Parents don't approve GF
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Originally posted by yamizi:
That's why I said think through carefully. And I didn't say think overnight.If it's what you want, then whichever religion that you choose would only be subjective truth and not objective truth.
Think about it, take care =)
that's the issue here, why am I not even allowed to date a malay girl? I never said I'm getting married. I am thinking things through very carefully.
dumbdumb! is right. I already know what I want.
What i've got from this debate is:
1. I ought to pay more attention to what my parents think
2. Ways to make my parents accept her
3. Some disapproval, insults, rude jokes about circumcision
Well obviously only two categories were important to me. I thank you all for your help. I really do not expect to learn anymore at this point. Bye bye.
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
that's the issue here, why am I not even allowed to date a malay girl? I never said I'm getting married. I am thinking things through very carefully.
dumbdumb! is right. I already know what I want.
What i've got from this debate is:
1. I ought to pay more attention to what my parents think
2. Ways to make my parents accept her
3. Some disapproval, insults, rude jokes about circumcision
Well obviously only two categories were important to me. I thank you all for your help. I really do not expect to learn anymore at this point. Bye bye.
by this way, u r not seeking for suggestion at all then... u r just testing the public reaction for an interracial r/s...
win-win is (win some, lose some) = compromise.since u r already set ur mind/bend on taking this r/s, whats the use of the public consultation on this forum topic...?
and y almost all cases r the non-muslim guy/gal converting... its a rather unfair issue... last few days newspaper reported that a christian chinese converted to islam a few years back want to convert back to christian now, but the high court of malaysia threw her case out of the window...u can date anyone u want, just that u need to be scrutinised and under public stares... any religion any race also can...
tv comedian adrain pang wife is a british, mp tan bow tan wife IIRC is also a british...
anyway... it would be of less controversial if u r dating a nonya girl (Peranakan). -
if u tink tats good for u, go ahead.
u live ur life not others live ur life.
its ok to make a decision, but make sure its one tat u dont regret.
goodluck
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Originally posted by BrUtUs:
mean u hv to slice abit of ur bro...?
this is the reply u get from the mod of sgsexforum.
they get straight to the point.
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I know whatyou mean. When I first got together with my now-husband, my mum used to say,"why don't you like chinese guys? Are there no chinese guys?" I was offended. If my husband did not say anything demeaning or derogatory wrt to race about my mum, it's very hurtful my mum keeps continuing down that line.
Sadly, until today, I don't think she fully accepted him. She sometimes treats him like a servant/driver. At least she doesn't say those things anymore and accepted the marriage. I don't really bother to think about my relatives, I totally get what you mean about hypocrisy. I don't see anything wrong in marrying someone I love even though we are from different cultures, nationalities, even social backgrounds. What's not important is the past and things you can't change. We share the same dreams, the same ideals, same intellectual level and educational level. Better than my relative who married a myanmese who doesn't even have a common language with him. So weird. Now that's weird. Don't think about judging me. I don't give a flying fuck.
All yeah, and the stares from strangers. Just makes me wana leave this hellhole.
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
that's the issue here, why am I not even allowed to date a malay girl? I never said I'm getting married. I am thinking things through very carefully.
dumbdumb! is right. I already know what I want.
What i've got from this debate is:
1. I ought to pay more attention to what my parents think
2. Ways to make my parents accept her
3. Some disapproval, insults, rude jokes about circumcision
Well obviously only two categories were important to me. I thank you all for your help. I really do not expect to learn anymore at this point. Bye bye.
I get that too. People ask me, then you have to eat a lot of curry? I tell them, I LOVE CURRY. YOU??
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TBH I dun give a flying fuck about stares from strangers or snide comments
I take it as a compliment
They are just jealous since he is in everyway better than their partner
And no he does not fall into any of the stereotype categories
The only difference here is that I'm lucky that my parents are supportive of the relationship and saw the man beyond race and skin colour.
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Originally posted by foxwalk:
I know whatyou mean. When I first got together with my now-husband, my mum used to say,"why don't you like chinese guys? Are there no chinese guys?" I was offended. If my husband did not say anything demeaning or derogatory wrt to race about my mum, it's very hurtful my mum keeps continuing down that line.
Sadly, until today, I don't think she fully accepted him. She sometimes treats him like a servant/driver. At least she doesn't say those things anymore and accepted the marriage. I don't really bother to think about my relatives, I totally get what you mean about hypocrisy. I don't see anything wrong in marrying someone I love even though we are from different cultures, nationalities, even social backgrounds. What's not important is the past and things you can't change. We share the same dreams, the same ideals, same intellectual level and educational level. Better than my relative who married a myanmese who doesn't even have a common language with him. So weird. Now that's weird. Don't think about judging me. I don't give a flying fuck.
All yeah, and the stares from strangers. Just makes me wana leave this hellhole.
Ooh,you marry indian huh?
=D
Indian Chinese babies are super cute!!
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Originally posted by Quinsy:
Ooh,you marry indian huh?
=D
Indian Chinese babies are super cute!!
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My mom once told me: No matter who the child is with or marry to, if the parents object, it's just temporary. In the end, it's their choice. Parents reaction is for the well being of the child. They can only hope that their child won't regret the choice he or she made. So, if you guys are really serious about it ( meaning planning for a future, having a family), then go for it.
On the other hand, as you say, she is a nice gal and you think it's just left with only your parents to approve then it would be a perfect picture. But what about in long run? If you never think of marryin this gal, why be together in the first place where you have to go through all these problems? My point is, don't rush to conclusion.
It's not just the race and religion but how you 2 are brought up in a very different family of rules and regulations. Are you sure there wont be any ways whereby you and your gf wont conflict in at all in future living together? Put it the other way round. Why is it not your gf giving in to you by converting out instead? You're doing it one-sided I guess. (correct me if I'm wrong)
Traditional chinese parents are always like that. Face comes first for traditional parents. How are they going to face their relatives and so on? Both parties have their dignity, reputation and principles to uphold. I'm in the same situation as you as well in some ways, but to avoid getting into getting "trouble" with my parents, my relationship is not disclosed to anyone cos my bf and I never know whether we will be marryin to each other in the end. It's not we don't believe in each other but shit happens sometimes. Therefore, we didn't want to upset anyone in the mean time, or go thru all the dramas at the moment., since everything is not comfirm yet till maybe we are really getting married as in till we are engaged or sth like tat. Imagine, (not cursing you) but if one day you and your gf broke up for some reason we never know, won't all these dramas between you and your parents esp your father, seems like you going through and fighting for nothin?
No matter what you choose, show respect and gratitude to your parents. They give you what you have, brought you up to the person you become. Is that how you're going to repay their kindness?
There are too many elements in life that you have to sacrifice sometimes cos of the decision you made. Love is not everything. Loving someone doesnt mean you have to possess him or her.
In the mean time, why not just enjoy life, enjoy what you have and appreciate it. -
Originally posted by Tequila vodka:
On the other hand, as you say, she is a nice gal and you think it's just left with only your parents to approve then it would be a perfect picture. But what about in long run? If you never think of marryin this gal, why be together in the first place where you have to go through all these problems? My point is, don't rush to conclusion.
It's not just the race and religion but how you 2 are brought up in a very different family of rules and regulations. Are you sure there wont be any ways whereby you and your gf wont conflict in at all in future living together? Put it the other way round. Why is it not your gf giving in to you by converting out instead? You're doing it one-sided I guess. (correct me if I'm wrong)
Traditional chinese parents are always like that. Face comes first for traditional parents. How are they going to face their relatives and so on? Both parties have their dignity, reputation and principles to uphold. I'm in the same situation as you as well in some ways, but to avoid getting into getting "trouble" with my parents, my relationship is not disclosed to anyone cos my bf and I never know whether we will be marryin to each other in the end. It's not we don't believe in each other but shit happens sometimes. Therefore, we didn't want to upset anyone in the mean time, or go thru all the dramas at the moment., since everything is not comfirm yet till maybe we are really getting married as in till we are engaged or sth like tat. Imagine, (not cursing you) but if one day you and your gf broke up for some reason we never know, won't all these dramas between you and your parents esp your father, seems like you going through and fighting for nothin?
No matter what you choose, show respect and gratitude to your parents. They give you what you have, brought you up to the person you become. Is that how you're going to repay their kindness?
There are too many elements in life that you have to sacrifice sometimes cos of the decision you made. Love is not everything. Loving someone doesnt mean you have to possess him or her.
In the mean time, why not just enjoy life, enjoy what you have and appreciate it.I said I wasn't going to reply to this thread anymore because some people do not understand what the thread was about in the first place. All they can see is the outrage of a son who has the audacity to go against his parents for the love of a malay girl.
Being filial is one thing. But know this, we are ultimately accountable to God. Treat your parents well is one thing. Obliging your parents when they are wrong is still a sin.
If your parents say "Don't friend this indian boy, indians are smelly."
Would you follow their wishes?
Same goes to "Don't date malay girls, malays are stupid."
Each of us has a moral compass in us that knows right from wrong. Traditions can be wrong. And it is fatal to our country if we keep clinging to those that are detrimental to our society. What happened to "regardless of race, language and religion"?
Racism can go both ways. But as a chinese. I am very aware that any chinese dating a malay or indian will face strong opposition from their family.
How would you feel if you dated a white british girl and her parents forbid her because you are a "chink" and therefore "inferior" or "unsuitable"? Is it an indignity to marry someone who is a malay or indian? What reputation is there to uphold? One as a racist? Fxxx that. Yes I am pissed off with all this "tradition" and "face" bullshit. Anyone suscribing to this, you're a FXXXXG RACIST. Hypocrites the bunch of you, complaining ang mohs are so arrogant and here you are putting other races down.
Is being Chinese in any way superior to indians or malays as Ang Mohs are superior to all of us? If two people are in love and can accept their differences, who can tell them otherwise?
This is surely my last post here. Nothing I say will change the minds of those who oppose or cling onto "traditions". I have obtained some good advice but also a lot of ranting from people who did not even read my question, let alone understand it.
If I dated a Brit, my parents would approve. Let's say her parents don't approve simply because I'm chinese. How will my parent's feel? Now, what do they think my girlfen's parents would feel if I accede to my parent's requests.
Whatever, I leave this debate to you guys. It's really pointless for me to carry on. Flame me or whatever I don't care. One post cannot change a lifetime of prejudiced values programmed into a person's brain. It takes too much effort. Effort I'm willing to put into my parents only.
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
I said I wasn't going to reply to this thread anymore because some people do not understand what the thread was about in the first place. All they can see is the outrage of a son who has the audacity to go against his parents for the love of a malay girl.
Being filial is one thing. But know this, we are ultimately accountable to God. Treat your parents well is one thing. Obliging your parents when they are wrong is still a sin.
If your parents say "Don't friend this indian boy, indians are smelly."
Would you follow their wishes?
Same goes to "Don't date malay girls, malays are stupid."
Each of us has a moral compass in us that knows right from wrong. Traditions can be wrong. And it is fatal to our country if we keep clinging to those that are detrimental to our society. What happened to "regardless of race, language and religion"?
Racism can go both ways. But as a chinese. I am very aware that any chinese dating a malay or indian will face strong opposition from their family.
How would you feel if you dated a white british girl and her parents forbid her because you are a "chink" and therefore "inferior" or "unsuitable"? Is it an indignity to marry someone who is a malay or indian? What reputation is there to uphold? One as a racist? Fxxx that. Yes I am pissed off with all this "tradition" and "face" bullshit. Anyone suscribing to this, you're a FXXXXG RACIST. Hypocrites the bunch of you, complaining ang mohs are so arrogant and here you are putting other races down.
Is being Chinese in any way superior to indians or malays as Ang Mohs are superior to all of us? If two people are in love and can accept their differences, who can tell them otherwise?
This is surely my last post here. Nothing I say will change the minds of those who oppose or cling onto "traditions". I have obtained some good advice but also a lot of ranting from people who did not even read my question, let alone understand it.
If I dated a Brit, my parents would approve. Let's say her parents don't approve simply because I'm chinese. How will my parent's feel? Now, what do they think my girlfen's parents would feel if I accede to my parent's requests.
Whatever, I leave this debate to you guys. It's really pointless for me to carry on. Flame me or whatever I don't care. One post cannot change a lifetime of prejudiced values programmed into a person's brain. It takes too much effort. Effort I'm willing to put into my parents only.
funng thing is, my parents(chinese) are pretty racist about malays and indians but the feeling they give me is they'll rather have me marry a local malay or indian rather than a prc chinese
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
that's the issue here, why am I not even allowed to date a malay girl? I never said I'm getting married. I am thinking things through very carefully.
dumbdumb! is right. I already know what I want.
What i've got from this debate is:
1. I ought to pay more attention to what my parents think
2. Ways to make my parents accept her
3. Some disapproval, insults, rude jokes about circumcision
Well obviously only two categories were important to me. I thank you all for your help. I really do not expect to learn anymore at this point. Bye bye.
Ok date her. When you want to marry her - then it is time to sort them out. My parents don't approve of the guys I date but at the end of the day ,their advice is :don't get too serious with them .
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date is still okay, they will obviously nag and nag.... but when u wanna marry , it's time to talk seriously...
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
I said I wasn't going to reply to this thread anymore because some people do not understand what the thread was about in the first place. All they can see is the outrage of a son who has the audacity to go against his parents for the love of a malay girl.
Being filial is one thing. But know this, we are ultimately accountable to God. Treat your parents well is one thing. Obliging your parents when they are wrong is still a sin.
If your parents say "Don't friend this indian boy, indians are smelly."
Would you follow their wishes?
Same goes to "Don't date malay girls, malays are stupid."
Each of us has a moral compass in us that knows right from wrong. Traditions can be wrong. And it is fatal to our country if we keep clinging to those that are detrimental to our society. What happened to "regardless of race, language and religion"?
Racism can go both ways. But as a chinese. I am very aware that any chinese dating a malay or indian will face strong opposition from their family.
How would you feel if you dated a white british girl and her parents forbid her because you are a "chink" and therefore "inferior" or "unsuitable"? Is it an indignity to marry someone who is a malay or indian? What reputation is there to uphold? One as a racist? Fxxx that. Yes I am pissed off with all this "tradition" and "face" bullshit. Anyone suscribing to this, you're a FXXXXG RACIST. Hypocrites the bunch of you, complaining ang mohs are so arrogant and here you are putting other races down.
Is being Chinese in any way superior to indians or malays as Ang Mohs are superior to all of us? If two people are in love and can accept their differences, who can tell them otherwise?
This is surely my last post here. Nothing I say will change the minds of those who oppose or cling onto "traditions". I have obtained some good advice but also a lot of ranting from people who did not even read my question, let alone understand it.
If I dated a Brit, my parents would approve. Let's say her parents don't approve simply because I'm chinese. How will my parent's feel? Now, what do they think my girlfen's parents would feel if I accede to my parent's requests.
Whatever, I leave this debate to you guys. It's really pointless for me to carry on. Flame me or whatever I don't care. One post cannot change a lifetime of prejudiced values programmed into a person's brain. It takes too much effort. Effort I'm willing to put into my parents only.
I'm okay with inter-racial marriages. Just that don't understand, say if you marry a christian, you have to become a christian; and marry a muslim, you have to become one.
Why is it usually the non-christian/muslim has to give in? This is something that I cannot figure out.
Why cannot say the christian/muslim to convert out of their faith in respect to their spouses?
It's not even about prejudice to begin with, even if it is, who is having prejudice against who?
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Originally posted by yamizi:
I'm okay with inter-racial marriages. Just that don't understand, say if you marry a christian, you have to become a christian; and marry a muslim, you have to become one.
Why is it usually the non-christian/muslim has to give in? This is something that I cannot figure out.
Why cannot say the christian/muslim to convert out of their faith in respect to their spouses?
It's not even about prejudice to begin with, even if it is, who is having prejudice against who?
If the muslim converts out of islam in Singapore , they get octracised.
If the muslim converts out of islam in some muslim countries , they get killed.
If a christian converts out of Christianity , the consequences are lighter.
It is also according to Islamic law that the muslim girl can only marry a muslim boy, if I am not wrong.
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Originally posted by R3D3V1L:
i said before i know what he thinks. now things would be a lot less controversial if i were to convert to say Christianity. you know it. if people are usually able to convert to Christianity, Catholism, Bhuddism, Taosim... why the fuss over Islam?
Do you know why? cos it is a no-turning back decision. You have to change your name, your surname which is part of filial piety of the Chinese, even if you refuse to accept that carrying on the surname is utmost important filial piety.And by converting to Islam, you have committed your future decendents to Islam too. Like your gf cannot denounce Islam, your future decendents/generations no longer have the rights to choose their own religion.
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Originally posted by yamizi:
I'm okay with inter-racial marriages. Just that don't understand, say if you marry a christian, you have to become a christian; and marry a muslim, you have to become one.
Why is it usually the non-christian/muslim has to give in? This is something that I cannot figure out.
Why cannot say the christian/muslim to convert out of their faith in respect to their spouses?
It's not even about prejudice to begin with, even if it is, who is having prejudice against who?
This is not true. As much as the bible has stated that a christian should marry a christian, christians marrying non-christians are still very common, and they will not be treated as outcast. Unlike Islam, where this is strictly enforced. If a muslim were to marry a non-muslim, they will be despised by the entire muslim community.
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It's true christians do marry non-christians (it goes against the word of god; which sorta leads us to question their devotion in the first place) and they are not outcasted the same way as the islamic religion, they usually attempt to convert the other party to their religion.
This is especially problematic when the other party is of another faith. A tug-of-war between husband and wife of different faiths is very detrimental to the relationship since one believes the other is going to hell (and that their god is the one true god). For freethinkers, this is still a huge problem since christians are also told to love god first and others second meaning that even if the atheist party believes her partner to be her one true love, the feeling is apparently not mutual. There is then a discrepancy between husband and wife in which one loves an "imaginary friend" more so than he does his partner, which I find extremely disturbing =/
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don't get why everybody thinks that parents will always love and forgive you... parents are not invincible or ultra wise, they are just push into the so-called position of authority.. if going against their wishes or arguing with them means unfilial then good luck to you..
do what you want.. if your parents are not magnimous enough to accept others, then you don't have to force yourself to accept their mindsets too.. parents are not everything.. care and respect for them but to a limit..
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people have different ways of looking at a situation like this. ultimately, if both parties truly love each other, this will naturally override everything else. and for parents/relatives of both sides who reject interracial relationships, they should take a step back and look at their sons and daughters. are they both happy being with each other? like truly, purely love each other, enough to go through the conversion process and come out of that still as a couple. its the same as the line "for better or worst". NOT saying converting falls under "worse" here, but rather the couple going through everything as one.
that's the most important, and they can't force their children to do otherwise. that's being super unreasonable, in this day and age. when you've found your "the one", nothing is going to stop you from being with that person, and its above all, be it religion. and if you love the person truly, all this converting will not bother you.
just hang in there R3D3V1L, besides doing all you can to prove to your parents that you and your gf are meant to be, its time that'll also show your parents that fact. don't ever give up on true love. -
Originally posted by killtheink:
people have different ways of looking at a situation like this. ultimately, if both parties truly love each other, this will naturally override everything else. and for parents/relatives of both sides who reject interracial relationships, they should take a step back and look at their sons and daughters. are they both happy being with each other? like truly, purely love each other, enough to go through the conversion process and come out of that still as a couple. its the same as the line "for better or worst". NOT saying converting falls under "worse" here, but rather the couple going through everything as one.
that's the most important, and they can't force their children to do otherwise. that's being super unreasonable, in this day and age. when you've found your "the one", nothing is going to stop you from being with that person, and its above all, be it religion. and if you love the person truly, all this converting will not bother you.
just hang in there R3D3V1L, besides doing all you can to prove to your parents that you and your gf are meant to be, its time that'll also show your parents that fact. don't ever give up on true love.
true love? he is even not committed to marry her yet at the moment... want to prove it... go convert 1st, go get engaged and cohabit.
override everything else ? heck, 爱情能当é¥å�ƒå�— ? -
Originally posted by Rednano:
of course not lah, but if he truly loves her, then should be thinking pretty long term already. if really got the guts then do as you say, convert, get engaged and stay together. all without the parents' blessings. gosh talk about being romeo and juliet -esque man. -
not bout parents or what, its bout ts if he want to change to muslim himself.. if ts cant answer that, then no need to be together, simple as that.
get ready to become muslim dude, thats the disadvantage with muslim if u wanna be with them
others, no comment