Went back on my word with good friend
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it was an honour to be invited to be her bridesmaid. i do see now that i hadn't been respectful of her wish. but what's done is done, like u said. i can only hope that she won't stay angry with me for too long.
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ur mum's issue aside, u're a weaklin.
if u hv such a strong opinion of urself den u dun nit to seek others'.
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I think its alright to seek opinions. But what u are doing here is to seek agreement.
Now the situation is more awkward then it could have been right?
No point harping over it, u already have ur opinion on this.
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To TS, since u have already affirmed ur decision to attend ur fren's wedding only as a guest, then so be it. It's ur choice afterall.
But have u thought abt the awkwardness u will feel when u attend the wedding? Will u feel good at all when u see ur fren's reaction when she saw u? will she feel appreciated for u coming, or rather she feels tat u dun place her as an important role for rejecting her to be her bridesmaid.
maybe go and find her in person to have a heart to heart talk, rather than just sending sms which is deemed quite insincere. tell her u can do anything for her except being the bridesmaid, as u wouldn't want her wedding to look unhappy even when u are trying to force a smile right.
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Originally posted by cathykitty:
the wedding is in december. i will be attending. i will be going twice, church and dinner to wish her well. to me, that also shows my blessings for her and her husband... and i feel that my smses have been concilitary.
i can't keep saying i'm sorry... i will just leave it... it's really up to her... if she can't forgive this... then there's nothing i can do. it's a waste to lose her friendship for this... just like i felt it was a waste to lose my rs... and i wish things were back to the past when we cld go on double dates together and be happy... but things have changed... pple change.. and i can't insist on her continuing to be my close friend if she doesn't treat me like one...
if i've been selfish, can't the same be said for her? she knows tt he has hurt me deeply... and it all happened quite recently. and she knows tt deep down i still have feelings for him, and tt's why it's not a gd idea for me to talk him before i have moved on. if she really understood like she claims, she wld not take it on our friendship by ignoring my calls and replying to my smses in a curt way. not talking abt it now or not answering my calls will only make things even worse in the future right?
If I were you, I would not have refused her request to be her bridesmaid and I would go there and talk with any other guys and completely totally invisibly ignore my ex.
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Originally posted by cathykitty:
yes but imagine if i dun attend, will we still be friends after tt?
it will silly also if i dun attend my gd friend's wedding cos of him. i do want to go, it;s just tt i dun wan to talk to him.
if i go as a guest, i will be with other friends and we'll be seated at different tables...
Are you not for a moment letting your insecurities get the better of you? Or are you simply choosing to live in denial and believe your brand of fantasy utopia to be reality?Are you really still friends after this incident for a start? Or rephrasing it, are you remotely convinced your "friendship" hasn't taken a beating after this debacle (regardless of whether you turn up for her wedding and in what capacity)?
In short, if you were really "strong" and not that bothered about the perception of others, you'd hardly even need to "imagine" if "will we still be friends after tt". The fact you feel remotely compelled to attend because of a sense of obligation already raises your underlying concern.
Put it this way, there really isn't a need to try to convince anyone of what you plan to do - if anything, the whole answer to your dilemma is pretty much straightforward. If you're attending for the sake of salvaging your friendship, it's nothing but a futile half-hearted measure which would come nowhere close to fulfilling the purpose you'd like to think it actually serves.
More importantly, perhaps this episode should teach you a thing or two about real friendships (not referring to those mickey mouse friends who are perfectly dispensable) - dumping unworthy and undeserving muppets as your "friends" are sometimes the best thing you could ever do in life. After all, it's in times af adversity that you see the true character of a person...
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Originally posted by walesa:
Are you not for a moment letting your insecurities get the better of you? Or are you simply choosing to live in denial and believe your brand of fantasy utopia to be reality?Are you really still friends after this incident for a start? Or rephrasing it, are you remotely convinced your "friendship" hasn't taken a beating after this debacle (regardless of whether you turn up for her wedding and in what capacity)?
In short, if you were really "strong" and not that bothered about the perception of others, you'd hardly even need to "imagine" if "will we still be friends after tt". The fact you feel remotely compelled to attend because of a sense of obligation already raises your underlying concern.
Put it this way, there really isn't a need to try to convince anyone of what you plan to do - if anything, the whole answer to your dilemma is pretty much straightforward. If you're attending for the sake of salvaging your friendship, it's nothing but a futile half-hearted measure which would come nowhere close to fulfilling the purpose you'd like to think it actually serves.
More importantly, perhaps this episode should teach you a thing or two about real friendships (not referring to those mickey mouse friends who are perfectly dispensable) - dumping unworthy and undeserving muppets as your "friends" are sometimes the best thing you could ever do in life. After all, it's in times af adversity that you see the true character of a person...
hi, appreciate your thoughts on this. and you're right, i'm not tt strong after all, cos if i would, i wouldn't really care what others thought. :/actually this was my main question from the very first post. it's in the last para (sorry maybe it wasn't clear enough):
> How can I mend this friendship?
actually i didn't have a dilemma. it wasn't a yes-no question abt whether i should, or should not attend her wedding... or if i shld or shld not be bridesmaid. cos already decided even before i posted.
more like, what to do now that i've "screwed up". :/
but anyway, i've since apologised to her again, and it's been sort of resolved. thanks so much for all ur suggestions.