Should I marry her ?
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In this dilema ,I have been with this girl for 5 years ,,, honestly the love has faded and only left with responsibility towards her,,,, friend and family have been pressuring me to marry her , i keep asking myself am I the one for her or should I just break off this relationship so she can find someone better and not hold her back ,,, if you are in this stage you know what i mean because we have been together for so long there are bound to be emotional attachment ,,, is not so easy to call off the relationship
Friends been telling me only marry the girl you love and find compatible and someone whom you want to spend their life with ,,, easier said than done,,,, because you cannot find someone like that ,,,, even if you found her she may not accept you in the first place,, anyone in this situation before ..can enlighten me ??
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dont be like me. I wasted a girl 3 years of her time with me and I ended up breaking with her. I feel a tinge of regret and guilt sometimes... sometime i wan to turn back the clock but i cant do it anymore. just think it properly before u make a final decision. remember dont be like me.
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anyway, don't say that the flame is dying so you are going to end the r/s. I once heard someone said that a r/s is bound to have less passion after sometime but its up to us to rekindle the flame.
An old r/s is like a glass of plain water. Tasteless but you just cant live without it. Don't blow it dude. Take one more good look at her. Think of why she attracted you in the first place.
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Both of you are just afraid to leave your comfort zones, aren't you? Getting married because of that and family pressure is setting yourself up for an even messier end.
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lan jiao lan... u r really a lan jiao lang...
u marry any... any other girl... after 5 years u will still divorce... y... same reason... love faded... the flame of passion is gone... no more feeling... all the same, u still feel that after some years into marriage, u think that continuing the marriage is a liability or an obligation...
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ask yourself - do you still love her ?
and why do you love her in the first place and now not ?
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after such a long relationship, sometime you have taken each other for granted. So it's time for you to find the spark to light up your relationship again.
That is if you still feel for her but not because of responsibility. Sometime, it may be marriage or parenthood that is the spark. It is for you to find out
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Originally posted by Lanjiaolan:
In this dilema ,I have been with this girl for 5 years ,,, honestly the love has faded and only left with responsibility towards her,,,, friend and family have been pressuring me to marry her , i keep asking myself am I the one for her or should I just break off this relationship so she can find someone better and not hold her back ,,, if you are in this stage you know what i mean because we have been together for so long there are bound to be emotional attachment ,,, is not so easy to call off the relationship
Friends been telling me only marry the girl you love and find compatible and someone whom you want to spend their life with ,,, easier said than done,,,, because you cannot find someone like that ,,,, even if you found her she may not accept you in the first place,, anyone in this situation before ..can enlighten me ??
yes marry her if u reali like her... dun like then dun waste her time... tink got many guys outthere would wan to reali take care of her... -
Originally posted by Rednano:
lan jiao lan... u r really a lan jiao lang...
u marry any... any other girl... after 5 years u will still divorce... y... same reason... love faded... the flame of passion is gone... no more feeling... all the same, u still feel that after some years into marriage, u think that continuing the marriage is a liability or an obligation...
~ ditto ~
You beat me to it.
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If you FEEL love has faded....it'll apply to ANY relationship you have.
Cos you contribute to part of the equation.
GOod luck.
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Just do it~
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Beat the shit out of her with a flaming crowbar and 2 sledgehammers. If she survives, you may marry her
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Well... Personally, i can't readily give you a definative advise because... There are many factors that you haven't mentioned. And i don't know both of you first-hand.
So rather then giving reckless advises to you i'd rather you read a post off my blog. Its an anology i came up with. Though its rather long... This is something concerning your life... So... You can't really complain can you.?
http://itsjustnc.blogspot.com/2008/12/chocolate-bars.html
It should be able to help you make your next move. Hope this helps. Good luck with your life. -
preest la u alr say no feelings liao.. wait later marry both u suffer how ?
and after 5yrs...u still duno if ur the one for her or not ? or rather, shes the one. Gosh leh.
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Originally posted by Rednano:
lan jiao lan... u r really a lan jiao lang...
u marry any... any other girl... after 5 years u will still divorce... y... same reason... love faded... the flame of passion is gone... no more feeling... all the same, u still feel that after some years into marriage, u think that continuing the marriage is a liability or an obligation...ya, this kind of pattern better stay single for the rest of ur life. unless u have a different take on love and how to make things work.
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Originally posted by The Showstopper:
Beat the shit out of her with a flaming crowbar and 2 sledgehammers. If she survives, you may marry her
You, sod off until your teenage acne is gone.
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what u expect.. after 5 years liaw.. should be time to be in a commitment for marriage.. not feelings this feelings that anymore liaw.. like that might as well never marry la. lol
I think personally la.. before marriage , must at least date for 2 years. he he
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Originally posted by BadzMaro:
what u expect.. after 5 years liaw.. should be time to be in a commitment for marriage.. not feelings this feelings that anymore liaw.. like that might as well never marry la. lol
I think personally la.. before marriage , must at least date for 2 years. he he
Its not that good of an idea to just solely base on the time you have been together to actually consider a commited relationship.
More importantly is how much you two have been through together. The reason why some people get married after only dating for a year is either, they experienced something really major and believe that this will work out. Or they are just plain rash. -
Love the person you marry and not marry the person you love. That is the secret to everlasting happiness.
lanjiaolan, beware of vicous cycles. Men never tire of women and this brings the ultimate unhappiness.
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Originally posted by ItsJustNC:
Its not that good of an idea to just solely base on the time you have been together to actually consider a commited relationship.
More importantly is how much you two have been through together. The reason why some people get married after only dating for a year is either, they experienced something really major and believe that this will work out. Or they are just plain rash.well... give it 2 years.. something major at least is gonna happen ma. lol..actually i hope nothing major happens. But true like u said, something major happens n pulling it off together definately will prove the strength of the r.s .
I just saying at least.. not necessary have to get married, but if considering marriage. cause its moving up to a more commited relationship.
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Originally posted by Lanjiaolan:
Friends been telling me only marry the girl you love and find compatible and someone whom you want to spend their life with ,,, easier said than done,,,, because you cannot find someone like that ,,,, even if you found her she may not accept you in the first place,, anyone in this situation before ..can enlighten me ??
think you better don't get married with this type of thinking, cause pain to everyone.
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Originally posted by Rock^Star:
Love the person you marry and not marry the person you love. That is the secret to everlasting happiness.
How to ? your heart must have the desire first or passion in it ,,, does it means those of you, you married are not the ones you love most ann , how do find the spark again , my heart died 3 years ago , i do not know why , during the 1st two years it wasnt like that , i was so happy with her then , now i only feel is an obligation i am angry with myself and i really dun want to hurt her , as i just marry her to fulfil my responsibilty , can someone share his /her experiences ,,, i do not want to make a mistake it may be painful to part with her and it may be more painful for both of us if we were to get marry
Some of my friend broke us with their ex as they said they said lost the feeling , i am very sad that i am in this situation ,,, i was thinking i may stay single for the rest of my life but this may be a better thing because i really do not want to hurt her and destroy her future happiness which i may not be able to provide
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sometimes i think it depends on ur perception to the rs...some couples can jus be together as couples, somehow with the marriaged instilled, they get divorced..yet when they stay as couples, they r ever so loving..
mayb ur love faded coz u waited too long to settle down..but den again, to marry due to pressure is so nono...better end it now den after u get married.
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if you get bored with people just after a few years... i guess marriage isn't for you because even you have found a new girl... perhaps after a few more years you will get bored and lose interest in the r/s again...
But frankly speaking, how to me in honeymoon mode all the time??! Things do fade....eventually
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yeh bro, maybe marriage just isnt for you? You looking for a new pussy all the time? (no pun intended) If you are, better not get married.
You know..... u look at our grandfathers and grandmothers, their marriages were arranged and they lived with each other till old.
Your heart died 3 years ago....if u ask any long time married couple, they will tell u their r/s are like brother and sister....a loving and having sexual relations one, that is if u know what i mean.
If u really feel u cannot do it, then just break her off. But u may regret as i can alrdy feel u do in your post. And then when u r off with another girl, u may feel ur ex's the best. Those are all possibilities and guess what, you've got a triangle to deal with by then.
Then again, if ur just horny and getting tired of a woman after 3 mere years, then just stay single and screw the hell of ur lifetime. Dun even talk about 30 years bro.