When shd a divorce takes place?
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Shd divorce take place when kids are young or when they are all grown up?
Kids need both father and mother - a complete family to grow up healthily, they say.. But if divorce takes place when the kids are young, at least they are spared from being emotionally attached (maybe) as they donno or might not know what's going on...
If d kids are all grown up, they know very well wat's going on and they tend to have a stand of their own about who's right and who's wrong..They tend to be emotionally attached to d problem too..
So as above, when shd a divorce takes place when d parents thinks that they shd go separate ways?Shd they hang on for d kids sake?
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Originally posted by LipGloSs:
Shd divorce take place when kids are young or when they are all grown up?
Kids need both father and mother - a complete family to grow up healthily, they say.. But if divorce takes place when the kids are young, at least they are spared from being emotionally attached (maybe) as they donno or might not know what's going on...
If d kids are all grown up, they know very well wat's going on and they tend to have a stand of their own about who's right and who's wrong..They tend to be emotionally attached to d problem too..
So as above, when shd a divorce takes place when d parents thinks that they shd go separate ways?Shd they hang on for d kids sake?
dun be selfish...both shuld spare a thought for the kids...whn the kids grow up..thn i tink its time...but eventually they will be old enuf to persuade both of you to be back together again =)
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why divorce?
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Originally posted by Deino:
why divorce?
oh ya why divorce!? -
coz the parents noe each other tt well tt they think it's best they divorce. wife earns abt 3x more than hubby (partly coz she grab OT all d time)..hubby doesnt want to get a part time job n choosy in finding a better earning job..he's working as a cleaner, say, a security job earns better, but doesnt want to..reason being, boring job, juz sit n do nothing..
they havent slept together in years.. by tt i mean, sex.. hubby is sick of wife's attitude, finally saw her true colours after 20 yrs of marriage.. wife juz have a lot of say in d family.. wife decides to get a divorce coz hubby was a nuiscance to her..
that's d gist of it..
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so in this picture you're the wife, the husband, or neither ? ....
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neither.. im one of d children to be honest..
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Originally posted by LipGloSs:
Shd divorce take place when kids are young or when they are all grown up?
Kids need both father and mother - a complete family to grow up healthily, they say.. But if divorce takes place when the kids are young, at least they are spared from being emotionally attached (maybe) as they donno or might not know what's going on...
If d kids are all grown up, they know very well wat's going on and they tend to have a stand of their own about who's right and who's wrong..They tend to be emotionally attached to d problem too..
So as above, when shd a divorce takes place when d parents thinks that they shd go separate ways?Shd they hang on for d kids sake?
Divorce should take place when the PAYOUT is in millions/hundred thousands attractive and irresistible.
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hiaz...
from the way i see it, problem lies with both parties...
they lack proper communication and passion for the family...i think they are being rather selfish in this case...
how old are you or siblings?
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Originally posted by LipGloSs:
neither.. im one of d children to be honest..
well .... so is the ball in your court then ? ...
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Dude..
ur mum is like one of those zhi yi wei shi de women...
Zhang Fu = chinese characterFu = Bigger then Heaven (if u notice how fu is written)
Husband is bigger then heaven
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Originally posted by Deino:
hiaz...
from the way i see it, problem lies with both parties...
they lack proper communication and passion for the family...i think they are being rather selfish in this case...
how old are you or siblings?
yeah..i agree..
we are 24, 22 and 19 dis year.. -
Originally posted by Fatum:
well .... so is the ball in your court then ? ...
wat u mean by tt? i mean in wat way?
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Originally posted by LipGloSs:
wat u mean by tt? i mean in wat way?
are you children being asked about your opinions in this matter at all ? ....
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Originally posted by LipGloSs:
yeah..i agree..
we are 24, 22 and 19 dis year..wow...at around these age, ya'll are either still studying or just starting to work sia??
at those age i think you no longer have any right to claim money from your dad for maintianance in the case of divorce...
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Originally posted by Fatum:
are you children being asked about your opinions in this matter at all ? ....
well, mom did ask me n my sis (d 2 older ones) if it was ok.. she said tt she has been hanging on to d rltnship for d sake of us.. which is true coz i rmmbrd vaguely she telling me if it wasnt for us,she would haf left d family..
we said it is really up to her..but i tink sis is kinda affected..i tink im affected in some ways but im gd at keeping my emotions in check..so it aint a prob to me.. youngest cant be bothered..yeah, tt's abt it..
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Originally posted by LipGloSs:
well, mom did ask me n my sis (d 2 older ones) if it was ok.. she said tt she has been hanging on to d rltnship for d sake of us.. which is true coz i rmmbrd vaguely she telling me if it wasnt for us,she would haf left d family..
we said it is really up to her..but i tink sis is kinda affected..i tink im affected in some ways but im gd at keeping my emotions in check..so it aint a prob to me.. youngest cant be bothered..yeah, tt's abt it..
i remembered when it was my time...
now we're still living together coz of the house...lol
my mom went through 4 years of hell before the court granted the divorce..
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Originally posted by Deino:
wow...at around these age, ya'll are either still studying or just starting to work sia??
at those age i think you no longer have any right to claim money from your dad for maintianance in the case of divorce...
not too sure abt that.. we are malay/muslims.. so dad has to pay mom 3 months x $___ (usuali 3 digits) and $__ (usuali 1 digit i tink) x d no. of days they were married..
eg. $300 x 3 mths & $2 per day x 20+ years.. get it? -
Originally posted by Deino:
i remembered when it was my time...
now we're still living together coz of the house...lol
my mom went through 4 years of hell before the court granted the divorce..
my parents' procedure was damn fast..tink in less than a month.. we haf even shifted..lol..
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Originally posted by LipGloSs:
not too sure abt that.. we are malay/muslims.. so dad has to pay mom 3 months x $___ (usuali 3 digits) and $__ (usuali 1 digit i tink) x d no. of days they were married..
eg. $300 x 3 mths & $2 per day x 20+ years.. get it?wooo...me too...
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You kids are more then old enough.
Is it because that the father refuse to do the divorcing but the mother is, that is upsetting you kids?
Is the father still sponsoring the children in their studies or have sponsored, or totally not contributing to the finances?
Has the father been taking care of you kids all this while? Or sit there, do nothing, just eat, shit and sleep?
Is she thinking, that she alsready sponsored her husband long enough, and since the kids are older, which they are at the age to leave the family, she shouldnt have to be responsible for a bigger kid?
Is he thinking that since he is old, jobless, that she has money, most likely trying to find younger cuter men for herself thats why kicking him out?
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Originally posted by viciouskitty74:
You kids are more then old enough.
Is it because that the father refuse to do the divorcing but the mother is, that is upsetting you kids?
Is the father still sponsoring the children in their studies or have sponsored, or totally not contributing to the finances?
Has the father been taking care of you kids all this while? Or sit there, do nothing, just eat, shit and sleep?
Is she thinking, that she alsready sponsored her husband long enough, and since the kids are older, which they are at the age to leave the family, she shouldnt have to be responsible for a bigger kid?
Is he thinking that since he is old, jobless, that she has money, most likely trying to find younger cuter men for herself thats why kicking him out?
Is it because that the father refuse to do the divorcing but the mother is, that is upsetting you kids?
honestly, m not tt upset..Has the father been taking care of you kids all this while? Or sit there, do nothing, just eat, shit and sleep?
nah, wouldnt say took care of us..actuali all of us grew independently..Is she thinking, that she alsready sponsored her husband long enough, and since the kids are older, which they are at the age to leave the family, she shouldnt have to be responsible for a bigger kid?
maybe..i noe she's been contributing abt 80% of d household expenses..Is he thinking that since he is old, jobless, that she has money, most likely trying to find younger cuter men for herself thats why kicking him out?
nah..dont think tt applies here.. -
LOL Dearie,
Then I think its a matter of economics.
When you kids are younger, not divorcing, is a matter of trying and hoping that things can change for the better. ie, your mother needing to work, someone need to be home to watch you kids, be around for you kids. And all female's hope that their spouse will change for the better, or contribute better.
Divorcing now when the kids are grown up, is still possibly a matter of economics, She is resigned to the fact, that he dont like to contribute to you siblings or to maintain a lifestyle and since you mentioned that they are already living kinda separate lives, maybe she just wanted to kick your dad to pull up his socks to provide for the family instead of living off her salaries.
So divorce is to her, considered a method to get your father get sensible. If he doesnt, well, it wont hurt her since they have grown apart. If he does, then it will be better for you and her, she does not have the hassle of a marriage, and you kids will enjoy the fruits of her 'labour'.
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well , my parents got divorced when i was bout 4 and i followed my mum . I have not seen my father since then but i can still remember how he looked like in my mind and with pictures i remember my mother used to tell me that my dad went to a faraway place and might not be coming back...
*edit* spelt divorced wrongly
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Humans are flawed beings. Love that brought us to spend an eternity together only reveal those hidden flaws. Some whose love for each other are strong, accept those flaw, but some refuse to bow down to failings and seek for improvements.
Neither are both circumstances wrong...or right.
Only the children suffer. Many whom love their children stay in a marriage despite inherent flaws of their opposite member and hope for change. Some in despair break free, children and time,effort wasted to clear their minds.
Children suffer nevertheless still. No child must be left without a father or a mother, for both will impart traditions and knowledge to the next generation, and more importantly, the rock of stability for a growing child grasping to understand and comprehend the adult world and its complexities.
Children are born out of love between 2. It hurts them to see parents quarelling and fighting, and in their young innocent minds, trying hard to understand and make sense of what they are seeing.
For the sake of children, divorce must, must always be the last solution. Adults must find ways to negotiate and compromise. Marriage was contemplated because of love, and true love never dies, simply because love is built with a strong foundation of care and concern and many other good qualities admired in mankind.
It may seemed absent over time, but that spark of love will always burn within, if only one pauses to recall back the building days. Should a divorce occur, it is still never the end. Love that is built is never easy to destroy. Being apart may even rekindle the glowing ember.
So do not be afraid or sad or blame anyone. What must come will come in the end, for the good of all. As long as we are still alive and able to breathe, your parents will still be around for you to confide in, even though apart now. Learn from their mistake so that when your turn comes to love another, mistakes can be avoided and not repeated.