Originally posted by jojobeach:Le Toro,
My heart goes out to the baby. Given a broken family.. before he/she is even born.
If you are unsure if the baby is yours.. there is paternity tests before birth .. although it may carry some risks .
But first and foremost.. you must get her to a obstetrician, put her on a care plan.. the doctor will monitor both the health of the mother and baby during her pregnancy.
You really shouldn't be so afraid of your parents... remember.. that baby is also their grandchild.
Your parent may be dissapointed with you.. but they do not want to see their child and grandchild suffer because of their own anger....
Time will help heal and reconcile whatever wrong you have done....just give it some time.
You will break their heart.. if they ever found out.. you had to kill your own child because they were not able to accept your choices.....
Now that you are going to be a father yourself.. you should understand what it is like to be a parent. If you can understand where their anger comes from.. you will know how to deal with it.
No it is not illegal.. but you, your wife and the child will face some disadvantages...
You can still have your name on the baby's birthcert even if you don't marry your gf.
Good luck and be strong.
Dear jojobeach,
Thank you for your advise. What disavantages will we be facing if we do not plan to ROM 1st when the baby is out? My concern is money. That why we delay it 1st. But it is alright, i will try my best to figure out and work hard for money. I am willingly to work hard for the two of them.
Another is i am considering, maybe i let her deliver the baby in another country where hospital fee is lower. Will you guys think this is a bad choice or a good one?
Special thanks to Mancha. You struck a nail in my thoughts and waked me up. Thank you. Its was like receiving words of wisdom from someone who know Life very well. Thank you i love you.
Le Toro
Originally posted by Le Toro:
Dear jojobeach,
Thank you for your advise. What disavantages will we be facing if we do not plan to ROM 1st when the baby is out? My concern is money. That why we delay it 1st. But it is alright, i will try my best to figure out and work hard for money. I am willingly to work hard for the two of them.
Another is i am considering, maybe i let her deliver the baby in another country where hospital fee is lower. Will you guys think this is a bad choice or a good one?
Special thanks to Mancha. You struck a nail in my thoughts and waked me up. Thank you. Its was like receiving words of wisdom from someone who know Life very well. Thank you i love you.
Le Toro
Le Toro,
Singapore is not set up to give much (if any) support to single mom. Nevertheless.. there are many brave and young single moms who made it through the difficulties.
Click on this Flying Low - Single Mothers In Singapore.
These are the few areas you may face problems with.. but you need to do some research to confirm..there's also a single mom support group...
Housing ?
Medical/health cost coverage ?
Social pressures ?
Work place benefits ?
Since the main bulk of entering into a marriage is the wedding ceremony .... only doing ROM will NOT cost you much. and it's a easy process to get your marriage legalized. go to ROM website click this ROM
To give birth in another country, I don't know what you have in mind.
But .. how long do you intend to let her stay over seas ? She should stay near to the birth site about 2 weeks before her due date in a low risk pregnancy.. a high risk pregnancy.. she needs to stay close to medical assistance..according to doctor recommendation.
After the birth... you need to give her more than 2 weeks to recover if natural birth.. and about 1 months for a C-section.
Your baby will need a pediatrician after birth to do a checkup to make sure he/she is in good health condition.
You need to start saving up for their health care and lodging needs.. other stuff is not as important for now....
How far along is your gf ?
The first few months of the pregnancy is VERY important.
Make sure she don't drink alcohol and/or smoke... or anyhow take medicines.
Some medicines may cause deformities or affect the brain development of the baby.
Eating healthy and nutritionous food is always best.
Don't eat too much fish or seafood as some species contains high mercury which is bad for the baby.
The doctor will prescribe pre-natal vitamins to ensure optimum fetus growth.
Your gf may experience mood swings.. or some may go through pre and post natal depression.... just be more patient with her..and give her your best support..
Anyway.. if you have any questions.. make sure you ask the doctor.
Your friends, relatives will give you tons of advises.. you dont have to listen to all of them.. just stick to your doctor's advise.
Try to go for at least ONE ultra sound of your baby....you will feel the rush.. when you see and hear the little heartbeat.
Hi Hi, I understand that u'll be marrying your gf? And that u'll be accompanying her thoughout the pregnancy and fulfilling the role as a 'Father' and 'hubby'?
If that's the case, ur gf will not be falling under the Single Mums Category.
Single Mums are females who bring up their own child alone, w/o the Male Partner.
It could be a divorcee, a widow or an unmarried lady who gave birth to a child whom the 'Father' refused to acknowledge or take account for.
Currently, due to the rising of Single Mums, especially those who are unmarried, the govt has 'relax' the Rules slightly, giving a time period after the birth of the child for the couple to get their marriage legalised, so as to have the 'benefits' as those who went thru the 'usual' way.
But as jojobeach had said in her post, it's really better for you to go for the ROM now to legalise the marriage, rather than after the birth of the child.
So far, the cheapest I have heard of for a Normal delivery is at KK Hosp, provided that u doesn't pick a particular gynae to visit each time, i.e. no fixed gynae for each visit.
The cost should be less than 1k, or around there, from what I heard from my female friends; deductible from CPF, but unsure if it's the full amount / portion.
Just for comparison, a private practice gynae, birth in Mount Elizabeth, will cost about 2k plus for hosp, plus another 1k for the routine check ups (package). Total about 3k plus.
Have a check on the health of ur gf, i.e. calcium/iron/sugar levels etc. Gynae will prescribe any necessary vitamins for ur gf.
Milk Powder for Pregnant women - to me is optional, but still depends on u and ur gf, maybe u should check with the gynae instead.
Actually, personally, the major expenses and taxing part comes after the pregnancy - the confinement period of a month.
Ur gf will need a lot of tonics, and also specified dietary meals. She will need help to take care of the baby during the confinement month as well, as she needs a lot of rest during that month, that's the period of pretty bad mood swings.
A confinement helper will cost about 1.5k to 1.8k depending on the experience.
(All figures quoted here are info gathered from friends and family.)
Additional - Baby clothes - just get sufficient, not too much. Diapers can be replaced with cloth-types, using of liners on the cloth ones will help to reduce difficultly in washing especially for poo. For ease and savings, use diapers at night, cloth types during the day. There's still baby shampoos, showers, tub, milk bottles, milk powder, baby detergent etc.
Initailly, baby clothes have to be hand washed.
Apologies; I seemed to have wrote too much.
Originally posted by HelloKittyFan:Hi Hi, I understand that u'll be marrying your gf? And that u'll be accompanying her thoughout the pregnancy and fulfilling the role as a 'Father' and 'hubby'?
If that's the case, ur gf will not be falling under the Single Mums Category.
Single Mums are females who bring up their own child alone, w/o the Male Partner.
It could be a divorcee, a widow or an unmarried lady who gave birth to a child whom the 'Father' refused to acknowledge or take account for.
Currently, due to the rising of Single Mums, especially those who are unmarried, the govt has 'relax' the Rules slightly, giving a time period after the birth of the child for the couple to get their marriage legalised, so as to have the 'benefits' as those who went thru the 'usual' way.
But as jojobeach had said in her post, it's really better for you to go for the ROM now to legalise the marriage, rather than after the birth of the child.
So far, the cheapest I have heard of for a Normal delivery is at KK Hosp, provided that u doesn't pick a particular gynae to visit each time, i.e. no fixed gynae for each visit.
The cost should be less than 1k, or around there, from what I heard from my female friends; deductible from CPF, but unsure if it's the full amount / portion.
Just for comparison, a private practice gynae, birth in Mount Elizabeth, will cost about 2k plus for hosp, plus another 1k for the routine check ups (package). Total about 3k plus.
Have a check on the health of ur gf, i.e. calcium/iron/sugar levels etc. Gynae will prescribe any necessary vitamins for ur gf.
Milk Powder for Pregnant women - to me is optional, but still depends on u and ur gf, maybe u should check with the gynae instead.
Actually, personally, the major expenses and taxing part comes after the pregnancy - the confinement period of a month.
Ur gf will need a lot of tonics, and also specified dietary meals. She will need help to take care of the baby during the confinement month as well, as she needs a lot of rest during that month, that's the period of pretty bad mood swings.
A confinement helper will cost about 1.5k to 1.8k depending on the experience.
(All figures quoted here are info gathered from friends and family.)
Additional - Baby clothes - just get sufficient, not too much. Diapers can be replaced with cloth-types, using of liners on the cloth ones will help to reduce difficultly in washing especially for poo. For ease and savings, use diapers at night, cloth types during the day. There's still baby shampoos, showers, tub, milk bottles, milk powder, baby detergent etc.
Initailly, baby clothes have to be hand washed.Apologies; I seemed to have wrote too much.
Nono, This is wonderful advise !! i sincerely appreciated it. This is a total new thing for me. Any information, or details is wonderful and gladly welcomed. All this information will help me get better prepared for the very near the corner future to come.
Any truth life stories or situations to help me not make the same mistakes are also welcome. I need to plan and prepared ahead so that the whole process will be smooth and headahce free. Thank you guys keep it coming !!! :)
Ps: Can i get her to take ginko and col liver oil to make the baby more intelligent ? Or perhaps something to increase the IQ :)
Actually I am not sure about the effects of ginko and col liver oil.
Had a run via the internet, found 2 links.
http://your-doctor.com/patient_info/alternative_remedies/herbals/ginkobiloba.html
http://www.raisinrack.com/shop/product_view.asp?id=2863&StoreID=13T859V47NGF9N44EB2PFAB7J308BJT1
I heard from my gynae before that pregnant women need intakes of folic acids which can be found in milk powder especially for pregnant ladies. Mayb u should check with ur gynae c if it's a necessity/must?
Pamper ur gf as well, apply stretch mark cream on her tummy to prevent stretch marks after pregnancy. (",) Stretch mark cream can be found at Guardian / Watson, Price ranges.
Hrmm.. if I can think of any more to share, I will post here.
But if u find me too naggy, let me know ya. (",)
Originally posted by HelloKittyFan:Actually I am not sure about the effects of ginko and col liver oil.
Had a run via the internet, found 2 links.
http://your-doctor.com/patient_info/alternative_remedies/herbals/ginkobiloba.html
http://www.raisinrack.com/shop/product_view.asp?id=2863&StoreID=13T859V47NGF9N44EB2PFAB7J308BJT1
I heard from my gynae before that pregnant women need intakes of folic acids which can be found in milk powder especially for pregnant ladies. Mayb u should check with ur gynae c if it's a necessity/must?Pamper ur gf as well, apply stretch mark cream on her tummy to prevent stretch marks after pregnancy. (",) Stretch mark cream can be found at Guardian / Watson, Price ranges.
Hrmm.. if I can think of any more to share, I will post here.
But if u find me too naggy, let me know ya. (",)
Nope..I find you very lovable lol :)
Pls dont do anything stupid .
I know how is it like to feel tat you have let down your parents and someone you love .
But just hang on . Things will get better .
Originally posted by Le Toro:
Dear jojobeach,
Thank you for your advise. What disavantages will we be facing if we do not plan to ROM 1st when the baby is out? My concern is money. That why we delay it 1st. But it is alright, i will try my best to figure out and work hard for money. I am willingly to work hard for the two of them.
Another is i am considering, maybe i let her deliver the baby in another country where hospital fee is lower. Will you guys think this is a bad choice or a good one?
Special thanks to Mancha. You struck a nail in my thoughts and waked me up. Thank you. Its was like receiving words of wisdom from someone who know Life very well. Thank you i love you.
Le Toro
Just ROMing does not cost a lot of money...so just go register your marriage with her before the baby is born.
Le Toro,
To qualify for SG baby bonus scheme.. your gf must be legally married to the father of the child.
Also, check with your human resource department at work... if you qualify for paternity leave if you are not legally married.
Call up HDB and ask about eligibility to buy or rent from HDB as a single parent. HDB rentals seems to only cater to single parent whom are widowed or divorced.. so since your gf is not married... she's probably not qualified.....but do confirm with the customer service officers.
Medisave
Medisave can also be used to pay the delivery and pre-delivery expenses incurred for the delivery of the fifth and subsequent child of the mother on or after 1 August 2004, if both parents have a combined Medisave balance of at least $15,000 in their Medisave accounts at the time of delivery.
The patient can use her own, spouse and/or immediate
family members’ Medisave to pay the delivery and pre-delivery expenses.
Immediate family members include patient’s parents and children.
The
pre-delivery expenses have to be claimed under the Medisave Maternity
Package. However, post-natal consultation fees cannot be claimed under
Medisave.
I'm glad you are man enough to take up this responsibility instead of running away like many irresponsible men.... so, good luck and best wishes to your path to fatherhood.
I think the best is to look for a social worker for advice and help.
actuallyjsut go ahead with yr GF delivery even if u dont have $$$ and u dont really need $1k in cash also
in singapore goverment hospital wont force u to pay 1st or deliver yr baby outside on the road if u dont have $$$
u can seek help from their social department (every gov hospital have 1 social help department) u can pay by installment
just go ahead and deliver yr baby and support yr GF with the love and help shee need
been a man its normally that we have to take the harder hardship. that Y we are call "MAN" of couse there are strong will woman around as well
if u love yr GF as u say. u accept her and should help her to cure her current behavoiur, part of her change might be link to u also.
take care and keep us update
btw, if u are getting any multi vitamins, gingko, or any such sorts of supplements, online shops are way cheaper than places like guardian, watsons, ntuc healthcare, gnc, nature's farm, etc.
I get mine from
www.nutrifirst.net
www.nutritionpark.com
Originally posted by eagle:btw, if u are getting any multi vitamins, gingko, or any such sorts of supplements, online shops are way cheaper than places like guardian, watsons, ntuc healthcare, gnc, nature's farm, etc.
I get mine from
www.nutrifirst.net
www.nutritionpark.com
this post belong to other ppl leh. go and start yr own health post (- -) dont be a cheapstake
just because got baby, everyone so emo....
imo, faster run.
krz to lose your future with such a mentally unstable women.
it appalled me that she tried to set you up for trying to kill her.abusing and hit you. this women can do anything. man.
after the baby is born, she got another thing to threaten you with liaw. holy shit.
This is not love anymore. better get off the bus fast.