Should I confront or pretend nothing happened :(
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Originally posted by parn:
You think you can get another girl to sleep with you without paying for it?Dream on ok?
Should use this on guys who also go for ONS...
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Originally posted by Q.C.Pak:
Should use this on guys who also go for ONS...
What's ONS?
Is it like ABCDEFG???
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Originally posted by parn:
What's ONS?
Is it like ABCDEFG???
ONS = One Night Stand -
hihi...
perhaps u think i am just a kid... but i think u should give him a chance, let him off... try monitoring him every two days, (not everyday... will break trust) to see if he had anymore hot msges... hope that he does not... also check his sent msges.. hope he does not delete his sent messages....
First try talking to him nicely... pretending nth actually happened... go out and have a dinner or sth... dun made him mad. den continue to monitor... Made sure he does not sent any more of this msg or worst case, delete msg. if he continues to sent these "HOT" msg ... den break up... seek legal help or sth...
but seriously, *no offence* i felt like inside a drama show.. being a director, giving advice
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Originally posted by mancha:
Actually I don't see what's the big deal on a spouse reading the others messages. Invasion of privacy should not be a issue between husband and wife.
A spouse should be able to read the messages of the other, email or SMSs, and should be expected to find nothing controversal.
My wife can help herself to the cash in my wallet whenever she need to, no problem with me, my handphone is charged for hours on end without me attending to it, no problem with me. Its the same viceversa. We have nothing to hide. That should be the case between spouses.
Unless the culture is that of male dominance, where the wife cannot pry into the affairs of the husband. In such a situation, there is no trust between spouses in the first place.
agree... if you have nth to hide... why be so sensitive?!
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Feel fortunate that your husband still treats you "sweet" like what you said in your first post. Men, once they have greener pastures, rarely have reservations for a wilting patch of grass.
Assuming that you still want your husband, looking at your situation, you have no "power of leverage" whatsoever except guilt, and perhaps love, on you husbands part to you.
Act with caution, and do not provoke your husband. Once provoked, all the flaws in you will surface in his heart, for now he has somebody else to compare against you. And your flaws, your inconsideration, your reluctance to be supportive, will be compared against the "obedience", the "hedonic pleasure of sex", and the "freedom" of being with the other girls.
This is a slippery road you don't want to treat. It leads to eventual breakdown of your relationship.
Sometimes think of yourself as being more high-level. I'm not sure if you believe in God. I don't.
God would destroy his enemies, by means of arms of love.
Treat your husband better. Make him breakfast. Give him good sex. Blow job. Whatever. Its not a time to fight poison with poison.
Good luck. Long live love.
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Glad to have you disagreeing.
But don't joke around with suicidal acts here. The original poster is in agony, mind you.
Everything's got a solution.
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Originally posted by thesunking:
Feel fortunate that your husband still treats you "sweet" like what you said in your first post. Men, once they have greener pastures, rarely have reservations for a wilting patch of grass.
Assuming that you still want your husband, looking at your situation, you have no "power of leverage" whatsoever except guilt, and perhaps love, on you husbands part to you.
Act with caution, and do not provoke your husband. Once provoked, all the flaws in you will surface in his heart, for now he has somebody else to compare against you. And your flaws, your inconsideration, your reluctance to be supportive, will be compared against the "obedience", the "hedonic pleasure of sex", and the "freedom" of being with the other girls.
This is a slippery road you don't want to treat. It leads to eventual breakdown of your relationship.
Sometimes think of yourself as being more high-level. I'm not sure if you believe in God. I don't.
God would destroy his enemies, by means of arms of love.
Treat your husband better. Make him breakfast. Give him good sex. Blow job. Whatever. Its not a time to fight poison with poison.
Good luck. Long live love.
LOL.. a greedy man's perspective indeed.
So if your wife is having an affair with some hot guys out there, are you going to do the same for her ?
Give her better sex.. do more house chores.. take care of the children more..get rid of that pork belly of yours too ?
Well... if you do.. give me your wife's contact number... I have a ton of hot guys to introduce her and make her a happy woman once again.
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of cos it's very easy for all of us to tell you to leave him as our emotions are not involved.. but i hope there comes a time when you love yourself enough to allow no man to hurt and degrade you in such a way..
alternatively, if you love him enough you can try the forgiveness route but things will never be the same again...
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Disillusionedblue,
May I remind you that your husband may be a grown man.. but he is still very much a little boy in his overgrown heart.
You can confront him.. but in a calm and civilised manner. Like a mother to a child who has done mischief.
From the way you have described.. obviously he wants to get caught by you. There's probably some underlying issues he dare not bring to your attention.. and like many young children..they do mischievious things to get your attention even though it is the negative type.
Let him know you are aware of his little flings, and you understand he is bored and need some cheap thrills , but remind him that you do not want any " tah bao" from those girls.
Admit you have read through his messages.. but do not apologize for your actions.
If he protest.. simply tell him " If you have nothing to hide.. why hide ?"
Be very matter of fact. If he wants to throw a fit..keep calm, let him get it out of his system.
Unfortunately, men can and many times do sub categorize women. Throughout history and civilization across the globe.
They will enslave humans.. as they think of them as lesser human beings.. yet they will also rape them or derive pleasure like an animal.
The girls he messes around with are a dime a dozen. But you are the queen of the household. Your status is different from those girls, so use this to your advantage.
A female friend with 2 kids once told me.. she has 3 children.
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may i ask if u have any kids?
if u have no kids, thats really the best thing now. becoz u can still talk to him and try to find a solution to it. ask him why did he do all these?
or choose the hard way, divorce.
but remember, if u have kids, im afraid ur choice are very much limited.
if u have kids, please, think of the kids. trust me, it will have an negative effect on them.
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LOL... I have a perfectly fit body to be proud of (we're talking about six packs here). I am not married. I am of a loyal kind.
Yes, we despise greedy, pork belly, infidel men. A one-way giving in love is a thing to be shunned at all cost.
But yes, we also hope that couple could stick together through ups and downs...
The original poster's husband treats her "sweet". According to her first post. I'm suggesting that lets not turn this already sour relationship into a ground-zero.
It's like investment. When you lose alot, and you think it's gonna get worse, sell your loses and salvage what you're able to. Don't make things worse by arguing for the sake of "fairness".
Think of the original poster. Is it in her good stead to argue for "fairness" at this stage?
Please know that most married men cheat. If "fairness" is so important to you, go fuck every good looking guy from now on before you realise you're being cheated and cry for help. Good luck in "trusting" your partner 100%. Haha.
As for the original poster, maybe the relationship is more important to you than such pettiness. Hook him back, with love. If you want, make him pay, later, not now.
Hook back your husband, for now. When he loves you back, and stop seeing other girls, then you can go around fucking other guys for revenge, if you are like some unenlightened people who likes to get even.
Relatoinships are not battlegrounds.
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Originally posted by thesunking:
LOL... I have a perfectly fit body to be proud of (we're talking about six packs here). I am not married. I am of a loyal kind.
Yes, we despise greedy, pork belly, infidel men. A one-way giving in love is a thing to be shunned at all cost.
But yes, we also hope that couple could stick together through ups and downs...
The original poster's husband treats her "sweet". According to her first post. I'm suggesting that lets not turn this already sour relationship into a ground-zero.
It's like investment. When you lose alot, and you think it's gonna get worse, sell your loses and salvage what you're able to. Don't make things worse by arguing for the sake of "fairness".
Think of the original poster. Is it in her good stead to argue for "fairness" at this stage?
Please know that most married men cheat. If "fairness" is so important to you, go fuck every good looking guy from now on before you realise you're being cheated and cry for help. Good luck in "trusting" your partner 100%. Haha.
As for the original poster, maybe the relationship is more important to you than such pettiness. Hook him back, with love. If you want, make him pay, later, not now.
Hook back your husband, for now. When he loves you back, and stop seeing other girls, then you can go around fucking other guys for revenge, if you are like some unenlightened people who likes to get even.
Relatoinships are not battlegrounds.
Ah yess... I have to agree.
There are many ways to skin a cat or a man.
A lifetime of torment is really too short.
Patience is a virtue..
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Disillusionedblue,
May I remind you that your husband may be a grown man.. but he is still very much a little boy in his overgrown heart.
You can confront him.. but in a calm and civilised manner. Like a mother to a child who has done mischief.
From the way you have described.. obviously he wants to get caught by you. There's probably some underlying issues he dare not bring to your attention.. and like many young children..they do mischievious things to get your attention even though it is the negative type.
Let him know you are aware of his little flings, and you understand he is bored and need some cheap thrills , but remind him that you do not want any " tah bao" from those girls.
Admit you have read through his messages.. but do not apologize for your actions.
If he protest.. simply tell him " If you have nothing to hide.. why hide ?"
Be very matter of fact. If he wants to throw a fit..keep calm, let him get it out of his system.
Unfortunately, men can and many times do sub categorize women. Throughout history and civilization across the globe.
They will enslave humans.. as they think of them as lesser human beings.. yet they will also rape them or derive pleasure like an animal.
The girls he messes around with are a dime a dozen. But you are the queen of the household. Your status is different from those girls, so use this to your advantage.
A female friend with 2 kids once told me.. she has 3 children.
you're crazy,
to ts: if its still possible to control your emotion, try to, don't talk to him while you're angry. we don't know what your husband is like so based on your own understanding you have to judge whether he is the type who would back off when confronted or otherwise. wait til you've calmed down then decided for yourself if the marriage is worth saving.
if possible try not to even bring up you checked his SMSes if you feel he's the type that reacts strongly to confrontation but if he ask don't hide. he only needs to know that you know, everything else can let him guess.
truth is most men after doing it once would do it again if given the chance. everyone i knew who did it, repeated their actions. just think it through calmly first, do you think you can still live with him after this and trust him again? some can, most nowadays can't especially if there's no children.
at least if worst case divorce, things would end better if parting is peaceful. no point fighting in anger at court. whatever your choice if he still cares, using guilt would be better against him than anger.
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Thanks for all your concern and advice.
Contrary to what some of you think, I don't strive to look for a perfect guy or a perfect life, but he was that close to being perfect to me; the kind of guy every girl dreams about.
He was never abusive verbally or physically and like I said indirectly, still very sweet and loving to me as if nothing happened.
Re: My aunt, she tried her best to salvage the marriage for my cousins. She hoped that he will come clean but he chose to dump her unceremoniously instead.
Anyway, I've confronted him because I couldn't hold it inside me anymore.
He admitted that he did flirt & cybered with them via sms and internet but swears that he has never met up with them or brought any girl home before.He asked me to give him a chance and that it will never happen again. He apologised to me and he sent them all a sms in front of me telling the girls not to contact him anymore because he is married and deleted their contacts from his phone etc.
He asked me to forgive him and put this behind and start afresh. He said this happened because both of us had been busy at work and our schedules clashed a lot.
I think Jojobeach is right that he was looking to be caught because he seemed relieved?? He said that he was glad that I nipped it in the butt.
He also told me he only loves me alone and that he wants our marriage to work out.
Anyway, I've decided to just put this behind me and work on working on our relationship.
Thanks again for listening.
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Originally posted by Disillusionedblue:
Thanks for all your concern and advice.
Contrary to what some of you think, I don't strive to look for a perfect guy or a perfect life, but he was that close to being perfect to me; the kind of guy every girl dreams about.
He was never abusive verbally or physically and like I said indirectly, still very sweet and loving to me as if nothing happened.
Re: My aunt, she tried her best to salvage the marriage for my cousins. She hoped that he will come clean but he chose to dump her unceremoniously instead.
Anyway, I've confronted him because I couldn't hold it inside me anymore.
He admitted that he did flirt & cybered with them via sms and internet but swears that he has never met up with them or brought any girl home before.He asked me to give him a chance and that it will never happen again. He apologised to me and he sent them all a sms in front of me telling the girls not to contact him anymore because he is married and deleted their contacts from his phone etc.
He asked me to forgive him and put this behind and start afresh. He said this happened because both of us had been busy at work and our schedules clashed a lot.
I think Jojobeach is right that he was looking to be caught because he seemed relieved?? He said that he was glad that I nipped it in the butt.
He also told me he only loves me alone and that he wants our marriage to work out.
Anyway, I've decided to just put this behind me and work on working on our relationship.
Thanks again for listening.
glad that u have made a decision
sometimes its wise to view the whole thing with a closed and opened eye ^^
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Originally posted by Meat Pao:
ohh...its terrible news indeed...
If I were you...maybe it is better to calm down first...and give some time to think....
Those SMSes and emails etc....might not mean that he has gone into a serious relationship with other women....my feeling is that he just like to flirt.....especially if there are 3 women....it means he is not having a serious affair...most likely playing/ flirting...with anyone he likes....and it seems there is a chance his flirting is only at SMS level, or maybe chat/ drinks with those women, it might not have progressed into an intimate contact yet......
It seems to me your hubby doesnt take the marriage seriously....he still like to fling around...that type of guy....
First give urself some time to think through...and then think maybe you can have a serious talk with your hubby and tell him to take his marriage seriously, and no more flirting with other women.......
But if the relations has progressed into intimate contact with those women....well, that is a serious sin, and its up to you whether you want to forgive him or not. But if I were you, firstly I will try to find out the true nature of his flirtings.
Agreed, x2
This was what I was going to say.
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Originally posted by Hwaimeng:
woman i think u are over reacting over this
yes they say man should be faithful to their wife but guess wat
98% of the man i know have sex with other woman beside their wife
its rare that u will faithful man that is faithful to their wife
in men mind wat most important is that "end of the day he return to his home without bring the "fox" back
end of the day the woman that sleep beside him is he wife
maybe u call we man heartless but been working for 17 years i saw a lot of things
either accept it with a closed eye or just break off ................
Hwaimeng,
Women are not afraid their men bring the foxies back. The most we do is throw the mattress out and buy a brand new one.
Best yet.. sell the old house and get a new home... LOL
It's the STDs/HIVs we are scared of.
Not that we mind our men sleeping around outside.. infact..those little foxies may just be doing the wifeys a favor.
But surely.. nobody likes to wear some one else's used underwear... get the drift ?
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Happy ending...cheers!
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Hwaimeng,
Women are not afraid their men bring the foxies back. The most we do is throw the mattress out and buy a brand new one.
Best yet.. sell the old house and get a new home... LOL
It's the STDs/HIVs we are scared of.
Not that we mind our men sleeping around outside.. infact..those little foxies may just be doing the wifeys a favor.
But surely.. nobody likes to wear some one else's used underwear... get the drift ?
HAHA! +1that's true..in actual fact..the little foxies are helping the wifeys to take revenge..let those men suffer from STD / HIV for those unfaithful things that they did..
It is even better that they bring the foxies home..save the women's time to investigate on the extra-marital affair..
1. confirmed that the man commits adultery
2. F off
3. Pay women matrimony fees
Unfaithful men ain't worth women's time..
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Don't forget we are not faithful people too, but men still loves us anyway.
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Glad that it ended this way. That is rather true that we all like to flirt around at times but flirt is not mounting to being unfaithful...
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Originally posted by parn:
Don't forget we are not faithful people too, but men still loves us anyway.
You mean men love transexual like you who has no IQ, ha ha ha! This must be the joke of the day. -
If confront must be prepared for divorce.
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he did not bring them home... but did he follow them home and do things there.