once bitten, twice shy.
to tink u have the nerve to cheat on her thrice. wad makes u tink there wun b a fourth time?
i m no saint myself but u r crap.
do her n urself a favour, get out of her life.
juz leave her alone.
hab u not hurt her enuff.
she doesnt nit the reminders.
you screw yourself up
u can only pray for a miracle now
"...I cheated in her 2x, and she forgave me. But the 3rd and last incident, I moved out to live with another woman...."
You are right, you lost your wife, she's dead man. Accept the fact.
3 times you hurted her... you think she would still forgive you? If you love her, let her be happy. You know that you are gonna to hurt her the 4th time.
orbi good.
Originally posted by caleb_chiang:3 times you hurted her... you think she would still forgive you? If you love her, let her be happy. You know that you are gonna to hurt her the 4th time.
to ts: you remind me of a guy i knew,
always thought despite him being a flirt he would remain faithful to his wife(because wife is the faithful type so i thought he would commit to the marriage). but later on he admited to me he cheated on his wife 3-4 times. and even after divorce and declaring undying love to the new girl he called me 1 week after the girl left town to go out and have "fun".
currently with another new one again, just declared undying love again, promise never to hurt, to love always........ lets see how long this last. i think probably end up like you
i do not think that u love your wife. u are just taking her as an 'item' which belongs to u.
Let her go. u break her heart too much.
Originally posted by noodle-eater:Hi all,
I have been lurking these forums and now just gathered the courage to post. I am 37, and was married to a wonderful woman for nearly 7 years. We are now separated for about 5 months. She is living with a man now, and refusing to see me or even talk about getting back together. Long story short, I cheated in her 2x, and she forgave me. But the 3rd and last incident, I moved out to live with another woman for about 4 months, and when then I realize how dumb I had been, my wife already moved out.
Initally, I thought I could get her back, but as times goes, I see how she had made up her mind, she won't even see me anymore. On top of that, all her friends and family are ignoring me, and rightly so. I tried calling her, texting her, e-mailing her but that just annoyed her more. So I followed my sister's advice and leave her alone for now. But I am afraid that with time, she may drift further and further away and the possibility (no matter how remote) of us getting back together is getting slimmer.
She is the love of my life, and my first love, we had been together as BF/GF for nearly 20 years, and she had been nothing but an angel in my life, but I was so insecure and immature, I went and forsake her love...
Now that I am "sober" about life and my mistakes, I am a better person, I want to make it up to her and "return" her love. The guy she is living with now, I don't think she loves him, I just think she wants some sort of stability and someone that is a contrast to me. I think deep down, she still loves me, and I now know, I TRULY DEEPLY LOVES HER...
I know many people will say, if I love her, let her go, and move on. But 20 years of her sacrifice and now that I am a better person, I want us, to get back together and truly begin our life and love together. It is worth fighting for, and I would like to fight for her, before "moving on and giving up".
I have drafted many e-mailes to her but have not send them. Should I send them? Or should I leave her alone for now...
Any encouragements, suggestions, welcomed.
Thanks,
N-E
Maybe you cannot live happily with one woman, monogamously... if that is true, then the sooner you realise it and find a way to have many relationships, the happier you will be.
You can't have your cake and eat it... unless you find one a main partner that is not so strict on your sexual infidelity.
Obviously your ex is the one for you. You cheated 2x and she forgave you. I think she would have gone on forgiving you your infidelity but you spolit it by leaving for 4 mths.
It is not that she cannot forgive you for cheating on her ... and now it is too late because she is with someone else, unless they break up and so it is out of your hands.
Unless of course, you try to break them up.
This is what you deserve by right.
Slowly contact her back, maybe send her whatever you wrote, show your sincerity that you are a changed man. Somehow, I sympathise with you.
一次ä¸�å¿ ï¼Œç™¾æ¬¡ä¸�容
yet you betrayed her 3 times!!!
Don't know about advice and suggestions but as a woman I can tell you what I think of when a man like you breaks his vows. He contradicts himself, he is confused, he is sleazy and he is greedy.
Cheating thrice and moving out was the right thing to do. You did it because you completely lost interest in your wife. Wanting your marriage back is wrong because it shows you don't care about her future. If you did, you would leave her alone.
What you can do now is start thinking straight and stop being so emotional. Make a list and write down all the good things you had with your ex wife and start thinking about where you stand on the word loyalty.
too late
too bad
Thanks again all, for the wise words. Just writing and reading the responses really soothes me. And especially to xtreyier, you truly understands and that's how I feel now. I met my wife and she was my FIRST girlfriend, we really grew up together and as a result, I grew comfortable with her, secure and slowly, she became invisible to me.
I do think I have changed, fundamentally, I remember the 2nd time she took me back, I was not all that repentant. But now, the way I walk, the way I see the world, the way I think, I think I am a different person. Some people grow up and are smarter at their 20s, I feel like I have "arrived" and understand the meaning of LIFE and LOVE finally at 37. I was so selfsih and I shudder now remembering past abuses I did to her...
It's killing me, the gult, the regret, the lost time and opportunities, to love her, to be tender and kind to her.
Now, she is with this guy who many thinks is somewhat of an opportunist, but I will not put him dowm anymore because it's her choice. I just am so sad that she may not be getting the best that she deserves, now that I have become a new man...and that she may not really love him, he is just someone that cares about her superficially. I think I am a much better candidate (forgetting the past) with my education, and general pedegree... speaking objectively. And I want her to have the best because she deserves nothing less.
It's so hard to wake up because I dreamt of her everynight, yes, everynight. In the dream, it's always about she coming back, and I treated her nice, and then I realized it's a dram, and woke up in cold sweat. The pain after waking up is so crippling.
Hard to go about doing normal things to,everything I do and everyone I see reminds me of her and of my past self.
I think, and hope she still loves me... I have also recently lost my job, so waking up with no one I care about and no job to go to is extra hard.
I walk now with constant pain, of how I've let her down, let my parents down, let our friends and family down because everyone around us is affected by my stupidity...I'm bearing the consequences... I hope to God, that He will open her eyes, and continue to guide me, so that we may be reunited.
I have resolved to make myself better by going to church, taking classes, and writing her and calling her less.
I want to ask you all, do you believe in redemption, in repentance, in "late maturing", and in Miracles?
Do you not deserve the consequences?
Love is not about being with the best candidate. If you cant get her back, suck it up.
Not all things can be redemption, or repentance and forget about it. why make mistakes in the first place.
Ur former wife forgived u for TWO times. u did redemption and repentance. and guess wat.. U go and DID the same MISTAKE again.
U are just make life easier for urself ONLY by Self consolidating.
My advice? Fuck it and find another girl since u can cheat on her twice, i dun see why there cant be the third and hell yeah dun hurt her anymore. Go lead your own life.
Originally posted by noodle-eater:Thanks again all, for the wise words. Just writing and reading the responses really soothes me. And especially to xtreyier, you truly understands and that's how I feel now. I met my wife and she was my FIRST girlfriend, we really grew up together and as a result, I grew comfortable with her, secure and slowly, she became invisible to me.
I do think I have changed, fundamentally, I remember the 2nd time she took me back, I was not all that repentant. But now, the way I walk, the way I see the world, the way I think, I think I am a different person. Some people grow up and are smarter at their 20s, I feel like I have "arrived" and understand the meaning of LIFE and LOVE finally at 37. I was so selfsih and I shudder now remembering past abuses I did to her...
It's killing me, the gult, the regret, the lost time and opportunities, to love her, to be tender and kind to her.
Now, she is with this guy who many thinks is somewhat of an opportunist, but I will not put him dowm anymore because it's her choice. I just am so sad that she may not be getting the best that she deserves, now that I have become a new man...and that she may not really love him, he is just someone that cares about her superficially. I think I am a much better candidate (forgetting the past) with my education, and general pedegree... speaking objectively. And I want her to have the best because she deserves nothing less.
It's so hard to wake up because I dreamt of her everynight, yes, everynight. In the dream, it's always about she coming back, and I treated her nice, and then I realized it's a dram, and woke up in cold sweat. The pain after waking up is so crippling.
Hard to go about doing normal things to,everything I do and everyone I see reminds me of her and of my past self.
I think, and hope she still loves me... I have also recently lost my job, so waking up with no one I care about and no job to go to is extra hard.
I walk now with constant pain, of how I've let her down, let my parents down, let our friends and family down because everyone around us is affected by my stupidity...I'm bearing the consequences... I hope to God, that He will open her eyes, and continue to guide me, so that we may be reunited.
I have resolved to make myself better by going to church, taking classes, and writing her and calling her less.
I want to ask you all, do you believe in redemption, in repentance, in "late maturing", and in Miracles?
sent her all the things u wan to say 2 her... go tell her in person too... whether u learn or not takes time to show so must b patient... if u reali learnt ur lesson, she will see it... as for now, go clean up urself and get a job...
Originally posted by noodle-eater:Thanks again all, for the wise words. Just writing and reading the responses really soothes me. And especially to xtreyier, you truly understands and that's how I feel now. I met my wife and she was my FIRST girlfriend, we really grew up together and as a result, I grew comfortable with her, secure and slowly, she became invisible to me.
I do think I have changed, fundamentally, I remember the 2nd time she took me back, I was not all that repentant. But now, the way I walk, the way I see the world, the way I think, I think I am a different person. Some people grow up and are smarter at their 20s, I feel like I have "arrived" and understand the meaning of LIFE and LOVE finally at 37. I was so selfsih and I shudder now remembering past abuses I did to her...
It's killing me, the gult, the regret, the lost time and opportunities, to love her, to be tender and kind to her.
Now, she is with this guy who many thinks is somewhat of an opportunist, but I will not put him dowm anymore because it's her choice. I just am so sad that she may not be getting the best that she deserves, now that I have become a new man...and that she may not really love him, he is just someone that cares about her superficially. I think I am a much better candidate (forgetting the past) with my education, and general pedegree... speaking objectively. And I want her to have the best because she deserves nothing less.
It's so hard to wake up because I dreamt of her everynight, yes, everynight. In the dream, it's always about she coming back, and I treated her nice, and then I realized it's a dram, and woke up in cold sweat. The pain after waking up is so crippling.
Hard to go about doing normal things to,everything I do and everyone I see reminds me of her and of my past self.
I think, and hope she still loves me... I have also recently lost my job, so waking up with no one I care about and no job to go to is extra hard.
I walk now with constant pain, of how I've let her down, let my parents down, let our friends and family down because everyone around us is affected by my stupidity...I'm bearing the consequences... I hope to God, that He will open her eyes, and continue to guide me, so that we may be reunited.
I have resolved to make myself better by going to church, taking classes, and writing her and calling her less.
I want to ask you all, do you believe in redemption, in repentance, in "late maturing", and in Miracles?
I can feel your pain my friend, I really do.
First off, everyone will come to a reasonable conclusion that you are a serial philanderer. You yourself recognize this and so I will not comment any further on the fact that you brought upon it on yourself (Other forumners here have done it sufficiently).
You have already experienced miracles and redemption. Twice. Now you are past the point of redemption.
Now there is only one thing you can do to proof to yourself that you still love her; Leave her alone.
You have to know that YOU are her greatest source of hurt and betrayal. At this point, she wants to have nothing to do with you anymore. She wants to get on a new life, with someone she may not love as much as you but someone who is more dependable and trustworthy than you.
So let your wife continue with her healing process and leave her be. In time she will get over you. She will get to share her life with someone more deserving of her love and trust (even if that someone is, as you said, of a lesser pedegree as compared to you). If you truly love her, then you will be able to live with the grief and pain, know that she is not hurting.
In time, you will get over her too.
PS. What makes you think that the man she is living with now is an opportunist? This is not a rhetorical question. I am interested to know how you arrive at that conclusion.
the way to go now is to tell her that you understand what you've done is unforgivable, you cannot expect her to come back to you after what you've done. but you hope that eventually can still keep in contact as friends.
I think you blew your chances
And if a woman have made up her mind to move on and give up on you...good luck in changing her mind
so long and good night
U r lucky she forgave u twice & on the final one she simply left.
If I were her, I wld make sure you wldnt hav the 4th time to cheat 1st before I left u FOR GOOD.
If there's still redemption, ur redemption will be having all those "fond memories" of your (ex) wife haunting you forever.