Is this too much to ask of?
-
Never imagined that i'd be here posting again. Here goes my story..
Recently at work i've been feeling stressed out over customer issues. I tried to be strong, telling myself that at the end of the day, its just work. No need to be too bothered by them.
But its just not working. These few days, i've been telling my gf about my troubles at work. I just need to get it off my chest, tell someone about it. I just need a listening ear, someone to hear out my problems.
Apparently she got pissed off with me because she said that i complained too much (indirectly, but obvious). Is this too much to ask of? Shouldn't your other half be understanding and encouraging towards you?
Without a doubt, I'd do what i can to help her if she is facing any difficulties. Heck, even if she complains to me every single day, I wont be irritated or pissed because I love her. To me, the problems that she faces will also be my problem.
Im feeling so disappointed. Not even angry but disappointed. Can't she just listen to my woes? I'm not asking anything from her, but just to listen to me. Why is she even getting pissed over this? I just don't know. I hate this feeling but it sucks. I'd rather be angry than disappointed because this feeling really sucks real bad.
Please advise.
-
If you think your girlfriend is there to hear you whine, you are so passe.
-
hmm. i dunno, but maybe she thinks that guys shouldn't whine too much?
-
Normally guys will just go sit in one corner and resolve any work issues by themselves.
You are one of those unusual ones.
-
Of course she is not there just to hear me whine. But what happened to "being there for one another".
Can you accept it if your gf/bf simply does not care about your problems? Then what's the point of being together? For sex? For free lunches?
-
Originally posted by toothbrush:
Of course she is not there just to hear me whine. But what happened to "being there for one another".
Can you accept it if your gf/bf simply does not care about your problems? Then what's the point of being together? For sex? For free lunches?
You live in an unrealistic world.
Really.
-
Originally posted by charlize:
Normally guys will just go sit in one corner and resolve any work issues by themselves.
You are one of those unusual ones.
Obviously i am trying. I just need the support and encouragement. Being a guy isn't about trying to act all macho and keep everything to yourself. If i can't tell my gf about my problems, who can I tell? Strangers in forums? Perhaps. -
Normally, it is the girls who require guys to just listen to them about their problems without offering them solutions.
For guys, they will usually resolve such issues on their own. Girls are the ones who usually will complain about guys not sharing or withdrawing from them.
Like I said, your case is the unusual one.
-
maybe she wans to change toothbrush? or maybe she jus don't like the whiny part of the relationship. anyway since she don't like i suggest u stop whining and be a strong toothbrush ok?
-
Oh hell no. You know what? Before this, she was saying that i don't open up to her. Now that we're closer, i find it easier to talk to her about things and look what happens.
-
Originally posted by tripsky:
maybe she wans to change toothbrush? or maybe she jus don't like the whiny part of the relationship. anyway since she don't like i suggest u stop whining and be a strong toothbrush ok?
I definitely will. Like what i've said, sometimes it just easier if you get things off your chest. -
There's a limit to the amount of patience, perhaps even the level of tolerance to listen to complaints and whinings for every individual. But that does not mean ur gf doesn't love u, and opening up to her doesn't only mean complaints and more complaints only.
If ur gf doesn't like to hear complaints, den complain to ur close friends instead.
-
Originally posted by toothbrush:
Oh hell no. You know what? Before this, she was saying that i don't open up to her. Now that we're closer, i find it easier to talk to her about things and look what happens.
After you said this, I know just the right thing to say to you.
Quit trying to understand girls.
Throughout the history of humankind, men have been struggling with this issue about understanding women.
No man has succeeded yet.
And probably never will.
-
Think i'd have to make things clear before more people misunderstands me.
By complaining, i don't mean the typical whiney complains. All i did was to tell her that i've had a very bad day, with customers giving me problems. Tell her how stressed out i was over their issues. Though i might have said it a couple of times throughout the day, it definitely isn't whining. Or so i think.
-
Originally posted by toothbrush:
Think i'd have to make things clear before more people misunderstands me.
By complaining, i don't mean the typical whiney complains. All i did was to tell her that i've had a very bad day, with customers giving me problems. Tell her how stressed out i was over their issues. Though i might have said it a couple of times throughout the day, it definitely isn't whining. Or so i think.
Have you considered that when you complained about your day, she herself could have been having a more terrible day but because you brought it up first, she decided not to tell you her problems so as not to unnecessarily burden you with her probems?
-
Originally posted by Miss Tiny:
There's a limit to the amount of patience, perhaps even the level of tolerance to listen to complaints and whinings for every individual. But that does not mean ur gf doesn't love u, and opening up to her doesn't only mean complaints and more complaints only.
If ur gf doesn't like to hear complaints, den complain to ur close friends instead.
From now on, I will. Charlize is probably right. My world is unrealistic but i admit i was caught surprised.I just wanted to hear opinions from others. Thanks alot the both of you.
-
Wah seh.
First time somebody thank me for my advice in sgforums.
-
Originally posted by charlize:
Have you considered that when you complained about your day, she herself could have been having a more terrible day but because you brought it up first, she decided not to tell you her problems so as not to unnecessarily burden you with her probems?
You got half of it right though.She was fretting over trying to find a job. But you know what was I doing before i complained to her? I was going through the details of the part-time job offer that she found online. Before that, I even called up a friend to enquire about a job vacancy. Now tell me that i've not done my part to help her with her problems.
-
Originally posted by charlize:
Wah seh.
First time somebody thank me for my advice in sgforums.
Somebody has to be the devil you see
-
Originally posted by toothbrush:
You got half of it right though.She was fretting over trying to find a job. But you know what was I doing before i complained to her? I was going through the details of the part-time job offer that she found online. Before that, I even called up a friend to enquire about a job vacancy. Now tell me that i've not done my part to help her with her problems.
Like what some people suggested, stop burdening her with your bad days since she has problems of her own. Do it with your drinking buddies at the local pub.
Nobody said relationships were easy or straight forward. But the rule of thumb is the guy usually gets the shorter end of the stick in a relationship. Bear that in mind.
-
I've got a couple of buddies drinking with me already. There's me, myself and I. The 3 of us drinking together.
Guess I have much to learn.
Meanwhile.... More opinions are appreciated! I meant from others.
-
I've always learn it this way.. before something negative comes out of my mouth, say something positive. Instead of going straight to the "i have a bad day yadda yadda" , ask about her , tell her she looks brighter today etc. Somehow after a few experiments of compliments, i realised women are more open to what i say to even accepting what i say too. You may want to try it. :) And you mentioned you help her to look up the part time jobs , did you tell her about it? Sometimes, doing it secretly might not be helpful. She might not know.. Of course depending on what kind of girl is she.
Charlize mentioned that the guy usually get the shorter end of the stick in a relationship .. i shall say it's true but only when you have the energy and interest to keep it going if not, the girl might be doing all she can to keep the relationship going too.
I know girls who like guys to whine to them though. cause most of the time guys behave more like cavemen. By being open with your problems and them just listening can be a good effort to making them feel you're making an effort to let them know what's going on. Which could be considered a nice gesture , to some.
-
Originally posted by barista:
I've always learn it this way.. before something negative comes out of my mouth, say something positive. Instead of going straight to the "i have a bad day yadda yadda" , ask about her , tell her she looks brighter today etc. Somehow after a few experiments of compliments, i realised women are more open to what i say to even accepting what i say too. You may want to try it. :) And you mentioned you help her to look up the part time jobs , did you tell her about it? Sometimes, doing it secretly might not be helpful. She might not know.. Of course depending on what kind of girl is she.
Charlize mentioned that the guy usually get the shorter end of the stick in a relationship .. i shall say it's true but only when you have the energy and interest to keep it going if not, the girl might be doing all she can to keep the relationship going too.
I know girls who like guys to whine to them though. cause most of the time guys behave more like cavemen. By being open with your problems and them just listening can be a good effort to making them feel you're making an effort to let them know what's going on. Which could be considered a nice gesture , to some.
Hey thanks for the advice. Hopefully i'll learn to manage my emotions not just only with regards to the relationship, but also towards my work! -
Well, my situation used to be like yours... but the roles are reversed. Mf gf would nag every day to me about her work.. sometimes even crying, saying her work gives her alot of stress blah blah blah...
The truth is even though she is my gf, I would still be pissed off when someone is constantly nagging to be about the same old things, day in day out, everyday without fail.
I agree with wat some others wrote, that guy would prefer to keep to themselves and solve their own problems, nag once in a while is okay, but not too frequent.
-
Hi Manyzer, thanks for replying! This is something that I didn't think of; putting myself in her shoes.
Now I know that I cannot expect people to act the same as me because everyone is different! Lesson learnt, but still feel that bit of regret somewhere.