Honesty in a relationship
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Originally posted by parn:
To be able to exercise FORGIVENESS in a relationship is so much more important than having honesty in a relationship.
Would you have love her less if she wasn't comfortable to be completely honest with you?
Don't forget you were in love with her even when she wasn't completely honest with you.
By expecting her to be completely honest with you for the sake of your love, then it is certain that the feelings you had for her wasn't LOVE in the first place, it is POSSESSIVENESS born from the feelings of LUST.
If there was dishonesty in the first place, what is there to forgive? I think that people who are dishonest are the ones who are possessive because they are actually afraid that they will not be forgiven. -
Originally posted by cherrycola:
I disagree. Not wanting to tell is having the intention of hiding and hiding is equivalent to being dishonest.Wat if you want to tell but you can't bring yourself to say it because it is going to destroy everything wonderful that you have ever known?
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Originally posted by rainee:
Wat if you want to tell but you can't bring yourself to say it because it is going to destroy everything wonderful that you have ever known?
By hiding the truth to save your fairytale is selfish. Your partner has the right to know if he wants to know. Have faith in him. Assure him that that is the past and you look forward to working and improving yourself in the future.
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Originally posted by cherrycola:
By hiding the truth to save your fairytale is selfish. Your partner has the right to know if he wants to know. Have faith in him. Assure him that that is the past and you look forward to working and improving yourself in the future.
It is really easy to say, but not easy to do.
yes, I know it can be selfish, but maybe when the truth is out, the partner is going to wish that it isn't..so you are just saving him/her from a heartbreak...
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Originally posted by cherrycola:
If there was dishonesty in the first place, what is there to forgive? I think that people who are dishonest are the ones who are possessive because they are actually afraid that they will not be forgiven.
Nobody is perfect and nobody can be completely honest about themselves.Whoever says they have already been completely honest about themselves are liars, everybody makes mistakes in their lives. Sharing about it will not bring the relationship forward but instead it will hold back the relationship or even destroy it.
If a person can tell you he love you when he doesn't know your secret or past, and suddenly he is unable to love you more when you told him your secret or past. Then what kind of love does he have for you? What kind of love is he providing or promising to you?
It's easier to love than to question before you love, cos both of you will be willing to overlook and accept all their flaws if both of you are truely in love with each other.
How many people are actually able to forgive their partners' flaws and love them more for their imperfection?
It could be because their attraction for each other hasn't mature into love yet.
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charlize r u in a r/s with ditzy???
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Originally posted by rainee:
It is really easy to say, but not easy to do.
yes, I know it can be selfish, but maybe when the truth is out, the partner is going to wish that it isn't..so you are just saving him/her from a heartbreak...
Rainee, I agree that it is very hard to be completely honest. But we must remember that the truth will surface eventually. That's why I feel it is better to admit something than to let your partner find out himself.You may think that by not telling him the truth is going to save him a heartbreak. But will he think that way as well, if he finds out one day.
Honesty is a two-way traffic. We cannot expect honesty from our partner yet hide certain things from him.
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Originally posted by parn:
Nobody is perfect and nobody can be completely honest about themselves.Whoever says they have already been completely honest about themselves are liars, everybody makes mistakes in their lives. Sharing about it will not bring the relationship forward but instead it will hold back the relationship or even destroy it.
If a person can tell you he love you when he doesn't know your secret or past, and suddenly he is unable to love you more when you told him your secret or past. Then what kind of love does he have for you? What kind of love is he providing or promising to you?
It's easier to love than to question before you love, cos both of you will be willing to overlook and accept all their flaws if both of you are truely in love with each other.
How many people are actually able to forgive their partners' flaws and love them more for their imperfection?
It could be because their attraction for each other hasn't mature into love yet.
But what if one day the partner discover the truth himself/herself before you can tell him about it?
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u definitely do not want to know when u are calling ur gf and chatting with her while she is having a 100men bukakke session..nope..some things might not be able to take it..
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Originally posted by parn:
Nobody is perfect and nobody can be completely honest about themselves.Whoever says they have already been completely honest about themselves are liars, everybody makes mistakes in their lives. Sharing about it will not bring the relationship forward but instead it will hold back the relationship or even destroy it.
If a person can tell you he love you when he doesn't know your secret or past, and suddenly he is unable to love you more when you told him your secret or past. Then what kind of love does he have for you? What kind of love is he providing or promising to you?
It's easier to love than to question before you love, cos both of you will be willing to overlook and accept all their flaws if both of you are truely in love with each other.
How many people are actually able to forgive their partners' flaws and love them more for their imperfection?
It could be because their attraction for each other hasn't mature into love yet.
Sharing about mistakes can bring the relationship forward if the couple is mature enough to accept and forgive each other's past. They will know that their attraction for each other has matured into love when they are willing to forgive accept each other's past mistakes unconditionally. -
Originally posted by rainee:
But what if one day the partner discover the truth himself/herself before you can tell him about it?
Then I will know for sure if he is truly in love with me and if I am truly loved by him.That's why it is important for us girls to be with the one whom we are sure is truly in love with us and not just love us to fulfill their own selfish lust.
I wouldn't even bother to question someone about their past if I truly love them. Cos it is unfair to both of us when the event happened before we met.
I believe things would have been different in each other's past if they have met and together with someone they truly loved before they took the wrong path or made the wrong decision in their past.
Life isn't fair, so why do we have to judge one another's past and insists on seeking some form of fairness to justify in our unfair lives?
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Originally posted by domonkassyu:
u definitely do not want to know when u are calling ur gf and chatting with her while she is having a 100men bukakke session..nope..some things might not be able to take it..
What is 100men bukakke session? -
Originally posted by cherrycola:
Sharing about mistakes can bring the relationship forward if the couple is mature enough to accept and forgive each other's past. They will know that their attraction for each other has matured into love when they are willing to forgive accept each other's past mistakes unconditionally.Yes, this is the ideal situation...but how many can stomach it in reality?
Yes, I know it is unfair for the partner not to know, but once he/she knows, it would hurt them big time and their relationship might never get past it. Is it worth sacrificing a wonderful relationship just to reveal something in the past?
And I am talking about big stuff that once you know about it will change your life and perception of the other person forever.
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Originally posted by parn:
Then I will know for sure if he is truly in love with me and if I am truly loved by him.That's why it is important for us girls to be with the one whom we are sure is truly in love with us and not just love us to fulfill their own selfish lust.
I wouldn't even bother to question someone about their past if I truly love them. Cos it is unfair to both of us when the event happened before we met.
I believe things would have been different in each other's past if they have met and together with someone they truly loved before they took the wrong path or made the wrong decision in their past.
Life isn't fair, so why do we have to judge one another's past and insists on seeking some form of fairness to justify in our unfair lives?
Quite true. I guess it is the a moment that will break or make a relationship. If the past is revealed and the partner manages to take it and face it as a flaw yes, but also part of the person he loves, then you sorta know that the relationship will be for life.
But if otherwise...
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Originally posted by rainee:
Yes, this is the ideal situation...but how many can stomach it in reality?
Yes, I know it is unfair for the partner not to know, but once he/she knows, it would hurt them big time and their relationship might never get past it. Is it worth sacrificing a wonderful relationship just to reveal something in the past?
And I am talking about big stuff that once you know about it will change your life and perception of the other person forever.
I believe that true love will conquer all obstacles...... or am I too naive? -
Originally posted by cherrycola:
I believe that true love will conquer all obstacles...... or am I too naive?Hmm I would like to say a bit naive...cos in reality it doesn't work that way. Truth is bitter medicine for most people...
For example, if you have been raped before and got pregnant and got an abortion, would you tell your current partner about it? Do you think he would be able to accept it and still see you the same as before? can you honestly say it will not have even a little bit of negative effect on your current relationship?
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Originally posted by cherrycola:
Sharing about mistakes can bring the relationship forward if the couple is mature enough to accept and forgive each other's past. They will know that their attraction for each other has matured into love when they are willing to forgive accept each other's past mistakes unconditionally.If the person who committed the mistakes in the past is unable to forget their own mistakes in the past, isn't it naive to imagine another person might be able to forget your mistakes when he himself also realised it is not possible for him to even forget about his own mistakes?
You can say forgive and move on, but how many people you know are really able to truly forgive one another?
To be able to truly forgive another person, the person must make sure he/she must first be able to forgive themselves before they know they are ready to take on the challenge to forgive others.
Same goes for people seeking true love in all possible corners of the world and in sgforums, they can only be ready to provide true love if they are able to forgive themselves first.
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Originally posted by rainee:
Hmm I would like to say a bit naive...cos in reality it doesn't work that way. Truth is bitter medicine for most people...
For example, if you have been raped before and got pregnant and got an abortion, would you tell your current partner about it? Do you think he would be able to accept it and still see you the same as before? can you honestly say it will not have even a little bit of negative effect on your current relationship?
Honestly, being raped is a misfortune. To dump me because I had been a victim to someone actually shows how much or rather, how little, my current partner loves me. -
Originally posted by parn:
If the person who committed the mistakes in the past is unable to forget their own mistakes in the past, isn't it naive to imagine another person might be able to forget your mistakes when he himself also realised it is not possible for him to even forget about his own mistakes?
You can say forgive and move on, but how many people you know are really able to truly forgive one another?
To be able to truly forgive another person, the person must make sure he/she must first be able to forgive themselves before they know they are ready to take on the challenge to forgive others.
Same goes for people seeking true love in all possible corners of the world and in sgforums, they can only be ready to provide true love if they are able to forgive themselves first.
If one is not ready to forgive and accept himself/herself for the past mistakes make, then they are definitely not ready to love themselves. If so, they are all the more not ready to love others.
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Originally posted by cherrycola:
Honestly, being raped is a misfortune. To dump me because I had been a victim to someone actually shows how much or rather, how little, my current partner loves me.Yes, it is a misfortune. But the fact remains that it has happened before...some people cannot accept it because it is against their principle, etc bla bla.
But that's beside the point. What I am trying to say is, it is something that happened in the past, it doesn't have any effect on the present until the moment the cat is out of the bag. So the question is, if he would never find out, why bother to talk about it when it is going to affect the relationship?
The above is just an example. There are many more similar situations which are really hard to be voiced out...
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Heh, I've been a victim of dishonesty, although its not that I'm completely truthful myself. If it happened for the first time in a relationship, I would usually take the initiative to talk to her and understand why. I'll forgive and try to forget about it after. But if it happens many times, I don't think I can give in. I try my best to fulfill my promises to her, why can't she do the same?
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Originally posted by rainee:
Yes, it is a misfortune. But the fact remains that it has happened before...some people cannot accept it because it is against their principle, etc bla bla.
But that's beside the point. What I am trying to say is, it is something that happened in the past, it doesn't have any effect on the present until the moment the cat is out of the bag. So the question is, if he would never find out, why bother to talk about it when it is going to affect the relationship?
The above is just an example. There are many more similar situations which are really hard to be voiced out...
THe problem is, we can never guarantee if a certain secret will be hidden forever. And if he has the possibility of finding out, wouldn't it be better to tell him first? -
Originally posted by cherrycola:
THe problem is, we can never guarantee if a certain secret will be hidden forever. And if he has the possibility of finding out, wouldn't it be better to tell him first?Yea...that's the dilemma that plagued most people. Sigh.
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You don't have to tell all about your past. Unless it pertains to health and financial issues. Issues that will affect the well being of your current partner.
Honesty is a good thing in the present and future.
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i'll be honest jojo
i think we should date