Originally posted by Ed11790:no not happy….no feeling and no regrets…..felt it was neccesary but i hope it dont happen again
it's up to u to ctrl ur anger... since ur mum can't ctrl hers. :/ maybe next time when she starts to irritate u, u leave the house for a while... jus walk out and bang the door... tt's one way of venting ur anger...
it's nt easy to walk away... cos when u feel tt u are misunderstood, its natural tt u will want to show the person tt he or she is wrong...
i believe u hit her cos u felt tt u had lost ctrl of the situation... u felt tt she was really pissing u off n u jus wanted to make her stop... am i right to say tt?
maybe this time both of u din get injured fr the hitting. but do u tink using violence is the right way to "win" the argument? u're a man n she's a woman... some more ur mother... what do u tink will happen if the fight gets worse?
also, using physical force on our parents is against the law. if she sustains any injuries... do u know tt u can be arrested?
here's an article tt tells u tt doctors refer physical abuse cases of parents to the police: http://www.sma.org.sg/smj/4112/4112e1.pdf
ur mum may be still be middle aged... but there is a similar law tt applies...
Originally posted by cathykitty:i know u also suffered and u also feel tired of the family squabbles... i guess ur mum still hasn't figured out how to handle situations between u and ur younger brother properly.
it's common to assume that as a parent, a mother shld know everything, and be able to handle every situation adequately. she may have done u wrong, but she's still learning...
my mum has always used this line on me, whenever we quarrel: next time when u become a parent, u will know how hard it is.
i din have a gd relationship wif her for many years cos i stayed at my aunt's house when i was young, and i also had lots of resentment against her. i tot she din trust me and felt really misunderstood. my first job was stressful and sometimes need to work until 10pm or even as late as 1am. but when i worked late, she scolded me and said tt i lied and tt i was out "gallivanting" wif my friends.
it was only until she was diagnosed with cancer and almost died last yr that i really began to regret all the times i shouted at her, and made her cry. later i realised tt she was only so suspicious of me, because she was prob having depression, unhappy wif her life and her marriage.
it's not ur fault tt life is so hard for u... but it's not ur mum's fault too... have u considered tt maybe ur mum nv got over ur dad? as a woman, i can tell u it's nt so easy to forget someone tt u were married to.
u can't change ur mum... but u can slowly try to forgive her... and help her find her own balance in life.
have u ever considered going for counselling to talk out ur probs?
or, if u feel really stifled at home, maybe u can consider moving out? or look for a job tt will send u overseas?
u have nothing to lose. at first prob ur relatives will talk, but u can dun care them.
sometimes it's better to apart, cos we dun see what we have until we lose it. who knows? maybe after u move away, ur mum will start to miss u, and be nicer to u?
haha...this really made me feel i dont want to be a parent..its horrid knowing that when ur kid grows up..the kid can turn his/her back on u..and worst still if u have no hubby/wife and the horrid kid is like that hated spouse..dats what my mum is seeing in me..
and she confirmed has not gotten over my father..i know that..i can sense that..even if she did not start saying i'm like him..even though i may lack EQ and stuff..and not being able to handle people..i don lack IQ..just that i don say..im d type quietly observe quietly steam quietly happy kind..so dats why many ppl see me as a 'stone'..but an angry/moody one at that..so dey dun really care when i keep quiet..
and den everytime she's angry..she will start talkign about my dad, like saying "that useless guy in XXX place" and stuff like "you are so like him" blah blah..den everytime i hear this i get so mad..i know is cos she reminding me dun be like him..but a HUGE part of me feel like she blaming me about him..den one day (the first time ever) last week..when my aunt came over counsel me..i just cried that why issit so unfair she always talking about my dad and linking me that way..and telling me that "i have no friends", "ur attitude like that how to have friends", "u just like dat man" blah blah..i nv heard her shouting at my bro lydat lei. and its true that im so like "that man" and i do things impulsively, super lazy and things..and den..one day i got to meet him again..and i kinda happy and kinda sad and just wanted to forget everything..and since he wanted to meet my bro as well.. i arranged a meeting..den my stupid bro (he's in a good school, so his IQ isnt low) said "why cannot tell mummy?" i almost smacked him. i was so incredulous. how come boys are so dumb? <-- this is such a general statement..but this is what i feel about boys in general..but i got lovely sensitive guy friends as well (although few)
i have a lot of resentments against her..but since i got over the 'dad-and-mum' thingy..that resentments are over..used to be i hated her and blamed her for that divorce..but den i knew she couldnt help it.. but altho now the resentment (related to this event) that is still there is : why she always so harsh on ppl.. just becos of him..she is super harsh on me now..
lol.. i know how u feel..i openly stated that i really HATE ppl jumping to conclusions about me..den my aunt, just YESTERDAY night, she asked me if i slept late i said yea.. den she said 'oh, got new laptop ah (my laptop spoilt).' i said, no. den she said 'use ur hp surf internet ah?' den i was like no?? and just left that statement hanging.. cos i stated SO MANY TIMES that my hp is crap (its held together by sello tape man) forget it lah. i'll just let it go when ppl say stupid things that make me angry. weak character. but i dotn want to blow up again.
i dont want to go counselling.. i ever thought of it..whether i considered it or not is hard to say..i cannot imagine sitting down with her and talking with her.. i cannot forget the times she embarassed me in front of others..and she is hard to change..i duno..i feel this hatred is too deep-seated liao.. and i really hate myself for hating her..this is my dilemma but im stuck.. hate her and dun want to hate her but cant not hate her..
but me now only dip holder..duno what to do with my future..den gg overseas..abit lonely...although i do like being alone..im not right financially as well so i cant really move out or anything
Originally posted by Ed11790:actually i did the same as ur friend…i also punched a hole in a wall also….........and kept quiet…...........but there was this time that i really did physically fight with my mom…........i hit her….she hit me back….then i hit her again…..and she hits back….then i hit her harder…...she exploded with fear and said a few word and went crying in her room…............it was just to show her that some people have a line of patient and if u crossed that line…....the person will explode and turn into something filled with anger and will do anything to the enemy even if its ur family
wah..scary to be fighting with a guy..for me it wouldnt scare me to fight if im angry..but to be fighting with a guy is scary..cos i know how strong they can be...
luckily im not a guy or else i'd be hanged for murder..cos although im not strong...i v chor lor..den chor lor + short fuse + physical fight = murder..i have no qualms hitting if im angry..but nv really hit others before..cos not strong enough..
but aft u hit ur mum...she still do same thing right?? as in her temper still that short, she still that unreasonable right? hitting her only prove to her that ur unreasonable..at least thats what she will think (from her point of view) "the boy i raised from young ends up hitting me? still staying in my house? still using my electricity?"
LOLOLOL. dun hit her liao la..if u want vent ur anger just break her hp. good enough. all her contacts gone. i also want to do that to my own mum but i wont..cos her contacts are important...she broke my phone and ipod btw. and she used keys hit my head before. got orh cheh. den next few days painful. but kinda happy cos i also liek physical pain XD
Originally posted by youyayu:zzzzz u 20 years old i 20 years old...
i got car and soon wife soon house =.= me see no problem with that
you and him are totally different..
he earn his own keep and therefore he has to learn how to manage his finances...
whereas ur dad pays for your everything...
of coz u dun see any problem with that...
Originally posted by cathykitty:also, using physical force on our parents is against the law. if she sustains any injuries... do u know tt u can be arrested?
here's an article tt tells u tt doctors refer physical abuse cases of parents to the police: http://www.sma.org.sg/smj/4112/4112e1.pdf
ur mum may be still be middle aged... but there is a similar law tt applies...
haha, good one. i threatened her once saying that i'll report child abuse. den she blackmailed me with that stupid one-off incident that i did when i was younger (many years ago)
maybe its because of tat she stopped hitting my head.