wife want a divorce
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Jay, really wat you need is not advice here. Get advice from your loved ones. And Advice from a lawyer. This is a serious issue isn't it?
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Originally posted by velocity83:
Jay, really wat you need is not advice here. Get advice from your loved ones. And Advice from a lawyer. This is a serious issue isn't it?eadin
Reading his posts and from the way he has responded, it seems he already know his situation quite well.
I guess he is here to share his feelings, frustrations, fear etc. Maybe, he is here because he needs some verifications or new/fresh perceptives.
In any case, useful or not useful in advise, many have reached out earnestly. -
Fighting for custody of the children.
People, please do not use the children as weapons to get back at your estranged spouse.
It is not about who gets what.
Ask yourself... when you fight for the custody of your children.. is that done in the best interest of the children.. or for yourself ?
We adults are selfish and it's something we have to deal with. So do not punish the children for your own selfish reason.
Yes. granted it is very painful for you the adult to be rip away from your children in the event of a divorce.
But it is even more painful for the young child to see their family torn apart.
If you are fighting custody because you are too selfish to let go. Then for goodness sake. STOP.
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hi parn,
i dont think my wife has plan that against me all these while.
if i want to fight for custody of my children i want to do it with her knowing it, tell her why i need to do it, if we cannot compromise then possibly legal action. i cannot do it without her knowing.
i do not know whether she still love me or not. but one thing i know for sure, i still love her. thus i dont think it is retard for me to express my love for her, whether or not she still love me. i give what i have for her, hopefully she can give me a chance to received it.
jojobeach, i never ever consider using my children as a weapon to salvage my marriage. if i do so, themarraige is salvage not becoz she love me but she love the kids. maybe it wont last long. but i do ever think about it before when i was alone and desperate. but i wont do it.
i am so far away, i dont think i can ever built a relationship with my kids. my young kids is only 2. everytime i visit them, she dont remember me. this hurt me deeply. i have good relationship with my elder, i dote her alot. everytime when i see her or call her, i would tell her i love her very much,. everytime she tell me " I love u too daddy" it bring cheers in my face for the rest of my day. the matter will become worse if my wife decide to marry her new love. i would probably lost the kid that remember me. how could i ever built a relationship with them on a few days visit staying in a hotel, or telephone call? if i say i can, i could only deceive myself.
but i try hard not to think so far ahead, i try to live a day at a time as someone sent me quote from bible said.
thank for the concern of everyone. appreciate it very much.
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Originally posted by Jay.ho34:
hi parn,
i dont think my wife has plan that against me all these while.
if i want to fight for custody of my children i want to do it with her knowing it, tell her why i need to do it, if we cannot compromise then possibly legal action. i cannot do it without her knowing.
i do not know whether she still love me or not. but one thing i know for sure, i still love her. thus i dont think it is retard for me to express my love for her, whether or not she still love me. i give what i have for her, hopefully she can give me a chance to received it.
jojobeach, i never ever consider using my children as a weapon to salvage my marriage. if i do so, themarraige is salvage not becoz she love me but she love the kids. maybe it wont last long. but i do ever think about it before when i was alone and desperate. but i wont do it.
i am so far away, i dont think i can ever built a relationship with my kids. my young kids is only 2. everytime i visit them, she dont remember me. this hurt me deeply. i have good relationship with my elder, i dote her alot. everytime when i see her or call her, i would tell her i love her very much,. everytime she tell me " I love u too daddy" it bring cheers in my face for the rest of my day. the matter will become worse if my wife decide to marry her new love. i would probably lost the kid that remember me. how could i ever built a relationship with them on a few days visit staying in a hotel, or telephone call? if i say i can, i could only deceive myself.
but i try hard not to think so far ahead, i try to live a day at a time as someone sent me quote from bible said.
thank for the concern of everyone. appreciate it very much.
Sometimes, it is necessary to hurt the ones that we loved so that they will know how much we had loved them.If you have decided to inform your wife when you're going to fight for the custody of your children, then I can say you're a nice but silly man.
So Mr. Nice but Silly man...whichever path you may choose to take in the future for your current situation, I will sincerely wish you all the best.
I'm wishing you all the best to your future decision not because you are a nice but silly man, but also because I know you have already been through the deepest pain in your life.
So stay firm, hold yourself together and weather pass this period with our blessings and well wishes.
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Originally posted by Jay.ho34:
hi parn,
i dont think my wife has plan that against me all these while.
if i want to fight for custody of my children i want to do it with her knowing it, tell her why i need to do it, if we cannot compromise then possibly legal action. i cannot do it without her knowing.
i do not know whether she still love me or not. but one thing i know for sure, i still love her. thus i dont think it is retard for me to express my love for her, whether or not she still love me. i give what i have for her, hopefully she can give me a chance to received it.
jojobeach, i never ever consider using my children as a weapon to salvage my marriage. if i do so, themarraige is salvage not becoz she love me but she love the kids. maybe it wont last long. but i do ever think about it before when i was alone and desperate. but i wont do it.
i am so far away, i dont think i can ever built a relationship with my kids. my young kids is only 2. everytime i visit them, she dont remember me. this hurt me deeply. i have good relationship with my elder, i dote her alot. everytime when i see her or call her, i would tell her i love her very much,. everytime she tell me " I love u too daddy" it bring cheers in my face for the rest of my day. the matter will become worse if my wife decide to marry her new love. i would probably lost the kid that remember me. how could i ever built a relationship with them on a few days visit staying in a hotel, or telephone call? if i say i can, i could only deceive myself.
but i try hard not to think so far ahead, i try to live a day at a time as someone sent me quote from bible said.
thank for the concern of everyone. appreciate it very much.
Jay,
You don't have to fight for sole custody of the children. You can either ask for joint custody or frequent/open visitation rights.It seems she is not going to block you from seeing the children.. obviously .. she still wants you to remain the children's fatherly figure. So don't screw this part up. Talk to a lawyer and have your rights legalized if a divorce is imminent.
Remember.. women can be very vindictive if you push her over the edge.
So even if a divorce is needed.. make sure it's a fair and civilised affair. Both you and your wife.. don't need to fight to the bitter end.
If you have concerns with the financial part ... constantly thinking she will spend your money meant for your children on another man. Then I think you need to figure out if you can set up some kind of Trust funds so that you have some form of control or expense segregation from your wife's. I believe you need a trust fund lawyer who is familiar with the laws at their country of residence.
Your youngest daughter is not a lost cause. As long as you continues your effort to give love, support and be part of their growing up years.
Myself.. is almost the same case as your children. Our father daughter relationship was never compromised, even though my mother had several boyfriends after their split. Because my father never given up hope on the children. and made great efforts to always be PART of my life. My mom stayed in SG while my dad went back to USA when I was only one.
Let me explain this.. children knows whats going on in their own little way, so give them some credits.
A 2 year old may not know why the heck her father is not living under the same roof, but she will know when her father has abandoned her.
If you think a few days visit in a hotel doesn't do much good.. then I say you have no confidence in your children and their love for you.
Don't give up hope Jay Ho. You can do it.
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hi jo,
i had try to console myself that even though we divorce we can still be in good terms. but when i am alone and start to miss my kids, i would start hating her for taking the love of my life away from me.
i dont think too much about the financial part, as long as i had provided her monthly payout, how she manage it, i leave it to her. talking about money is not going to make the already broken relationship anybetter. if she decided to spent it unwisely, i guess she has to explain it to the kids when they grow up.
i get wat u mean that it is not a lost cause even though they dont stay with me. but the pain is not able to educate my kids, seeing them grow up, play with them, talk to them face to face everyday.
i also grow up in a broken family thus i know how impt it is for kids to have their dad. i screw up my kids life just like my dad screw up mine i suppose. i am sorry to hear what u been thru and glad that u gone thru it well.
hi parn,
i dont regards myself as nice man , but yea maybe silly and naive.
all advice is appreciated. thank you.
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Originally posted by Jay.ho34:
hi jo,
i had try to console myself that even though we divorce we can still be in good terms. but when i am alone and start to miss my kids, i would start hating her for taking the love of my life away from me.
i dont think too much about the financial part, as long as i had provided her monthly payout, how she manage it, i leave it to her. talking about money is not going to make the already broken relationship anybetter. if she decided to spent it unwisely, i guess she has to explain it to the kids when they grow up.
i get wat u mean that it is not a lost cause even though they dont stay with me. but the pain is not able to educate my kids, seeing them grow up, play with them, talk to them face to face everyday.
i also grow up in a broken family thus i know how impt it is for kids to have their dad. i screw up my kids life just like my dad screw up mine i suppose. i am sorry to hear what u been thru and glad that u gone thru it well.
Jay,
It's ok to resent your wife for putting you through such pain. But the anger in you must not last. This is a grieving period for you.
It is never easy to be away from your lovely children. Even my friends who travels for business experienced immense lonliness and slight depression when they travel for several weeks out of state, away from their children. In fact .. they admit missing their children more than their spouse.
For your case.. the marriage is already under water. You need to get a grip, because life still goes on, you and your children will need to face reality.
Focus more on your work.. think about what you can do for the future of your children. Most important.. is to treat yourself well.
Remember.. your children will grow up.. they have their own thinking and their own wills. What you do today.. will stay in their hearts forever.
You are only giving up the early years of their life with you.. don't throw away the rest of it.
To be honest.. I respect my father more than my mother, because I know it wasn't easy for him all the time.
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U have to wake up, really. That woman is asking for a divorce. I think on your end u need to do something to protect yourself. Pls get real.
Dont ever agree on a divorce that base on the ground of unreasonable behavior. Go get a PI and get the evidence on your wife with that guy. Present this stuff in the court after the end of the separation period. This divorce must be base on the ground that she is having an affair.
She asking for a divorce, she is breaking up the family and not you. Settle a divorce
Case in the court on the ground that she is breaking up the family for the season
of U dont have to pay her any maintenance after that. Her new lover will have to take up that responsibility.
As for the custody, i think it is better to let her have it so that u wont have to
pay any child maintenance that order by court. She has to bear the responsibility on breaking up a family. However, you can still pay child maintains to your kid privately if u like. Moreover, this ground will also let u have a higher chance of winning if u want the custody of the kids.
U are still young u can remarry and have kids again. There are many better women around.
After the divorce u can visit your kid regularly, always check for any child abuses. If there is really any, don’t hesitate to report them to the police.
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thanks and appreciate for since advice.
this trauma will haunt me forever. as i can never has faith in marriage again. moreover i dont think it is fair for the lady to know that i care for the kids and it will be the priorty for the rest of my life. it will be better this way if i remain single should i divorce with my wife.
thanks for opinion and advice given out.
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u rich anot huh?
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rich or not will it make a difference?
i dont think so.
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Originally posted by Jay.ho34:
rich or not will it make a difference?
i dont think so.
Ofcors it makes a big difference to Hello Kitty.
If you are rich.. then she wants to get to know you more lah.
If you are not rich.. then she ish not interested lor.......
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Ofcors it makes a big difference to Hello Kitty.
If you are rich.. then she wants to get to know you more lah.
If you are not rich.. then she ish not interested lor.......
lmao.
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Originally posted by Jay.ho34:
thanks and appreciate for since advice.
this trauma will haunt me forever. as i can never has faith in marriage again. moreover i dont think it is fair for the lady to know that i care for the kids and it will be the priorty for the rest of my life. it will be better this way if i remain single should i divorce with my wife.
thanks for opinion and advice given out.
You want to remain single or not... difficult to predict.
There's always some women who have no intention of having children.
It is possible to find women who don't mind divorced men with children. And who are understanding enough to accept and support his responsibilities as a father.
So never.. say never.
As long as you don't abandon your children after you get hitched.. then ok lah.
If not.. then your children becomes another sad statistic that used to be you and me.
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i had call my wife and confirm my fear at last.
she wanted to divorce.
i am devastated. totally lost.
i cant accept the truth. just ......sad. i lost of words.
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Originally posted by Jay.ho34:
i had call my wife and confirm my fear at last.
she wanted to divorce.
i am devastated. totally lost.
i cant accept the truth. just ......sad. i lost of words.
Oh.. so she hasn't filed the D paper yet lah ?
By the way ..you called her at midnight to ask her if she is going to divorce you ?
If I am your wife and got woken up to answer your call in at midnight.. I will also tell you I want a divorce !!
Get a grip dude.
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Look, see a lawyer. Its over, so get a grip. The best revenge is to live well and to show her that you are doing well. If you act pathetic in front of her, it will just confirm her decision that she did the right thing. Fight for custody if you must but I think that is difficult cos courts always favour the mother.
Chin up, you will recover. -
truth is cruel.
i will grieve, feel down,helpless. But one day, i will recovered from my lost, i will better than b4. she will regret what she did to me.