Freedom? Or Mommy's boy?
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Originally posted by MohamedF:
tell her there will be a day when I am deployed to some jungle in Borneo you can't expect to call be every few minutes... sekali you call me and you give away my position, you virtually killed me...
marmie says : "i don't care..i just want u to report to me every single sec..and AH BOY..most imptly..remember hor..u must get home by 12am..i don't care if u have training or not.." -
wow thanks for all the suggestion u guy sgave. yea i think i mentioned earlier, my mom's a housewife n im from a veri small family. my dad n i always relent to her and when my dad or me did something wrong she will just say alot of shit about me, say duno yang ni lai for wad this sort of things, wad did we do? just keep quiet lor, i mean dun wana start a quarrel la...but it seems that now she thinks wad she do is always correct which in fact is not the case.
im staying in a block of HDB flats whereby most neighbours of my age study in top fews jc, n she loves to compare me with the rest. well to be true, i dun lyk studying in a JC. im a very project base person( my pw score will attest to it) and hence i shld end up in a poly, but because of my family's financial situation, i chose the hard but short route of a JC. i relented to her, but she took a step higher. this is really enough.
talk to her? well how? when i n her converse no matter wad, we will have diff outlook to different things, i can neva communicate with her n ended up almost quarreling again. things are very diferent on the side of my dad, we are able to tok about life n all sort of stuff yes at this point, many of u will think that i should ask my dad to tok to her, trust me its no use. she will still think she is right. omg.
on the issue of maturity, well not to boast, i hold various leadership management position in my school cca as well as external cca which is NCC cadet officer, In a uniformed group, i have guided many of my juniors before and i always believe i do posses a certain sound level of maturity n discipline to achieve this, comments from my teachers were always positive. keeping up to time limits that i have set were always not an issue, but haiz. i have tried everything, but to no avail. i believe im a fiercely independent person and maybe thats wad led my dislike to her probing into my life too much.luckily im enlisting in jan, so well at least can take a break for 2 years haha!
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Originally posted by zhlow:
here some details abt me, 18 year old guy, just finish A levels, waiting for ns.
my mom expects me to be home at 10pm, if more thn that my phone will be ringing non stop. when i go out with frends, she will probe me for hell lot of times who am i going out with. recently, i was tellin her that after my prom nite i have post prom activites over at a pub or smth, she said i cant go.
i mean i dun get the rationale behind all this shit. if i am a 14 or 16 yr old kid well, that kind of treatment i still can try to accept. but i mean here i m a 18 year old guy, n there ur tryin to probe into my social life, i noe she cares abt me, but i believe this is just getting to restrictive. Im the only child btw, but come on, i nid to have frens isnt it? and its not that i go out every nite to party,just once in a ablue moon, even some of my female frens have that kind of freedom. i dun understand my parents, or maybe to be exact, my mom. she just wans to control everything. even the way i spent money, she will probe on what i spent on, check my wallet when im asleep( pretend), check my bag. etc. this i just way too much. i cant stand it animore.
guys i nid ur help, ani suggestion to get me out of this shit?
Print 20x copies of your quoted post and scatter them around the house and your room.
Even if your Mum failed to talk to you about it, at least now she knows how you are feeling right now.
It's alot better this way than being confronted by her own child.
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Originally posted by Rednano:
u talking abt secondary school age... n u see all the havoc girls taking naked photos to be in fashion... scare u guys bring her daughter to shopping centre staircase for a quickie n some sleeping around actions at night at the chalet...
To the younger generations....their "virginity" is like a liabilitycant wait to get rid of it sooner...
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i think.. there is a need for compromise from your parents and yourself
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Originally posted by mistyblue:
You don't seem to have her trust. What have you done or not done before that she needs tight control over you? What are you doing now to gain her confidence? Why not just talk to her.
I was thinking about that too. TS dont gain the trust of her mom.
I think the first step to do is to gain that trust. They need to talk, ask the mom what is she fearing of, etc.
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Haha, TS i remember this phase of my life really well!! Things will change for the better once u enlist and u are hardly home anymore. And any partying you do after you book out is entirely up to you!
Feel free to blame ur folks for the things that went wrong for you, but dont forget to thank them for the things that went right..
And dont be afraid to grab life by the horns, my fren.. Enjoy life, cos you only got one shot at it..
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You think the ppl here can help you meh? They can only explain what is happening and ask you to suck with it. It's your parents
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i realise my mom keeps smsing or calling me more often these days if i came home late...
damn irritating la...i just hate it when my mom tell me about safety on everything...makes me feel uneasy doing anything...
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smoke infront of her
bring gals home and and be naked in the room
watch porn and dont close the door
she will then reliase u have grown up (- -).....
alamak..........
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As a parent of 2 kids of 17 and 19 yrs, I do understand your mother concern and care. I am also like your mum until the last 2 years when I realise that they were kids no more. This was part of our "routine" for some 19 years so it will take time for your parent to realise. Give them time to realise you have grown up and talking to them with reasoning without ending in quarrels.
I start to let go when I realise they are are growing up when their requirement are no longer like kids. Do take to your mother about your concern and show them that you are responsibile; like calling home when you are going to be late or they won't be back for dinner etc.
I have learn to become a friend to his/her friends when they come to my house and they also have no quam in letting me join them in a movie(i was also their chauffuer) or a soccer match at the coffeeshop.
Today, I can give my car key to my kid when they shows that they are responsible. Don't get me wrong that I am cool. To tell you the truth, I can't sleep well until I know he came back (with my car too). However I give a more stringent requirement to my girl even when I know she is responsible.
Just known that trust is to be earned not a previledge
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Are you gonna let your mom decide which girl to be your gf or wife ?
If you found someone you love.. but she object to it.. what are you going to do ? Elope ?
When your mommy insist you spend more time with her rather than with your new found love.. can you split in two ?
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Originally posted by Lorry`:
I was thinking about that too. TS dont gain the trust of her mom.
I think the first step to do is to gain that trust. They need to talk, ask the mom what is she fearing of, etc.
There are some mom whom will never relinguish the power of the leash on their own child.
The only way is to cut the apron string and let her know that she is no longer in control.
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tell yr mum la...mum...why are you treating me like a 3 yrs old...zzz.
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story from my friend from a few years back in uni: he and his gf often study together. once he brought her back to his house to study (they were both early to mid 20s liao), and was going to close the door, the dad said he could not. he got pissed off and asked his dad why. he replied because there's a bed in the room. my friend tu lan and told the dad if he took out the bed and mattress can he close the door. crazy parents loh.
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It seems always a problem when we are staying with our parents. Never had those problems ever since I moved out. You guys should try doing that. They cant really interfere much when you yourself are financial stable and well off.
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Wow... your mum is strict... damn strict..
I had my own freedom when I was around 10. No curfews, no checking absolutely nothing.
Then problem you are facing now needs to be addressed, you cant expect your mum to be controling every movements of yours. I personally is against all these checking.
You should have a talk with her, if not u approach ya dad to help ya. Its time for her to respect you. Or you just scream at her the next time she do all these kind of unwanted stuffs.
Btw is your mum housewife, that she is so bored that she got nothing to do and keeps checking on you?
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Last time my mum also very protective, cause I'm the youngest.
But you have to do it gradually, from 10pm to 11pm to 12mn then slowly 1am 2am until she gets used to it. But of course you must manage your time as well, just cause she lets you go out and party, you also have to party academically.
If all else fails, lie your way through, say got overnight chalet or something
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Originally posted by zhlow:
here some details abt me, 18 year old guy, just finish A levels, waiting for ns.
my mom expects me to be home at 10pm, if more thn that my phone will be ringing non stop. when i go out with frends, she will probe me for hell lot of times who am i going out with. recently, i was tellin her that after my prom nite i have post prom activites over at a pub or smth, she said i cant go.
i mean i dun get the rationale behind all this shit. if i am a 14 or 16 yr old kid well, that kind of treatment i still can try to accept. but i mean here i m a 18 year old guy, n there ur tryin to probe into my social life, i noe she cares abt me, but i believe this is just getting to restrictive. Im the only child btw, but come on, i nid to have frens isnt it? and its not that i go out every nite to party,just once in a ablue moon, even some of my female frens have that kind of freedom. i dun understand my parents, or maybe to be exact, my mom. she just wans to control everything. even the way i spent money, she will probe on what i spent on, check my wallet when im asleep( pretend), check my bag. etc. this i just way too much. i cant stand it animore.
guys i nid ur help, ani suggestion to get me out of this shit?
to put a curfew at 10pm is very reasonable. in fact, you should cherish it. there are many people out there who are not even allowed to go out after examinations.
of course parents should discourage their children from going to pubs, afterall the influence there is often bad. maybe you have to mature a bit, you will soon understand why your mum does what she does when you become a parent yourself. try to see things from her perspective. why does she want you back at 10pm (which is not early)? she wants the best for you, to be safe and to spend more time with family. it is not as if she's banning you from going out.
as for the checking of your bag and wallet, she should let you know before checking but either way, she has the right to check. afterall, who is the one giving you money to spend? hopefully in this way, you will not spend frivolously and succumb to the problem many youths face: debts.
i definitely think what your mum does is reasonable and is no way too restrictive. let me give you a real-life case of too restrictive: a student has just completed his A levels and his mum wants him to start studying for university courses, study his SAT and re-do his JC work.he is not allowed to leave his home unnecessarily and only step out once every 4 days.
and remember, whenever you feel restricted in your freedom, think about this: your parents' freedom is also restricted because of you. because of having to care for, pamper you and coach you to study, parents sacrifice their personal time, socializing time and by moving out just to avoid them is really unfilial.
i speak this from the point-of-view of a non-parent. please appreciate and chersih the current freedom you have, just as i and many other people do
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This is the same situation I had with my parents when I was 18. If I came home late, my mum will be calling continously non stop asking me why ain't I at home yet blah blah. Well she was just merely concerned about me and when I was younger I lied alot. So probably that's why my parents didn't trust me at that stage, now it's totally different as I am 23. And I know that I can look after myself, since I do live by myself in Australia.
I don't think your mum is being controlling, well if you don't want your parents to call you that often. Call them to let them know that you will be back late because your doing this certain thing. If you let them know, they will understand the situation. Without providing a proper reason, they might order you to come back home or scream at you on the phone.
For the pubs/clubs, your parents might be concerned something bad might happen to you. Im guessing your the only son, right? You might find your parents overdoing it but actually its for your own good. When I was 18, I was really rebellious with what my parents told me to do. Whenever I look back, I feel like an idiot, a kid without common sense.
You should be happy with what your parents are giving you right now, love and care. Being a mummy's boy isn't much of a big deal? When I was caught smoking at the age of 19, my dad totally gave up on me and scolded me infront in public. It was a total embrassement. He gave up on me while my mum kept on looking after me, she supported me in my studies. She gave me something to work on and I am happy for that.
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bang ya momma?
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Originally posted by mrvictor:
to put a curfew at 10pm is very reasonable. in fact, you should cherish it. there are many people out there who are not even allowed to go out after examinations.
of course parents should discourage their children from going to pubs, afterall the influence there is often bad. maybe you have to mature a bit, you will soon understand why your mum does what she does when you become a parent yourself. try to see things from her perspective. why does she want you back at 10pm (which is not early)? she wants the best for you, to be safe and to spend more time with family. it is not as if she's banning you from going out.
as for the checking of your bag and wallet, she should let you know before checking but either way, she has the right to check. afterall, who is the one giving you money to spend? hopefully in this way, you will not spend frivolously and succumb to the problem many youths face: debts.
i definitely think what your mum does is reasonable and is no way too restrictive. let me give you a real-life case of too restrictive: a student has just completed his A levels and his mum wants him to start studying for university courses, study his SAT and re-do his JC work.he is not allowed to leave his home unnecessarily and only step out once every 4 days.
and remember, whenever you feel restricted in your freedom, think about this: your parents' freedom is also restricted because of you. because of having to care for, pamper you and coach you to study, parents sacrifice their personal time, socializing time and by moving out just to avoid them is really unfilial.
i speak this from the point-of-view of a non-parent. please appreciate and chersih the current freedom you have, just as i and many other people do
Dude, diff parents have different opinions on how their kid should be brought up.
Personally, 10 pm is way too early for me. TS is not a young kid anymore, he should be getting more freedom. Besides, academically he's doing fine, good CCA and no bad track records, whats wrong with going out late anyway?
Checking of bag / personal items is a very sensitive issue. Everyone is entitled a personal right over his / her own items. Theres a certain extent of privacy whether parents check over it or not. How would you like it if your parents check out your personal belongings? Would'nt be too nice also what.
If this is your so called " unfilial ", I have no more to say for mummy boys like you, who listen to every word and stfu. Ha, looks like you dont even have your own opinion of things. Parents should be respected, but then again, not every word they say are 100% correct. Yes they naturally want the best for us, but the new generation constantly changes. I have no idea which era your from but looks like your thoughts are pretty screwed. Just like how ppl blindly support the gov.
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if you're 8 years old.. i understand.
but at the age of 18, u are suppose to learn how to make your own decisions, through trial and error, and learning what is called responsibility etc.
sure, ur parents should still look out for you at 18, making sure you don't make too big a mess out of your life, but u're still suppose to make a bit of mess, and learn from that mess.
i think mrvictor's view is very very.. wrong. no offence intended.
from my experience.. parents, even with the best of intentions, may not be correct. good intentions are never good enough with regards to learning the lessons of growing up.
sure, as a parent, you may think that you know it all, been through so much, and you don't want your kids to go through the same thing. but is it right? sure, maybe you had bad relationships when you're a teenager, so to "protect" your kids, you forbid them from interacting with the opposite gender until they're more mature - say 30 years old.
your intentions are good, but is it beneficial? don't wait until your kids are in a coffin because they acted rashly out of desperation before you realise that you're too controlling. by then, i hope that you can live with yourself, maybe you can try convincing yourself that "at least my intentions are good" while staring at your kid's picture.
having said that, too liberal isn't good either. i think.. allowing your kids to explore and make their own mistakes and being there to help them learn from it is more beneficial than protecting them from making any mistakes at all.
mrvictor says that it's only right to sacrifice the chance to explore and develop your life's skills because your parents sacrificed their own social life, etc for you.
i'm very sorry that he sees parenting as a tit-for-tat exchange. having the mentality that your kids owe you because you did so much, won't take you very far as a parent. you start to calculate the costs, and you don't do anything out of love. you see it as a materialistic investment.
if i ever become a parent. i hope my kids treat me well in the future because they love me, and because i made such a difference in their lives, not because they feel that they owe me.
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i want also don't have lor
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Originally posted by å™å��å¿—:
i want also don't have lor
don't have what?