Just need some advices..
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Its just me trying to be creative.
Try to understand women here, if u live in modern sg, chances r the girl will have emotional baggage from their past relship and wat nots, trust me on this :)
But if a girl is willing to move on w her life and loves u, then give her some thoughts, but that is if you are VERY certain. You want a relship where u can love her and be loved back. Rem 2-WAY-TRAFFIC, being the man, we should lead and take the initiative + respect and consider her views (i know its sort of conflicting but leading dosent mean lording over ahha)
Anyway all the best to you... :)
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Well, first thing is that she is still thinking about her ex-boyfriend. She was not more considerate. By dragging up her ex-boyfriend in front of you, well, you would not pull up any exes to hide behind right?
I feel quite sure that she was not sure of her feelings for you when she agreed to a relationship with you. Thats why she cannot tell you how she could choose about her ex and you.
I'm sure that you have done your best.
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honesty works the best
"am i a substitute for your ex?"
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Originally posted by Maith:
yes,i did! i smashed her head inside out with a sledge hammer! -.- happy now?
good job brother
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haha glad u still have ur sense of humour... hmm jus leave gracefully ba...
repeat this sentence to urself to whenever u tink of her: i must leave with dignity....
if u force her to choose, it will lead to resentment btw u both... it will prove her right tt u have many flaws (e.g. dun respect her decision)... and may even strengthen her feelings for her ex... human nature is such tt we dun like to be force... she confirm won't choose u if u ask her so soon... so respect her n leave her alone to sort out her feelings first...
i suggest u dun confront her abt the substitute thing again. even if she answers u, how can it help things? she's trying to get out, prob bcos she felt smth was missing in the rs... it's not necessarily ur fault... try to be gracious in ur exit... better end it early than waste time trying for smth tt's nt meant to be... it'll cause more pain in the long run...
both of u can still be friends and keep in touch... it's true tt most pple have baggage fr past rs... then u have to overcome them tog as couple... not a one-person show...
if u shld find another gf.. try to make sure she has gotten over her ex.. (e.g. dun go out wif someone who actually openly says, "my ex is this and that..." - it means tt she's still thinking of him and may nt be ready to accept a new rs...)
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Originally posted by Beautiful951:
Well, first thing is that she is still thinking about her ex-boyfriend. She was not more considerate. By dragging up her ex-boyfriend in front of you, well, you would not pull up any exes to hide behind right?
I feel quite sure that she was not sure of her feelings for you when she agreed to a relationship with you. Thats why she cannot tell you how she could choose about her ex and you.
I'm sure that you have done your best.
Agree with Beautiful951 on the girl's commitment to you.Its natural to feel sad when a relationship ends. To 3rd parties, we can only just listen(read in this case) and empathise with what you have gone through...We do not know even 50% of the story(i.e. 50% your side; 50% her side).
From what you've said about the reason that she broke off with you because she still cannot get over her ex, its quite clear that you love her but she loved herself more. Just straighten yourself and move on.
Will you still accept her if she comes back to you one day and says she has decided to be with you? Do you want to take the risk again?
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Give yourself a pat on the back.
You did your best. That's all you need to know.
Your problem lies with you.
You expect that because you did this, you should receive that.
Its like you help someone, you expect to get thanks, sometimes you get it, sometimes you don't.
You win some, you lose some. Thats life.
Just focus on yourself, you did right, you did good.
Pat yourself and move on. To someone more appreciative.
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Originally posted by parn:
How long have you been taking her for granted? Like living and making your relationship with her into a DAILY ROUTINE?What you think you have done for her in your mind/heart may not be what you have REALLY achieved together with her in your relationship.
Taking care the fire burning in the relationship is your duty as the guy in the relationship, and you should not have noticed it only when the fire is gone and the relationship is cold.
Maybe this is the lesson that you need to learn it through the hard way.
So do you know what you need to do?
To Parn: There are things that guys in a relationship should take intiative in. But maintaining a relationship(albeit "Taking care the fire burning) is both persons' responsibility. Thats selfish of you to even think of that!
Different people have different expectations of a relationship. So it really takes time and effort to find out what is the expectations of one another. And TS is carrying a time bomb in this relationship and it blown when the girl says she still 'prefer' her ex??? So I guess TS did not even have enough time.
To TS: From what you put across to me in this thread, I assume you are below 20 year old...So its really an age where passion mostly comes first before any long-term commitment.
After saying that, just enjoy this time of your lifetime and do not fret over this relationship for too long. There is a long road ahead with so much possibilities.
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if she can mention abt her ex to u once..she can & will do it again..cuz in her heart..she still can't forget abt him..so indirectly, she will compare both of u...
the comparisons that she made might be as stuff as "he used to do this & that for me" "he used to treat me like this & that" etc.
so unless u are prepared to withstand all these..if not..let go of the r/s..
is true that it isn't easy to let go of a r/s by just saying..but..u still need to try right?
but have a good & final talk with her on her viewpoint before you go into any decisions bah..
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Originally posted by parn:
How long have you been taking her for granted? Like living and making your relationship with her into a DAILY ROUTINE?What you think you have done for her in your mind/heart may not be what you have REALLY achieved together with her in your relationship.
Taking care the fire burning in the relationship is your duty as the guy in the relationship, and you should not have noticed it only when the fire is gone and the relationship is cold.
Maybe this is the lesson that you need to learn it through the hard way.
So do you know what you need to do?
talk cock.....
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Originally posted by quag.Mire097:
What you receive here may simply be words, but the advice forumers give, are not without shadows of their own past, no?
I know that losing the one thing your heart desires is painful and personal, but since this is her decision, just learn to respect it and let go. Make new friends. Work your ass off. Keep busy. Let time do its work. You'll be fine even though you may not believe it yet. Cheer up.
quag.Mire097 I like your advise. I think what you say is very true. Kudos to you.To TS...sometimes, you do not get everything that you want in life, you will need to accept it and move on. I know it is painful but what's life without its ups and downs. I am speaking from my own experience but different perspective.. We just lost our baby and learning to move on as well. Thats life... sad but true.
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Originally posted by chaser77:
To Parn: There are things that guys in a relationship should take intiative in. But maintaining a relationship(albeit "Taking care the fire burning) is both persons' responsibility. Thats selfish of you to even think of that!
Different people have different expectations of a relationship. So it really takes time and effort to find out what is the expectations of one another. And TS is carrying a time bomb in this relationship and it blown when the girl says she still 'prefer' her ex??? So I guess TS did not even have enough time.
To TS: From what you put across to me in this thread, I assume you are below 20 year old...So its really an age where passion mostly comes first before any long-term commitment.
After saying that, just enjoy this time of your lifetime and do not fret over this relationship for too long. There is a long road ahead with so much possibilities.
Really??? THEN You should share with all what are the things you referred to as "things that guys in a relationship should take intiative in". At least TS would be able to benefit from it.But of course it boils down to who likes who first and who went after who first. In some occasions, the girl went after the guy, then it is most likely that the girl will ended up having to keep the fire burning in the relationship if the guy is only making use of her.
Most of the time, it was the guy who went after the girl, and in TS's case, he went after his girlfriend. So he have to keep the fire burning if he wants his relationship to survive.
If most guys have this imagination that getting the girl is the ending part of the courtship game, then they are terribly mistaken and will be in for a shock to find out that it is actually the beginning of an even harder game called MAINTAIN. Guys who think like this usually have very little experience in relationship or none at all.
Have you ever had a relationship before? And how long does it last?
IF there are really real girls in this forums, then they should be able to understand TS's girlfriend from her perspective and why she has to allow TS to know that she is comparing TS with her EX.
Is it because TS is no longer sweet, loving, romantic, caring, attentive, unconditional anymore to her compared to the time he was going after her?
OR
Is it because TS is just an inexperienced guy who is also selfish in nature like many forumers but managed to hide it during the courtship period and ended up giving his girlfriend all the wrong impression of the real person he still is?
It is not selfish to state that it is still the guy's responsiblities to take care of the fire burning in the relationship. Afterall, nothing is fair in this world and life. People are born into different lives and destined to live differently from others. To demand fairness would be a terrible sin to life itself.
To end it really quick, if guys demanded fairness in the relationship, then the girls should also be SMART enough to demand fairness and be the girlfriend of a WEALTHIER, MORE HARDWORKING, BETTER-LOOKING and NOT THIRD-WORLD UGLY guy.
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Originally posted by parn:
Really??? THEN You should share with all what are the things you referred to as "things that guys in a relationship should take intiative in". At least TS would be able to benefit from it.But of course it boils down to who likes who first and who went after who first. In some occasions, the girl went after the guy, then it is most likely that the girl will ended up having to keep the fire burning in the relationship if the guy is only making use of her.
Most of the time, it was the guy who went after the girl, and in TS's case, he went after his girlfriend. So he have to keep the fire burning if he wants his relationship to survive.
If most guys have this imagination that getting the girl is the ending part of the courtship game, then they are terribly mistaken and will be in for a shock to find out that it is actually the beginning of an even harder game called MAINTAIN. Guys who think like this usually have very little experience in relationship or none at all.
Have you ever had a relationship before? And how long does it last?
IF there are really real girls in this forums, then they should be able to understand TS's girlfriend from her perspective and why she has to allow TS to know that she is comparing TS with her EX.
Is it because TS is no longer sweet, loving, romantic, caring, attentive, unconditional anymore to her compared to the time he was going after her?
OR
Is it because TS is just an inexperienced guy who is also selfish in nature like many forumers but managed to hide it during the courtship period and ended up giving his girlfriend all the wrong impression of the real person he still is?
It is not selfish to state that it is still the guy's responsiblities to take care of the fire burning in the relationship. Afterall, nothing is fair in this world and life. People are born into different lives and destined to live differently from others. To demand fairness would be a terrible sin to life itself.
To end it really quick, if guys demanded fairness in the relationship, then the girls should also be SMART enough to demand fairness and be the girlfriend of a WEALTHIER, MORE HARDWORKING, BETTER-LOOKING and NOT THIRD-WORLD UGLY guy.
hey, third world ugly? not neccesary. they are probably as handsome in person and character as any other guy.
the only ugly part of them is probably their wallet.
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Originally posted by parn:
Really??? THEN You should share with all what are the things you referred to as "things that guys in a relationship should take intiative in". At least TS would be able to benefit from it.But of course it boils down to who likes who first and who went after who first. In some occasions, the girl went after the guy, then it is most likely that the girl will ended up having to keep the fire burning in the relationship if the guy is only making use of her.
Most of the time, it was the guy who went after the girl, and in TS's case, he went after his girlfriend. So he have to keep the fire burning if he wants his relationship to survive.
If most guys have this imagination that getting the girl is the ending part of the courtship game, then they are terribly mistaken and will be in for a shock to find out that it is actually the beginning of an even harder game called MAINTAIN. Guys who think like this usually have very little experience in relationship or none at all.
Have you ever had a relationship before? And how long does it last?
IF there are really real girls in this forums, then they should be able to understand TS's girlfriend from her perspective and why she has to allow TS to know that she is comparing TS with her EX.
Is it because TS is no longer sweet, loving, romantic, caring, attentive, unconditional anymore to her compared to the time he was going after her?
OR
Is it because TS is just an inexperienced guy who is also selfish in nature like many forumers but managed to hide it during the courtship period and ended up giving his girlfriend all the wrong impression of the real person he still is?
It is not selfish to state that it is still the guy's responsiblities to take care of the fire burning in the relationship. Afterall, nothing is fair in this world and life. People are born into different lives and destined to live differently from others. To demand fairness would be a terrible sin to life itself.
To end it really quick, if guys demanded fairness in the relationship, then the girls should also be SMART enough to demand fairness and be the girlfriend of a WEALTHIER, MORE HARDWORKING, BETTER-LOOKING and NOT THIRD-WORLD UGLY guy.
First thing first, looking at the title of this thread...I believe that everyone here who visits this thread have something to offer to TS...That is why we posted our advice in hope that TS can can analyze the situation in more angles...I believe as matured adults, most if not all of us have gone through the hates and loves in lives. And is able to offer some useful advice to TS.
So..by asking my experiences in relationship...You are implying that anybody who replies to threads in sgforums have to state their experiences/education background/occupation in order to be credible in what they say??? OR is it because that anybody who differs from your narrow point of view has to do that??? Sorry to say, this thread belongs to TS and not you...Therefore, you are only entitled to what you have to offer in this thread and basically you have nothing to offer..sad to say. (Maybe you can start the ball rolling by letting everyone here know about your past relationships or lack of. Instead of keep throwing the ball into other's court)
To add on, you are making alot of baseless assumptions("If most guys", "If there are", "Is it because") And you even made assumptions on TS's character. Do you know TS in person or spoke to him in private on this? If not, please stop plucking feathers out of thin air...
In simple words. I am unable to accept your advice if I am TS, even if it is reverse psycology to ask TS to reflect on his own actions that 'causes the breakup'???
Nextly, I did not mention anything about fairness in life but I said about equal responsibilities in a relationship...
Hope the flames end here...And TS can find helpful advises from other contributors so far.
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Originally posted by parn:
Really??? THEN You should share with all what are the things you referred to as "things that guys in a relationship should take intiative in". At least TS would be able to benefit from it.But of course it boils down to who likes who first and who went after who first. In some occasions, the girl went after the guy, then it is most likely that the girl will ended up having to keep the fire burning in the relationship if the guy is only making use of her.
Most of the time, it was the guy who went after the girl, and in TS's case, he went after his girlfriend. So he have to keep the fire burning if he wants his relationship to survive.
If most guys have this imagination that getting the girl is the ending part of the courtship game, then they are terribly mistaken and will be in for a shock to find out that it is actually the beginning of an even harder game called MAINTAIN. Guys who think like this usually have very little experience in relationship or none at all.
Have you ever had a relationship before? And how long does it last?
IF there are really real girls in this forums, then they should be able to understand TS's girlfriend from her perspective and why she has to allow TS to know that she is comparing TS with her EX.
Is it because TS is no longer sweet, loving, romantic, caring, attentive, unconditional anymore to her compared to the time he was going after her?
OR
Is it because TS is just an inexperienced guy who is also selfish in nature like many forumers but managed to hide it during the courtship period and ended up giving his girlfriend all the wrong impression of the real person he still is?
It is not selfish to state that it is still the guy's responsiblities to take care of the fire burning in the relationship. Afterall, nothing is fair in this world and life. People are born into different lives and destined to live differently from others. To demand fairness would be a terrible sin to life itself.
To end it really quick, if guys demanded fairness in the relationship, then the girls should also be SMART enough to demand fairness and be the girlfriend of a WEALTHIER, MORE HARDWORKING, BETTER-LOOKING and NOT THIRD-WORLD UGLY guy.
another load of COCK....
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Originally posted by chaser77:
First thing first, looking at the title of this thread...I believe that everyone here who visits this thread have something to offer to TS...That is why we posted our advice in hope that TS can can analyze the situation in more angles...I believe as matured adults, most if not all of us have gone through the hates and loves in lives. And is able to offer some useful advice to TS.
So..by asking my experiences in relationship...You are implying that anybody who replies to threads in sgforums have to state their experiences/education background/occupation in order to be credible in what they say??? OR is it because that anybody who differs from your narrow point of view has to do that??? Sorry to say, this thread belongs to TS and not you...Therefore, you are only entitled to what you have to offer in this thread and basically you have nothing to offer..sad to say. (Maybe you can start the ball rolling by letting everyone here know about your past relationships or lack of. Instead of keep throwing the ball into other's court)
In simple words. I am unable to accept your advice if I am TS, even if it is reverse psycology to ask TS to reflect on his own actions that 'causes the breakup'???
Nextly, I did not mention anything about fairness in life but I said about equal responsibilities in a relationship...
Hope the flames end here...And TS can find helpful advises from other contributors so far.
don't bother explaining....seriously
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Originally posted by chaser77:
First thing first, looking at the title of this thread...I believe that everyone here who visits this thread have something to offer to TS...That is why we posted our advice in hope that TS can can analyze the situation in more angles...I believe as matured adults, most if not all of us have gone through the hates and loves in lives. And is able to offer some useful advice to TS.
So..by asking my experiences in relationship...You are implying that anybody who replies to threads in sgforums have to state their experiences/education background/occupation in order to be credible in what they say??? OR is it because that anybody who differs from your narrow point of view has to do that??? Sorry to say, this thread belongs to TS and not you...Therefore, you are only entitled to what you have to offer in this thread and basically you have nothing to offer..sad to say. (Maybe you can start the ball rolling by letting everyone here know about your past relationships or lack of. Instead of keep throwing the ball into other's court)
To add on, you are making alot of baseless assumptions("If most guys", "If there are", "Is it because") And you even made assumptions on TS's character. Do you know TS in person or spoke to him in private on this? If not, please stop plucking feathers out of thin air...
In simple words. I am unable to accept your advice if I am TS, even if it is reverse psycology to ask TS to reflect on his own actions that 'causes the breakup'???
Nextly, I did not mention anything about fairness in life but I said about equal responsibilities in a relationship...
Hope the flames end here...And TS can find helpful advises from other contributors so far.
Anyone can advise TS regarding his topic in here and that's including me and you. BUT since you have made a comment on my post, then you should be sensible enough to see it to the end.Trying to close it abruptly would seems more like a hit-and-run act, but if that's what you are after, then you are of no value to me or any forumers if you are unable to hold your ground. Chances are there will be other forumers who will disagree with you too, and that forumer might not be me.
Not many forumers are capable of giving sensible advices and you're definitely not one of them, so I don't blame you if you are unable to understand my advices to TS. But it would certainly helpful if you are.
Afterall, your "implying" statement has already told me the kind of person you really are.
One last thing, forumers knows me more than you in this particular forum. And I don't need you to amuse me by commenting on my value with regards to this topic.
Hang around in this forum more often and advice sensibly if you have any. Else you can always learn alot just by reading other forumers advices if you do not wish to read mine.
No sensible forumers will mind having an extra piece of advice from any forumer who genuinely wishes to help, ease, comfort, lift, encourage other forumers who are in desperate situations. At least I won't mind.
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Maybe ur just ugly and fat ?
And she would rather go for her ex who is better looking and maybe even slimmer.
Thats how life is . MOVE ON . or u can commit suicide .
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Originally posted by parn:
Anyone can advise TS regarding his topic in here and that's including me and you. BUT since you have made a comment on my post, then you should be sensible enough to see it to the end.Trying to close it abruptly would seems more like a hit-and-run act, but if that's what you are after, then you are of no value to me or any forumers if you are unable to hold your ground. Chances are there will be other forumers who will disagree with you too, and that forumer might not be me.
Not many forumers are capable of giving sensible advices and you're definitely not one of them, so I don't blame you if you are unable to understand my advices to TS. But it would certainly helpful if you are.
Afterall, your "implying" statement has already told me the kind of person you really are.
One last thing, forumers knows me more than you in this particular forum. And I don't need you to amuse me by commenting on my value with regards to this topic.
Hang around in this forum more often and advice sensibly if you have any. Else you can always learn alot just by reading other forumers advices if you do not wish to read mine.
No sensible forumers will mind having an extra piece of advice from any forumer who genuinely wishes to help, ease, comfort, lift, encourage other forumers who are in desperate situations. At least I won't mind.
Now I am asking you. You only know the problem from the TS's mouth. How do you know that your advise is the correct one? -
Originally posted by Beautiful951:
Now I am asking you. You only know the problem from the TS's mouth. How do you know that your advise is the correct one?
If you have read the start post from TS, you would've known that it is quite vague?But you were to place yourself in his shoes (if you're a guy and in her shoes if you're a girl), then your advices wouldn't be too far off.
Nobody can say their advices is the best one or the most accurate/correct one, and that includes me as well.
But then again, even if TS really did come clean with the entire situation and everyone else read it like a book, the advices that are going to follow will still varies from different individuals.
I can tell you I always do my best to give my best advice depending on the situation, and it's not easy to advice if you do not have a clue about the person you're advising as most of us forumers only knows the best about ourselves and had never bothered to understand one another. So people often advise others based on their own temper, attitude, opinions, and understanding of themselves. Unless people start to take interest to understand the person that they are trying to advise, they will find themselves giving the wrong advices and causing more grieve to the TS.
You can't advise them if you do not LOVE them.
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Originally posted by parn:
If you have read the start post from TS, you would've known that it is quite vague?But you were to place yourself in his shoes (if you're a guy and in her shoes if you're a girl), then your advices wouldn't be too far off.
Nobody can say their advices is the best one or the most accurate/correct one, and that includes me as well.
But then again, even if TS really did come clean with the entire situation and everyone else read it like a book, the advices that are going to follow will still varies from different individuals.
I can tell you I always do my best to give my best advice depending on the situation, and it's not easy to advice if you do not have a clue about the person you're advising as most of us forumers only knows the best about ourselves and had never bothered to understand one another. So people often advise others based on their own temper, attitude, opinions, and understanding of themselves. Unless people start to take interest to understand the person that they are trying to advise, they will find themselves giving the wrong advices and causing more grieve to the TS.
You can't advise them if you do not LOVE them.
Even if so, I do think that a bit more tact in your posts would never go far wrong. Don't you think?
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Originally posted by Beautiful951:
Even if so, I do think that a bit more tact in your posts would never go far wrong. Don't you think?
You should know.....I don't post to PLEASE anyone, especially not to you.
And you can always skip over my post or read soomething else.
But if you insist on giving me your unwanted attention, then you should not be naive and prepared to believe that I will NEVER give in to your suggestions.
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Originally posted by parn:
You should know.....I don't post to PLEASE anyone, especially not to you.
And you can always skip over my post or read soomething else.
But if you insist on giving me your unwanted attention, then you should not be naive and prepared to believe that I will NEVER give in to your suggestions.
wah fierce (- -)...... -
Originally posted by parn:
You should know.....I don't post to PLEASE anyone, especially not to you.
And you can always skip over my post or read soomething else.
But if you insist on giving me your unwanted attention, then you should not be naive and prepared to believe that I will NEVER give in to your suggestions.
You know what? I believe you are getting to the end of your tether when arguing with me. Is it because I am a stronger enemy than most or it just irks you to see me? -
Originally posted by Beautiful951:
You know what? I believe you are getting to the end of your tether when arguing with me. Is it because I am a stronger enemy than most or it just irks you to see me?
You can always lie to yourself to feel better.Unless you NEED me to make you feel better?