling too well when she called and ask me to go out for a swim!!
I'm coping, i guess.. i occupy my time doing as much as i could so that i won't spend my time dwelling on this situation....
But still the memories of us together comes haunt me often...
I'd been advise my the good samaritans of this forum to do more constructive things to occupy my time and thoughts...
Oh... and to stay away from sappy love songs... they really influence your mood...
Well, fiona... like you, i could really relate to your situations too...you're definitely not alone in this... hope that everything will out well for you...
rgds -
thanx dallas...hope things are lookin' up for you. For me, I've managed to stick to my decision and 'he' is finally talking to me again which is a great relief as there's another project coming up we have to work on together.
you take care and i wish you well -
I'd finally met him after a very very long week...
Seeing him stirs up all the emotions i thought i'd finally contain...
I'd really felt like crying... I thought i'm finally over him.. but seeing him again kept reminding me of what could've been in between us..
Yes.. I could stop my actions yet i couldn't stop my thoughts.. and just thinking about it makes me guilty as hell...
He tried to act normal... a little too hard i think... somehow it seems fake... if i wasn't so sad.. i would have laughed.. after so long, he'd finally finds it weird being around his two lovers at the same time...
We both avoided talking to each other.. if our eyes met accidentally, one of us would quickly look away... Is this how it's going to be in the coming future??
He called me after i got back home..
Just wanted to know how i am, he said... told him i'm ok..
So anything happened recently at work?, he asked, a little absurd when his gf work at the same place as me..if anything happened he would have known.. i said no..
there were very long pauses in between...
he didn't call just for small chats, that's for sure...
so,why'd he called? i asked...
err..nothing, just wanted to chat, he hesitantly answered...
more long pauses..
He finally put the phone down.. and he never got around saying whatever it was he wanted to say... and my heart felt as empty as ever...
I really do miss him so.... -
Trying to prevent the inevitable is like trying to stop Earth from rotating, trying to stop life from continuing, trying to stop everyone from posting in sgforum, etc.
In short... don't waste your effort. Save your thoughts and feelings and tears.
The topic is Falling in Love with Someone you Shouldn't - heed it. Falling back to history will only causes stagnant and misery.
P.S: There is only two things in Love - either you move or you fall back - you can't stay there. You have made the starting move already - continue and persist - you will walk out.
Cheers -
You are evilOriginally posted by Dallas:Nothing can describe the guilt and hurt u harbor in your heart when you know what you're doing is wrong... I'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend....
I made a wrong choice of accepting his invitation for dinner one night and it went beyond tat... i've been regreting ever since..
Yet what i felt for him is strong...
I'm playing with fire i noe.. betraying my friend...
I'll be paying for the consequenses... that's what happened when you fall in love with someone you shouldn't
I pray that you won't get to be my best friend? -
Hmm... Interesting signature...?Originally posted by JeweL81:You are evil I pray that you won't get to be my best friend? 
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hi dallas... i know yr pain...just when i thot things were bk to normal... how naive of me... he just told me this morning that he bought me a domain with the url i wanted.. I sat at my table lost for words..not knowing how to react. It was horrible, the past few days, following the episode tht followed after fri. We felt really yuckie facing each other.. I tried hard not to show my feelings.. tryin' to act as if nothing has happened, while he sat there all gloomy. All my colleagues have been asking me what hppened to him and I really feel a great pang of guilt as I know i've played a row in it...It really hurts me to do this to him and to see him upset... but this is the most rational decision if i care for him....i guess...
dallas, though our situation is similar yet different, lets walk through this together and stick by our decisions.... i feel both of us have made a rational choice and though it hurts and worst of all we have to face the other party rather often...we should take a deep breath and walk through this awkard time.. i believe when we look back upon this, we will realise we did the rite thing and at least our concious(sp error..paisay) wun prick.
hang in there.... when you hear the song by mariah carey's 'through the rain' listen to the lyrics.... I believe YOU will make it through the rain... -
had it long ago ,,,, maybe it is significant to you only Now ?Originally posted by Devil1976:Hmm... Interesting signature...? -
Why change it?Originally posted by JeweL81:had it long ago ,,,, maybe it is significant to you only Now ?