Stay or Move on?
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Originally posted by quag.Mire097:
Do they have similar goals for the future? Simply being together is not going to create a happy life. It takes sweat, tears and a lot of persistence.
If he's serious about himself and her, then there's no harm in giving it one last chance. Best to wait and see, reassess the situation 3 months later. If nothing changes, then she'll be sure of what to do.
Love is a 2 way traffic, if they cannot motivate each other to improve, if they have differing ideas about their lifestyle, then they're mostly likely headed for a stormy future.
I believe the rich suitor is irrelevant. There is no point in waiting for a man to give her what she wants, be it money or emotional fulfilment. As long as she continues to measure potential in this manner, disappointment, in one way or another is most certain many years down the road. If she leaves her current bf for the rich guy, she'd be wondering about the what ifs and could have beens. And vice versa.
We humans are too volatile and complicated to have all our needs met by one single person anyway.
yah..that's what she's planning now..as in give both of them a last chance..deadline in early next yr..the deadline is set by the guy himself also..
so she's actually accessing & see how things goes 1st..
what she ask for is just that the guy can take some actions to show that he is sincere in making a improvement with his current financial situation..instead of splurging like nobody's business..
to put things simply..she don't have a sense of security financially...
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this kind of man quite sad
taking $$$ from woman is Xiao bai lian
a man should do his best to make his woman comfortable even if he not very rich
dont have enough $$$ dont use credit cards
i not very rich myself so i understand how tuff live is but end of the day i still would like to provide everything within my ability to the woman i love
of couse i have 3 woman that leave me because im not rich (T_T)
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Originally posted by Hwaimeng:
this kind of man quite sad
taking $$$ from woman is Xiao bai lian
a man should do his best to make his woman comfortable even if he not very rich
dont have enough $$$ dont use credit cards
i not very rich myself so i understand how tuff live is but end of the day i still would like to provide everything within my ability to the woman i love
of couse i have 3 woman that leave me because im not rich (T_T)
some gals are realistic..but not all are like that =)for my friend is..she has been giving that guy lots of chances liao..like what you said.."dont have enough $$$ dont use credit cards"..bt this guy has a huge ego & always portray a "i am financially stable & no debts" kind of image..but in the end..is my friend who got to suffer cuz she got to help out with the expenses =.='''
imagine life like that for the rest of her life (if she stays on)..how can she tahan the financial burden of supporting 2 families (her parents + her own)
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my vote is "let her decide on her own"
if she listens to those who ask her to leave this "poor" man and go with the "financial secured" guy AND in the end she is NOT happy, who is she going to blame?
likewise, if she chooses the latter and in the end she is also not happy, will she blame you for influencing her decision?
so, my vote is "leave her alone to decide for herself". if you sway her either ways and in the end she is not happy... the fingers will be point at you for "deciding" for her.
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Originally posted by novelltie:
my vote is "let her decide on her own"
if she listens to those who ask her to leave this "poor" man and go with the "financial secured" guy AND in the end she is NOT happy, who is she going to blame?
likewise, if she chooses the latter and in the end she is also not happy, will she blame you for influencing her decision?
so, my vote is "leave her alone to decide for herself". if you sway her either ways and in the end she is not happy... the fingers will be point at you for "deciding" for her.
She isn't some kind of naive little gal whose decision will get swayed easily by some comments..
Opinions from others are just for her to judge whether is she the only one having her kind of thinking or not.
What is required is only opinions & not comments on what's the purpose of this thread =)
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isn't opinions and comments almost the same thing?
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In that case, does anyone here face the same problem as TS's friend
Because I do, my dear bf has this problems too.
He always love to give others a good 'show', letting people thinks that he's rich but in fact, he broke down to the very last cents.
Does all guys like these, the 'face' problems. Behind all those 'good show' are those 'hard work', eating bread / grass after a generous treat to others? Esp those who drives, like my bf. Bought a car but having difficulties for the maintenance now, ocassional showing off to his friend or my friend. It's pretty sad because my friends thought i have found a guy who can support but in fact, they do not really understand the real situation.
Does guys really have problems with their financial planning?
Any Opinon?
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Guys like this let their ego override their good sense, spending money unnecessarily to look affluent in front of others. And this is going to be a big problem down the line. Not a good idea to continue a relationship with this person unless he really makes some drastic changes. I know people married to such guys who end up quarelling about money all the time. And no, I'm not looking down on him because he's 'poor'. I myself can't even afford a frikking car.
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Indeed.. being poor is nothing to be ashamed of.
Rather it is the LACK of self-control and his irrational thinking that makes a man disgusting.
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my previous bf belonged to this category; his earnings was pretty minimal; but he paid for things whenever we had gathering with his friends.
It's fine, if it's just payment once a while on the gatherings; we both aren't that fussy about money issues. Most will return him, except one.
This particular guy would go to the extent of going to Gents when the bill is 'on the way'; giving reasons like i have only 2 bucks in my wallet? fyi, he's earning 4k plus a month - quoted from him.But, my guy still happily pays for this friend which at times makes my blood boils.
Anyway, my guy doesn't have any financial planning sense in him, and just spends whatever he has worked for in that month; savings were practically zero, yet he's in the working force for years.He's pretty simple-minded, helps whenever he can, whoever needs help, just ask, he'll be there.
I nagged for five years, at his financial planning, at his work etc, came up with plans for him - to tackle work issues for better profits, better management of finance etc, paid his bills, paid for his overseas holiday trip with his friends etc etc.
That's the irony in humans - he finally 'woke up' after 5 years, finally had savings, finally understand the meaning of financial planning, finally made improvements in his work etc.
We shifted from having bread for dinner, watching movies on weekdays, rent movies on weekends to watch - jus to save money, to the now almost shopping sprees on every weekends, changing cars every few months, eating at restaurants, holiday trips etc.
Sounds good?But I left him a year after his change; the things he bought went to my friends (new ones), spoilt and used (rubbish chute).
Mayb if given me a choice again, I wouldn't have helped him to do the financial planning, wouldn't have helped him to figure things out on his work, wouldn't have nag at him, wouldn't have done all the things i have~~~all in all cos --> he has changed from one who will be there for u in dire of needs, to one who will be there to pay for ur hosp bills on the day u discharge, that's the only day he'll show up despite how many days u are in hosp~~
whether its from rags to riches or riches to rags, what's important is the person himself doesn't change~~
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Originally posted by HelloKittyFan:
my previous bf belonged to this category; his earnings was pretty minimal; but he paid for things whenever we had gathering with his friends.
It's fine, if it's just payment once a while on the gatherings; we both aren't that fussy about money issues. Most will return him, except one.
This particular guy would go to the extent of going to Gents when the bill is 'on the way'; giving reasons like i have only 2 bucks in my wallet? fyi, he's earning 4k plus a month - quoted from him.But, my guy still happily pays for this friend which at times makes my blood boils.
Anyway, my guy doesn't have any financial planning sense in him, and just spends whatever he has worked for in that month; savings were practically zero, yet he's in the working force for years.He's pretty simple-minded, helps whenever he can, whoever needs help, just ask, he'll be there.
I nagged for five years, at his financial planning, at his work etc, came up with plans for him - to tackle work issues for better profits, better management of finance etc, paid his bills, paid for his overseas holiday trip with his friends etc etc.
That's the irony in humans - he finally 'woke up' after 5 years, finally had savings, finally understand the meaning of financial planning, finally made improvements in his work etc.
We shifted from having bread for dinner, watching movies on weekdays, rent movies on weekends to watch - jus to save money, to the now almost shopping sprees on every weekends, changing cars every few months, eating at restaurants, holiday trips etc.
Sounds good?But I left him a year after his change; the things he bought went to my friends (new ones), spoilt and used (rubbish chute).
Mayb if given me a choice again, I wouldn't have helped him to do the financial planning, wouldn't have helped him to figure things out on his work, wouldn't have nag at him, wouldn't have done all the things i have~~~all in all cos --> he has changed from one who will be there for u in dire of needs, to one who will be there to pay for ur hosp bills on the day u discharge, that's the only day he'll show up despite how many days u are in hosp~~
whether its from rags to riches or riches to rags, what's important is the person himself doesn't change~~
that's precisely what my friend is facing..she's being trying her best to help her BF to plan out on his finances..Volunteered to set up a joint savings a/c (for their future wedding expenses)..But, this guy doesn't seems to appreciate it..he seems to have the urge to spend all his $$ everytime..Is like..he will propose to my friend.."Darling, shall we use the expenses for a holiday?"
or
"Darling, shall we use the savings to settle my credit card bills?"
So is like..he doesn't seems to have the determination to save up...
Though they are having some financial problems with the monthly car loan & yet this guy tries to act 大方 in front of us..Splurge like he's loaded..
I do sympathesized with my friend in the long run..Imagine the life that she will be leading in future..trying to scrimp & save to her best ability, while the guy (direct opp.) cont. to splurge like nobody's business..
P.S : Char bo..hopefully u will read this post later..and know that you ain't the only one facing this problem..
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Originally posted by Q.C.Pak:
Another xdd... -
Originally posted by miNty`:
that's precisely what my friend is facing..she's being trying her best to help her BF to plan out on his finances..Volunteered to set up a joint savings a/c (for their future wedding expenses)..But, this guy doesn't seems to appreciate it..he seems to have the urge to spend all his $$ everytime..Is like..he will propose to my friend.."Darling, shall we use the expenses for a holiday?"
or
"Darling, shall we use the savings to settle my credit card bills?"
So is like..he doesn't seems to have the determination to save up...
Though they are having some financial problems with the monthly car loan & yet this guy tries to act 大方 in front of us..Splurge like he's loaded..
I do sympathesized with my friend in the long run..Imagine the life that she will be leading in future..trying to scrimp & save to her best ability, while the guy (direct opp.) cont. to splurge like nobody's business..
P.S : Char bo..hopefully u will read this post later..and know that you ain't the only one facing this problem..
just dump the fella lah
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Thanks gal~ (",)
But i left my guy a year after he became 'rags to riches'~
he changed, once finance was readily available from his work~
mayb in a way he has long forgotten how tough days were when we first started the relationship~
d ultimate decision is still ur fren; i stuck by my guy for 5 yrs, constant nagging~
but still, after rags to riches, i still left him~ sometimes, when i thought about it, i really felt like 'whining' on how i spent the 5 yrs, especially on how he managed his finance and how his friends help him to splurge~ but not relevant here~ (",)
in a way~
finance and love --> there must / need to have a balance somewhere~
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Originally posted by miNty`:
P.S : My friend know that he isn't rich aft a few mths together & yet she didn't leave him for the other guy.
So if she knows that her current bf is not rich but still didn't leave him for the other guy in the first place,
Why have second thoughts now?
I can't comment about her as I don't know her personally, but I think others (not me, of course) may actually come to this conclusion that your friend is actually contemplating leaving her current bf for the financially stable guy, and that the issue about money (which was all along an issue and not a sudden one, but suddenly surfaced just when a financially stable guy is going after her) is just a convenient excuse/reason to dump her current bf citing his financial immaturity so as not to be portrayed as the 'bad' person.
Of course, I'm sure your friend is a person one who is true to her feelings and is trying being realistic and think of her future, and not being in any way materialistic.
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someone who cares about you and stay loyal is still the better bet
financial stability is certainly desirable, but what's the point if his character sucks
anyway, it's impossible the find the 'perfect guy' >> rich, caring, loyal, faithful, mature, responsible etc etc.
you just have the choose the package with the best deals, good luck
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Originally posted by nightsky87:
So if she knows that her current bf is not rich but still didn't leave him for the other guy in the first place,
Why have second thoughts now?
I can't comment about her as I don't know her personally, but I think others (not me, of course) may actually come to this conclusion that your friend is actually contemplating leaving her current bf for the financially stable guy, and that the issue about money (which was all along an issue and not a sudden one, but suddenly surfaced just when a financially stable guy is going after her) is just a convenient excuse/reason to dump her current bf citing his financial immaturity so as not to be portrayed as the 'bad' person.
Of course, I'm sure your friend is a person one who is true to her feelings and is trying being realistic and think of her future, and not being in any way materialistic.
I understand what TS was trying to say. I'm pretty much this kinda situation as well. Like my bf, i know he's not rich, but what i want is effort and sincerely from him to make life better.
He cant be like this forever, forever treating friends, forever trying to protrait a 'rich' image. What if someday when we have started a family, is the children going to suffer with him just cause daddy need his 'face'?
My dad is someone like this, keep changing cars, treating friends, signing on credit cards and chalked up a huge debts but in the end, who's suffering? we, children and my mum are the one, we even have our furniture seized by the bank.
So what do you think? be with him or let him be like this forever just cause she knows in the very first place he's not rich, and she shouldn have second thoughts.
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Originally posted by HelloKittyFan:
Thanks gal~ (",)
But i left my guy a year after he became 'rags to riches'~
he changed, once finance was readily available from his work~
mayb in a way he has long forgotten how tough days were when we first started the relationship~
d ultimate decision is still ur fren; i stuck by my guy for 5 yrs, constant nagging~
but still, after rags to riches, i still left him~ sometimes, when i thought about it, i really felt like 'whining' on how i spent the 5 yrs, especially on how he managed his finance and how his friends help him to splurge~ but not relevant here~ (",)
in a way~
finance and love --> there must / need to have a balance somewhere~
I don really understand. Maybe you might wanna enlightened me.
Why do you still wanna leave him since he has changed for the better? It's like, finally you have seen the 'light'. All those hardwork has already paid off. You are now tasting the fruits of your hard labour.
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A financially irresponsible person will remain poor his whole life.
Like a pocket with a big hole.
A poor person who is financially responsible will not remain poor forever.
Like an empty pocket that can hole the coins. What goes in.. stays put.. and grows as time flows.
Very simple logic.
If a man cannot be financially responsible.. how can he be otherwise to his family and love one ?
Yes one may argue he is very generous to his friends...
Between friends, family and his love. Which are the ones that truly matters most ?
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Hi Jackiebaby,
He has became better, in terms of financial aspects, other than that, he has changed.
Give an example:When he's in rags - U were hospitalised cos of an illness, he made it a point to pop by every day to accompany u, bring u books, magazines, entertainment etc. He's keen to know how's u, is everything ok.
When he's rich - U were hospitalised, he never turned up, jus a routine sms, how are u today. He turned up only at the day of ur discharge, to pay the hospital bills, although u can pay for it urself.
That's what happened in my case.
And, that's why I left.
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Originally posted by HelloKittyFan:
Hi Jackiebaby,
He has became better, in terms of financial aspects, other than that, he has changed.
Give an example:When he's in rags - U were hospitalised cos of an illness, he made it a point to pop by every day to accompany u, bring u books, magazines, entertainment etc. He's keen to know how's u, is everything ok.
When he's rich - U were hospitalised, he never turned up, jus a routine sms, how are u today. He turned up only at the day of ur discharge, to pay the hospital bills, although u can pay for it urself.
That's what happened in my case.
And, that's why I left.
my ex BF also..when I know him..his family was going through some financial crisis with the dad's cancer relapse..moreover he just started working..shortly after that..his dad passed away & he was so poor that he ask me for help to pay for the funeral expenses 1st as he don't have cash on hand..though both of us were pretty tight with our cash flow..but..we were really happy..he's that prince charming who pampers me with love & care..caring & sensitive..
but all these changes after he becomes rich..(he strike a mini fortune from debbling with stocks & shares..) though he still treats me as good as before..but his personality changed from a humble guy to a haughty & arrogant one..
there was once when we were Q-ing up to settle our bill..the man in front of us was holding on to a credit card & when my ex saw that..he actually passed a very rude comment loudly : "aiyo..so old liao still cannot afford a Platinum card..i am only in my 20s & yet i am holding on to one..."
I was like wth? Is it necessary for u to pass those comments?
There are alot more incidents whereby he loves to flaunt off his wealth..Numerous quarrels arises because I can't stand his "hao lian" ways..Things turned so badly that it comes to a point whereby I really can't take it & opt to break off..
Rich is one thing..But to "hao lian" until the point whereby u r so detestable is...haiish...
money is really the root of all problems..
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
A financially irresponsible person will remain poor his whole life.
Like a pocket with a big hole.
A poor person who is financially responsible will not remain poor forever.
Like an empty pocket that can hole the coins. What goes in.. stays put.. and grows as time flows.
Very simple logic.
If a man cannot be financially responsible.. how can he be otherwise to his family and love one ?
Yes one may argue he is very generous to his friends...
Between friends, family and his love. Which are the ones that truly matters most ?
x 2
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Originally posted by HelloKittyFan:
Hi Jackiebaby,
He has became better, in terms of financial aspects, other than that, he has changed.
Give an example:When he's in rags - U were hospitalised cos of an illness, he made it a point to pop by every day to accompany u, bring u books, magazines, entertainment etc. He's keen to know how's u, is everything ok.
When he's rich - U were hospitalised, he never turned up, jus a routine sms, how are u today. He turned up only at the day of ur discharge, to pay the hospital bills, although u can pay for it urself.
That's what happened in my case.
And, that's why I left.
Reminds me of one of my friend...
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Originally posted by HelloKittyFan:
Hi Jackiebaby,
He has became better, in terms of financial aspects, other than that, he has changed.
Give an example:When he's in rags - U were hospitalised cos of an illness, he made it a point to pop by every day to accompany u, bring u books, magazines, entertainment etc. He's keen to know how's u, is everything ok.
When he's rich - U were hospitalised, he never turned up, jus a routine sms, how are u today. He turned up only at the day of ur discharge, to pay the hospital bills, although u can pay for it urself.
That's what happened in my case.
And, that's why I left.
I hope you are doing fine now and have found someone better :)