Honesty in a relationship
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Why is acceptance so difficult. Isn't it a lil unfair to be fault for the past? It's difficult to forget and it may take time to forgive, but everyone makes mistakes. Why can't contentment of the present precedes?
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Relationship are full of ups and downs and revealing everything to yours other half is the hardest.. Your darkest secret so on and so fore.. IMO if my gf ask i need know is she ready to accept everything my past etc. everyone got their own secrets ya.
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Poll.
Would you reveal your deep dark past to your partner knowing full well that it will destroy your current relationship with him/her?
And I am not talking about some "when i was in primary school, I stole my friend's pencil and pulled their hair" thing.
Really, really deep dark secret.
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Originally posted by charlize:
Poll.
Would you reveal your deep dark past to your partner knowing full well that it will destroy your current relationship with him/her?
And I am not talking about some "when i was in primary school, I stole my friend's pencil and pulled their hair" thing.
Really, really deep dark secret.
Why do u hav so many questions abt love? Use ur "wait 20yrs for true love" theory to test on all these problems shld help.
Seriously, I choose not to tell unless one ask. & If im being asked, i wont lie but i wont go into details either.
I wont lie, I only dun tell. Likewise, I dun usually prode too deep into my exes' past r'ships UNLESS it concerns with health. And if one has to lie in order to be in a good r'ship, it's goin to be tough for tat person for as long as the r'ship will last. One lie leads to another..in the end u need more lies to cover tat one dark secret. No wonder it's called "Dark Secret" - the more u cover it with other lies, the darker it shall become.
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Originally posted by charlize:
Should there be total honesty in a relationship?
What if, and I say what if, a person has a hidden past that she would like to hide from her partner, knowing full well that revealing it would destroy the most wonderful thing she has with him? Maybe she was young and gullible, maybe she was too wild and too carefree, maybe she was the worst backstabbing bitch in the whole wide world. But she wants to change her life and move on.
Woud you not agree that total honesty is not a good thing?
No.I think it is very important to have total honesty during the dating period and especially after marriage.
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Originally posted by Xcert:
No.I think it is very important to have total honesty during the dating period and especially after marriage.
Even at the expense of losing that relationship?
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Originally posted by RedizAlertz:
Why do u hav so many questions abt love? Use ur "wait 20yrs for true love" theory to test on all these problems shld help.
Seriously, I choose not to tell unless one ask. & If im being asked, i wont lie but i wont go into details either.
I wont lie, I only dun tell. Likewise, I dun usually prode too deep into my exes' past r'ships UNLESS it concerns with health. And if one has to lie in order to be in a good r'ship, it's goin to be tough for tat person for as long as the r'ship will last. One lie leads to another..in the end u need more lies to cover tat one dark secret. No wonder it's called "Dark Secret" - the more u cover it with other lies, the darker it shall become.
But not telling is actually a form of lying.
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Originally posted by charlize:
Poll.
Would you reveal your deep dark past to your partner knowing full well that it will destroy your current relationship with him/her?
And I am not talking about some "when i was in primary school, I stole my friend's pencil and pulled their hair" thing.
Really, really deep dark secret.
Sigh.. Dark secrets..
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damned if u do.. damned if u dont.
U will need both parties to be insanely understanding till the point of unbelievableness to make it work.
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Originally posted by cherrycola:
But not telling is actually a form of lying.
I beg to differ. Not telling is not equal to hiding. I onli dun wanna bring up my past out of nowhere. But if we hav come to such relevant discussion, & he happens to ask, then I'll say. If he doesnt ask, means he doesnt give a damn, so if he doesnt give a damn, y shld i?
Originally posted by charlize:Even at the expense of losing that relationship?
Yes
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Originally posted by charlize:
Even at the expense of losing that relationship?
yes.
my view is that if there is anything about U that he/she cannot accept...then its better to split...no point pretending that the issue is not there.
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Originally posted by parn:
What is 100men bukakke session?go internet search lor =)
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Originally posted by RedizAlertz:
I beg to differ. Not telling is not equal to hiding. I onli dun wanna bring up my past out of nowhere. But if we hav come to such relevant discussion, & he happens to ask, then I'll say. If he doesnt ask, means he doesnt give a damn, so if he doesnt give a damn, y shld i?
Yes
Not asking can mean that it is not something expected by the other party.For instance, nobody would ask the other if he/she was previously a playboy/playgirl.
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Originally posted by cherrycola:
Not asking can mean that it is not something expected by the other party.For instance, nobody would ask the other if he/she was previously a playboy/playgirl.
Exactly. If u know u used to be one (e.g a playboy/gal) but now u determined to quit, y do u still need to bare it all out when it's not in asked?
And how does one define a "playboy/gal"?? To the one, it might mean he/she is being lonely & tends to sway towards firltin or even ONS for the need to fill up tat loneliness, but to some, tat wll simply means he/she is being a "playboy/gal". Like i said, if there is relevant topic between me & my partner, i wont hide the fact but will spare the detaills. There are of cos, exceptions where hiding truths will harm my partner, then I wont not hesitate to bare it all.
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Originally posted by RedizAlertz:
Exactly. If u know u used to be one (e.g a playboy/gal) but now u determined to quit, y do u still need to bare it all out when it's not in asked?
And how does one define a "playboy/gal"?? To the one, it might mean he/she is being lonely & tends to sway towards firltin or even ONS for the need to fill up tat loneliness, but to some, tat wll simply means he/she is being a "playboy/gal". Like i said, if there is relevant topic between me & my partner, i wont hide the fact but will spare the detaills. There are of cos, exceptions where hiding truths will harm my partner, then I wont not hesitate to bare it all.
he/she may not be that determined to quit at the pt of disclosure... -
Originally posted by cherrycola:
he/she may not be that determined to quit at the pt of disclosure..May or may not.. onli the person himself/herself knows best. It's not fair to judge a person based on his past. Every ex-convict deserves a 2nd chance.
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Originally posted by RedizAlertz:
May or may not.. onli the person himself/herself knows best. It's not fair to judge a person based on his past. Every ex-convict deserves a 2nd chance.
Some dont. They deserve a $2.50 bullet in the head.
kekeke.. anyways.. lol.. out of topic. haaha
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Originally posted by RedizAlertz:
May or may not.. onli the person himself/herself knows best. It's not fair to judge a person based on his past. Every ex-convict deserves a 2nd chance.
To know about a person's past is not to judge him/her. It is to understand him/her better. -
Originally posted by BadzMaro:
Some dont. They deserve a $2.50 bullet in the head.
kekeke.. anyways.. lol.. out of topic. haaha
Oh well~It's much cheaper to give one a 2nd chance than to waste $2.50 on the bullet.
Originally posted by cherrycola:
To know about a person's past is not to judge him/her. It is to understand him/her better.Of cos, u r rite - in some ways. But most of the pple DO judge the person once the past is revealed, or else y do u think TS's character is in such dilemma?
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Originally posted by RedizAlertz:
Oh well~It's much cheaper to give one a 2nd chance than to waste $2.50 on the bullet.
Of cos, u r rite - in some ways. But most of the pple DO judge the person once the past is revealed, or else y do u think TS's character is in such dilemma?
Who is TS? U know his past? -
Originally posted by cherrycola:
Who is TS? U know his past?TS is Thread Starter. I duno him let alone his past.
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Originally posted by RedizAlertz:
TS is Thread Starter. I duno him let alone his past.
HAha. ok.... -
i dont know.. hmm for me i wont ask that girl if she dont wanna answer.. if she wre to find it difficult to reply to my question.. i would tell her not to answer.. if i'm in love with her now.. why i care about the past? i also have my past.. but must i tell everyone about it? i dont even tell my mum what makes her better then my mum??
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Originally posted by renze:
i dont know.. hmm for me i wont ask that girl if she dont wanna answer.. if she wre to find it difficult to reply to my question.. i would tell her not to answer.. if i'm in love with her now.. why i care about the past? i also have my past.. but must i tell everyone about it? i dont even tell my mum what makes her better then my mum??
Hmmm~Cos she might be the one closer to u than ur mum?