About my first love
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Originally posted by purpledragon84:
y will u say that i know her?
good luck to u TS..
Thank you, purpledragon
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Originally posted by newcomer:
dunno both of u know babyboy?
I read babyboy's story. Sad love story.... -
Originally posted by NoobUnited:
Yeah i agree with your opinion on this. Ai mai ai mai, like taiwan drama.
Also is the song 'to the moon and back'?Just ask him out and clarify all your doubts. Ask him what is his fricking problem playing such games with you. If you can't get the answer you want, say goodbye to him.
There are other people that would appreciate you more than him
Hi Noob, I did tink of doing that before but decided against it because I feel that a guy may not be comfortable to be confronted about his feelings for a gal..... I dun wan to appear to be aggressive or forceful. because i know if i do tt, the result will surely be negative. -
So is taking the situation slow going to have a positive result?
You seem to have forgotten that for each day that you are waiting for his reply, you are depriving yourself of the chance to meet new people.
Why are you giving him so many chances? You want to wait until his top choices don't want him then he come for you izzit? You waiting for him to make up his mind? What if he is indecisive? What if he forever cannot make up his mind?
You have to be fair to yourself as well right? Sad to say, from what i gather, you don't really mean alot to him. If you want to wait for him, please be prepared for any rejection.
Time is opportunity, and to you girls, youth. Please think whether he is worth the prime time of your life.
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Originally posted by NoobUnited:
So is taking the situation slow going to have a positive result?
You seem to have forgotten that for each day that you are waiting for his reply, you are depriving yourself of the chance to meet new people.
Why are you giving him so many chances? You want to wait until his top choices don't want him then he come for you izzit? You waiting for him to make up his mind? What if he is indecisive? What if he forever cannot make up his mind?
You have to be fair to yourself as well right? Sad to say, from what i gather, you don't really mean alot to him. If you want to wait for him, please be prepared for any rejection.
Time is opportunity, and to you girls, youth. Please think whether he is worth the prime time of your life.
I know what you mean..... -
I think he just can't get over his ex. That's why he seems half-hearted.
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Hi cherrycola,
I feel that you hadn't be really very decisive in what you want to do with him. It seems like you've been waiting for him to prove that he wants you before you're willing to do anymore on your end. You waver between letting go and moving forward.
Imho, as a female you've done enough. You've written him letters, initiated contact and responded positively to his emotions. Explained yourself, been honest with your feelings. You've pretty much covered the bases in the books.
I believe his interest is either not strong enough, attraction has prolly mellowed out over the years or he's taking you as a spare. I say cut your losses and move on.
After 4 or 5 years, he's obviously here to stay whether you like it or not. You'll bump into him and he will send the occasional sms. Best to adjust your mindset and take him as a good friend.
I hope this helps. Good luck. :)
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reading this thread, i had to create an account and give my 2cents.
Originally posted by TalkToTheScreen:I think he just can't get over his ex. That's why he seems half-hearted.
i agree. why? because i'm doing what he's doing.in the past year since my ex (my first, and so far, only love) left me .. and which she rightfully did (let's just say i wasn't the best bf) .. i have dated/slept with more girls than i care to remember. some i wined and dined, others i knew no more than hours. quickly, i developed a sense of self-awareness: i was, and still am, chasing the shadow of my ex.
the difference between me and him lies in that once i find better, or realise that the girl i'm currently with has XXX flaw (in comparison to my ex), i move forward and don't look back. he, on the other hand, seems to feel the need to be in a constant state of attachment - and that's where you come in. you're his backup. the one girl he knows he can manipulate with ease. i too keep in my black book a list of girls who i know i can have my way with anytime, although, i have yet to feel a need to call any of them. the best .. rather, the only way to save yourself further heartache, is to cut all contact by keeping out of his sight, any trace of you.
here's what i do - take some notes: i keep 2 numbers: 1 for my circle of trust, 1 to sian charboh. the former is permanent and the latter is by all accounts temporary - with each girl, goes the number associated with her. pre-paid lines are cheap and easy to obtain. on the rare occassion they wilfully disregard my unilateral breakup, and show up at my door, i get my family/maid to turn them away - after sufficient time, they'll just stop coming/waiting.
they say the amount of time needed to properly mourn the loss of a r'ship is half the period for which the r'ship continued. i've still got another year to continue my ways - or at least, that's the excuse i give. but what's sickening, is that i don't see an end in sight and have come to accept it as part and parcel of my life. sucks to be you if he is like me. good luck, and do right to yourself.
p.s.: think back and reflect upon the kind of person he was. you'll see there's very little beyond the sweet words and the money spent (that is, on dating you). both of which can be dispensed with relative ease (i'm assuming he has capacity). chances are, you'll also find that he's a great actor, and someone who can play to the crowd .. wh3th3r the g1rlg1rl likezz this patternz de, or the witty gentleman a lady seeks, he can be both, simultaneously.
edit: forgot to add, girl that initiates contact - che-ching! 50% end in ONS. girl that continously initiates contact after i distance myself - goes into my blackbook's "anytime-anywhere" list.
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I feel that the most important thing after the break up is to give each other some space and distance, to be able to clear our minds and to get over each other, especially if one of the party is still emotionally attached. To become friends straight away especially if deep/strong feelings had been put in, is rather hard I find, because being friends, the emotionally attached party, will take it as a hint, or maybe even a chance to get back together.
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Hi Cheerycola, I don usually post anymore, but what i`ll say is you all lack communication. matters of the heart are nv so easy to solve and advice from other ppl to ask to hold on or leave shall always only remain as advice only.. In Love, always follow your heart. be it u wait, or you move on. just realise that one day, the price and reward that you`re gonna pay and get is the result of your actions today. U wait, he can get back to you or u wait in vain. U move, u might lose ur love of a lifetime or u`ll be better off w the real one. i say, let u all come out, have a good talk, be honest and plan for ur life, by all means, both of u all are mature ppl now, marriage is just a stone`s throw away if things works out. perhaps, the one sentence will help make ur decision easier. DO YOU WANT TO LIVE W THIS GUY FOR THE REST OF UR LIFE? think about it and good luck for ur love life. Bless you, BaByBoY
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Originally posted by soleachip:
Hi cherrycola,
I feel that you hadn't be really very decisive in what you want to do with him. It seems like you've been waiting for him to prove that he wants you before you're willing to do anymore on your end. You waver between letting go and moving forward.
Imho, as a female you've done enough. You've written him letters, initiated contact and responded positively to his emotions. Explained yourself, been honest with your feelings. You've pretty much covered the bases in the books.
I believe his interest is either not strong enough, attraction has prolly mellowed out over the years or he's taking you as a spare. I say cut your losses and move on.
After 4 or 5 years, he's obviously here to stay whether you like it or not. You'll bump into him and he will send the occasional sms. Best to adjust your mindset and take him as a good friend.
I hope this helps. Good luck. :)
Thanks for your well wishes. I have been working hard to move on. I know I have to. -
Originally posted by jaezai2008:
reading this thread, i had to create an account and give my 2cents.
i agree. why? because i'm doing what he's doing.in the past year since my ex (my first, and so far, only love) left me .. and which she rightfully did (let's just say i wasn't the best bf) .. i have dated/slept with more girls than i care to remember. some i wined and dined, others i knew no more than hours. quickly, i developed a sense of self-awareness: i was, and still am, chasing the shadow of my ex.
the difference between me and him lies in that once i find better, or realise that the girl i'm currently with has XXX flaw (in comparison to my ex), i move forward and don't look back. he, on the other hand, seems to feel the need to be in a constant state of attachment - and that's where you come in. you're his backup. the one girl he knows he can manipulate with ease. i too keep in my black book a list of girls who i know i can have my way with anytime, although, i have yet to feel a need to call any of them. the best .. rather, the only way to save yourself further heartache, is to cut all contact by keeping out of his sight, any trace of you.
here's what i do - take some notes: i keep 2 numbers: 1 for my circle of trust, 1 to sian charboh. the former is permanent and the latter is by all accounts temporary - with each girl, goes the number associated with her. pre-paid lines are cheap and easy to obtain. on the rare occassion they wilfully disregard my unilateral breakup, and show up at my door, i get my family/maid to turn them away - after sufficient time, they'll just stop coming/waiting.
they say the amount of time needed to properly mourn the loss of a r'ship is half the period for which the r'ship continued. i've still got another year to continue my ways - or at least, that's the excuse i give. but what's sickening, is that i don't see an end in sight and have come to accept it as part and parcel of my life. sucks to be you if he is like me. good luck, and do right to yourself.
p.s.: think back and reflect upon the kind of person he was. you'll see there's very little beyond the sweet words and the money spent (that is, on dating you). both of which can be dispensed with relative ease (i'm assuming he has capacity). chances are, you'll also find that he's a great actor, and someone who can play to the crowd .. wh3th3r the g1rlg1rl likezz this patternz de, or the witty gentleman a lady seeks, he can be both, simultaneously.
edit: forgot to add, girl that initiates contact - che-ching! 50% end in ONS. girl that continously initiates contact after i distance myself - goes into my blackbook's "anytime-anywhere" list.
Hi. Thanks for your advice. I serously hope he has moved on already and is happy now.
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Originally posted by BaByBoY:
Hi Cheerycola,
I don usually post anymore,
but what i`ll say is you all lack communication.matters of the heart are nv so easy to solve
and advice from other ppl to ask to hold on or leave shall always only remain as advice only..In Love, always follow your heart.
be it u wait, or you move on.
just realise that one day, the price and reward that you`re gonna pay and get is the result of your actions today.
U wait, he can get back to you or u wait in vain.
U move, u might lose ur love of a lifetime or u`ll be better off w the real one.i say, let u all come out, have a good talk, be honest and plan for ur life, by all means, both of u all are mature ppl now, marriage is just a stone`s throw away if things works out.
perhaps, the one sentence will help make ur decision easier.
DO YOU WANT TO LIVE W THIS GUY FOR THE REST OF UR LIFE?
think about it and good luck for ur love life.
Bless you,
BaByBoYHi Babyboy, I agree with you that we lack communication. But everytime I want to talk, he hides.
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Cherrycola
If you don't mind my two cents of opinion.
From your letter, it seems that you and him engage in this habit 'sms or email each other but don't reply'. This shows lack or poor communication skill on both you and him.
Reading your post, you seems to be a sensible yet sensitive girl (its OK, most girls are like that). But clearly, you inject lot of feeling into this relationship. At this stage, you should get to know him more first. Get to find out more on his character, habits and values. From these you will know if he is compatible to you.
Don't take one isolated incident of asking you for a trip as a sign of sealing the relationship. Don't read too much into a single event.
My advise is leave out the deep feeling of love at this stage. You problem can solve by widening your circle of friends. Widen your pool of friends.
Find an organisation where there is a good mix of man/boy and woman/girl. Join organisation like community center, religious organisation, health body or maybe your poly alumni.
Maybe your prince charming is just around that corner waiting for you. -
Originally posted by 4sg:
Cherrycola
If you don't mind my two cents of opinion.
From your letter, it seems that you and him engage in this habit 'sms or email each other but don't reply'. This shows lack or poor communication skill on both you and him.
Reading your post, you seems to be a sensible yet sensitive girl (its OK, most girls are like that). But clearly, you inject lot of feeling into this relationship. At this stage, you should get to know him more first. Get to find out more on his character, habits and values. From these you will know if he is compatible to you.
Don't take one isolated incident of asking you for a trip as a sign of sealing the relationship. Don't read too much into a single event.
My advise is leave out the deep feeling of love at this stage. You problem can solve by widening your circle of friends. Widen your pool of friends.
Find an organisation where there is a good mix of man/boy and woman/girl. Join organisation like community center, religious organisation, health body or maybe your poly alumni.
Maybe your prince charming is just around that corner waiting for you.Thank you, 4sg. I am definitely not judging him on one single event. Prior to the trip, we already had so much communication problems. That event brought the problems between us into a deeper pit. And that was when I decided to let it go. Hopefully, he will be able to find out what he really wants when I am not around.
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Well, best wishes cherrycola. I know how hard it is to let go, esp in your situation. I've been there as well.
Hope you'll still have faith in love, there's certainly a right guy for you out there. Good luck and don't look back :)
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Originally posted by asharae:
Well, best wishes cherrycola. I know how hard it is to let go, esp in your situation. I've been there as well.
Hope you'll still have faith in love, there's certainly a right guy for you out there. Good luck and don't look back :)
Thank you. I wish the same for you. -
he takes u only as his confidant ba..
somebody who he talks to..
emotionally only and not for relationship
more like a chat buddy.
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hm... I think that it is really have to do with fate..
I think that both of u should stop playing games..
How old r u both?
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Originally posted by the_fallen:
he takes u only as his confidant ba..
somebody who he talks to..
emotionally only and not for relationship
more like a chat buddy.
I am fine if he treats me as a friend but he did say he likes me. -
Originally posted by Sakuraflower:
hm... I think that it is really have to do with fate..
I think that both of u should stop playing games..
How old r u both?
I never want to play any games. I like to keep things as simple as possible. But he seems to be moving back and forth and it is confusing me.He is 35, I am 26.
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Originally posted by cherrycola:
I am fine if he treats me as a friend but he did say he likes me.
Likes and loves are two different thing.then, how do you express if you have liking for someone but not those bgr love ?
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Originally posted by Go:
Likes and loves are two different thing.then, how do you express if you have liking for someone but not those bgr love ?
This is the part where is confusing to me and I wish to pose this question to you and the rest of the forumers:Would you explicitly tell a friend that you like him of her if you only like him or her as a platonic friend?
Maybe I am outdated.
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If I am the guy in your story, I would also say I like you but yet hestitate on the relationship as it is difficult to differentiate. Well, it is not responsible. The feeling is like balancing on a narrow plank between friends and BGR.
Afriad to fall nasty into BGR like previous
But yet miss the feeling of BGR like previous
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Originally posted by Go:
If I am the guy in your story, I would also say I like you but yet hestitate on the relationship as it is difficult to differentiate. Well, it is not responsible. The feeling is like balancing on a narrow plank between friends and BGR.
Afriad to fall nasty into BGR like previous
But yet miss the feeling of BGR like previous
Then what is the point of saying that he likes me?