How to get someone you love to quit smoking?
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limpper... i talking cock only la... but getting someone to quit is not easy... u may end up screwing ur relationship.. like me.. i'm a victim of "force to quit".. end up i had to cheat my partner that i quit.. go out with her cannot smoke.. den i dun bring her to places where i'll get tempted to smoke, like meet with friends, KTV, clubbing, fishing... end up only go shopping everytime..
If only she allows me to smoke.. life will be much prettier. my case is not extrem cos i have other friends like me also.. so i can't stand it if others wan their partners to quit... it's rubbish and u rick screwing ur RS
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I went from 40 sticks a day to zero. My last stick was 1 year ago.
To the threadstarter,
I believe you are using the wrong approach to make a smoker stop.
You make her believe that quitting is going to be miserable and hard and will require a lot of will power and sacrifices.
All of the above is not true at all.
Quitting is easy and does not require any will power at all.
This long post is for those who genuinely think about quitting.
Our highly intelligent Government believes that by putting some interesting pictures on the cigarette boxes will make some smokers cry and decide to stop
But as usual, they have missed the obvious logic:
The reason why a smoker should stop is not the reason why he smokes in the first place.
Quitting only becomes easy when you analyze all the reasons and situations you smoke and realize that none of these so called reasons are valid in the first place.
In other words, you have to see through the bullshit, you have been deceived into believing that cigarette actually does something for you.
The fact is that it does not do anything for you at all!
From what I observed and experienced:
Hardcore smokers find it much easier to quit than a social smoker.
When you smoke up to 40 sticks on a daily basis, you will stumble upon the most important discovery and realization a smoker can have.
Smoking is NEVER enjoyable or pleasurable.
You also realize the following:
Smoking does not help you to concentrate.
You are merely under the illusion that you can concentrate better. The reality is this;
A nicotine monster was planted in your body when you took that first puff of your life.
This little monster is always hungry.
Whenever you need to concentrate, he will disrupt your thoughts and let you know that he needs to be fed.
It is only after you relent and feed him that you will finally be able to concentrate.
In other words, the nicotine monster in your body is like a little son of a bitch in a room who is crying non stop. You need to calm the little fucker down before he lets you focus on what you need to do.
It does not help you to concentrate.
It has gotten you by the balls and you are just his slave.
Smoking does not cure boredom
Some people feel the urge to smoke when they have nothing to do.
For example, when they are waiting for someone, waiting for the bus or when they have finished some work and want to take a break.
The next time when you are bored and have the urge to smoke, indulge yourself by smoking a few more sticks than you usually do.
Guess what will happen after the smoke?
You will still feel fucking bored and empty!
We are bored because we have a boring life.
No matter how many sticks we smoke, life will still boring!
So go out there and change your life if you want to stop feeling bored.
Cigarette is not the answer.
Smoking does not relieve stress
Cigarettes give you the illusion that you are dealing with stress better.
This is closely tied to my point about how smoking does not help you to concentrate.
When people are stressed during some crisis, they usually need to concentrate and focus.
That’s when the little monster grabs your balls and squeezes them really hard.
You feel stressed because of the activities in your life.
Smoking does not reduce the frequency of these activities.
These activities are inherent from the environment we are in.
The only way you can reduce stress is by exercising and having a healthy diet and lifestyle.
If you have survived this long post, you might as well spend a bit more time to sit down and think hard about the following points:
Dieting requires will power.
Abstaining from sex requires will power as well.
The reason why you need will power for these is because they are enjoyable activities.
Quit smoking is easy and does not require will power AT ALL because you are not depriving yourself of something that is pleasurable or enjoyable.
You should not feel deprive when you quit.
That after meal smoke is not an enjoyment or pleasure to you. You feel better because you are feeding the nicotine monster in your body.
But do you want to continue being his slave?
You do know that the nicotine monster will eventually kill you if you don’t kill it first.
The only reason you are not quitting is because you are still under the illusion that cigarette does something for you.
It DOES NOT DO ANYTHING FOR YOU!
Smoking will not help you to concentrate. You are tricked into believing you can concentrate better.
Smoking will not make you less bored. Go out there and get a life.
Smoking will not reduce your stress level. In fact, you will be able to deal with stress much better if you are not a smoker.
You should be happy when you make the decision to quit because you have seen through the bullshit and illusion.
And it does not take a lot to kill the little monster. Just starve him for about a week and he will be as good as dead.
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Originally posted by GwenSilvz:
I was a smoker and is in the midst of quitting (from nearly a pack a day to 1 or 2 sticks a week now) My gf smokes as well and I'm trying to get her to quit
She SMS me just now and ask if i could buy a pack for her, in which I replied - No I will not. I can go out of my way to get you food or anything else but not cigarette.
Then her tone changed. From a sweet SMS to a one word - Night. I then sent her a couple of SMS asking her why not just quit. I said I know it's her choice to smoke and her own responsibility but when misfortune strikes, she's not the only one suffering. I told her I find it ironic that she smokes because she's stressed, but isn't getting cancer more stressful?
The hordes of messages that follow is really disheartening. She said that I implied that she's hopeless. Says that I'm bringing her down and goes on saying that I keep pin-pointing her mistake which I did not. She says that everything we argue even when I did not bring up anything from the past but that's not the issue.
She even called me crazy bla bla just because I suggested that she quit. I tried my best not to lose focus and blow up as well as I really want her to quit.
Any approach that I can try using??
Why are you trying to change her when you have already accepted her as your gf?
Wasn't she a smoker before she became your gf?
If that is so, let her be the one to come to the decision to stop smoking and it shouldn't come from you, especially when you called yourself the person who loved her.
Loving someone doesn't means taking away her freedom and owning her you know? You don't own her in anywhere and she is definitely free to walk out of you if you persists in your possessive behaviour.
Be grateful that she's not as smart to take that action and walk out of you right now.
If you really want her to quit, instead be more encouraging and loving towards her. She's also a human like yourself, and do you think she will like it if you tried to force your decision on her? Do you like it if she tries to force her decision on you?
Respect her as an individual and most importantly as your gf. Don't forget the fact that she is the person who accepted you to be her bf and not the other way round. Even if you imagined that you were the one who earned your way into her heart, but also bear in mind that the reason you could've done it is all because she gave you the opportunity to do so.
Do not be rude to the person you loved, and I would imagined you won't do that to your parents too because you loved them. So don't force your gf to do your bidding. If you cannot persuade her to quit smoking with your love, then you have certainly failed to make her love you enough to quit smoking for your sake that you would have to restort to behave in a lame and possessive manner in order to make her quit smoking for you.
You can say you're doing it all for her own good, but do you think she wanted to be your gf in the first place so that you could own her and force her to obey you? Do you think her parents would be happy if they knew what you've done? Would you be happy if your own daughter's bf done the same thing to your daughter like what you've done to your gf?
It's not her that needed the change at the moment, but it's YOU who urgently needed to change your perspective of this relationship before you reveal your own retardiness and drove her away with your immaturity.
Change YOU before it's too late, and I hope it's still not late for you to make that decision.
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it depends on how much you mean to her and whether you're a good enough reason for her to quit.
i hate to say this but when forced to choose between smoking and a boyfriend, i know what i'd rather have. cut her some slack and give her some credit �, if she doesn't smoke in your company, consider it a mountain moved.
you want her to quit completely is a bit 过分, and a complete turn off if you're still in the early stage of r/s (first 2 years). quit smoking now. 1 year later quit drinking. what else is next?
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If verbal communication dosen't work, you can try using written communication. Go type and print out all the reasons why he/she should quit smoking.
One thing I am certain is that unless both of you quit smoking, the relationship is pretty much over.
A person who does not care for self cannot care much for others.
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Originally posted by Karma88:
How to quit ?
Easier said then done .
I`ve been trying to quit for 6 months .
But all my friends smoke . So how to dont smoke ?
if u have the urge to smoke! just repeat this in ur mind! "if i smoke, my mother(your mother) DIE, if i smoke, my mother will die DIE DIE!" lol.. actually its mind over matter... Determination is also one of the keys to quit... good luck lol
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hmm. u should try to stop her when u r with her. if she smokes infront of you, simply use the gentlest way to stop her. like take away her cigaratte gently and if she gets angry, use ur sweetest tone to shush her lo. jus try all the ways u can to stop her la. "Every cigaratte takes away 3 minutes of your life." i heard that from a pastor. try telling that to her? gd luck.
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I have been a heavy smoker for around 14 years. Have tried quitting many times, but it's really not easy.
Had once stopped smoking for a whole week becos of my ex, but she got soft-hearted when I looked tired and had running nose etc. due to withdrawal... She eventually gave in and after a few years together, had sometimes even bought me cigs when she's coming over to my place.
She had told me before that she'd never marry a smoker when we were first together. After the first year, she stopped nagging except when I smoke beside her. On the second year, she accepted the fact that I can't quit and told me that I had to cut down on smoking next time when we're married. During the third year together, she asked me if she should start smoking as well so we can 'do things together'.
Prob if she had stood her ground back then, I'd have quit successfully.
She did tell me that the reason she didn't want me to smoke is that, she wanted us to live happily together for a long time. And that she's selfish and didn't want me to die before her...cos she couldn't take such a blow. Well, in the end...she left me for another guy. The irony...
