Overcoming Jealousy
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Hi all, i've joined sgforums and its been about two years already. Posted replies in some forums here and there, but this is the first time i start a new topic, and i hope to find some good advice from you guys.
I've been with my boyfriend for about two years already. We went through alot just to get together, therefore i cherished this relationship and i love him really really much. And our relationship is nearly perfect. But here's the problem: I get jealous too easily, and I'm very scared this will jeopardize our relationship.
We had a few quarrels here and there, and most of the time, it is because of my jealousy problem. I know sometimes there's nothing much for me to worry about, because i know he is a good guy, but yet when we are out together, there are times when i can't help but feel insecure when a pretty girl walks by and his eyes happen to be glancing at her. Or when he mentions about his ex-crush, i just get that green feeling i cannot shake away.
I've looked at advices on the internet. Issues pertaining to low self-esteem, therefore it brings about insecurity issues leading to jealousy. All of this, i've read before. Sometimes i even tell myself, 'dont say anything sarcastic' when he is mentioning something to me about the opposite sex, but sometimes, my mouth doesnt go in sync with my brain, and I've said things i've really dont mean it.
How do you guys overcome the feeling of jealousy? Please advise, because I really don't want to lose this relationship..
Thanks people. :)
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sister, men aren't perfect and they never will be. if the only problem you have with him is him looking at chicks on the road, then you have no real problem. you considered lucky k.
the next time he glance at pretty girls, just glance at good looking men, then trade notes.
as for the ex talk yeah just tell him you're not interested in listening about his ex rush and ex gf. i don't understand why people keep on talking about their ex bfs and gfs either, it's a turn off for some people.
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As much as I believe a relationship has its rules, insecurities in a grown person is not attractive.
3 options. You either talk to him in a mature manner, learn to stomach whatever he says that displeases you or you walk.
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Originally posted by lalala1999:
Hi all, i've joined sgforums and its been about two years already. Posted replies in some forums here and there, but this is the first time i start a new topic, and i hope to find some good advice from you guys.
I've been with my boyfriend for about two years already. We went through alot just to get together, therefore i cherished this relationship and i love him really really much. And our relationship is nearly perfect. But here's the problem: I get jealous too easily, and I'm very scared this will jeopardize our relationship.
We had a few quarrels here and there, and most of the time, it is because of my jealousy problem. I know sometimes there's nothing much for me to worry about, because i know he is a good guy, but yet when we are out together, there are times when i can't help but feel insecure when a pretty girl walks by and his eyes happen to be glancing at her. Or when he mentions about his ex-crush, i just get that green feeling i cannot shake away.
I've looked at advices on the internet. Issues pertaining to low self-esteem, therefore it brings about insecurity issues leading to jealousy. All of this, i've read before. Sometimes i even tell myself, 'dont say anything sarcastic' when he is mentioning something to me about the opposite sex, but sometimes, my mouth doesnt go in sync with my brain, and I've said things i've really dont mean it.
How do you guys overcome the feeling of jealousy? Please advise, because I really don't want to lose this relationship..
Thanks people. :)
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Guys look at pretty girls are normal, any guys that said that he will nv look at other girls is lying!!! like some 1 above said u r lucky he just look, not get contract no!!!
when he look at the pretty girls, u look at handsome guys, especially Hunks!!!
For the ex, just tell him u r not interested.
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no point getting jealous, it only hurt you
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well, you gonna control. If you have been with your current bf with like 2years. Where's the trust level i mean? 2years is quite reasonable time and the rs should be quite strengthen thru time and experiences right?
Talk to him, let him know you are jealous. In a nice way, what you dont like, tell him. Maybe he can change alittle, but dont expect drastic changes. At least, he know where to like control, when talking about babes etc...
Wish you all the best, my advice is let him aware of this, and tell him you will get turn off by the way he talk to you on the certain topic (whatever the topic is).
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Originally posted by lalala1999:
Hi all, i've joined sgforums and its been about two years already. Posted replies in some forums here and there, but this is the first time i start a new topic, and i hope to find some good advice from you guys.
I've been with my boyfriend for about two years already. We went through alot just to get together, therefore i cherished this relationship and i love him really really much. And our relationship is nearly perfect. But here's the problem: I get jealous too easily, and I'm very scared this will jeopardize our relationship.
We had a few quarrels here and there, and most of the time, it is because of my jealousy problem. I know sometimes there's nothing much for me to worry about, because i know he is a good guy, but yet when we are out together, there are times when i can't help but feel insecure when a pretty girl walks by and his eyes happen to be glancing at her. Or when he mentions about his ex-crush, i just get that green feeling i cannot shake away.
I've looked at advices on the internet. Issues pertaining to low self-esteem, therefore it brings about insecurity issues leading to jealousy. All of this, i've read before. Sometimes i even tell myself, 'dont say anything sarcastic' when he is mentioning something to me about the opposite sex, but sometimes, my mouth doesnt go in sync with my brain, and I've said things i've really dont mean it.
How do you guys overcome the feeling of jealousy? Please advise, because I really don't want to lose this relationship..
Thanks people. :)
Hi. I'm not any expert or nor I have sufficient experience to give advice. However I do have a female friend who is in her mid 20s having the similar issues. It got her into a very bad shape knowing she herself is the problem, not the guy.
Anyway the counsellor she spoke to, identified 2 issues. Insecurity and Low Emotional Control. You found an answer to Insecurity, ie is to improve your self-esteem. However reading from the web is grossly insufficient to really improve it. I'm sure if you had read enough, you'll realised it take months to improve yourself significantly. Self esteem is something that takes time and a whole lot of self committment to improve. It encompasses your whole life, not just in your relationship with your bf.
The other often overlooked thing is our ability to control our emotions. In your post, you gave a very good example of your lower control.
"Sometimes i even tell myself, 'dont say anything sarcastic' when he is mentioning something to me about the opposite sex, but sometimes, my mouth doesnt go in sync with my brain, and I've said things i've really dont mean it."
Say Person A let Person B and C down in a business project. Both B & C reacted with anger. B went and smashed up A's office, but C just moved on. C has more emotional control than B.
Maturity. A mature person have better emotional control. It takes even more discipline to have emotional control. Humans are ruled by emotions. To have control over emotions, you rule yourself.
Goodluck in your quest.
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hey, thanks everyone for ur advices. I'm trying to curb my jealousy problem, and it's slightly better now. But there this other problem that i have... Its that my bf frequents porn sites and sggirls, and has a collection of more than a thousand photos in his computer that he 'collected' since he was a teenager. I understand guys watching porn, and keep porn pictures, therefore i closed one eye on this issue. What i dont get is, he even 'collects' photos of different girls from sggirls.com,those self-taken pictures of girls, model pictures, and all of them are clothed. When i approach him about this issue, he says that he just keeps it for fun, and doesnt really look at it. My burning question is, if you dont really look at it, why keep it?
It hurts me to see that he keeps such pictures, at times, i feel that am i not enough for him? Does he have to keep pictures of other girls?
This has been in my mind for days. I dare not talk to him about this, in fear that he might say i dont trust him, or restrict him from doing what he wants. In a way, he is honest to me, because he even lets me go through his 'collection' of photos. But then again, at times i cry to myself, because i question my own self-worth, to him.
Other than that, he is a loyal guy. Very sweet to me. Therefore, i really dunno how i should feel about this issue..
Pls advise, thanks.
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I suggest that you just let go of the issue...guys collect all this without reason sometimes. It doesn't mean that he loves you any lesser when he is looking at all these, doesn't mean that you are not good enough for him. It is just something in-built in guys I guess.
I am married to my husband already but he still has pictures of models inside his computer. Same as your boyfriend, he also showed it to me but instead of getting uptight I will joke with him about the models...unless he starts comparing me to the models then i will start to get irritated. But if not, all is pretty normal.
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let me tell you this, the kind of guy ur hoping to find will NEVER exist.....either u learn to deal with it urself or NEVER get into a relationship EVER....
it will be the same with every r/s u get into. sorry i have to say this, no offence.
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aiya..its like that de ..male or female also the same...
i love my gf very much..i myself also not really good looking....
When we go shopping or she come my poly she will always "tease" me
poly got alot of shuai ge hor, bye bye..
i dun know she mean it a not , but somehow it hurts me a little evey time she said that
she also got alot of guy friends always celebrating her birthday, call her out....
this i also dun mind, what to do? jus accept lor
she can look..but i cannot....jealous easily..so everytime got pretty girls from afar i just try to look at the floor or talk wat comes onto my mind to her
rainee , actually u are already very tolerating in mine opinion , if my gf finds out i got keep pic, she will kill me!!!!
I remebered once when i was looking at this girl, my gf commented " ur heart got other people than me"
after tat incident,i develop that strategy of focusing on the floor or other stuff until the pretty girls walk out of my sight, so far , so good
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haha, thanks for ur opinion, first time hearing it from a guy. I think i am guilty of what your gf does too, last time... I think she is just scared that u might find other girls.. thats why she said that.
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Let him know that you mind when he mention about his ex in front of you lor... and why would he mention? to compare?
About the jealousy part, everyone have it too... Just remember he belongs to you, at least for now. And since you say that he is a nice guy, then you should believe that he would never step beyond the border ma...
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Originally posted by BEARZAIS:
rainee , actually u are already very tolerating in mine opinion , if my gf finds out i got keep pic, she will kill me!!!!
haha..initially i felt quite sianz also because obviously those models look way better than me...but I have learned to take it easy. Don't sweat over trivial things like this and you will live in harmony lolz.
But i draw the line at when he starts comparing me to the models in the pics...for example, saying sth like wa, see she (the model) looks one hundred times better than you...then I will start to get affected.
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Wah rainee, your tolerance level quite high. I think if my bf compares me to them, and says they look hundred times better than me, i think my whole face will go black le. haha~
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Originally posted by rainee:
I suggest that you just let go of the issue...guys collect all this without reason sometimes. It doesn't mean that he loves you any lesser when he is looking at all these, doesn't mean that you are not good enough for him. It is just something in-built in guys I guess.
I am married to my husband already but he still has pictures of models inside his computer. Same as your boyfriend, he also showed it to me but instead of getting uptight I will joke with him about the models...unless he starts comparing me to the models then i will start to get irritated. But if not, all is pretty normal.
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Originally posted by lalala1999:
Hi all, i've joined sgforums and its been about two years already. Posted replies in some forums here and there, but this is the first time i start a new topic, and i hope to find some good advice from you guys.
I've been with my boyfriend for about two years already. We went through alot just to get together, therefore i cherished this relationship and i love him really really much. And our relationship is nearly perfect. But here's the problem: I get jealous too easily, and I'm very scared this will jeopardize our relationship.
We had a few quarrels here and there, and most of the time, it is because of my jealousy problem. I know sometimes there's nothing much for me to worry about, because i know he is a good guy, but yet when we are out together, there are times when i can't help but feel insecure when a pretty girl walks by and his eyes happen to be glancing at her. Or when he mentions about his ex-crush, i just get that green feeling i cannot shake away.
I've looked at advices on the internet. Issues pertaining to low self-esteem, therefore it brings about insecurity issues leading to jealousy. All of this, i've read before. Sometimes i even tell myself, 'dont say anything sarcastic' when he is mentioning something to me about the opposite sex, but sometimes, my mouth doesnt go in sync with my brain, and I've said things i've really dont mean it.
How do you guys overcome the feeling of jealousy? Please advise, because I really don't want to lose this relationship..
Thanks people. :)
have u told him b4 about this? ur insecurity? if he knows about it, he can better understand why u do some of the things u do.. and also, maybe he will curb his ways..
however, its really very normal to be looking ard.. i mean, not only at girls, but at other human beings.. obviously ur eyes will go to something that moves.. delibrately not looking will be weird..
if he has the heart, he will at least start to cut down commenting them, at least in front of u..
but u must understand that telling him ur insecurities may also backfire, he may be pissed and think y u r restricting him.. its up to u to talk to him properly about it and not in a condescending tone..
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it's common, this shows how much you care about him and love him.
some guys pick on this point to test the reaction of their girl (: (purposely)
Him speaking about girls is an inevitable thing, be it worklife, school life ect. he will bound to meet up and interact with the opposite gender.
however, your good point, is too, your weakness. It will lead to quarrels (which you had already mentioned)
Try to be more understanding and trust him. If you are deeply in love, nothing, even the most prettiest of girls can separate him from you
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Originally posted by rainee:
haha..initially i felt quite sianz also because obviously those models look way better than me...but I have learned to take it easy. Don't sweat over trivial things like this and you will live in harmony lolz.
But i draw the line at when he starts comparing me to the models in the pics...for example, saying sth like wa, see she (the model) looks one hundred times better than you...then I will start to get affected.
collect pictures and pictures of hunks wearing very little or nothing.. really fit bronze hunks for a change.. see if he gets affected.
Then say.. wah.. his muscles so tone... skin so smooth, muscles so hard... see if your man gets affected
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Originally posted by deluded:
collect pictures and pictures of hunks wearing very little or nothing.. really fit bronze hunks for a change.. see if he gets affected.
Then say.. wah.. his muscles so tone... skin so smooth, muscles so hard... see if your man gets affected
no kidding.. the husband is on sgf now..
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Originally posted by deluded:
collect pictures and pictures of hunks wearing very little or nothing.. really fit bronze hunks for a change.. see if he gets affected.
Then say.. wah.. his muscles so tone... skin so smooth, muscles so hard... see if your man gets affected
Sorry, I dun have the hobby of collecting guys' pictures...cant think why some girls like to collect them. I had a roomie once who pasted hunks' pictures and only hunks' pictures all over the wall.
When I look at those pics, ok sometimes I will go, alright this guy looks quite good but that's the extent of it.
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Originally posted by lalala1999:
Wah rainee, your tolerance level quite high. I think if my bf compares me to them, and says they look hundred times better than me, i think my whole face will go black le. haha~
yea, that's what I said mah...if he compares me to them then I will show black face liaoz lor
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gawd, can't believe i actually stopped looking at girls when i liked this someone. pft.
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Originally posted by deluded:
collect pictures and pictures of hunks wearing very little or nothing.. really fit bronze hunks for a change.. see if he gets affected.
Then say.. wah.. his muscles so tone... skin so smooth, muscles so hard... see if your man gets affected
Haha, thought about that too. But ohwell, i dun really want to collect pictures of hunks when im not exactly interested in collecting it in the first place.
