Should I confront or pretend nothing happened :(
-
Originally posted by Disillusionedblue:
You know, divorce is really my last option. I really do not want a divorce unless I do not have a choice.And also I can't just sit around and do nothing. It's killing me.
I think I'll just go ahead and confront him but record down the entire conversation as evidence.
That's because I'm thinking what to do and I need an outlet and I have no one to listen to my rants!!!! Take it as cheap drama on a boring Sunday evening; and it is no longer SUSPECTED. IT's CONFIRMED!!!!!!!!
From the way you described him, he will either deny it, get angry or both. I think in your case, better cool down and let a marriage counsellor handle it.
If you are not considering the divorce option, what the point of recording down the entire conversation. And in doing so, where does it lead you or how can it help you? -
Hey TS, i cant offer u much help. but i juz wanna wish u well, and hope u get pass this stage of life soon.
-
ts, i donno how can i help you, but i hope all the best for you. take care.
-
from what i reading.. u want to have a perfect relationship..
the more perfect u want it the worst u can get..
no advise..
cause nothing we can do.. is up to you and if u asking for 3rd party to help.
they will just make it worst. get a counseller... it will be better..good luck
-
The unknown will spawn many assumptions, and possibilities. You need to get to the solid facts. Stop the thinking, and act rationally.
The mind snowballs thoughts.
The grounds for divorce is always irretrivable breakdown of marriage. The cause for the breakdown can be anything. The pettitioner just need to prove the connection. e.g The adultery is driving me crazy, I just can't take it anymore. It will look like the adultery is the cause of the divorce, but actually it is the "can't take it anymore". In the place of adultery can be gambling, unreasonable behaviour, even incompatibility.
-
ohh...its terrible news indeed...
If I were you...maybe it is better to calm down first...and give some time to think....
Those SMSes and emails etc....might not mean that he has gone into a serious relationship with other women....my feeling is that he just like to flirt.....especially if there are 3 women....it means he is not having a serious affair...most likely playing/ flirting...with anyone he likes....and it seems there is a chance his flirting is only at SMS level, or maybe chat/ drinks with those women, it might not have progressed into an intimate contact yet......
It seems to me your hubby doesnt take the marriage seriously....he still like to fling around...that type of guy....
First give urself some time to think through...and then think maybe you can have a serious talk with your hubby and tell him to take his marriage seriously, and no more flirting with other women.......
But if the relations has progressed into intimate contact with those women....well, that is a serious sin, and its up to you whether you want to forgive him or not. But if I were you, firstly I will try to find out the true nature of his flirtings.
-
and for your aunt.. if she know how to settle this things she won't be divorced right..
-
Originally posted by youyayu:
and for your aunt.. if she know how to settle this things she won't be divorced right..
the aunt chose to settle by divorce cannot meh?
wat do u mean by "if she know how to settle this things she won't be divorced right.."? -
Another prime example of how there is no absolute guarantee in life. Very discouraging. Very.
-
Congratulation... You are now half (and not one) step away from a divorce.
Joke aside, what you did was very wrong. No one (notice I said no one and not no man) like having other people invading their privacy and you just did it by reading his sms.
Even if you are his wife, it doesn't give you the rights to do so. Think about it, do you like it if your husband were to do the same to you?
You have just tasted the forbidden fruit. From the moment you decided to peek at your husband's sms, the trust within your relationship is gone. Because of this, you might not be able to believe whatever he said even if it's the truth and you automatically assume all are lies and all negatives are the truth. Basically, you aren't able to think clearly.
Let me ask you "Do you trust your husband?". Didn't you married him because you trusted him?
I suggest you and your husband sit down and have a good talk. Trash out everything including your insecurity. It may all just be a misunderstanding. Be sure to remain calm throughout the talk. I'm sure every man will feel fustrated if you start to cry or shout at him and this makes it very difficult to convey thoughts between parties and will cause more misunderstandings instead.
One thing - Do not mentioned the word 'Divorce', trust me it will breaks the relationship down even more that is if you still wants to save it.
The answer to your question: Confront it but tactfully. Do not choose to pretend nothing ever happens cause it doesn't solve any problem and you will still meet the same problem later.
-
Actually I don't see what's the big deal on a spouse reading the others messages.
-
Actually I don't see what's the big deal on a spouse reading the others messages. Invasion of privacy should not be a issue between husband and wife.
A spouse should be able to read the messages of the other, email or SMSs, and should be expected to find nothing controversal.
My wife can help herself to the cash in my wallet whenever she need to, no problem with me, my handphone is charged for hours on end without me attending to it, no problem with me. Its the same viceversa. We have nothing to hide. That should be the case between spouses.
Unless the culture is that of male dominance, where the wife cannot pry into the affairs of the husband. In such a situation, there is no trust between spouses in the first place.
-
~ Sorry accidental post ~
-
Originally posted by mancha:
Actually I don't see what's the big deal on a spouse reading the others messages.
Individual reaction to invasion of privacy, I would say.
But human has this irrational capacity of exaggerating and nitpicking when emotion run high with logic and rationality running low. -
sorry to hear about what happened.. i know how it is like to read that kind of msgs on the handphone as the same had happened to me..
i think what most people say is true.. be rational, find evidences and protect yourself..
it's rare for guys to turn back once they made this kind of mistakes...
-
-
Since that divorce is the very last option and you are keen in saving the relationship, there is 2 choices.
Be quiet about the matter and try to be nicer to him. See if he understands and willing to turn back. Never try to be with him every single moment you are able to. Too sticky would create adverse reaction.
Talk to him openly and tell him that you had accidentally chance upon the sms and did not deliberately probe into his phone. Just talk about the sms that you saw the first time and ask him whether he have something to say. Keep your stand that you want to save the relationship and hope that this would stop.
But the truth is... knowing so much... you would pick this old wound if there were ever be a disagreement between you guys... like most had said. You can forgive but never forget.
-
woman i think u are over reacting over this
yes they say man should be faithful to their wife but guess wat
98% of the man i know have sex with other woman beside their wife
its rare that u will faithful man that is faithful to their wife
in men mind wat most important is that "end of the day he return to his home without bring the "fox" back
end of the day the woman that sleep beside him is he wife
maybe u call we man heartless but been working for 17 years i saw a lot of things
either accept it with a closed eye or just break off ................
-
Originally posted by Hwaimeng:
woman i think u are over reacting over this
yes they say man should be faithful to their wife but guess wat
98% of the man i know have sex with other woman beside their wife
its rare that u will faithful man that is faithful to their wife
in men mind wat most important is that "end of the day he return to his home without bring the "fox" back
end of the day the woman that sleep beside him is he wife
maybe u call we man heartless but been working for 17 years i saw a lot of things
either accept it with a closed eye or just break off ................
really?
-
Why don't you hire a private investigator and tail his tracks. You don't have to expose him through his sms.
Take some time to mull over it. Don't be too impulsive and confront your husband right away. I believe he will deny first and insist that you shouldn't be reading his sms when you brought up the evidence. You should be mentally prepared for a divorce. Anything is possible while everything is out on the table.
-
PRETEND NOTHING HAPPENED!!!
-
Originally posted by Disillusionedblue:
I had a very happy married life. 'Had' because I just found out it's not as happy as I thought it was.
My husband has always been very attentive and sweet to me. He still is. Everything remains the same as the day we got married.
I've always trusted him 100% and never probed into any of his matters. I have never gone through his stuff until yesterday.... I know it's wrong to go through his smses but I had this nagging feeling that I have to go through. Call it the woman's 6th sense... :'(
About 2 weeks ago while we were watching TV, a sms came in for him and he replied. I casually glanced over as I was sitting beside him but couldn't see what the message was about. He did it very naturally but he had the phone tilted at an angle so I can't see clearly but I thought it was a female name though I didn't catch it. I didn't think too much about it till last week he left his phone on table with the inbox open and walked away for a drink. I happened to glance down and saw a msg that said something like "I just came out of the shower. What are you doing?" It was a female name. I didn't look through his phone then but it piqued my curiousity because no female will ever tell a normal friend that she just came out of the shower unless the guy is her boyfriend or lover or husband.
I thought through this for a whole week if I should check his phone or maybe I'm just over-reacting and being overly sensitive. However, I fell to temptation yesterday when he was in the shower.
Curiousity killed the cat :'( My hunch was right. The worse thing is that it is not 1 but TWO different girls.
The smses were too 'hot' for them to be just normal friends. He should just take a knife and stab it straight into my heart.
I've always trusted him wholeheartedly. I have been giving him the cold shoulder the whole day. I don't know what to do. How to react.
I want to confront him but at the same time he is treating me the same as before. There was not a hint in his actions for me to suspect.
Should I trash things out with him or just lie to myself and pretend nothing happened since he is still the loving and good husband in front of me.
Before I post anything, can you tell me how old are both your husband and yourself?Do you have any children?
How long were both of you married and living together? (Including before marriage if cohabiting)
Although it is commonly advised by many here to trash things out with your husband, but I will advise you to save your marriage instead of destroying it....unless your husband has physically abused you.
As women, we should have the maturity and confidence to confront and assure our men that we knows what they have been fooling behind our backs. But we should also have the power to overlook their mistakes and infidelity and the ability to prick their conscience by remaining calm and be even nicer to our men.
However if the men takes our kindness for granted and persists in his own ways, then he will never be forgiven and you can pack your bags and do the necessary to desex him, sue him, file for divorce. Make sure you get well-rewarded for having to put up with a bastard like him.
-
Originally posted by youyayu:
really?
You think you can get another girl to sleep with you without paying for it?Dream on ok?
-
I just take some time to browse the thread.
Like what meat bao had said "the sms can mean that he is just flirting around"
-
thrash it out.
do u want to share ur husband with the few other women?
he cheated on you, it's a fact.
u must be strong, even if he threatens to throw u out of the house. Why keep a man if he can't keep his heart with you?
If I were you, I can be nasty. I'll call up those women, ask them out together with the husband, without letting them know about the arrangement. Let them see thru him, and have a clean break. But even if they leave him, i'll leave him too, coz I cannot tolerate betrayal in love and that's the price to pay for being unfaithful.