should she?
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Originally posted by skythewood:
pro life?
pro abortion?
the stuff people who don't use contraceptive faces.
stop your worries. use it
I know of someone who's gotten pregnant even though they had taken measures. Contraceptives are not 100% fool-proof. May I ask in such a situation where precautions have been taken and yet pregnancy has occured, what is to be done and who shall take the responsibility?
I feel that schools should incorporate some form of sex education. Not the ones I had 10 over years back then obviously (I do not know what are the schools teaching now), very theory-based. I feel that all secondary school kids should be exposed to videos about abortions and classes should be held to talk about marriage, family and responsibility. In fact, classes conducted should not be too theory-based, reading whatever is from the textbooks, but open up to the class floor for participating debates.
Originally posted by HelloKittyFan:A few issues to address.
Singapore is currently opened to a lot of foreigners, but deep down, being a single-mum is still not accepted by all. Be it discrimination or gossip towards the mother or child, it just boils down to how the mother is able to handle, as well as take the 'verbal abuse'.
To abort or not to abort, depends on how strong your fren is.
Logically, many would say that w/o finance, w/o a proper family, the birth of a child should be ceased. Others may said that the child is innocent and that responsibility of the consequence should be beared. It's not rightfully right to 'take away' something just because you felt you don't have the ability to do so and will bring it more harm than good. Ever think from the child's view? A child may blame you, but he/she may not either; it boils down to how you bring and teach him/her up.
Just like before 'Divorce' was ever introduced, it's a taboo in the olden times for a wife to leave their husbands no matter what the husbands have done. But now, 'Divorce' is pretty common as it serves as an 'alternative' to 'solve' things just like the word 'abortion'.
The day one started having pre-martial doings, one should have expected there may be a day the girl will be pregnant.
Yes, counselling sessions and a video tape are things a girl has to go through when she decides to go for abortion; and it's not easy.
To give birth - either send for adoption or raise on your own.
To send for adoption, some girls may feel that the adopted parents are more capable to provide for the child; but she will have to be able to bear the 'pain' of being separated from her own fresh and blood, a child she has in her womb for 9 months plus, a child who can start kicking her at 6 months plus.
A thing which most guys can never understand is the feeling of something growing inside you; the happiness of seeig the ultrasound scan, the happiness of feeling the heart beat, the happiness of seeing the ultasound pic which the doc will print out for u at each visit, the happiness of shopping for baby clothes (shop at cheaper stores if finance don't allow), the expectation of seeing the child at first sight, the hearing of the child's first cries, the pain and long hours a girl have to go through during labour etc.
Your fren has to weigh the effects of giving birth (raise on her own/adoption) or abortion. Effects as in the consequences she has to face, be it mental or physical, and whether she will be able to take it.
Once aborted, there's no 'rewinding'; goes the same for sending for adoption or raising on her own.
I have frenz who went for abortion; ironically, she seems pretty at ease with things as she's a pretty practical person.
I have frenz who are single mothers; they gave birth when they were still schooling. Now they are working, finance is much better, but obviously, during the initial years, it was pretty bad. They have to save and be thrifty on every single cent. Initally, they practically have no social life, life is devoted to the babies, because there's only one of them, no father, to care for the babies. Only when the kids are older, do they get a social life.
Sort of 'Ku jing gan lai'
Lastly, not all guys are not able to accept a single mother; my single-parent friends are getting married, and throughout these few years, they don't have lack of suitors, in fact the guys still went after them despite knowing they are single mothers.
But obviously, my frenz took a very long time to walk out of their hurting past and, in addition, the day they decided to give birth, they have given up hopes on marriage. Now, they just felt having a husband is = a bonus. (",)
Actually, the most important thing is how strong is your friend? The route in the future is, in a way, unpredictable.
*I understand that u mention that the guy 'offer' to pay for maintenance, my advise if ur friend wants to give birth, don't take the maintenance, but do get the guy to sign a official lawyer letter stating that the guy willngly gives up all his rights to the child. No single mother would want to see a 'sudden appearance' of a guy saying that he wants back his child after e.g. ten years. He has a right to, if he has been supporting the child financially and in addition, he's the rightful father. -- Just a precaution. (",)
Oh, besides, as for the kids, I watched them grow up, they are good and sensible, I guess it boils down to how my friends taught them. They did ask for their fathers, but knowing that when they ask, my frenz would feel sad, they rather chose not to. They seldom ask when they are older, my frenz did more than they could to cover as a mother and a father. It may be difficult and a father may never be able to be replaced, but a kid can feel and see, feel and see a mother's LOVE.
Very practical yet thoughtful solutions. Thumbs up.
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There are many ways to seeing this situation, I'll advise your friend to abort.
It's very straightforward. Why would she want to give birth for a man who clearly does not love her, does not want the child and leaves when the going gets rough?
I assure you all 3 options will bring her regret. Regrets are one thing, we all have regrets. But her having to pay for everything at the expense of a better future is another. I think her next move is very crucial, I will abort if I were her.
1) If she gives birth and puts her newborn up for adoption, she will hanker over the what ifs, and she will be made to endure the separation.
2) If she gives birth and keeps the baby out of love for the man (hoping one day he will come back for her), if she thinks she may find joy 20 years down the road after the kid is all grown up, she better be prepared for 20 tough years ahead. She better be equipped both emotionally and financially for it. It may be less painful if she has a supportive family unit behind her.
3) She aborts. Forgets him completely, and try to walk out of this old life, build one for herself and then mate with a guy who will shoulder the responsibility, marry her and make a family with her.
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latest update : Plan A
...................................................................
Guy said : nowadays medical technology is so advanced...is just a day surgery..
no financial means of support for the kid..
even if get married..also will end up getting divorced..
AND..
his attitude towards my friend change drastically..suddenly become super caring aft she told him that she is choosing Plan A..
*claps*
my friend is still pondering over..should she leave this guy?...
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Originally posted by xiiaostarry:
latest update : Plan A
...................................................................
Guy said : nowadays medical technology is so advanced...is just a day surgery..
no financial means of support for the kid..
even if get married..also will end up getting divorced..
AND..
his attitude towards my friend change drastically..suddenly become super caring aft she told him that she is choosing Plan A..
*claps*
my friend is still pondering over..should she leave this guy?...
pls leave this guy... seriously...
got trouble, push blame to girl, shrink responsibility.
when girl chose plan A, it follows his heart wishes... so naturally, he good to her now...
e.g. like if u quarrel with ur mother yesterday, then when today u need to ask for some money from her, suddenly u good good to her... right... -
Leave that jerk & I hope she can keep the baby. It's a mistake tat both parties made & it's upsetting to know that jerk can actually be so selfish as to push all the burdens to the gal alone to bear. He made her the murderer for her kid, can she still be with him?
And also do please bear in mind that abortion will have bad effects on future pregnancies. Is she really goin to derive her child the chance of coming into the world, put her health & her future pregnancies at risk??
Abortion takes courage, keepin the child also needs courage. Tho' all the situation now is against her now..if she still decide to go for abortion, she'll probably be living in regrets for the rest of her life. They werent being responsible while havin sex, but at the very least, they shld b responsible for the life that they have created.
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Originally posted by Rednano:
pls leave this guy... seriously...
got trouble, push blame to girl, shrink responsibility.
when girl chose plan A, it follows his heart wishes... so naturally, he good to her now...
e.g. like if u quarrel with ur mother yesterday, then when today u need to ask for some money from her, suddenly u good good to her... right...
she wanted to give the r/s a last try..gals can be silly in r/s bah?..alot of cases also happened b4..as in "guys treat gals badly & yet gals still stick to them..with the hope that guy will change for her sake"
is pointless to talk sense into her right now..let her try out for the last time..at least..she won't have regrets bah?..
but one thing for sure..i believe that my friend's love for this jerk defn lessen..aft the emotional hurt that he left her..moreover..all the friends have been telling this gal that the jerk is not worthy of his love..
depends on fate bah..and see how things goes..since this guy APPEARS to be remorseful for his actions & said that he will try to change..shall see if he really change..
i'll make sure that my friend won't ever go back to him should he still remains the same old b@st@rd as he is now..
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Originally posted by xiiaostarry:
she wanted to give the r/s a last try..gals can be silly in r/s bah?..alot of cases also happened b4..as in "guys treat gals badly & yet gals still stick to them..with the hope that guy will change for her sake"
is pointless to talk sense into her right now..let her try out for the last time..at least..she won't have regrets bah?..
but one thing for sure..i believe that my friend's love for this jerk defn lessen..aft the emotional hurt that he left her..moreover..all the friends have been telling this gal that the jerk is not worthy of his love..
depends on fate bah..and see how things goes..since this guy APPEARS to be remorseful for his actions & said that he will try to change..shall see if he really change..
i'll make sure that my friend won't ever go back to him should he still remains the same old b@st@rd as he is now..
a leopard will never change its spots... -
If he is willing to change, he should start by sharing the burden that he had caused and NOT after the gal decided to choose abortion.
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Originally posted by RedizAlertz:
If he is willing to change, he should start by sharing the burden that he had caused and NOT after the gal decided to choose abortion.
correct, he is simply shrink responsiblity... and when the girl chose abortion, he think she follows his wishes of getting rid of the child... -
Originally posted by Rednano:
a leopard will never change its spots...
frankly spking..is useless to talk to my friend in letting go right now..people can get stubborn at certain points in a r/s..can only let her try out for 1 last time..at least she tried it & won't have any regrets..
can only hope that this guy will truly changed..& really treasure her...
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Originally posted by xiiaostarry:
she wanted to give the r/s a last try..gals can be silly in r/s bah?..alot of cases also happened b4..as in "guys treat gals badly & yet gals still stick to them..with the hope that guy will change for her sake"
is pointless to talk sense into her right now..let her try out for the last time..at least..she won't have regrets bah?..
but one thing for sure..i believe that my friend's love for this jerk defn lessen..aft the emotional hurt that he left her..moreover..all the friends have been telling this gal that the jerk is not worthy of his love..
depends on fate bah..and see how things goes..since this guy APPEARS to be remorseful for his actions & said that he will try to change..shall see if he really change..
i'll make sure that my friend won't ever go back to him should he still remains the same old b@st@rd as he is now..
ur fren is still crazy in love wif him... shes mentally weak... even hes a cold blooded killer/rapist she will still love him.. well shes will jz add to the list of gd gals with f-up bf/hubby(knowing it yet still stick with them)... wasted...next time can b hot mum...
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Originally posted by Rednano:
a leopard will never change its spots...
frankly spking..is useless to talk to my friend in letting go right now..people can get stubborn at certain points in a r/s..can only let her try out for 1 last time..at least she tried it & won't have any regrets..
can only hope that this guy will truly changed..& really treasure her...
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Originally posted by xiiaostarry:
frankly spking..is useless to talk to my friend in letting go right now..people can get stubborn at certain points in a r/s..can only let her try out for 1 last time..at least she tried it & won't have any regrets..
can only hope that this guy will truly changed..& really treasure her...
It's always very difficult when emotion is involved. Our logic says one things but our emotion says another.
Also, females tend to establish a special bond with the person they have sex with. Most females would probably hope to be able to stay with the person they share their first sexual relationship with....
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Originally posted by honeymouse:
It's always very difficult when emotion is involved. Our logic says one things but our emotion says another.
Also, females tend to establish a special bond with the person they have sex with. Most females would probably hope to be able to stay with the person they share their first sexual relationship with....
but..1 thing for sure..gals r definitely more 痴情 than guys..**most gals
haha i agree with this >> "Also, females tend to establish a special bond with the person they have sex with. Most females would probably hope to be able to stay with the person they share their first sexual relationship with...."
guys don't seems to.. >.<'''
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Originally posted by xiiaostarry:
but..1 thing for sure..gals r definitely more 痴情 than guys..**most gals
haha i agree with this >> "Also, females tend to establish a special bond with the person they have sex with. Most females would probably hope to be able to stay with the person they share their first sexual relationship with...."
guys don't seems to.. >.<'''
cos for guys, our goal is to sleep around with as many as girls as possible b4 married, so no regret for life... -
Difference between female and male....
Male just wants sex.
Female only has sex with the guy when she loves him.
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苦命的女人
薄情的男人
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Originally posted by xiiaostarry:
苦命的女人
薄情的男人
While that's just a general characteristic of male and female.... I believe your friend has just been very unlucky with her encounter. Not all men are like that.
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Originally posted by honeymouse:
While that's just a general characteristic of male and female.... I believe your friend has just been very unlucky with her encounter. Not all men are like that.
most guys bah..bt @ least she made a decision liao...and..hopefully her decision is right? =D
btw..that guy viewed this thread liao..lols..and i tio shoot by him for "flaming him in forum while hiding behind the screen" =.='''
*hides before i get killed*
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Originally posted by xiiaostarry:
most guys bah..bt @ least she made a decision liao...and..hopefully her decision is right? =D
btw..that guy viewed this thread liao..lols..and i tio shoot by him for "flaming him in forum while hiding behind the screen" =.='''
*hides before i get killed*
How did he know about this topic?
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Originally posted by honeymouse:
How did he know about this topic?
she must have sms that guy about this -
Since they still young and the guy cannot make it, it is actually a blessing in disguise that she choose option A. Otherwise once the baby is born, then more suffering will follow.
But I think she should just leave the guy. End of the story. Such guy doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend.
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Originally posted by rainee:
Since they still young and the guy cannot make it, it is actually a blessing in disguise that she choose option A. Otherwise once the baby is born, then more suffering will follow.
But I think she should just leave the guy. End of the story. Such guy doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend.
x2 -
Originally posted by honeymouse:
How did he know about this topic?
i told him mah..that i posted thread here..=x
i even mentioned it in the previous thread that i'm going to show him the replies that ppl commented abt him..
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Originally posted by xiiaostarry:
most guys bah..bt @ least she made a decision liao...and..hopefully her decision is right? =D
btw..that guy viewed this thread liao..lols..and i tio shoot by him for "flaming him in forum while hiding behind the screen" =.='''
*hides before i get killed*
he is just afraid that people will think he is rotten for behaving in this way...
dun worry, just ignore him. you are trying to help your friend.