My mum's a liar
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I'm not your mum. I don't take you to the doctor when you're having a 39C fever. I don't pull the blanket over you when the night is cold. I don't cook sunny side-ups when your stomach is growling in the morning. And the most important of all, I don't love you.
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If i were you
i will stop going for driving lessons, and say i dun have enogh cash
i will use the comp over 11pm
If she threatens, say that u will get it when u turn old
BUT it is not good
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The best time to learn driving is now.
Later when you think you have enough money to learn driving, you will not have the time.
Be thankful to your mum. Don't take it like she lied to you, take it that she got you to do what you can actually do, but is reluctant to do so.
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Originally posted by L.lawliett79:
i really duno how to explain.. maybe im childish.. maybe im right.. but who knows.. i just feel so damn angry about things relating to her..and i feel its unfair.
there's so many complaints.. no doubt she got my well-being at heart, but i feel she overcontrol.. which parent deserving of respect will shout at the child, smack the child, use towel/keys hit the child's head? and that child in question already 20 YO. i dont think im THAT childish to warrant these kind of 'attention'.
i rather she be negligent (not that she isnt now). cos when i'm on talking terms with her, anytime she shuang she just shout at me, den when i'm not talking with her, she just ignore. i find the 'ignore' easier to tolerate
its all these that make it worse.. she hit me yet nv hit others. she act so nice with all my KID cousins.
Ok.. My son is 20 this year. Last year we had a chat - a chat that was supposed to happen long time ago.. just the timing was never right .. that time was the right time where both of us open up .. I tell him my worry, concern and I still love him dispite everything else ... he spoke up, though not entirely ... we had a better understanding of each other ... now he behave much better in the sense I know he has grown up and needed his space. He no more acted in such a way that worry me. Our relationship is much better now ...
For you, maybe you can try to talk to your mum, at the right timing . I know you will say you had tried spoken to her or had spoken. But did you two understand each other ? Try again ... I took a very long time to do it... still it is never too late ... for your information, my son used to tell people he hated me and wish me dead ... you know how hurting it was ?? now we are friend.
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your mum might be kind of overboard.
but you can't call her names like 'bugger' la,she's still your mum leh.
try to take it easy lor.i'm sure alot other people of your age is also supporting themselves too,definitely it'd be tough de.
and,how come your driving lessons so expensive de?80+..
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Haha My mom is sooo similar to your mom - lying, manipulating, breaking promises all the time, never supporting/respecting your decisions never listening to you unreasonable etc etc. All through my 20 years until recently i got sick of it.
For me, whenever i argue with her and she starts bringing family members to side her argument and try to force me to do it her way, What i will do is i will rebutt every single family member/relative that side her and just shout at them all one by one. And of course finally, at her too. AND i did things my way. 'anti-social' labels are merely another one of the manipulative techniques employed to have it their way
Most of the time the consequences are just a lack of monetary support from my family but thats nothing my savings, determination to spite them, borrowing of money cant solve. Way better than being perpetually controlled and manipulated by idiots who dont really care about you
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Originally posted by cathykitty:
yup, sounds quite jia lat. maybe ur mum herself was brought up in this way. u know, the older gen has different ideas abt parenting. she's nice to ur kid cousins and puts u down... maybe because she tot tt she was being modest... a lot of mothers are like tt.. they believe tt if they praise their kid, somehow they will be viewed as being hao lian by their relatives.
as for the hitting, who knows? maybe ur grandma or grand dad hit her too when she was 20 and she has never known another style of parenting. if u tink of it in this way, maybe it wld help u to understand her behaviour better.
try not to do the tit-for-tat thing... tt is a reaction fr anger... but it won't achieve any long term improvement in ur relationship wif ur mum.
can tell tt u really got ting jin qu (listening) to what the pple who post here are saying... u're really ok de...
unlike u.. still young... ur mum's behaviour is not so easy to change. cos she's already old and set in her ways. if u wanna be filial, try to understand the reasons for her actions before u get angry wif her... at least u still have ur mum wif u... she won't be wif u forever one.
how is her rs wif ur dad like? and u got any siblings? maybe can ask ur dad to bring her out more often and help her relax. usually, women who dun have a gd communicative rs wif their husbands turn their attention to their children. bcos unlike the husband, the children seem easier for them to ctrl. hope tt is not the case for ur family, but if it is, maybe u shld have a talk wif ur dad abt this.
my mum nv been hit by her parents before. i know her parents' style.. they'r nice ppl.. her dad nv hit unless really over the limit and she wasnt this sort. those kinda nerd-study-hard-play-hard kinds, u know? her mum also nv discipline her unless she over limit, and she nv before..
her problem is that she thinks all kids can have the same parenting style.. she is senior in her job, den she use same method of disciplining wayward staff..den bring back same attitude lorhx. this wo really ming bai. cos i know how she works, i'v been watching her alot (me the quiet type de..observe but nv say..bottle things up den explode..cos dun liek to express feelings..)
i got younger bro.. he those kind of mummy's boy.. until i bth.. but behind her back he also do alot of things.. but ta hui man zhe wo ma ma de.. damn good la. den everyone think he angel.. but he actually not.. my dad not around la..
even if he is also, he talk to her no use de.. in one ear out the other.. i know she damn set in her ways.. i realised that only extreme measure will work with her.. dat why i always stubborn-stubborn.. doing me no good but when i talk to her nicely.. she change FOR A WHILE only..den revert liao.. i trying to make her change permanently so that we wont at loggerhead so much.. but realise now this cannot.. so to avoid more trouble i stay out of home.. liek that don argue so much.. den i just sms to say dun make dinner for me, i will be back by 10. kinda stuff. i really hate being at home lar.. now i using internet elsewhere, paying for it myself (should be making some of my thread critics happier =S) den lydat i use internet less.. im not using internet at home liao. later kena more.. i dun wan..
i also dun agree tit-for-tat.. but im stupid when im angry.. ytd just did stupid thing.. not gg to mention it here
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Originally posted by xaih:
your mum might be kind of overboard.
but you can't call her names like 'bugger' la,she's still your mum leh.
try to take it easy lor.i'm sure alot other people of your age is also supporting themselves too,definitely it'd be tough de.
and,how come your driving lessons so expensive de?80+..
sia la. haha. agree with u. but dammit. hahaa angry liao all the wrong stuff come out although i know it totally wrong and making everything worst XD
my drivign at ssdcl at yio chu kang.. duno la.. suck money.. dats why i said dun wan learn driving.. license is good.. but process no good.. process is driving me crazy la.. i just tahan 3times a week lesson so i can hurry get license.. but really is killing me cos i working liao damn tired, still must go driving lesson dat i dun like.. den cannot focus cos at night dark den tired.. den instructor also not happy. lolol. got la got try. but i tired liao, dun really like to talk, but i focus instead, then they thought i buay song. hahaha.
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Originally posted by ORIGAMIST:
Ok.. My son is 20 this year. Last year we had a chat - a chat that was supposed to happen long time ago.. just the timing was never right .. that time was the right time where both of us open up .. I tell him my worry, concern and I still love him dispite everything else ... he spoke up, though not entirely ... we had a better understanding of each other ... now he behave much better in the sense I know he has grown up and needed his space. He no more acted in such a way that worry me. Our relationship is much better now ...
For you, maybe you can try to talk to your mum, at the right timing . I know you will say you had tried spoken to her or had spoken. But did you two understand each other ? Try again ... I took a very long time to do it... still it is never too late ... for your information, my son used to tell people he hated me and wish me dead ... you know how hurting it was ?? now we are friend.
really? if u don mind me asking.. how did ur son actually really sat down and took up the offer of listening to his dad/mum (duno which one u are) talk??
for me, i listen to my aunt talk (well jsut had it from her ytd, but she changed tactic - used the exact opposite of what my mum uses on me.. and i told her this tactic i like better), but i dont find it easy ot listen to my mum talk. or my bro. cos they both jump to conclusions all the time, telling me i did things i didnt do, using all teh wrong tones on me, like getting all angry and stuff.
but isnt it really 'humiliating' to actually 'degrade' urself, or what do u call it, 'lower ur pride' to talk to ur son in a softer tone when ur realyl angry with him?? i mean, just to get him to listen?
i duno what is it like to love someone so much (im not a parent) and i cannot fathom how parents can tahan their child when their child is such a bitch (like me) or a****** or unfilial ingrate (iv been called this numerous times)
i need to ask u something (as a teen to a parent) - are parents/relatives aware that if u label a teen/child/person something (positive/negative), the teen/child/person will take up that label? as in like since i'm called 'unfilial ingrate', somehow i feel that since i'm called 'unfilial', it aint gg to change if im filial?
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Originally posted by ulquiorra87:
Haha My mom is sooo similar to your mom - lying, manipulating, breaking promises all the time, never supporting/respecting your decisions never listening to you unreasonable etc etc. All through my 20 years until recently i got sick of it.
For me, whenever i argue with her and she starts bringing family members to side her argument and try to force me to do it her way, What i will do is i will rebutt every single family member/relative that side her and just shout at them all one by one. And of course finally, at her too. AND i did things my way. 'anti-social' labels are merely another one of the manipulative techniques employed to have it their way
Most of the time the consequences are just a lack of monetary support from my family but thats nothing my savings, determination to spite them, borrowing of money cant solve. Way better than being perpetually controlled and manipulated by idiots who dont really care about you
but isnt that sucky, when all relatives side ur parents (mum in my case), then they start givign u the cold shoulder (not that i care, but i hate this feeling) and their kids also start thinking 'what happened to this weird guy/girl'.
and its worst cos ALL my cousins are younger than me. i only have one elder cousin. and all the cousins are giving me weird looks. i dont even wan to be around anyone from my family tree. and around anyone who knows anyone from my family.
like the phrase says, 'money is everything'. if u have money, u can be self-sufficient, dont have to bother about what those idiots around u are saying. and they cannot control u. (well, they can manipulate u via sabotage, by blackmailing u by exposing dirty linen in public - thats what my mum is threatening. but, to me, i have told her, 'u try that, see what will happen. i want to see what i will do then.' lol. i wont kill myself over something as trivial as this..)
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Originally posted by L.lawliett79:
but isnt that sucky, when all relatives side ur parents (mum in my case), then they start givign u the cold shoulder (not that i care, but i hate this feeling) and their kids also start thinking 'what happened to this weird guy/girl'.
and its worst cos ALL my cousins are younger than me. i only have one elder cousin. and all the cousins are giving me weird looks. i dont even wan to be around anyone from my family tree. and around anyone who knows anyone from my family.
like the phrase says, 'money is everything'. if u have money, u can be self-sufficient, dont have to bother about what those idiots around u are saying. and they cannot control u. (well, they can manipulate u via sabotage, by blackmailing u by exposing dirty linen in public - thats what my mum is threatening. but, to me, i have told her, 'u try that, see what will happen. i want to see what i will do then.' lol. i wont kill myself over something as trivial as this..)
Of course you have to be independent psychologically first to be able to take steps to fight for your own freedom.. That is, to not have other people's opinions affect you all the time like it seems to be happening to you now
For me, i believe that people who cant see/respect my desire to have more space aint worth my time, even my family and relatives.. Makes things easier actually.. less people to bother me once i've drawn the line
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Originally posted by L.lawliett79:
really? if u don mind me asking.. how did ur son actually really sat down and took up the offer of listening to his dad/mum (duno which one u are) talk??
for me, i listen to my aunt talk (well jsut had it from her ytd, but she changed tactic - used the exact opposite of what my mum uses on me.. and i told her this tactic i like better), but i dont find it easy ot listen to my mum talk. or my bro. cos they both jump to conclusions all the time, telling me i did things i didnt do, using all teh wrong tones on me, like getting all angry and stuff.
but isnt it really 'humiliating' to actually 'degrade' urself, or what do u call it, 'lower ur pride' to talk to ur son in a softer tone when ur realyl angry with him?? i mean, just to get him to listen?
i duno what is it like to love someone so much (im not a parent) and i cannot fathom how parents can tahan their child when their child is such a bitch (like me) or a****** or unfilial ingrate (iv been called this numerous times)
i need to ask u something (as a teen to a parent) - are parents/relatives aware that if u label a teen/child/person something (positive/negative), the teen/child/person will take up that label? as in like since i'm called 'unfilial ingrate', somehow i feel that since i'm called 'unfilial', it aint gg to change if im filial?
hmmm... I told him we need to talk.. as usual he find excuses not to be home... I ddn't force him or make him specially to come back to chat.. I just waited... one day he was home n I just sit next to him and I started ... how when he was young he did this n that n I apologise to him first.. telling him I was taught how to be a good parent nor are there book for reference.. so by trail n error we learn .. what I thought was important n I insist on it but now I know I was wrong... he begin to understand n we continue .. I actaul sherd tears when I relate certain incident which he remember.. he realised I didn't di it on perpose... etc...
yes, if you label a child, I supposed he or she will cary the label for a long long time... but no parent want to condemn their own children... just that they do not know how to express.. if you know that you are not what you are labeled, then prove yourself ... show them you are not and if you are offence with the label, let them know ... I am sure they will change one....
that talk with my son, I throw away my pride ... all I want is the confidence of my son and no pride is going to stand in my way ... he also feel it and know that it wasn't easy for me to do that and he appreciate it ... so for the sake of your loves one, pride can take second stage ...
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Originally posted by L.lawliett79:
Thing is.. now I'm 20 liao.. now taking driving lessons cos she forced me to.. i didnt want, cos i earn low pay (working aft grad from poly), no money to pay for car, road tax, COE, petrol etc etc.. den she said she will sponsor. so after so much bugging from her, i agreed, just to get her off my back. plus, she said SHE WILL SPONSOR. lying bugger. after she paid for my basic theory test (btt) fee, she said, 'since u working liao, u pay the rest'. wah say. she always promise things den retract the promise lei. fair anot? i'm now paying 80+ bucks PER LESSON for something i dont like. and i dont even have a car. so how? after get license, nv practice, den have license for what?
den when i was still in poly, she said, 'when u start working liao, i dun care how long u use internet, what time u wake up (on weekdays and weekends)'. den, now lei, i'm working le. den internet she still restrict sia. 11 pm want me off liao. den i come back from work only at 7. dinner and bathtime not included. and i wanna have time to check emails, chat with friends (msn) etc, cos my workdays usually suck. my office really sucks, and its not just me feeling this way. but forgetting about problems at work, home life really sucks. and this bites, cos home is usually the place i go to to relax. but now, i avoid home unless necessary. and its eating into my pocket. all the money on dinner, transport etc.. and not to mention, driving lessons.
how arh? that bugger doesnt listen to what i say, what i TRY to explain, den all my relatives side her, i'm always the bad guy. everything i say, they shoot me down. all the stuff about me being 'unfilial', 'rebellious', 'good-for-nothing', 'anti-social'. i mean, yea i may be some of that stuff some of the time, but only when im angry! and they make my angry side come out all the time. with friends i'm not as mean as with my relatives.
bth liao lei. i feel so let down by my own relatives.
i'm 20 liao.. den i still feel like 10 YO.. this morning i was slapped awake by her.. (slapped lor.. normally she just start yelling at me.. and either way i get a big fright..cos EARLY in the morning lei. ppl's brains still not awake yet den go and shock them lydat..) just cos i 'overslept' by 10min.. but actually i was already half-awake..just didnt feel like going to work..so lazed in bed for abit more.
Do not be rude to your parents.One day you will regret for not being able to see them again when they're gone from your life forever.
When that time comes, do you think you will still mind all the slapping and whatever yelling that you are receiving from your mother now?
You could have been born into a worse family or abandoned, but instead you were being loved and taken care of and accepted by your parents into the family.
Be grateful and respect and love your parents when you still have the opportunity to do so.
I don't like people who are only nice to dead people but heartless to the same people when they are still alive.
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Originally posted by L.lawliett79:
my mum nv been hit by her parents before. i know her parents' style.. they'r nice ppl.. her dad nv hit unless really over the limit and she wasnt this sort. those kinda nerd-study-hard-play-hard kinds, u know? her mum also nv discipline her unless she over limit, and she nv before..
her problem is that she thinks all kids can have the same parenting style.. she is senior in her job, den she use same method of disciplining wayward staff..den bring back same attitude lorhx. this wo really ming bai. cos i know how she works, i'v been watching her alot (me the quiet type de..observe but nv say..bottle things up den explode..cos dun liek to express feelings..)
i got younger bro.. he those kind of mummy's boy.. until i bth.. but behind her back he also do alot of things.. but ta hui man zhe wo ma ma de.. damn good la. den everyone think he angel.. but he actually not.. my dad not around la..
even if he is also, he talk to her no use de.. in one ear out the other.. i know she damn set in her ways.. i realised that only extreme measure will work with her.. dat why i always stubborn-stubborn.. doing me no good but when i talk to her nicely.. she change FOR A WHILE only..den revert liao.. i trying to make her change permanently so that we wont at loggerhead so much.. but realise now this cannot.. so to avoid more trouble i stay out of home.. liek that don argue so much.. den i just sms to say dun make dinner for me, i will be back by 10. kinda stuff. i really hate being at home lar.. now i using internet elsewhere, paying for it myself (should be making some of my thread critics happier =S) den lydat i use internet less.. im not using internet at home liao. later kena more.. i dun wan..
i also dun agree tit-for-tat.. but im stupid when im angry.. ytd just did stupid thing.. not gg to mention it here
u just gotta talk to her and tell urself tt no matter what she says, u won't lose ur temper. at tt moment when u talk, she might show her anger, or become defensive, but after tt, she will understand de. she's still ur mum, and her actions show tt she cares for u.
when u say ur dad not ard, it means he really not a part of ur lives anymore rite? i won't probe further then.
since it's like this, i tink it's better u try to put her actions in the rite perspective... she's a single mother trying to bring up two teenage children on her own... and u are the eldest, of course she will have more expectations of u...
look at it this way, maybe she wanna push u cos she knows tt u can do much better. because she believes tt u have the abilities. isn't tt a gd thing? better then she give up on u right?
u sound like u envy ur younger brother, cos he can get away wif things. but why do u wanna envy someone who lies? he is a bit of a hypocrite right? pretend to be angel and then do things behind her back. is that the kind of person u also wan to be?
to me, u're the better person because at least u were honest wif her.
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If you think its so bad,why stay with her?
If you can't move out,stay with it.I am pretty sure she says those for ur welfare.
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well.. sad for u. BUT! actually ah.. if ur mom says "u pay the rest". u can just stop going for the lessons/ QUIT! or smth... just quit it and if ur mother ask u. u say "u promise me that u will SPONSOR me hor.. now u go back on ur word.. now our relatives thinks of me as a bad person. its ALL BECAUSE OF YOU, y did u lie to me, ur son.. ur PRECIOUS SON! why!!!" if she says something like "i shouldn't have given birth to u! u unfillial son!" then u can say "retribution might come to u..."
well just.. get the dam license... and dun buy car if u dun like the 1st choice.... just be a bad guy until one day u cannot tahan anymore and tell ur relatives how bad, how MEAN, how evil and how cruel ur mom truly is... its good if u can make that conversation obvious to ur mother who is washing the plates blah blah. let her eavesdrop and let her know how hurt u are...
well.. thats wat i would do... because im a Singaporean! a filial son! a person loved by all the Gods.~(except the evil ones) lol... but dun hurt them too much lol
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Originally posted by ulquiorra87:
Of course you have to be independent psychologically first to be able to take steps to fight for your own freedom.. That is, to not have other people's opinions affect you all the time like it seems to be happening to you now
For me, i believe that people who cant see/respect my desire to have more space aint worth my time, even my family and relatives.. Makes things easier actually.. less people to bother me once i've drawn the line
true larhx..im too easily influenced bah.. but its not bad friends that make me have fights with mum.. she had it coming.. just that i wasnt so 'rebellious' when i was young.. v 'ting hua' de..
Originally posted by ORIGAMIST:hmmm... I told him we need to talk.. as usual he find excuses not to be home... I ddn't force him or make him specially to come back to chat.. I just waited... one day he was home n I just sit next to him and I started ... how when he was young he did this n that n I apologise to him first.. telling him I was taught how to be a good parent nor are there book for reference.. so by trail n error we learn .. what I thought was important n I insist on it but now I know I was wrong... he begin to understand n we continue .. I actaul sherd tears when I relate certain incident which he remember.. he realised I didn't di it on perpose... etc...
yes, if you label a child, I supposed he or she will cary the label for a long long time... but no parent want to condemn their own children... just that they do not know how to express.. if you know that you are not what you are labeled, then prove yourself ... show them you are not and if you are offence with the label, let them know ... I am sure they will change one....
that talk with my son, I throw away my pride ... all I want is the confidence of my son and no pride is going to stand in my way ... he also feel it and know that it wasn't easy for me to do that and he appreciate it ... so for the sake of your loves one, pride can take second stage ...
wah..i nv can understand parents..tho i understand also..duno how to explain.. hahass.. i can understand loving soft toys and pets but not humans when they turn on u... which is what im seeing..
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Originally posted by parn:
Do not be rude to your parents.One day you will regret for not being able to see them again when they're gone from your life forever.
When that time comes, do you think you will still mind all the slapping and whatever yelling that you are receiving from your mother now?
You could have been born into a worse family or abandoned, but instead you were being loved and taken care of and accepted by your parents into the family.
Be grateful and respect and love your parents when you still have the opportunity to do so.
I don't like people who are only nice to dead people but heartless to the same people when they are still alive.
agreed.. but now v hard to tahan when she's mean to me.. this morning her tone was like so totally wrong when she talked/yelled at me.. and den my tone came out being totally wrong as well =X den lydat i was so pissed off, i just let her yell at me anything she wanted (without saying anything) and i just left the house for my lesson. (again without saying anything)
Originally posted by cathykitty:u just gotta talk to her and tell urself tt no matter what she says, u won't lose ur temper. at tt moment when u talk, she might show her anger, or become defensive, but after tt, she will understand de. she's still ur mum, and her actions show tt she cares for u.
when u say ur dad not ard, it means he really not a part of ur lives anymore rite? i won't probe further then.
since it's like this, i tink it's better u try to put her actions in the rite perspective... she's a single mother trying to bring up two teenage children on her own... and u are the eldest, of course she will have more expectations of u...
look at it this way, maybe she wanna push u cos she knows tt u can do much better. because she believes tt u have the abilities. isn't tt a gd thing? better then she give up on u right?
u sound like u envy ur younger brother, cos he can get away wif things. but why do u wanna envy someone who lies? he is a bit of a hypocrite right? pretend to be angel and then do things behind her back. is that the kind of person u also wan to be?
to me, u're the better person because at least u were honest wif her.
yupz, he's not part of our lives liaox. got over it long ago though, so no worries about this aspect.
yea, about the "single parent bringing up two teenage children" yadda yadda, i get that as well. as in, wo ming bai.. i know she got alot of stress... plus her work stress blah blah..but i got too..its not just her that get stress, that get angry.. (aiyo im making excuses again). but i did tell my aunt when she came over to counsel me, that she always says "i v tired, u go do everything"..
i told her, why issit she always talk like shes the only one that can get tired (and i cant), why she's the only one that can make mistakes (and i cant - she always make it seem like my fault when i make mistake, even when i wanted to apologise liao, den her stupid tone and remarks make me so incensed i just forget all about apologising. and when she makes mistakes, her excuse is "all humans err". LOL) but suan le larh.. just wanted to rant. HAHAS.
yea cos im super lazy so i usually don do things that benefit me..unless the results are gotten straightaway..im not good at planning for future blah blah..and i like playing better..always procrastinate..all d bad things..
got lah, she got say she give up on me. den nxt day come and yell at me. wahsay. abit hypocrite hor. still dare to lecture me "must do what you say". =XX v good role-model indeed. XD
aiyo, i duno my family at all..my bro also like that one. v hard to get things from him. like, i ask to borrow his book. he will say 'later later'. den nv give me. but when he ask to borrow my stuff, i give him same attitude, den he hound me all the time, until i pass it to him. if i hound him, he get angry and shout at me. den, when i complain to my mum, she takes his side. UNFAIR. my bro took the hard disk (That has all my stuff) i been asking him to pass me back so i can use, he just said "i'm using" and conveniently 'forget'. whereas, if i owe him 10 cents, he will come after me for that 10cents, even after 1 month. super selective memory hor? asking me to tell my mum is no use de. she sides him. he is soooo mean. and yet, to others, he is the best boy/cousin/son/nephew that anyoen can ask for. someone ask him for something? sure, i give to u. if i ask him for soemthing, he ignore me/conveniently 'forget'. mum also same attitude. ask *VERY NICELY* her if she saw my things (Cos i forgot where i put), den she straightaway "NO?! HOW I KNOW WHERE U PUT UR THINGS?!" bro also same. waaaaa.
cant blame me for hating this 'family' can u?? and that is my YOUNGER brother.
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parents are always like this.this is normal..........my mom lies to me all the time and never admitts it even though i know the truth...........sometimes i look at her face when she lies to me and i want to slap and hit that face so hard so she never forgets.........but i dont.....i always give her warnings about next time lying to me.............but she still keeps lying..........and in the future i can see myself hitting my mom in the face with my fist........it will happen one day........hopefully it teaches her a lesson
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Originally posted by xoxbox:
well.. sad for u. BUT! actually ah.. if ur mom says "u pay the rest". u can just stop going for the lessons/ QUIT! or smth... just quit it and if ur mother ask u. u say "u promise me that u will SPONSOR me hor.. now u go back on ur word.. now our relatives thinks of me as a bad person. its ALL BECAUSE OF YOU, y did u lie to me, ur son.. ur PRECIOUS SON! why!!!" if she says something like "i shouldn't have given birth to u! u unfillial son!" then u can say "retribution might come to u..."
well just.. get the dam license... and dun buy car if u dun like the 1st choice.... just be a bad guy until one day u cannot tahan anymore and tell ur relatives how bad, how MEAN, how evil and how cruel ur mom truly is... its good if u can make that conversation obvious to ur mother who is washing the plates blah blah. let her eavesdrop and let her know how hurt u are...
well.. thats wat i would do... because im a Singaporean! a filial son! a person loved by all the Gods.~(except the evil ones) lol... but dun hurt them too much lol
hahahaa..u would see my obituary in the papers (posted up by my best buddy from sec school of cos) if i did do what u 'told' me to XD but even with that obi, u wont know its me hahaha.
yea.. im just gettign that damn license. adn i just found out somethign today: still got refresher courses AFTER passing that damned test. GAHH. X_X torture prolonged..
hahha i did that before (telling my relatives how bad/cruel/mean my mum is) and they all jumped to her defence, making lame excuses for why she did this and that.. granted, some are not lame and i can see reason behind.. but those that i totally cannot see reason for.. oman.. totally weak.
for eg:
she's ur mother, so she got right to throw ur things cos she bought it/restrict ur privacy (and i wasnt even doing anything wrong!! im just asking for privacy to read my email in peace, w/o her looking over my shoulder)
den all i said was, 'im her daughter. meaning i can throw the things she bought on my advice, and read her emails as well?'
den they all got angry at me. (well im obviously only good at countering weak arguments)
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Originally posted by Ed11790:
parents are always like this.this is normal….......my mom lies to me all the time and never admitts it even though i know the truth…........sometimes i look at her face when she lies to me and i want to slap and hit that face so hard so she never forgets…......but i dont…..i always give her warnings about next time lying to me…..........but she still keeps lying….......and in the future i can see myself hitting my mom in the face with my fist….....it will happen one day….....hopefully it teaches her a lesson
u remind me so much of my jc best guy buddy.. i kinda miss him...but he's not the type that give warning to parents..he just keep quiet..but he did tell me that he once exploded and made to punch her but didnt.. punch the cupboard behind her instead..den now cupboard got fist imprint.. hahas that was funny.
i feel exactly what u say..wanna beat her black and blue.. but i nv...
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actually i did the same as ur friend...i also punched a hole in a wall also............and kept quiet..............but there was this time that i really did physically fight with my mom...........i hit her....she hit me back....then i hit her again.....and she hits back....then i hit her harder......she exploded with fear and said a few word and went crying in her room...............it was just to show her that some people have a line of patient and if u crossed that line.......the person will explode and turn into something filled with anger and will do anything to the enemy even if its ur family
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Originally posted by L.lawliett79:
agreed.. but now v hard to tahan when she's mean to me.. this morning her tone was like so totally wrong when she talked/yelled at me.. and den my tone came out being totally wrong as well =X den lydat i was so pissed off, i just let her yell at me anything she wanted (without saying anything) and i just left the house for my lesson. (again without saying anything)
yupz, he's not part of our lives liaox. got over it long ago though, so no worries about this aspect.
yea, about the "single parent bringing up two teenage children" yadda yadda, i get that as well. as in, wo ming bai.. i know she got alot of stress... plus her work stress blah blah..but i got too..its not just her that get stress, that get angry.. (aiyo im making excuses again). but i did tell my aunt when she came over to counsel me, that she always says "i v tired, u go do everything"..
i told her, why issit she always talk like shes the only one that can get tired (and i cant), why she's the only one that can make mistakes (and i cant - she always make it seem like my fault when i make mistake, even when i wanted to apologise liao, den her stupid tone and remarks make me so incensed i just forget all about apologising. and when she makes mistakes, her excuse is "all humans err". LOL) but suan le larh.. just wanted to rant. HAHAS.
yea cos im super lazy so i usually don do things that benefit me..unless the results are gotten straightaway..im not good at planning for future blah blah..and i like playing better..always procrastinate..all d bad things..
got lah, she got say she give up on me. den nxt day come and yell at me. wahsay. abit hypocrite hor. still dare to lecture me "must do what you say". =XX v good role-model indeed. XD
aiyo, i duno my family at all..my bro also like that one. v hard to get things from him. like, i ask to borrow his book. he will say 'later later'. den nv give me. but when he ask to borrow my stuff, i give him same attitude, den he hound me all the time, until i pass it to him. if i hound him, he get angry and shout at me. den, when i complain to my mum, she takes his side. UNFAIR. my bro took the hard disk (That has all my stuff) i been asking him to pass me back so i can use, he just said "i'm using" and conveniently 'forget'. whereas, if i owe him 10 cents, he will come after me for that 10cents, even after 1 month. super selective memory hor? asking me to tell my mum is no use de. she sides him. he is soooo mean. and yet, to others, he is the best boy/cousin/son/nephew that anyoen can ask for. someone ask him for something? sure, i give to u. if i ask him for soemthing, he ignore me/conveniently 'forget'. mum also same attitude. ask *VERY NICELY* her if she saw my things (Cos i forgot where i put), den she straightaway "NO?! HOW I KNOW WHERE U PUT UR THINGS?!" bro also same. waaaaa.
cant blame me for hating this 'family' can u?? and that is my YOUNGER brother.
i know u also suffered and u also feel tired of the family squabbles... i guess ur mum still hasn't figured out how to handle situations between u and ur younger brother properly.
it's common to assume that as a parent, a mother shld know everything, and be able to handle every situation adequately. she may have done u wrong, but she's still learning...
my mum has always used this line on me, whenever we quarrel: next time when u become a parent, u will know how hard it is.
i din have a gd relationship wif her for many years cos i stayed at my aunt's house when i was young, and i also had lots of resentment against her. i tot she din trust me and felt really misunderstood. my first job was stressful and sometimes need to work until 10pm or even as late as 1am. but when i worked late, she scolded me and said tt i lied and tt i was out "gallivanting" wif my friends.
it was only until she was diagnosed with cancer and almost died last yr that i really began to regret all the times i shouted at her, and made her cry. later i realised tt she was only so suspicious of me, because she was prob having depression, unhappy wif her life and her marriage.
it's not ur fault tt life is so hard for u... but it's not ur mum's fault too... have u considered tt maybe ur mum nv got over ur dad? as a woman, i can tell u it's nt so easy to forget someone tt u were married to.
u can't change ur mum... but u can slowly try to forgive her... and help her find her own balance in life.
have u ever considered going for counselling to talk out ur probs?
or, if u feel really stifled at home, maybe u can consider moving out? or look for a job tt will send u overseas?
u have nothing to lose. at first prob ur relatives will talk, but u can dun care them.
sometimes it's better to apart, cos we dun see what we have until we lose it. who knows? maybe after u move away, ur mum will start to miss u, and be nicer to u?
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Originally posted by Ed11790:
actually i did the same as ur friend…i also punched a hole in a wall also….........and kept quiet…...........but there was this time that i really did physically fight with my mom…........i hit her….she hit me back….then i hit her again…..and she hits back….then i hit her harder…...she exploded with fear and said a few word and went crying in her room…............it was just to show her that some people have a line of patient and if u crossed that line…....the person will explode and turn into something filled with anger and will do anything to the enemy even if its ur family
how did u feel after hitting ur mum? did u feel happy? -
no not happy....no feeling and no regrets.....felt it was neccesary but i hope it dont happen again