Stay or Move on?
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My friend is attached with this guy who is around 7-8 yrs older than her. She got moved by his care & concern for her as this guy treats her rather nice..Shower her with attention..even care about her family..
He can drive her all the way back to Msia for her to visit her grandparents..help to fix any plumbling probs for her..do simple household fix etc..
BUT, this guy isn't rich..He's so financially unstable that he even have problems with his monthly instalments. Sometimes he can just ask for $$ from my friend directly. Although he is around 30s..but he don't have much savings at all & yet he wanted to marry my friend. What my friend's concern is that..He don't even have the $$ to pay for renovation, furniture, wedding expenses etc.
What my friend proposed was to open a savings account so that bot can save up tgt..but this guy always proposed to utilized the $$ for trips, pay off his credit card bills etc. I mean, what's the use of savings then? It defeats the purpose & intention of my friend.
Although he isn't that rich, but, he's a generous guy whom always offers to give out treats to others. Qutoed by my friend "in the end..we are the ones who suffered whenever he acts generous"
Though my friend have feelings for him..but, she's in a dilemna of deciding whether she should stick on to this guy or not
If she chose to stick on = hard life in future, financially unstable, endless bickerings over $$ issues e.g. utilities bills
Or should she move on? There's another guy who is financially stable chasing after her right now.
If u were my friend, what decision will u make?
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isn't it obvious ur friend want to leave that guy and go to the rich guy
wad a bitch
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$$$ will be main source of quarrels....not a wise choice to settle down with a debt laden guy.
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Originally posted by miNty`:
My friend is attached with this guy who is around 7-8 yrs older than her. She got moved by his care & concern for her as this guy treats her rather nice..Shower her with attention..even care about her family..
He can drive her all the way back to Msia for her to visit her grandparents..help to fix any plumbling probs for her..do simple household fix etc..
BUT, this guy isn't rich..He's so financially unstable that he even have problems with his monthly instalments. Sometimes he can just ask for $$ from my friend directly. Although he is around 30s..but he don't have much savings at all & yet he wanted to marry my friend. What my friend's concern is that..He don't even have the $$ to pay for renovation, furniture, wedding expenses etc.
What my friend proposed was to open a savings account so that bot can save up tgt..but this guy always proposed to utilized the $$ for trips, pay off his credit card bills etc. I mean, what's the use of savings then? It defeats the purpose & intention of my friend.
Although he isn't that rich, but, he's a generous guy whom always offers to give out treats to others. Qutoed by my friend "in the end..we are the ones who suffered whenever he acts generous"
Though my friend have feelings for him..but, she's in a dilemna of deciding whether she should stick on to this guy or not
If she chose to stick on = hard life in future, financially unstable, endless bickerings over $$ issues e.g. utilities bills
Or should she move on? There's another guy who is financially stable chasing after her right now.
If u were my friend, what decision will u make?
It all depends if there are any other guys who are keen to buy her expired womb.Why don't you advise her?
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Originally posted by miNty`:
My friend is attached with this guy who is around 7-8 yrs older than her. She got moved by his care & concern for her as this guy treats her rather nice..Shower her with attention..even care about her family..
He can drive her all the way back to Msia for her to visit her grandparents..help to fix any plumbling probs for her..do simple household fix etc..
BUT, this guy isn't rich..He's so financially unstable that he even have problems with his monthly instalments. Sometimes he can just ask for $$ from my friend directly. Although he is around 30s..but he don't have much savings at all & yet he wanted to marry my friend. What my friend's concern is that..He don't even have the $$ to pay for renovation, furniture, wedding expenses etc.
What my friend proposed was to open a savings account so that bot can save up tgt..but this guy always proposed to utilized the $$ for trips, pay off his credit card bills etc. I mean, what's the use of savings then? It defeats the purpose & intention of my friend.
Although he isn't that rich, but, he's a generous guy whom always offers to give out treats to others. Qutoed by my friend "in the end..we are the ones who suffered whenever he acts generous"
Though my friend have feelings for him..but, she's in a dilemna of deciding whether she should stick on to this guy or not
If she chose to stick on = hard life in future, financially unstable, endless bickerings over $$ issues e.g. utilities bills
Or should she move on? There's another guy who is financially stable chasing after her right now.
If u were my friend, what decision will u make?
i think this is not a question abt rich or not rich, rather this is a question abt the guy's reliability.
"What my friend proposed was to open a savings account so that bot can save up tgt..but this guy always proposed to utilized the $$ for trips, pay off his credit card bills etc. I mean, what's the use of savings then? It defeats the purpose & intention of my friend."
I think differences already spotted early on should be looked into, if not it tend to be worse after marriage.
"Though my friend have feelings for him..but, she's in a dilemna of deciding whether she should stick on to this guy or not"
Leave the options open for now until she's very clear what she wanted before she makes a decision.
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They should have a heart to heart talk about the money issue.
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sit down and have a talk with him and plan out steps for the future.. a guy who can't communicate and make informed decisions with his other half isn't worth the time
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Originally posted by Q.C.Pak:
They should have a heart to heart talk about the money issue.
i do believe the girl has made attempts for this talk when she decided to open a joint account.
but the guy seems to be aimless
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Originally posted by de_middle:
i do believe the girl has made attempts for this talk when she decided to open a joint account.
but the guy seems to be aimless
Another xdd... -
this gets me thinking... the girls dating rich guys now... are they after ethe money too?
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Originally posted by skythewood:
this gets me thinking... the girls dating rich guys now... are they after ethe money too?
Either or not...its still one of the reasons -
depends on whether she wants to be practical or not.
the guy may love her and she him, but end of the day, his habits and mindset will pull both of them down a financial blackhole if they remin together
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The sad truth about life is love alone isn't enough for two people to be together.
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Originally posted by hisoka:
depends on whether she wants to be practical or not.
the guy may love her and she him, but end of the day, his habits and mindset will pull both of them down a financial blackhole if they remin together
I agree. -
Originally posted by cantdecide:
The sad truth about life is love alone isn't enough for two people to be together.
indeed -
Originally posted by miNty`:
My friend is attached with this guy who is around 7-8 yrs older than her. She got moved by his care & concern for her as this guy treats her rather nice..Shower her with attention..even care about her family..
He can drive her all the way back to Msia for her to visit her grandparents..help to fix any plumbling probs for her..do simple household fix etc..
BUT, this guy isn't rich..He's so financially unstable that he even have problems with his monthly instalments. Sometimes he can just ask for $$ from my friend directly. Although he is around 30s..but he don't have much savings at all & yet he wanted to marry my friend. What my friend's concern is that..He don't even have the $$ to pay for renovation, furniture, wedding expenses etc.
What my friend proposed was to open a savings account so that bot can save up tgt..but this guy always proposed to utilized the $$ for trips, pay off his credit card bills etc. I mean, what's the use of savings then? It defeats the purpose & intention of my friend.
Although he isn't that rich, but, he's a generous guy whom always offers to give out treats to others. Qutoed by my friend "in the end..we are the ones who suffered whenever he acts generous"
Though my friend have feelings for him..but, she's in a dilemna of deciding whether she should stick on to this guy or not
If she chose to stick on = hard life in future, financially unstable, endless bickerings over $$ issues e.g. utilities bills
Or should she move on? There's another guy who is financially stable chasing after her right now.
If u were my friend, what decision will u make?
the real question is not about whether she should move on or stay on.
rather, it should be this.....
is your friend someone who can go through thick and thin with the man she loves?
my uncle used to have a wife who married him while he was still rich. he doted on her a lot and bought her many things.
but when he was down and out, she divorced him and took over custody of the children.
to me, she's someone who could only share riches with my uncle, but not sufferings together.
my uncle may be at fault for not being able to manage his finance more wisely, when he was still rich. but as a wife, shouldn't she help him save more for the family? and when my uncle became poor, she conveniently put all the blame on him for their poverty.
now, that's what i call "cheap".
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why dont your fren take the money from the rich one and use it on the poor one... then she can have the best of both world... 2 guys... woooo!!!!
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Do they have similar goals for the future? Simply being together is not going to create a happy life. It takes sweat, tears and a lot of persistence.
If he's serious about himself and her, then there's no harm in giving it one last chance. Best to wait and see, reassess the situation 3 months later. If nothing changes, then she'll be sure of what to do.
Love is a 2 way traffic, if they cannot motivate each other to improve, if they have differing ideas about their lifestyle, then they're mostly likely headed for a stormy future.
I believe the rich suitor is irrelevant. There is no point in waiting for a man to give her what she wants, be it money or emotional fulfilment. As long as she continues to measure potential in this manner, disappointment, in one way or another is most certain many years down the road. If she leaves her current bf for the rich guy, she'd be wondering about the what ifs and could have beens. And vice versa.
We humans are too volatile and complicated to have all our needs met by one single person anyway.
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But in this case, as it mentioned:
"What my friend proposed was to open a savings account so that bot can save up tgt..but this guy always proposed to utilized the $$ for trips, pay off his credit card bills etc. I mean, what's the use of savings then? It defeats the purpose & intention of my friend."
While the gal is willing to go through thick and thin with the man. It also needs the effort from the guy. As the saying goes "It takes 2 hand to clap".
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TS is asking on behalf on her good friend I suppose...And is unable to fathom the fact that her friend's bf is not dollar-smart while there is someone who is 'financially stable' after her skirt. And asked for forumer's vote on what should be her choice or what will be our choice if we are TS's friend? TS: Your choice is already clear from the words you put across, so why still ask for other's opinion??? You are supposed to be her friend and you cannot even offer a good advice and had to broadcast your friend's plight to the whole of sgforumers for vote. As you are 3rd party relating your friend's plight, I cannot help but feel you are biased in your account of the story.
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As her friend.. these are few questions you can ask her.. let her go figure it out herself.
How long does she intent for the relationship to last?
Ask her.. if she has a dotter.. which guy will she wants her dotter to end up with and why ?
Sometimes.. through the eyes of another.. one can see the truth.
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Leave the 30s guy lah....he is just not financially stable enough....unless she wants to sit down and have a good talk with him and prehaps propose on how to work towards the future...Else ask her not to waste her time...If not next time got children....how....might as well stick to someone who is financially stable....
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Originally posted by maxsee:
Leave the 30s guy lah....he is just not financially stable enough....unless she wants to sit down and have a good talk with him and prehaps propose on how to work towards the future...Else ask her not to waste her time...If not next time got children....how....might as well stick to someone who is financially stable....
ask the 30s guy to borrow all the money he can, go to casino, and try to win. if he lose, too bad. if he wins, no problem!
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Originally posted by cantdecide:
The sad truth about life is love alone isn't enough for two people to be together.
wah i agree with this! that's what my friend feels too..but sadly to say..alot of ppl disagree & believe that love shouldn't based on $$ alone & even reprimand my friend for being materialistic..
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Originally posted by arieswilson:
the real question is not about whether she should move on or stay on.
rather, it should be this.....
is your friend someone who can go through thick and thin with the man she loves?
my uncle used to have a wife who married him while he was still rich. he doted on her a lot and bought her many things.
but when he was down and out, she divorced him and took over custody of the children.
to me, she's someone who could only share riches with my uncle, but not sufferings together.
my uncle may be at fault for not being able to manage his finance more wisely, when he was still rich. but as a wife, shouldn't she help him save more for the family? and when my uncle became poor, she conveniently put all the blame on him for their poverty.
now, that's what i call "cheap".
This is not known as "cheap" orh..More like..my friend is planning for her own future..If she don't love this guy, she won't have stick to him for nearly 2yrs..
She have feelings for this guy & wanted to construct a future together. The main problem that she is facing now is that this guy doesn't seems to be financial stable.
Though love is impt in a r/s, but it isn't everything. $$ issues are realistic & will definitely posed as an important issue b/w all couples.
From purchasing of an apartment, to renovation, furniture, utilities..what abt future expenses on the kids? All these concerns $$..
Imagine if this guy still doesn't "wake up" & starts to plan for himself financially..how is he going to support my friend? My friend will have to support both her husband, herself + her kids. (Not to mention that as the eldest in the family, she has to take care of her own parents also)
So, kindly refrain from classifying my friend as "cheap"
P.S : My friend know that he isn't rich aft a few mths together & yet she didn't leave him for the other guy.