Originally posted by Sailinna:jojobeach,It's not about being a wussy or not behaving like a real man.
Of course i would have expressed my thoughs that i don't really like the idea of them meeting,but if i were to control her now,wouldn't it make me like him? I would be restricting her freedom,which i don't want to and like TalkToTheScreen has said,if i do,it would be giving the other guy a chance,right?
Sailinna,
Then you should be wondering.. why her ex boyfriend wanted to control her so much.
Was she contacting her ex ex boyfriend the same way she is doing to her current ex ?
Telling her to cut contact with her ex is NOT controlling her.. It is BASIC relationship courtesy.
It is RESPECT for your love one.
If she cannot even do that for you.. then you are .. in her opinion.. not worth the dime.
for goodness sake, protect urself.....dun waste ur time.....one month & u think she loves u very much...disillusioned, i'm telling u..sorry
Originally posted by de_middle:for goodness sake, protect urself.....dun waste ur time.....one month & u think she loves u very much...disillusioned, i'm telling u..sorry
What makes you think she could be lying to me about her love for me? If she wanted only a "rebound" guy,and that she just wants an excuse to leave her EX,don't you think she should break of all contacts with him instead and not answer his calls at all?
Not to mention going out with him again so soon after their undesirable breakup? She must have gotten over him in order to be able to face him again,am i not right?
Sorry if i sound naive here,but if i left my ex in this manner,i wouldn't dare to face her,not for at least 3 months,calls...yes,maybe,but i wouldn't dare meet,because i know she would ask to patch and if i left in this way,why would i want a patch? I got a new love.
Right?
Originally posted by Sailinna:
What makes you think she could be lying to me about her love for me? If she wanted only a "rebound" guy,and that she just wants an excuse to leave her EX,don't you think she should break of all contacts with him instead and not answer his calls at all?Not to mention going out with him again so soon after their undesirable breakup? She must have gotten over him in order to be able to face him again,am i not right?
Sorry if i sound naive here,but if i left my ex in this manner,i wouldn't dare to face her,not for at least 3 months,calls...yes,maybe,but i wouldn't dare meet,because i know she would ask to patch and if i left in this way,why would i want a patch? I got a new love.
Right?
Dude,
You know what a rebound guy is to a girl ?
I'm sensing someone in denial ?
Originally posted by Sailinna:... of stole her from another guy la,but she loves me too,that's why i decided to ask ...that he's a bit controlling her although he loves her a lot plus always shower her with gifts...was too busy to meet.She also told him she loves me a lot and just want to be ...
another NHNT thread...
Originally posted by jojobeach:Dude,
You know what a rebound guy is to a girl ?
I'm sensing someone in denial ?
Sigh,you've been calling me a "rebound" guy from the very first post.Infact you were the first one to have posted.What does it mean to be a "rebound" guy?And,why am i one in your opinion?
Thanks first for at least helping out here,really,no sacarsm intended. I needed some clarification,that was why i decided to post my problem here.
What have i got in denial really?Serious,she puts in a lot of effort to ignore the EX already,it may sound weird,but she has ever told me that the EX sometimes makes a helluva fuss when she does not reply.Which she does most of the time.He even knows she does it on purpose,but what can he do right?She tells me that she trying her best to keep her distance from him already.It's over between them.
As for outings with him,she says she is just going out him partially for old times sake,because he treated her very well,she does not feel good rejecting him so much and she goes out with the mentality that he is now just a friend.
Originally posted by Sailinna:
Sigh,you've been calling me a "rebound" guy from the very first post.Infact you were the first one to have posted.What does it mean to be a "rebound" guy?And,why am i one in your opinion?
Thanks first for at least helping out here,really,no sacarsm intended. I needed some clarification,that was why i decided to post my problem here.
What have i got in denial really?Serious,she puts in a lot of effort to ignore the EX already,it may sound weird,but she has ever told me that the EX sometimes makes a helluva fuss when she does not reply.Which she does most of the time.He even knows she does it on purpose,but what can he do right?She tells me that she trying her best to keep her distance from him already.It's over between them.
As for outings with him,she says she is just going out him partially for old times sake,because he treated her very well,she does not feel good rejecting him so much and she goes out with the mentality that he is now just a friend.
First.. you must understand that.. when a woman is in love with a man.. she will not continue to see her ex.. if her current man says NO.
Because..a woman in love with a man.. will want to please her man. The same way a man in love with a woman.. will want to please his woman.
Now.. you might want to go ask your gf.. did she go see her ex ex bf when she was still with her ex ? Then you know where you stand.
A rebound guy.. is a form of "distraction".. ..a cushion to break our fall...
We treat our distraction with love and care.. so he stays..while we lick our wounds.
Being with a rebound guy, does not means.. we will continue to stay with our "distraction".. after our heart finally breaks free from the old relationship.
So.. after you tell her not to see that guy.. and she still insist.. then you are confirmed a rebound guy.
Because she is more interested to keep that ex happy than to keep you happy. OK ? Good.
Originally posted by jojobeach:First.. you must understand that.. when a woman is in love with a man.. she will not continue to see her ex.. if her current man says NO.
Because..a woman in love with a man.. will want to please her man. The same way a man in love with a woman.. will want to please his woman.
Now.. you might want to go ask your gf.. did she go see her ex ex bf when she was still with her ex ? Then you know where you stand.
A rebound guy.. is a form of "distraction".. ..a cushion to break our fall...
We treat our distraction with love and care.. so he stays..while we lick our wounds.
Being with a rebound guy, does not means.. we will continue to stay with our "distraction".. after our heart finally breaks free from the old relationship.
So.. after you tell her not to see that guy.. and she still insist.. then you are confirmed a rebound guy.
Because she is more interested to keep that ex happy than to keep you happy. OK ? Good.
Hmm,i'll try asking her to not meet him,but it will be difficult for now,as she said he arranged to meet her at certain days already,not very close together,but maybe once a week?
She agreed the last time they met,and at that time,i told her already it was fine for her to meet him,as i did not see much problems in them meeting and going out.I didn't want to also control her and end up like her ex.So i think she thought that i wouldn't mind.
I didn't actually,not until my good friend told me it was weird for her to agree to meet him so soon after their less than desirable breakup.So that was why i came here to post my question,hoping someone could tell me is it normal for girls to want to still meet their ex's so fast after this type of breakup.
My second worry is that if i were to restrict her,and let's say she agrees,but end up meeting him on the sly? How can i prevent that and what types of tricks should i be wary of from the ex? Like what will he try to do or say to win her back?Girls are very prone to heart touching actions aren't they? And from what i heard from her before we're together and still friends,he's very good at this.Any ways of stopping him if he's persistant? What i ever think up of,is that if i stop her from meeting him,he can take the chance to poison her mind by saying that i am controlling her also.Maybe it will not affect her now,but it will plant the seeds of discord for the future,won't it?
Originally posted by Sailinna:Hmm,i'll try asking her to not meet him,but it will be difficult for now,as she said he arranged to meet her at certain days already,not very close together,but maybe once a week?
She agreed the last time they met,and at that time,i told her already it was fine for her to meet him,as i did not see much problems in them meeting and going out.I didn't want to also control her and end up like her ex.So i think she thought that i wouldn't mind.
I didn't actually,not until my good friend told me it was weird for her to agree to meet him so soon after their less than desirable breakup.So that was why i came here to post my question,hoping someone could tell me is it normal for girls to want to still meet their ex's so fast after this type of breakup.
My second worry is that if i were to restrict her,and let's say she agrees,but end up meeting him on the sly? How can i prevent that and what types of tricks should i be wary of from the ex? Like what will he try to do or say to win her back?Girls are very prone to heart touching actions aren't they? And from what i heard from her before we're together and still friends,he's very good at this.Any ways of stopping him if he's persistant? What i ever think up of,is that if i stop her from meeting him,he can take the chance to poison her mind by saying that i am controlling her also.Maybe it will not affect her now,but it will plant the seeds of discord for the future,won't it?
You are her boyfriend .. yes ?
So why is it you have no say in the relationship ?
You can agree with her meeting up with him.. and why arn't you invited to the party ?
If she is really so into you.. she'd be proud to show you off to her ex. Obviously.. she don't think you are better than him.
Stop giving yourself excuses.
The problem with you now. is that you are so afraid of losing her.. you'd let her go sleep around with Tom Dick and Harry.
Get a grip .. grow a spine.. if you want your woman to respect you.
From the way.. you think here... I'd say.. you'd be chopped liver by the time she's done with her ex.
Originally posted by jojobeach:First.. you must understand that.. when a woman is in love with a man.. she will not continue to see her ex.. if her current man says NO.
Because..a woman in love with a man.. will want to please her man. The same way a man in love with a woman.. will want to please his woman.
Now.. you might want to go ask your gf.. did she go see her ex ex bf when she was still with her ex ? Then you know where you stand.
A rebound guy.. is a form of "distraction".. ..a cushion to break our fall...
We treat our distraction with love and care.. so he stays..while we lick our wounds.
Being with a rebound guy, does not means.. we will continue to stay with our "distraction".. after our heart finally breaks free from the old relationship.
So.. after you tell her not to see that guy.. and she still insist.. then you are confirmed a rebound guy.
Because she is more interested to keep that ex happy than to keep you happy. OK ? Good.
jojobeach's words sound rather harsh and direct but true.
Anyway, when a breakup occur, it is always best to give yourself some time to make sure you want to be in a relationship and in this case it refers to the girl. Jumping straight into a rs soon after gives the girl the excuse that she couldn't think clearly at the point of time and more excuses to reject you in future once you are more emotionally into the rs. Not a good sign from the start.
Best to give both of yourself a break away to test the strength of the rs. If not, it might be bound to fail in future anyway with a greater heartache.
Originally posted by jojobeach:You are her boyfriend .. yes ?
So why is it you have no say in the relationship ?
You can agree with her meeting up with him.. and why arn't you invited to the party ?
If she is really so into you.. she'd be proud to show you off to her ex. Obviously.. she don't think you are better than him.
Stop giving yourself excuses.
The problem with you now. is that you are so afraid of losing her.. you'd let her go sleep around with Tom Dick and Harry.
Get a grip .. grow a spine.. if you want your woman to respect you.
From the way.. you think here... I'd say.. you'd be chopped liver by the time she's done with her ex.
Yeah,i'll have to speak to her about this matter,it's a must. And you're right,i really do not want to lose her.But I'll have to be firm now i guess.
But in the meantime,i'm sure the ex won't let go so easily even if i manage to convince her,it'll take time before he gives up,no?.Anything i should look out for while waiting for him to give up? Like i mention before,any despicable tricks or actions he can do?What is the worse he can do?So i'll be prepared if he does it amd meet him head on.
Originally posted by Sailinna:Yeah,i'll have to speak to her about this matter,it's a must. And you're right,i really do not want to lose her.But I'll have to be firm now i guess.
But in the meantime,i'm sure the ex won't let go so easily even if i manage to convince her,it'll take time before he gives up,no?.Anything i should look out for while waiting for him to give up? Like i mention before,any despicable tricks or actions he can do?What is the worse he can do?So i'll be prepared if he does it amd meet him head on.
It's not what he can do.. rather .. what your gf allows him to do.
As long as your gf continues to string him along.. there's no reason for him to stop.
Originally posted by jojobeach:It's not what he can do.. rather .. what your gf allows him to do.
As long as your gf continues to string him along.. there's no reason for him to stop.
So that means as long as my gf does not make a decision, telling him that she wants to break off contact with him,and that for herself she should not be in contact with him,no matter how controlled or little,at least not so soon and not for now,Not to mention agreeing to go out with him alone,It means that she is still harbouring feelings for him?And that she is actually still trying to give him a chance?
Originally posted by Sailinna:So that means as long as my gf does not make a decision, telling him that she wants to break off contact with him,and that for herself she should not be in contact with him,no matter how controlled or little,at least not so soon and not for now,Not to mention agreeing to go out with him alone,It means that she is still harbouring feelings for him?And that she is actually still trying to give him a chance?
If this is not obvious enough for you.. I don't know what is.
Originally posted by jojobeach:If this is not obvious enough for you.. I don't know what is.
Thanks,i'll try speaking to her later in the afternoon. Let her know how i feel,by the way what if the "I know he wants me back,but i really only treat and feel for him as friend only,that's why i dare go out with him.So don't worry" part comes up?
Originally posted by Sailinna:Thanks,i'll try speaking to her later in the afternoon. Let her know how i feel,by the way what if the "I know he wants me back,but i really only treat and feel for him as friend only,that's why i dare go out with him.So don't worry" part comes up?
Tell her " NO" if she wants to go out alone with him.
If he is really just a "friend"..surely he or she wouldn't mind having you along.
If she use that "controlling" excuse.. .. then be very straight forward.
Tell her.. either she do it.. or lose it.
Simple as that.
Originally posted by jojobeach:Tell her " NO" if she wants to go out alone with him.
If he is really just a "friend"..surely he or she wouldn't mind having you along.
If she use that "controlling" excuse.. .. then be very straight forward.
Tell her.. either she do it.. or lose it.
Simple as that.
Haha,i'm sure the "he" would mind it a lot when she were to tell him i'm tagging along. Well,i'll see how my conversation with her turns out tommorrow.Will be back again.
Originally posted by Sailinna:Haha,i'm sure the "he" would mind it a lot when she were to tell him i'm tagging along. Well,i'll see how my conversation with her turns out tommorrow.Will be back again.
Trust me. "he" is only a victim of your gf's work.
to be honest, i hate guys like you. sorry, no offence.
Originally posted by limpper:to be honest, i hate guys like you. sorry, no offence.
What did i ever do to you?
wtf? your story lah?
Originally posted by limpper:wtf? your story lah?
What's wrong with my story? I told it as it is,why do you hate me for my own story?
Dear Sailinna,
I think the whole situation is quite clearcut. It is not wrong for you to fall in love with her... but I don't get it why would someone wanna get tgt with the girl knowing she's attached or recently just broke up with the bf? It is VERY obvious, she isn't over the bf. What's more the main reason of the girl breaking up with the bf is because the bf is wanting more time to meet up.. Not like we're talking about the bf cheating her. C'mon. And it is inevitable when bystanders start naming you rebound guy.
Initally when that girl gave the green light to you two being an item, you should already be weary of her. The very first impression she gave me from your story is :
1.She ain't serious with the ex bf (thats also saying what she told you like 'he cudn't give her enough freedom in her life'. Does that mean when you're SO in love with someone, you won't love the person cos of little freedom?? crazy)
2. She wants a change of taste and so happen, you're there.
3. She can do that to the ex, so can she to you
You want advice? Take a break with her first. This is to protect you from getting hurt, also to prove you and her are really into each other. Btw, taking a break means resume classmate r/s. Don't go intimate.. pls do not mix them up.
Lastly, according to you, you're in love. And I really have to tell you. Love make you blind.. make stupid decisions when you actually once advice a friend who is in love, not to do. Do not repeat footsteps of people who gets manulpulated by love.
Gd luck,seriously..
Originally posted by Sailinna:Yeah,i'll have to speak to her about this matter,it's a must. And you're right,i really do not want to lose her.But I'll have to be firm now i guess.
But in the meantime,i'm sure the ex won't let go so easily even if i manage to convince her,it'll take time before he gives up,no?.Anything i should look out for while waiting for him to give up? Like i mention before,any despicable tricks or actions he can do?What is the worse he can do?So i'll be prepared if he does it amd meet him head on.
Well,in the first place,u shouldn't be there right? It's not right in my opinion to be with this ger,no matter she broke up wit her ex already or still with him when she became urs...
Cmon lah,u already went after her b4 she broke up right?i think no one out there who has read this thread thinks otherwise... So no matter what,u were one or mainly the reason for breaking them up. (Will have bao ying one...)If not how can she accept u so fast after breaking up,u think u got super long D*ck or what,btw,if that's the case,then good job done lor...
I mean if she really loves u,she wun accept u so fast after breaking up,cause ppl ard her wud noe she already has a bf if she'e been with him for almost a year like u said.And if she were to suddenly change bf so fast,so suddenly,seriously,her friends wun like u much,they wud see u as a r/s breaker,unless the ex was really lousy.Maybe infront of her,they'll say "we support u",but behind her,they might gossip,saying she's a flirt or something,do u want to subject her to that?I say might here,cause we really dun noe how her ex really treats her,it's ur word against his den.And we've only got urs...
Ask ur lady friends or any lady forumers out here for their opinion if u know any,what they really think of u?Are u the one who really rescued her? or did u just take advantage of them quarrelling? If she's still willing to go out with her bf no matter how little,or controlled,do u think they broke up knowing that it's over between them mutually?It's obvious that he wants her back and she confirm noes it,but still gives him chance,hey,they broke up for a month and are already going out again?Alone?Do u still think u are sooooo special to her now?
Seriously,no girl i know,goes out with her ex after betraying him so fast.She will be unable to face him,no matter how much he pressures her to go out,unless he blackmails her with some "photos" or what la,but if that's the case,she wudn't have broken up with him,so she obviously also wants to go out with him in her heart.
And yes to one of ur questions,if a ger even harbours thots that she might regret her decision to break with her ex one day,sorry dude,she already start regretting le,no one will say or think of regretting something like that if they haven start to regret.
He doesn't need to do too much tricks,he'd juz have to stick ard,make sure she tells u of his presence or if she doesn't,do things that'll get ur attention.I had a friend,he took the ger drinking,got her high,but he didn't screw her,he juz gave her a strawberry on her neck,the ger's bf got pissed off,told her off and she went back to her ex.Cause she thot that if she's gonna get controlled no matter what,might as well go back to the previous one who treated her better and had been wit her longer.So her ex can juz stick ard till u get frustrated and kpkb at ur gf,den like i said already,u're dead.
Originally posted by jojobeach:Trust me. "he" is only a victim of your gf's work.
I finally spoke to her about her still going to meet her ex. I told her it is obvious that he wants her back.I prompted her to try and break off all contact but she says it is really ok.She says that she knows he wants a patch,she tells me not to worry and tells me that for now,she just wants to be friends with him. She also said that she has made it clear to him that now they should be friends.She assured me that she would try not to answer his calls or sms's and other then the few times she had already promised to meet,(she doesn't feel good breaking promises.),she would not meet him that often.
Anyway currently,she is busy with either her school work or spends most of her free time with me already,so there's nothing much her ex can do,right?