she's driving me nutz!!!!
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i'm in a LDR rite now. i'm away for 2yrs. things have been fine at start now she's been giving me a lot of problems. i always disliked her to drink. she tried to stop me smoking. both gave in to each other. now she simply don't care about anything. on her b'day she went out to cheong and got drunk. beforehand i told her not to drink a lot and she assured me she'll call when she's home. but she din. this had happened a lot of times already. she have broken my trust again and again. now she's saying she wanted a break up coz she find me to narrow-minded and trying to control her. i'm doing my best in maintaining this relationship already. she's too much of a brat and ahd this bad attitude problem whenever she's pissed. she always wanted things her way. i expressed my unhappiness that she din call and totally forgotten about me, when's she's having fun . she turned around and accuse me of controlling her. and gave me an ultimatium that i don't accept what she's doing she's gonna call it quits between us. i am too tired of this kind of situation. i do love her but i feel insecure. she doesn't do anything to reassure me, and crries on her ways of doing things. and threatened to drink more just to prove her point that i cannot do anything to her. sometimes i do feel like giving her a slap across her wake and tell her to wake up and stop behaving like a brat. of coz i din do that b4 and din intend to start. need advice very sad and troubled ...
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Get real! If she's so 'overboard', chances R she likes it that way...for now. Later, her life screwed up den she kno. But then U said she BRAT rite? Is she rich/comes from a family that does not devote much time to her, or the wrong kind of time.
go on, get a life! U dun need this kind of long-term trouble! -
let her go...let her rot herself away!!! If someday she came back to you saying she got gang-bang after drunk...then you should congrate her
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yea.... its not worth. then again.. what is love... Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. -
haha women are nothing but trouble arent they?
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Ooi Man12,
B4 I appear 2 judgemental, of course, if the BOTH of U want to work it out, then there r lots of factors to consider, OTHER than you've been with her/can't live without her/r so attached to her etc.
Simply, you seem level-headed where as she headed for trouble. If U wan to handle da situation, U got to do so WITH A CLEAR MIND minus DA EMOTIONS!
How long have the two of you been together? More importantly, what is the QUALITY of the relationship/past time spent?..............What DOES she really mean to herself, and to you NOW?
In the LONG run, will the two of you be good for each other, and will the BOTH of you be abe to contribute healthily to each other's lives? As it stands, she seems 'lost'. I don't know if it's just a phase (how old is she/what's her REAL B/G - family, friends / school / work etc?), or if it's due to deep, psychological problems.
I know someone who is already in her late 30s/40, and she's still a hell-raising ALCOHOLIC. Not that she's clinically addicted to alcohol, but she IS addicted to wanting to escape reality. I pity her bf and her very, VERY chio daughter
I'm not saying 'ditch-da-beach', but U have to GET REAL. If she wears you out, how R you going to be able to love, and cherish, and care, and forgive, and grow, and be there for her when she really needs you?
Weigh ALL factors and decide what U want to do. All I can say is I spent over 10 years loving the wrong kind of girl, and have paid the price in pain/friendships/money bla bla bla...
Consider ALL factors VERY CAREFULLY and do not act rashly.
Cheers and all da best Man!
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Are you in Singapore? Where is she...? Is she the one leaving the native country or you? Try to understand if there're other factors that could be affecting her current life-style & weighing her down or is it really her nature...? Was she like that since the 1st day you know her...?Originally posted by man12:i'm in a LDR rite now. i'm away for 2yrs. things have been fine at start now she's been giving me a lot of problems. i always disliked her to drink. she tried to stop me smoking. both gave in to each other. now she simply don't care about anything. on her b'day she went out to cheong and got drunk. beforehand i told her not to drink a lot and she assured me she'll call when she's home. but she din. this had happened a lot of times already. she have broken my trust again and again. now she's saying she wanted a break up coz she find me to narrow-minded and trying to control her. i'm doing my best in maintaining this relationship already. she's too much of a brat and ahd this bad attitude problem whenever she's pissed. she always wanted things her way. i expressed my unhappiness that she din call and totally forgotten about me, when's she's having fun . she turned around and accuse me of controlling her. and gave me an ultimatium that i don't accept what she's doing she's gonna call it quits between us. i am too tired of this kind of situation. i do love her but i feel insecure. she doesn't do anything to reassure me, and crries on her ways of doing things. and threatened to drink more just to prove her point that i cannot do anything to her. sometimes i do feel like giving her a slap across her wake and tell her to wake up and stop behaving like a brat. of coz i din do that b4 and din intend to start. need advice very sad and troubled ...
If its her nature then you'll probably have to learn to ACCEPT it.... You can TRY to change her (though this is not really recommendable and probably won't be very successful without a good plan anyway...) or you can TRY YOUR LUCK and see if she would change in her nature as TIME pass...
What are the main factors that are keeping you to her and she to you...? If things are really SORE sometimes it's just better to let go... If you think that she's sensible enough have a talk with her and see how she feels about it...? -
Maintaining a LDR is much more difficult than any normal relationships. Everything requires slightly more; more trust, more faith, etc.Originally posted by man12:i'm in a LDR rite now. i'm away for 2yrs. things have been fine at start now she's been giving me a lot of problems. i always disliked her to drink. she tried to stop me smoking. both gave in to each other. now she simply don't care about anything. on her b'day she went out to cheong and got drunk. beforehand i told her not to drink a lot and she assured me she'll call when she's home. but she din. this had happened a lot of times already. she have broken my trust again and again. now she's saying she wanted a break up coz she find me to narrow-minded and trying to control her. i'm doing my best in maintaining this relationship already. she's too much of a brat and ahd this bad attitude problem whenever she's pissed. she always wanted things her way. i expressed my unhappiness that she din call and totally forgotten about me, when's she's having fun . she turned around and accuse me of controlling her. and gave me an ultimatium that i don't accept what she's doing she's gonna call it quits between us. i am too tired of this kind of situation. i do love her but i feel insecure. she doesn't do anything to reassure me, and crries on her ways of doing things. and threatened to drink more just to prove her point that i cannot do anything to her. sometimes i do feel like giving her a slap across her wake and tell her to wake up and stop behaving like a brat. of coz i din do that b4 and din intend to start. need advice very sad and troubled ...
In your case, I suppose LDR is not really that suitable for the both of you. You said she tried to stop you from smoking - well, be truthful, have you stop smoking? If yes, then the problems lies with her and you can't control (She prefers fun, etc. LDR means maximum maturity to mantain). If no... then you ain't being that truthful too isn't it?
This relation has gone astray - you need to meet up if possible and communicate whether this relation is here to stay or not. It is uselss trying to mantain something when only one person is making the effort (much so for LDR). If she doesn't want the relation, don't want compromise, started whinning, etc - are you sure she is the one you want to eventually marry? Or go for long term?
Cheers -
shes still in sg.. i'm away. she's still a student, in early 20s.
i did went back to sg, at first we quarrel a lot but things eventually cool down and she wanted to give it another 3mths try before i go back again.. i know i'm not perfect. i am kind of insecure but the way she is behaving is like a young teen. still wanna have fun and irregardless of how i feel. it may be selfish of me to keep her by the computer everynite. but she's been too havoc eversince i left. when i'm around in sg, she would accompany me almost everyday but when i'm gone, all hell breaks loose.
what can i do?? very much wanted to keep this relationship and yet very pissed off by her attitude. tried talking to her but always ended up in shifting of blame to me and to her.. guess from her reply was that she wanted to let nature take it's course. but in my opinion without some compromise from each party and commitment. things won't work out.
i did stopped smoking untill things got me stressed out i now have a puff irregularly. she doesn't care now anyway.
she did stop drinking for a while. think she got really bored and started hanging out at clubs again. did ask her a few time on diff occasions that can she give up drinks and clubbing for my sake. her reply was no! too big a sacrafice.
she's not rich by the way, family not that close knit but resonably well enough. but she is known to be spoilt since young, i can accept that she's runnning all over my head. but she has taken one step too far.
i never did like drinkin. i sholud be biased against her drinking too. but i feel worried for her evertime she did that. worried did she reach home safely etc. she always took it that i;m trying to control her movements.
understand that she's till young and want to have fun, i've been thru that phase too. i'm not that old..only early mid 20s but irregardless of my feelings is too much for me to take. esp that clubbing thigy happened a lot of times, instaed of sloving it we just out it aside and forget about it. -
OK, except 4 d renuion din din, I don't really celebrate CNY so I'll be around if U wann chat.
Have you read the previous postings? Some of the factors are important, but what's more important right now is your state Man.
From the looks of things, it seems that there are two possibilities, 1) Unless underlying issues (if ther are any) are honestly brought out and discussed in a mature, reasonable manner instead of the 'I want'...'U always do that...' 'Then what about the time U did...', things will just get worse; and 2) If she has really made her decision, regardless of how stupid it seems to you, well, she's made it! Soooooooooooo....the question is: What do you hope to salvage in the relationship/what do you really hope to get from this relationship?; and where do you want to go from this point on?
I hate to say this, but most (not all ahhh...so dun flame me all U forumers out there!) young people, especially girls in their early to mid-20s don't really know what they want in life, and what takes a real (i.e., solid, quality, possibly long-term) relationship to work. Not that guys are exempt from this malady...
I mean seriously, a girl in her early 20s is just neginning to face life's pressures, be it work or studies. And with that comes a lot of insecurities and confusion. Throw in the 'what ifs' and you're screwed! When she hits her mid-20s, chances are she would have been through a bit more...a few relationships...and may have a better idea of what she wants in life, and know what she's REALISTICALLY prepared to give. It is only when she starts to reach 30 that she starts getting more settled and is in a better position for real relationships. That's why I have this opinion that girls in their 20s ARE GIRLS! Where as when they hit 30, they start living like a WOMAN!
Now, the above is only a very rough generalisation, and certainly does not apply to all girls in their 20s! I can certainly think of quite a few girls who still constantly screw up their lives and relationships even through out their 30s , and into their 40s!!! These girls never faced their rel demons from their teens/20s, and it just got carried through and probably, with increased wealth and freedom, got worse!
There are always exceptions to every rule, and more than 3 sides to a coin.
So, what would you like to do now? -
i dunno wat to do. i wanted very much for this to work out. maybe i'll lie low for a while till the 3mths is up and when i meet her then i'll make a decision. any ladies out there like to give your opinions on this matter? any advice?..
many thanx. -
haha..aiyoh..say till like that like women are so bad..but well.....haha..reminds u of "hong yan huo shui" rite?Originally posted by Peppermint:haha women are nothing but trouble arent they? -
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i guess ur main prob rite now is communication... i keep getting the feeling that u 2 ain't communicating well....hmm...did anything drastic or devastating happen to her recently? is there any reason like this to explain why she is behaving like this?or is she under a lot of stress from her studies etc? long distance relationships are really hard to maintain...needs a lot of trust and communication from both parties..Originally posted by man12:i'm in a LDR rite now. i'm away for 2yrs. things have been fine at start now she's been giving me a lot of problems. i always disliked her to drink. she tried to stop me smoking. both gave in to each other. now she simply don't care about anything. on her b'day she went out to cheong and got drunk. beforehand i told her not to drink a lot and she assured me she'll call when she's home. but she din. this had happened a lot of times already. she have broken my trust again and again. now she's saying she wanted a break up coz she find me to narrow-minded and trying to control her. i'm doing my best in maintaining this relationship already. she's too much of a brat and ahd this bad attitude problem whenever she's pissed. she always wanted things her way. i expressed my unhappiness that she din call and totally forgotten about me, when's she's having fun . she turned around and accuse me of controlling her. and gave me an ultimatium that i don't accept what she's doing she's gonna call it quits between us. i am too tired of this kind of situation. i do love her but i feel insecure. she doesn't do anything to reassure me, and crries on her ways of doing things. and threatened to drink more just to prove her point that i cannot do anything to her. sometimes i do feel like giving her a slap across her wake and tell her to wake up and stop behaving like a brat. of coz i din do that b4 and din intend to start. need advice very sad and troubled ...
shes still in sg.. i'm away. she's still a student, in early 20s.
i did went back to sg, at first we quarrel a lot but things eventually cool down and she wanted to give it another 3mths try before i go back again.. i know i'm not perfect. i am kind of insecure but the way she is behaving is like a young teen. still wanna have fun and irregardless of how i feel. it may be selfish of me to keep her by the computer everynite. but she's been too havoc eversince i left. when i'm around in sg, she would accompany me almost everyday but when i'm gone, all hell breaks loose.
what can i do?? very much wanted to keep this relationship and yet very pissed off by her attitude. tried talking to her but always ended up in shifting of blame to me and to her.. guess from her reply was that she wanted to let nature take it's course. but in my opinion without some compromise from each party and commitment. things won't work out.
i did stopped smoking untill things got me stressed out i now have a puff irregularly. she doesn't care now anyway.
she did stop drinking for a while. think she got really bored and started hanging out at clubs again. did ask her a few time on diff occasions that can she give up drinks and clubbing for my sake. her reply was no! too big a sacrafice.
she's not rich by the way, family not that close knit but resonably well enough. but she is known to be spoilt since young, i can accept that she's runnning all over my head. but she has taken one step too far.
i never did like drinkin. i sholud be biased against her drinking too. but i feel worried for her evertime she did that. worried did she reach home safely etc. she always took it that i;m trying to control her movements.
understand that she's till young and want to have fun, i've been thru that phase too. i'm not that old..only early mid 20s but irregardless of my feelings is too much for me to take. esp that clubbing thigy happened a lot of times, instaed of sloving it we just out it aside and forget about it.
well....as a ger..i can understand how she must feel also to be in a long distance relationship..as in when she needs you to be there for her when she's sad or wat...u can't be there for her cos u are overseas...its also hard on the ger... could it be that the stress of having a long distance relationship is taking the toll on her? or is she just not suited to go into a long distance relationship? as in she is those kind of ger who is quite dependent on u......finds it hard to live without u by her side....etc?
the 2 of u will really have to have a good talk..and see what the both of you want from this relationship... it all boils down to more communication...more communication and more communication...its gonna be really unhealthy in the long run if u both just sweep things under the carpet and just try to forget about it...the worst scenario would be when one day u and her quarrel...the both of u will just talk about those issues that u have swept under the carpet for a long time and kaboom!! which i guess u wouldn't want such a thing to happen rite?
have a good talk with each other.....and try to compromise....its not gonna be easy..but if u 2 really wanna keep this relationship going..this is one of the ways out... give some time for the both of u to thoroughly think things over and reflect on this relationship.....if things just dun work out..so be it......its gonna be really sad....but well....who noes one day u might find another ger who is more suitable for you? just take things as it comes... and all the best to u and ur ger......
do remember to keep us updated though as to how things are coming along...and good luck!! -
things now are like she din take my calls .. cny eve still got talk a bit but as usual she's outside can't talk long dun want to call when she's home... now dun even take my calls.. haiz getting more and more depressed!!!
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mayb she had a change of heart..
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i dun know... how to communicate with her?? tips?. everytime i try to reason we'll awlays end up arguing.. everyperson has thier own differences and thats wat makes us unique. she says we can't communicate. just be'coz i dun agree with what she thinks is right??? both of us are quite hot headed i agree. haiz,....
got change of hrt?? i really dun know now. i used to be very confident of her .. now things are like that, my own imagination started to run wild liao..
anxiety, fear, anticipation... man this sux!!!! -
I can say, some girls these days are big headed, especially those pretty ones.
IÂ’m not sure if I have any tips on how to communicate with her. Maybe you can try asking her friends or anyone you know who might be close to her. She may have confided them.
How long have you two been together? ThereÂ’s a possibility that she might had a change of heart if you two had been together for quite some time. To me, most girls are emotionally unstable. At one point they love you and at another they donÂ’t. They are unsure about themselves. She could have thought that itÂ’s not the right time for her to be serious or get committed to a relationship. -
we have been together for more than a yr now. due to ns we are only meet up during the weekend or nite offs. but we are a lot happier then. now i know i'll be away for some time but it's not like i heck care about her. did call everyday i mayself also very siong on the pocket. she'd been cutting all my means of communication to her .. know i'm kinda pressuring her but not to that much of an extent. am i???
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can i know her? wanna c wat kind of ger she is?Originally posted by man12:----- -
well... im a girl, but i experienced that same thing as u. cant really offer good advice on this perhaps cos im a victim myself?Originally posted by man12:i do love her but i feel insecure. she doesn't do anything to reassure me, and crries on her ways of doing things. and threatened to drink more just to prove her point that i cannot do anything to her. sometimes i do feel like giving her a slap across her wake and tell her to wake up and stop behaving like a brat. of coz i din do that b4 and din intend to start. need advice very sad and troubled ...
i really love my ex, just that i felt insecure. same thing as u, i didnt get any reassurance in return. but whatever u do, pls dun slap her... i feel that it's really ungentleman. *no offence*
for me, maybe im worse off than u. i was beat by my ex once, and pushed many times. whatever he wants, i learnt to give in. maybe some point in time, u will get sick of giving in? when u love someone u may be willing to give in. however, have u ever thot that u urself also need to be loved?
my ex and i nearly broke up a couple of times before, however we kept hanging on and lived a fruitless relationship. i didnt realise it till i thot back after we broke up a few days ago. everything i did was one-sided, i felt that it's time for me to be pampered and showered with love too. i was really tired to move on further and in the end i agreed to break up (he initiated it yet AGAIN)
what i can say is, my love for him is beginning to fade into hatred............. -
hey.. u brought up a really good point here. a couple may be together for a longggg time, but it really depends on the quality of the relationship. i was with my ex for nearly 10mths, but i feel that more than half the time we have been quarrelling and having cold wars. i think the only best times that we had, was during the 'honeymoon' period........*SIGH*Originally posted by fidofido25:How long have the two of you been together? More importantly, what is the QUALITY of the relationship/past time spent?..............What DOES she really mean to herself, and to you NOW?
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ditch her; she aint good enough for you. love is blind so move on. its hard to salvage a situation like this. i've kinda got a girl like this before. and i know it sux. hey face it buddy, its a matter of time before both sides let go so why bother to hold on now. if she's not serious about now, not willing to commit and blah blah ... just let her go. if she loves u, she'll change and come back. otherwise hey buddy you're making the CORRECT DECISION ! get a life with that "I LOVE her so deeply" ain;t fashionable anymore. you need a girl to love, to be loved, to understand, and to be understood. not a cheongster like hER !?!?!?!Originally posted by man12:i'm in a LDR rite now. i'm away for 2yrs. things have been fine at start now she's been giving me a lot of problems. i always disliked her to drink. she tried to stop me smoking. both gave in to each other. now she simply don't care about anything. on her b'day she went out to cheong and got drunk. beforehand i told her not to drink a lot and she assured me she'll call when she's home. but she din. this had happened a lot of times already. she have broken my trust again and again. now she's saying she wanted a break up coz she find me to narrow-minded and trying to control her. i'm doing my best in maintaining this relationship already. she's too much of a brat and ahd this bad attitude problem whenever she's pissed. she always wanted things her way. i expressed my unhappiness that she din call and totally forgotten about me, when's she's having fun . she turned around and accuse me of controlling her. and gave me an ultimatium that i don't accept what she's doing she's gonna call it quits between us. i am too tired of this kind of situation. i do love her but i feel insecure. she doesn't do anything to reassure me, and crries on her ways of doing things. and threatened to drink more just to prove her point that i cannot do anything to her. sometimes i do feel like giving her a slap across her wake and tell her to wake up and stop behaving like a brat. of coz i din do that b4 and din intend to start. need advice very sad and troubled ... -
please dont hate. i once hated my ex alot. she hurt me damn. anyway i've kinda like forgiven her some days ago. i counted and realised i took 7 months to forgive her. not bad yar ? all the best. ps: when you hate, you wont be happy. learn to let go. smiles =)Originally posted by veLvEtgEr:well... im a girl, but i experienced that same thing as u. cant really offer good advice on this perhaps cos im a victim myself? i really love my ex, just that i felt insecure. same thing as u, i didnt get any reassurance in return. but whatever u do, pls dun slap her... i feel that it's really ungentleman. *no offence*
for me, maybe im worse off than u. i was beat by my ex once, and pushed many times. whatever he wants, i learnt to give in. maybe some point in time, u will get sick of giving in? when u love someone u may be willing to give in. however, have u ever thot that u urself also need to be loved?
my ex and i nearly broke up a couple of times before, however we kept hanging on and lived a fruitless relationship. i didnt realise it till i thot back after we broke up a few days ago. everything i did was one-sided, i felt that it's time for me to be pampered and showered with love too. i was really tired to move on further and in the end i agreed to break up (he initiated it yet AGAIN)
what i can say is, my love for him is beginning to fade into hatred.............