A dumb guy just lost his wife
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Hi all,
I have been lurking these forums and now just gathered the courage to post. I am 37, and was married to a wonderful woman for nearly 7 years. We are now separated for about 5 months. She is living with a man now, and refusing to see me or even talk about getting back together. Long story short, I cheated in her 2x, and she forgave me. But the 3rd and last incident, I moved out to live with another woman for about 4 months, and when then I realize how dumb I had been, my wife already moved out.
Initally, I thought I could get her back, but as times goes, I see how she had made up her mind, she won't even see me anymore. On top of that, all her friends and family are ignoring me, and rightly so. I tried calling her, texting her, e-mailing her but that just annoyed her more. So I followed my sister's advice and leave her alone for now. But I am afraid that with time, she may drift further and further away and the possibility (no matter how remote) of us getting back together is getting slimmer.
She is the love of my life, and my first love, we had been together as BF/GF for nearly 20 years, and she had been nothing but an angel in my life, but I was so insecure and immature, I went and forsake her love...
Now that I am "sober" about life and my mistakes, I am a better person, I want to make it up to her and "return" her love. The guy she is living with now, I don't think she loves him, I just think she wants some sort of stability and someone that is a contrast to me. I think deep down, she still loves me, and I now know, I TRULY DEEPLY LOVES HER...
I know many people will say, if I love her, let her go, and move on. But 20 years of her sacrifice and now that I am a better person, I want us, to get back together and truly begin our life and love together. It is worth fighting for, and I would like to fight for her, before "moving on and giving up".
I have drafted many e-mailes to her but have not send them. Should I send them? Or should I leave her alone for now...
Any encouragements, suggestions, welcomed.
Thanks,
N-E
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Originally posted by noodle-eater:
I think deep down, she still loves me, and I now know, I TRULY DEEPLY LOVES HER...
You know, it's really way easier for someone to let go after she had given her best. In this case, she had already given you nothing short of her all in all.
For the record, you're repentant and I think that's deserving of a li'l praise. But I'm not at all optimistic enough to give you the encouragement that you seek.
Quoting someone from my past, whom played the role similar to your wife, she said "some things, once lost, can never be recovered". I guess that concluded my message to you. Though you screwed up big time there, I wish you good luck nevertheless.
All the best, mate.
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since u wrote it, send it lah.
A written message is meant to be read right, not meant for self-read.
Just send it to her, treat your emails like a single lucky draw ticket.
U are participating in lucky draw, good luck.
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after u cheated her thrice. u still even dare to ask for forgiveness? f*** you man...
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hmm. send lor, no harm trying. but i think if you really love her, put yourself in her shoes. after betraying her trust 3 times, after hurting her 3 times, after humiliating her 3 times, do you want to put her through another test of faith in you?
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Sigh......do prepare yourself that the damage is beyond repair and move on....
.........you have all my best wishes....
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dun worri.. she will come back to u after she cheated on u for 3 time lah..... remember to forgive her by then ok?
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cool
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she deserves much better
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After so many years still no kids...then maybe go to church,or temple to make commitments that this last time is for real....get help from FSC(family Service Centre) to contact her to help U reconcile and advice by independent party she will more incline to heed
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Complete rubbish!!
IF she's the love of your life, I simply cannot understand why you can cheat her THREE times? One time maybe due to influence of alcohol or what... but THREE times and you dare claim that she's the love of your life?
Being the love of your life sure hold NO VALUE.
Good for her... she's with someone better now.
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You are not dumb.
You are a jerk .
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TS, you dont deserve a woman like her
You hurt her 3 times and then expect things to be just like last time? dream on..
I hate guys like you, and i dont give a damm whether u have repented or what..
If you can live with another woman, why cant she live with another man.
Serve you right for cheating on her.
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ok, i guess everyone's sentiments are quite clear. TS, so what do you think is the right thing to do?
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My dua sen....
Noodle eater, you have completely blown your chances. She was strong enough to forgive you twice. She could have chosen to leave you after the first time, and it would have been perfectly understandable if she did. She was instead strong enough to forgive you twice.
And did you repay her? You trampled on her mercy and strength and completely blew it. Big time. You expect to forgive you one more time? What makes you think she can forgive a third time when you pissed on her forgiveness twice?
As X-dude has said, if she really was the love of your life, then you wouldn't have cheated on her in the first place. Not once or twice, much less three times.
Well, you might be repentant now, and I sincerely hope that you really are. Send the email if you want, but don't expect your wife to forgive you again.
After all, she had sincerely hoped that you were repentant the first two times.
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Wah... wanna makan outside must wipe mouth. You makan liao never wipe mouth, now your wife knows. you makan not once, not twice, but thrice. Now the friends and relatives know you hungry, like to makan outside.
If 20 years of sacrification and love is so important to you in the first place, then why u bother hunger and makan outside. Now that you have cheated, you wanna people to forgive you and accept you? Wake up la cheater.
You are just taking advantage of your wife's soft heartedness to keep on cheating on her. You are simply a disgrace to man. To cheat once, I can accept, but twice and above means you have not learnt your lesson and would not learn it until some harsh happens. Now that your wife is staying with another man, its time for you to suffer what she has endured during your past encounters with other girls.
Imagine your wife in steaming actions with this new bf of hers, kissing, caressing and having sex, enjoying each other to the max, day in day out. Can you take it or not? Your wife has been suffering in silence, and now that she has broken the silence and move on, I salute her. But for you, you are nothing but a pathetic little piece of unworthy shit and disgrace to all man in the world. 3 times, 3 fucking times.
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amen. you deserve it
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20 years of BF/GF & married at 30 & for 7 years already.
that means u started at 10years old?
or..... you define married time also as BF/GF? no wonder lah macam ni.
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Originally posted by noodle-eater:
Hi all,
I have been lurking these forums and now just gathered the courage to post. I am 37, and was married to a wonderful woman for nearly 7 years. We are now separated for about 5 months. She is living with a man now, and refusing to see me or even talk about getting back together. Long story short, I cheated in her 2x, and she forgave me. But the 3rd and last incident, I moved out to live with another woman for about 4 months, and when then I realize how dumb I had been, my wife already moved out.
Initally, I thought I could get her back, but as times goes, I see how she had made up her mind, she won't even see me anymore. On top of that, all her friends and family are ignoring me, and rightly so. I tried calling her, texting her, e-mailing her but that just annoyed her more. So I followed my sister's advice and leave her alone for now. But I am afraid that with time, she may drift further and further away and the possibility (no matter how remote) of us getting back together is getting slimmer.
She is the love of my life, and my first love, we had been together as BF/GF for nearly 20 years, and she had been nothing but an angel in my life, but I was so insecure and immature, I went and forsake her love...
Now that I am "sober" about life and my mistakes, I am a better person, I want to make it up to her and "return" her love. The guy she is living with now, I don't think she loves him, I just think she wants some sort of stability and someone that is a contrast to me. I think deep down, she still loves me, and I now know, I TRULY DEEPLY LOVES HER...
I know many people will say, if I love her, let her go, and move on. But 20 years of her sacrifice and now that I am a better person, I want us, to get back together and truly begin our life and love together. It is worth fighting for, and I would like to fight for her, before "moving on and giving up".
I have drafted many e-mailes to her but have not send them. Should I send them? Or should I leave her alone for now...
Any encouragements, suggestions, welcomed.
Thanks,
N-E
You should send those emails to her.....since like what you have already convinced most of us here that you have nothing else to lose.Unless you still have something or alot to lose, which is why you are holding back and seeking another alternative to minimise your losses or even better if you can don't lose anything to resolve your situation.
So tell us.....
What are you holding back and what have you got to lose in this entire situation?
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You n yr wife got any kid?
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seriously, if you think that you're even going to change now, it makes no point. i mean what for? after all that hurting you've done to her, must as well let her find someone who can really give her what she wants, and not cheating
you can always change for the future, but you cant change the past, those scars you left in her heart, is there always.
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even if she doesnt come back to you, doubt she will, seek her forgiveness ya.
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common problem between men and women
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To truly love someone is to set her free. Ironical, moronic and crazy as it sounds, you will only learn true love when you experience true love and lost it.
You were the fortunate one, having love and yet lost her not once, not twice, but thrice. She loved you enough to accept and forgive you, but you disappointed her one time too much.
That she plucked up her courage and resolved her determination not to give you her love again is an answer to you that she don't want to suffer the pain of loving and losing, ever again, no matter how sincere you may be.
The nights crying alone in your bed in the dark, feeling hurt for giving you her all, entrusting her life to you to lead, in wealth or in poverty, thru unintended fights and quarrels to achieve better and deeper understanding of each other.....feeling miserable and second class/inferior to other women you cared about, listening to relatives and friend's admonishments time after time....Do you even begin to understand her pain?
Set her free. Do not cling on. No one knows the future, will she change, will you change. But one thing for sure is the pain love brings and will bring, one way or another. Death is one.
Relive those exquisite tender moments with her in your mind once in a while in the quiet of the night, but do know that the door you open is marked 'Nevermore'. She is...only a memory now.
Set her free. Give her encouragement and support - send her an email now and then as aquaintances do - to let her know you will be there for her if she ever needs you, but do not harass her.
We all make mistakes. It is only human. But we must, must accept that there WILL be a price to pay. You are paying it now. I know not the future too, but if there is a redemption for the wrong you have done, in time, you may share a glass a wine with her whilst enjoying a sunset together in your golden years, if your love is true and eternal as you presume...