okay so here's my story..
i dated this senior of mine for half a year before he asked me to be his gf and i of course, agreed..our journey of love together lasted for about two and a half years before we went separate ways due to a stupid and childish misunderstanding...it wasnt actually this misunderstanding that caused the whole break up but probably accumulated anger and resentment towards each other. he deleted me off his msn list and we never actually stayed in contact ever since then.
after the break up, he still reads my blog everyday but i dont know if this was because my blog was 'nice to read' or that he wanted to be updated on my life..for me, i thought of him everyday and ways on salvaging this relationship....till now, after 9 months, i havent fully gotten over him...all i wish is that one day, he would be back by my side again...
then a miracle happened, recently..he contacted me again, saying that he misses me and realised that he still loves me after so many things happened..
we eventually patched and went out together, on the same day.
we held hands, we hugged, we kissed, we displayed our affection for one another almost like nothing happened and that we have never left each other for 9 months. we were just like any other loving couple on the streets of orchard road. but after we went home that day, he told me that his feelings for me arent as strong as before..
the next day, he said that its better for us to stay as friends as it would be very unfair to me....i appreciate his understanding towards my feelings but i really hoped that we would be together once more, i believe that this is just a temporary feeling and if we were given more time, we would definitely be like in the past..afterall, for an ex-couple to be together again after 8 months without contact and still claiming that they love each other is quite miraculous..
personally, i feel that a love like ours should have never ended..
so whats your take on this? is it just wishful thinking on my part? any suggestions what i should do? thanks a lot.
Originally posted by Thysecrets:okay so here's my story..
i dated this senior of mine for half a year before he asked me to be his gf and i of course, agreed..our journey of love together lasted for about two and a half years before we went separate ways due to a stupid and childish misunderstanding...it wasnt actually this misunderstanding that caused the whole break up but probably accumulated anger and resentment towards each other. he deleted me off his msn list and we never actually stayed in contact ever since then.
after the break up, he still reads my blog everyday but i dont know if this was because my blog was 'nice to read' or that he wanted to be updated on my life..for me, i thought of him everyday and ways on salvaging this relationship....till now, after 9 months, i havent fully gotten over him...all i wish is that one day, he would be back by my side again...
then a miracle happened, recently..he contacted me again, saying that he misses me and realised that he still loves me after so many things happened..
we eventually patched and went out together, on the same day.
we held hands, we hugged, we kissed, we displayed our affection for one another almost like nothing happened and that we have never left each other for 9 months. we were just like any other loving couple on the streets of orchard road. but after we went home that day, he told me that his feelings for me arent as strong as before..
the next day, he said that its better for us to stay as friends as it would be very unfair to me....i appreciate his understanding towards my feelings but i really hoped that we would be together once more, i believe that this is just a temporary feeling and if we were given more time, we would definitely be like in the past..afterall, for an ex-couple to be together again after 8 months without contact and still claiming that they love each other is quite miraculous..
personally, i feel that a love like ours should have never ended..
so whats your take on this? is it just wishful thinking on my part? any suggestions what i should do? thanks a lot.
May I know roughly what the stupid and childish misunderstanding is and who started it?
Who told you he still reads your blog everyday and if it was from him, can his words be trusted?
Originally posted by Thysecrets:
then a miracle happened, recently..he contacted me again, saying that he misses me and realised that he still loves me after so many things happened..
we eventually patched and went out together, on the same day.
we held hands, we hugged, we kissed, we displayed our affection for one another almost like nothing happened and that we have never left each other for 9 months. we were just like any other loving couple on the streets of orchard road. but after we went home that day, he told me that his feelings for me arent as strong as before..
the next day, he said that its better for us to stay as friends as it would be very unfair to me
Perhaps you are much more into him than he is into you, perhaps it would be better for the both of you to stay friends meanwhile rather than rushing headlog into the relationship.
If he's the one for you, only time will tell. Meanwhile, go out there and make more other friends. If he does not feel the pressure from you to want to re-ignite the relationship again, who knows that might actually free him from the pressure of needing to make a decision and cause him to come back to woo you all over? In my humble point of view from your description of story above, I think both of you have been rushing it. Intimacy (if you want it for the long term) cannot be rush. After 9 months of break, it is unwise to assume that he had never change. You should treat him like a normal friend first instead of letting him get so close to you by hugging, kissing and touching. No matter how much he said he is into you all of a sudden, as a girl, I think it is wiser to step back and let his actions convince you instead of just taking in all his words at once and perhaps imagining a future with him straight away. This would prevent this one-day love affair and your confuse feelings, and allow a slow build-up to a relationship if he is truly the one for you.
However, you will also need to understand that it is not fair for him to just come and go like that. If this is his tendency, you might want to come to terms that he might not make a good choice of partner for you after all.
Instead of allowing both of you to be so confuse (he seem like one confuse person too), why not within your own power decide what you truly want for yourself? What kind of relationship do you want? Is he suitable? If he is not, take him out of the picture.
Make more new friends and meet up your old friends. You might just be pleasantly surprise (no matter how much you feel for this guy currently) that there's someone out there who sweeps you off your feet and touch you deeper than you have ever known.
I guess this is call meanwhile. C'mon, you need a break too!
Regards.
there's still hope, the fact that he actually tried going out with u again shows he's still willing to give the r/s a chance
u are clear about your feelings for him, but he's the one who is confused now >> so you cannot afford to be passive anymore. you must be the one taking the initiative to help him find back the lost feeling and not just wait for him to revive the r/s
its a gamble.
either u wait, and see a result, or u don.
i noe its easier said then done, but continue with ur life as it is.
if it happens, it happens.
To crabby : as what i have mentioned, it wasnt actually this misunderstanding that caused the whole break up but probably accumulated anger and resentment towards each other..it wasnt exactly my fault, and it wasnt exactly his. it was probably due to my mindset and his insensitivity at that point of time..
about the blogging part..okay, maybe he doesnt read it EVERYDAY but i am sure he does quite often..cus when we went out, he asked me about the events that i have blogged before..
i understand how we should have stayed as friends before rushing into patching up but i guess at that point of time..we were just determined to be together again..
whatever it is, thank you for taking the time to write out such a long and constructive comment. i truely appreciate it.
To 00king00 : i want to take the initiative..however i am afraid i would 'scare' him away, like i am not giving him the freedom to make his own choices or that i am forcing him to be with him. any idea how to go about helping him to find his lost feeling without showing symptoms of being 'overprotective'?
well i think mayb he jus wan 10 mins of imtimate physical contact like hugging with u nia.
Originally posted by RaTtY8l:well i think mayb he jus wan 10 mins of imtimate physical contact like hugging with u nia.
x2..
u say he still miss you and stuff then after all that hugging and kissing the next day suddenly say better be just friends..
just think twice or sth..
to ratty : i dont mean 10 mins of physical intimacy..but when we went out, we were holding hands all the way, hugging whenever we were in the train or sitting down etcetc, it was just like any normal couple would do..
to purpledragon : i understand what you mean =/
but what i am thinking now is tht he realised tht his feelings for me arent as strong as the past after going out together..so he wants to be friends because he thinks that he cant commit himself and he doesnt want to hurt me or something? gah, i dont know.
this guy is childish
Originally posted by Thysecrets:to ratty : i dont mean 10 mins of physical intimacy..but when we went out, we were holding hands all the way, hugging whenever we were in the train or sitting down etcetc, it was just like any normal couple would do..
to purpledragon : i understand what you mean =/
but what i am thinking now is tht he realised tht his feelings for me arent as strong as the past after going out together..so he wants to be friends because he thinks that he cant commit himself and he doesnt want to hurt me or something? gah, i dont know.
tats wat i meant, holding hands, hugging all those stuff. he miss the physical intimacy with u. after he "relinguish" all those moments, he say bb to u cos he already got wat he wan.
TS, please wake up from this "sweet dream". tat is not going to happen.
okay...you make sense...=/
im speaking from a guy's point of view since i may do the same thing as wat ur ex do.
alright..but i wont deny that part of me chooses to trust him. sigh.
he wans to eat free tofu.
after he eat liao he find excuse and siam liao.
Well u cant really trust some1 which u didnt see for 9 months. human changes. ur ex is not the "old" ex tat u know. hes a different guy now.
well like wat other says, take a break from this r/s. spend some time on urself, get to know new frens. mayb theres some1 special out there.
but the thing is, not as though we had sex? we just went out together, hugged, kissed. no touching of any private parts or anything -_-
no need sex what.. he just needs to have that companionship to tide him over.. then he not feeling lonely liao, den come and say sorry bb to u..
my advice to u is, to take this guy as a friend.. wait for him to make the move.. but in the meantime, don't be so bothered abt him.. lead ur own life, know other guys out there..
but i've gotta warn u.. even if he makes the move, there may still be the possibility that he's just wanting u for companionship for his own purposes.. just be sure not to get too upset if he suddenly tells u he needs a break again..
but then, it may not be all that bad..
tats free tofu liao lor. Think logically, if ur ex really wanna patch with u, y would he wanna break up with u again 1 day after u patch? either he wanna hav free tofu or hes jus cant make up his mind. i think both of u need to wake up 1st before deciding to continue as fren or lovers.
alright, thanks for knocking sense into me. will think about it again :)
no prob, as they say love is blind. sometimes other ppl can see clearly than the 1 involved.
will still appreciate comments which seek a different opinion...thanks!
Originally posted by Thysecrets:will still appreciate comments which seek a different opinion...thanks!
haha this means deep down u wish we're wrong.
lol. you can say so..but i wont deny that possibility of whatever you all have mentioned. so no worries....i just want to hear a wider range of opinions from people..
Hmm..
If u really love him and he`s back .
Just tell him that u dont mind going back together with him lar LOL .
Maybe he spend the 9 months thinking and after much though he still thinks ur the one .
Then happily ever after .