wife want a divorce
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my wife of 7 years want a divorce. we had 2 kids and are currently staying with her at oversea.
our marriage are dainted with lotsa argument and differnces. that build the bases of more arguement and unhappiness.
she file for separation in an oversea court. she say we should cool down these 2 years and see what happens. i try very hard to change my temper and learn from past arguement and i vow i would change to salvage our marriage. 1 year on, while visiting kids, i notice she has change. she deny she seeing another guy. i question her but she insist they are good friends.
they chat thru the night on phone and seem to be very happy. maybe as guy, i feel it is hard to believe that such a behaviour can be deem as just friends. i beg her to give us a chance and kids a chance. but she avoid and saying she wont stop me seeing the kids. i am even willing to give up my job and singapore to stay with her at her country.
i am at a lost, i fear i migth lost the kids forever and fear that my kids will be living for someone else and call other daddy. i love my kids very much and my wife very much. i can think and work properly. i wanted to fight custody for my kids but i dont want to anger her and create and unhappy tension amid i still hold some hope she would return to me. i am sending money to her and kids every mth to ensure they are alight.
i am not sure what are my chances if i fight custody of our 2 kids. if i engage a lawyer it will annoy her. what if i lose the fight, she will probably stop me from seeing the 2 kids. if i dont fight for custody i am afraid my kids will be soemone else kids. i love my kids very much. i will do everything to make sure they are well even with my own life.
i had lost hope in my work, life. and even probably consider joining a church to seek relieve from my horrific part of my life!
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counterstrike her, hire a PI, and then if can, use adultery as ur reason for divorce.
she initiated the seperation paper 1st, then u cant give her face already.
ask the kids, who they prefer.
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our marriage are dainted with lotsa argument and differnces. that build the bases of more arguement and unhappiness.
hav u solve this problems 1st?
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Hi Jay, given your conditions, be very prepared to face the fact your your wife already has another man and she is already processing the transfer of her commitment to him. At the same time, if you truely love your kids, you should sacrifice your custody of them if necessary. Seek for the best conditions for your children. If they are best left with their mother and a new father who will also love them as their own, then give them your blessings. Perhaps you can negotiate with your ex wife on terms to visit them. If you want to give them money, I will suggest that you set up an insurance fund for them instead. But insurance policies with maturity dates that coincides with their adulthood for them to use it as university educational funds.
Also, do not expect that joining a church will solve your problems. Any church who promises that your prayers will be answered or you will receive blessings in your benchmark by giving money to the church is not telling you the truth.
Learn from God's word. As christians, we must be matured. Maturity in Christianity is being meek; not argumentative. Someone who speaks little but acts upon his belief. Never let anger blind yourself.
It's time for you to move on in the next phase of your life. Start to pay more attention to your work and social circle.
Also, all the best and I hope you find the best direction.
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1 child each ?
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This is serious issue.
May I appeal to fellow forumites not to make (irresponsible) comments without giving it a good thought first...
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Originally posted by Aeroplan3:
1 child each ?
wont the other child feel as though he/she wasnt good enough so he/she didnt get picked to stay with mom/dad?
i dont think it's very nice, unless the kids balantly insists on this.
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have u guys talked things out yet??pity the kids....gonna be the next me and my sis....ask urself whether u still love ur wife...if u do try to "emotionally" touch her wit ur heart(dun tink dirty).....show her how much u still love her....
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I got nothing to add but sincerely wish you the best...
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wa lao...still got hope la....stop being so sacarstic....
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thanks for response, my kids is 2 and 5 years old respectively. they are too small to decide who they want to be with.
my wife keep telling me we can be best friends and i can visit the kids as and when i want but the pt is i worry she has something up her sleeve for saying this. she want full children custody and probably hinting me not to fight for it.
but i worry, what is she goes back her word once she and her new loves decide to marry once we divorce. she could move and stop me from seeing them completely. the very reason she is from another country make this more worrying for me.
i still love her and wanted the kids to grow up in a complete family.
she still insist theguy she talking to are long lost childhood friends. but if u were me, would u believe your gf or wife SMS his guy best friends throughout the day and chatting on the phone till 12am. she chat on the phone when she bringing the kids into the room to sleep. i mean the kids could be hearing something they shouldnt be listening. i try to talk with her but fear of provoking her.
i m not fussy about money, as far as i know her, she love the kids too, she will know how to handle the money. no matter what happen i wont talk abt money with her, i just want the best scenerio for us and the kids. But from the way going, she is keen to hold up the separation until 2 years and then probably divorce.
i dont want to question her dignity or characters, i know it is wrong to have suspicion over someone u love and had live for 7 years. but i just cant control my mind.
i use to be a very popular guy before marriage. after marriage she dont like me to make female friends fearing the unthinkable. I feel sad and pathetic about myself for failing in a marriage, i had stop going out with friends coz i dont know how to break this news to my friends.
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Originally posted by A.T.R:
wa lao...still got hope la....stop being so sacarstic....
I am not being sarcastic.....there is nothing sarcastic about it
I mean it when I said sincerely the BEST..... -
loving someone is sometimes to let them choose their path in life. loving someone doesn't mean you have to lock them up, force them to become your properties. if they like someone else, so what? you cannot stop people from doing what they want, you can only advise and if they resists, let them go.
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Originally posted by Jay.ho34:
thanks for response, my kids is 2 and 5 years old respectively. they are too small to decide who they want to be with.
my wife keep telling me we can be best friends and i can visit the kids as and when i want but the pt is i worry she has something up her sleeve for saying this. she want full children custody and probably hinting me not to fight for it.
but i worry, what is she goes back her word once she and her new loves decide to marry once we divorce. she could move and stop me from seeing them completely. the very reason she is from another country make this more worrying for me.
i still love her and wanted the kids to grow up in a complete family.
she still insist theguy she talking to are long lost childhood friends. but if u were me, would u believe your gf or wife SMS his guy best friends throughout the day and chatting on the phone till 12am. she chat on the phone when she bringing the kids into the room to sleep. i mean the kids could be hearing something they shouldnt be listening. i try to talk with her but fear of provoking her.
i m not fussy about money, as far as i know her, she love the kids too, she will know how to handle the money. no matter what happen i wont talk abt money with her, i just want the best scenerio for us and the kids. But from the way going, she is keen to hold up the separation until 2 years and then probably divorce.
i dont want to question her dignity or characters, i know it is wrong to have suspicion over someone u love and had live for 7 years. but i just cant control my mind.
i use to be a very popular guy before marriage. after marriage she dont like me to make female friends fearing the unthinkable. I feel sad and pathetic about myself for failing in a marriage, i had stop going out with friends coz i dont know how to break this news to my friends.
hmm dude....can tell u hor...ur wife confirm gain custody de....she will confirm cook up craps like " i carry the children for mnths in my womb..got feelings de" and all tat shit....u really must talk things out wit her....most of all talk nicely....just ren...make sure ur kids dun end up like me man...its pathetic.... -
rahh. she's being annoying.
i think you should just speak up and tell her that you too, have a right as the children's father to see/visit/have custody over them. put it across in a firm not threatening way so that she'll know that she cant have every single thing the way she wants. if you just let her be, she'll think that you dont mind it much and will insist on having the kids. from your posts, you really love your kids and pretty much would not like it.
i hope things'll sort themselves out~~
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Hi Jay, given your conditions, be very prepared to face the fact your your wife already has another man and she is already processing the transfer of her commitment to him. At the same time, if you truely love your kids, you should sacrifice your custody of them if necessary. Seek for the best conditions for your children. If they are best left with their mother and a new father who will also love them as their own, then give them your blessings. Perhaps you can negotiate with your ex wife on terms to visit them.
i had think abt that as well. but i still cannot accept my kids calling someone else dad or even uncle. as time go by, they will no longer regards me as dad, coz i dint see them day to day or could i share their problems and educate them. my wife is living her parents now in foreign country. so every year i go visit them 4 times, staying in their house, of coz her parents not knowing the separation she has file. one day when she married, how can i ever visit them on a regular basis.
i dont want to resort fighting for custody but i fear she married the wrong guy who abuse my kids. she is not working and depending on my remmitance and her welfare. my income can easily support my 2 kids here in singapore.
i am not sure what are my chances. i am very confuse, i want the kids but i dont wish them to be separated with their sister but i wanted them to be safe from future harm. For my children sake, i am willing to remain single for the rest of my life.
i hope she can return to me.
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Originally posted by Jay.ho34:
i had think abt that as well. but i still cannot accept my kids calling someone else dad or even uncle. as time go by, they will no longer regards me as dad, coz i dint see them day to day or could i share their problems and educate them. my wife is living her parents now in foreign country. so every year i go visit them 4 times, staying in their house, of coz her parents not knowing the separation she has file. one day when she married, how can i ever visit them on a regular basis.
i dont want to resort fighting for custody but i fear she married the wrong guy who abuse my kids. she is not working and depending on my remmitance and her welfare. my income can easily support my 2 kids here in singapore.
i am not sure what are my chances. i am very confuse, i want the kids but i dont wish them to be separated with their sister but i wanted them to be safe from future harm. For my children sake, i am willing to remain single for the rest of my life.
i hope she can return to me.
so wad u want is the child la....not the women....well...i really want the child to have both parents together....just talk things out wit her can? -
think you should just speak up and tell her that you too, have a right as the children's father to see/visit/have custody over them. put it across in a firm not threatening way so that she'll know that she cant have every single thing the way she wants. if you just let her be, she'll think that you dont mind it much and will insist on having the kids. from your posts, you really love your kids and pretty much would not like it.
some of my colleagues are divorce as well. most of them in fact 90% over dont have custody over their children. if i fight for it, my chances of winning are slim and if would provoke her to take action hidding the kids from me. she now insist she want to be my good friends and i can visit the kids as and when i wish but once she really hook up with another man, such promise will be change. maybe i just think too much but these days, what else can i do?
in the worse case, if i lost custody i hope i can save few hundred K to buy them a house under my kids name.
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Originally posted by Jay.ho34:
some of my colleagues are divorce as well. most of them in fact 90% over dont have custody over their children. if i fight for it, my chances of winning are slim and if would provoke her to take action hidding the kids from me. she now insist she want to be my good friends and i can visit the kids as and when i wish but once she really hook up with another man, such promise will be change. maybe i just think too much but these days, what else can i do?
in the worse case, if i lost custody i hope i can save few hundred K to buy them a house under my kids name.
you are indeed a caring and responsible father....try hypnotising ur children into them liking you!!!!!cause only the child has the say!!!and try to be emotional whn fighting for custody!!!!!hahas lols -
Originally posted by Jay.ho34:
i had think abt that as well. but i still cannot accept my kids calling someone else dad or even uncle. as time go by, they will no longer regards me as dad, coz i dint see them day to day or could i share their problems and educate them.
don't say that. I love my father more than my step-father of 15 years.
who knows it might be the same.for your kids?
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you are indeed a caring and responsible father....try hypnotising ur children into them liking you!!!!!cause only the child has the say!!!and try to be emotional whn fighting for custody!!!!!hahas lols
well, i love my kids from the bottom of my hearts. if i cannot give them a chance to grow up in a complete family, i regards myself as failure.
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Originally posted by JJxJJ:
don't say that. I love my father more than my step-father of 15 years.
who knows it might be the same.for your kids?
haix wad are singaporean women thinking nowadays.... -
Originally posted by A.T.R:
haix wad are singaporean women thinking nowadays....ya lor.. all think because they got brain that nv really use before can anyhow get another husband
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If I get a 10 cent everytime I hear this kinda story, I would be quite rich already.
1st. Are you Singaporean?
2nd. Is your wife Singaporean?
3rd. Whats her nationality and where is she and the kids staying now?
4th. Was the marriage legalised in Singapore?
5th. Is the children Singaporeans? What are their ages and their gender.
6th. How long has the wife been staying overseas?
7th. Are you prepared, with homes, transport, schools & a relative to stay home to watch your kids in Singapore while you work?
8th. Do you have the finances to leave Singapore and reside in the country your wife or children chooses to be.
9th. What is your budget, in any case, to retrieve the children, to receive the children, or to join your family overseas.
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Originally posted by Jay.ho34:
well, i love my kids from the bottom of my hearts. if i cannot give them a chance to grow up in a complete family, i regards myself as failure.
haiya jay...u are not a failure....the real failure is ur wife....tis kind of women don't deserve ur love and the children...b4 even divorce go flirt wit other men alrdy...disappointed in singaporean girls...