what should i do. sigh.
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i got a serious topic here...and i need comments, and suggestions >.<
so i was with this guy for 2.5 years when we broke up. we quarreled a lot then and after one major quarrel, we eventually broke up. it was an unpleasant break up and we didnt remain in contact after that at all.
10 months after we broke up, he contacted me again. we talked for awhile and eventually patched after realising that we were still very much in love with each other.
although it seemed awkward at the beginning, we soon got over it. during this period of time, i would say that it was the happiest period of my life. it seemed to me that both of us have grown up and handle things more maturely now. i would say we have become more understanding towards each other's feelings. this was one problem we used to have in the past.
we lasted for another 5 months together without any major quarrels. we were like any other happy couple out there, i was happy, i knew he was too. he once mentioned that he feels we are very stable now and i thought so too, until he left me again.
the thing is, he usually doesnt tell me what he is not happy with me. and out of the blue, he mentioned a break up telling me that he "cannot stand a lot of stuffs".
all i know is that it is accumulated anger all let out at once.
what irks me a lot is, that i dont even know whats the reason why we broke up.
why cant he tell me what is it that he is not happy with? why does he tell his friend but not me? why does he like to accumulate anger in him and not tell me about it and choose to left it unsolved by leaving me at the end?
we met up today, and i tried to talk to him. he seems to still be angry over some hurtful stuffs i said last week (even though i said sorry) and was still persistent with his decision of a break up. he was rushing off to somewhere else so i didnt really have the chance to persuade him any further.
should i wait for a while before i talk to him again?
or should i just move on without this guy in my life?
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some stuff always taste sweeter after it gets seasoned..
Do you really absolutely have no clue at all to what he is unhappy with?
No hints no nothing?
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time to move on. maybe you will find a better guy in ur next relationship.
or maybe u 2 will treasure each other more after ur next relationship.
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Ask his friend ? So what hurtful stuffs did u say ?
Maybe the reason he broke up was the hurtful stuffs u said ? I am sure u asked him what stuffs u cannot stand and if u already showed that u are willing to change n he still doesnt care..
move on without this guy in your life then. Unless he is giving u some self examining time.. which i think is fudged up if he doenst tell u what is it that he doesnt stand. But got 2.5 yrs + 5 months u should know some of his habits , what he likes or not , unless he hides it so well there is no way u know what he is thinking at all.but then , it seems like u know what he is thinking...
All i feel is that the feelings n emotions are very inconsistent the way u decribe it. mmmm.....
Well, wait maybe a few days, but atm u can text or call him. But dun need to go into long talks. Just hi , bla bla bla.. then say u gotta go just wanna see what he doing n bye. Then maybe few days or a week u call him, n the usual but then ask him what seems to be the problem in a nice concerned way. Tell him that its unfair to you not knowing the reasons and that hopefully by him telling you, you can change or be a better person with or without him. And that if he still cares for u , he will tell you. N if he still persists , u know the answer liaw lo.
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i wouldnt say that i have absolutely no clue to what he is unhappy about.
after the break up, i heard from his friend that he thinks i "control him too much".i used to control him a lot and am aware of it. so after we got together the second time, i promised myself to not let this be the cause of any breakups.
i dont know whether you would consider this as 'controlling him' but but all i remember was that i told him to save money if he wants to buy a game console or a game since he has the tendency of buying things on impulse. once, he used up his allowance on the very day he received it and was broke for the rest of the month.
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he still cares for u la. He still meets u!
I think the relationship is just in a lull period right now.
Both should do some self examining to see what went wrong.
Different people have diff ways of communicating.
Sometimes we do weird stuff right or wrong, but at least it has sincerity and its because u really treasure the other person.
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i would think he's not very mature in the way he is handling things.. well if he isn't mature enough in communicating, then you have to teach him
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Originally posted by Woahaha:
i wouldnt say that i have absolutely no clue to what he is unhappy about.
after the break up, i heard from his friend that he thinks i "control him too much".i used to control him a lot and am aware of it. so after we got together the second time, i promised myself to not let this be the cause of any breakups.
i dont know whether you would consider this as 'controlling him' but but all i remember was that i told him to save money if he wants to buy a game console or a game since he has the tendency of buying things on impulse. once, he used up his allowance on the very day he received it and was broke for the rest of the month.
nah.. that doesnt sound like some scary crazy control freak from hell. Urs is controlling.. in a good way. LoL! Besides , its good for him. Some men needs to be controlled in a way.
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Originally posted by Woahaha:
i wouldnt say that i have absolutely no clue to what he is unhappy about.
after the break up, i heard from his friend that he thinks i "control him too much".i used to control him a lot and am aware of it. so after we got together the second time, i promised myself to not let this be the cause of any breakups.
i dont know whether you would consider this as 'controlling him' but but all i remember was that i told him to save money if he wants to buy a game console or a game since he has the tendency of buying things on impulse. once, he used up his allowance on the very day he received it and was broke for the rest of the month.
well, you are the only one who knows what exactly happened.
exercise self judgement?
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wait, the reason why we met was because he wanted to pass me back my book..he refused to even talk about saving this relationship. this is also why i am not confident of asking him out and talk about this relationship.
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aiya, i think he is still hot up in the head.
Just let stuff cool down and ask him out after.
Whether to continue fighting for this relationship, well, different people have different limits, the only person who knows this answer is you i think.
my personal opinion.
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how do i 'teach' him how to communicate well when he's not mine anymore?
haha.
i tried to tell him that as long as we are together, we can always iron out any difficulties together a couple of times already. he tells me he understands, but it doesnt seem to go into hid head.
then out of the blue, he will just bomb with with a break up -.-
i love him too much to let go off this relationship too easily. i know he still loves me. i guess as long as he is willing to speak up and tell me whatever he is not happy with, we will definitely be the happiest couple in the whole wide world.
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Impossible to go deep into the problems here but like i said earlier, different people got different ways of handling problems. As such, the cause of the problems might also be a huge factor.
I think it is important to be rational and level headed in a relationship. I believe u are.
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frankly speaking, is running away all the time going to help?
is it just me who thinks that way?
because it seems like he loves to run away whenever we meet with a problem.
it could also be a case of me being too vocal and him keeping things to himself all the time?
sigh.
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it's just the way some people are.. if you think he's worth it, just hang in there and make the effort.. but one-sided efforts are going to leave you very drained and making you perhaps, love him less
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talk it out when the smoke clears.
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i am sooo scared. i am afraid that one week later or something, he would have given up on this relationship already.
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dont worry, just do the best that you can.
if it doesnt work out, no regrets. fated.
i hate regrets.
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i know i love him too much, sadly.
argh...why doesnt anyone else reply to this thread!
lol.
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sorry!
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Originally posted by Woahaha:
i am sooo scared. i am afraid that one week later or something, he would have given up on this relationship already.
if within 1 week he can totally give up on this relationship of nearly 3 years (in total), then it pretty much shows how impt it is to him..
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The point is: He left everything unsolved and disappeared. So deal with things as they are, not how you’d want them to be.
I know it is hard to sit back and do nothing about it but in your case, it’s best to shut out for a while and give him the luxury of space to sort things out - alone.
If you can find him, he can find you.
If he wants to, he will.
Excuses are polite rejection. In 9 out of 10 cases, relationships don’t succeed when you pursue the guy. Humans may have evolved but primordial impulse is ageless.
Good luck girlie. Chin up. -
yeah quite true. but you know he's the rather stubborn kind. sometimes, i cant help but to wonder if he's thinking of me as often as i am thinking of him each day.
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wow, not easy for someone to maintain this sorta level after so long.
envy!
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for your own happiness, leave and find a guy u can b hapi wif...