Her history is kinda complicated.
She is married at the age of 20 and claimed her hubby (boyfriend) then purposely impregnanted her in order to get her to marry him.After 4 years of marriage with 2 kids.He totally stopped all kinda intimacy with her.His reason is he is too stressful but she found out that he is watching porns from time to time but just dont want to do with her.
During this time her body has changed alot weight from 43/45 kg to 60kg and breast size from C to A/B very saggy.
Her dad commited suicided 4 years back and her husband dont care n dont bothered.At the same time cut all her allowance which was $300 and she decided to come out to work.Since then they stopped talking to each other other then the 2 kids problem.
After working sometime she managed to reduced her weight to 47kg and became very attractive.And for the past 2 years she has took up smoking n clubbings.In that 2 years she had almost 10 diff boyfriends and 1 of them got her impregnanted which she decided to abort it cause that guy kinda wimps.
She has decided to divorce her husband many times but failed.But this time round she is very determined to leave.And she decided to leave becos of me........
sounds really kinda complicated. But if she has decided to leave her marriage for you, I think you should help her along with it, give her advice, be by her side, since you mentioned her r/s w her husband is not a happy one and her kids are starting to show problems. i'm not married so i can't tell you what's the proper advice. but i believe as a mother, maybe she can do some moderation with her drinking and clubbing, not so good influence for her kids if they smell alcohol on her all the time and gradually when they grow up, they'll recognize it.
Firstly, why u doubt her?
Isit cos of her past?
Do u love her anot?
If u really do, u wont be questioning ur love for her right?
Btw, all i can say if u arent willing to take up the respondsibilty to take care of her, dont make her divorce.
And another thing, nothing is confirm till they are divorced.
Originally posted by seotiblizzard:Firstly, why u doubt her?
Isit cos of her past?
Do u love her anot?
If u really do, u wont be questioning ur love for her right?
Btw, all i can say if u arent willing to take up the respondsibilty to take care of her, dont make her divorce.
And another thing, nothing is confirm till they are divorced.
I dont know her past is kinda big mess up.I dont know to love her or not cause I fear I might be hurt cause I have never encounter such a complicated situation before.
I am willing to take up responsibilities to care for her.But she has not gone to the lawyer to proceed the divorce cause she cannot afford the fee.
I do know some woman are those that cannot leave a present relationship till a ship comes along.But I do not want to be the person to break a marriage.
can u take care of her n her children??? will u mind her children?
How long hv you both been together?
the 5 minute wait..
Originally posted by RaTtY8l:can u take care of her n her children??? will u mind her children?
I dont mind taking care of her n her children.However this thing has been sorted out btw her and her husband that he want to keep the 2 kids.
But what shocked me was that she suddenly told me she most likely wont have anymore children as this is her 2nd abortion.1st abortion was when she was in her teens her mum forced her to do so cause of studies.2nd abortion was last year when 1 of the guy purposely impregnanted her but turned out to be a wimp.
We have been together for a month.
5 more minutes.
Originally posted by Lovelyman:I dont mind taking care of her n her children.However this thing has been sorted out btw her and her husband that he want to keep the 2 kids.
But what shocked me was that she suddenly told me she most likely wont have anymore children as this is her 2nd abortion.1st abortion was when she was in her teens her mum forced her to do so cause of studies.2nd abortion was last year when 1 of the guy purposely impregnanted her but turned out to be a wimp.
We have been together for a month.
i think you better think carefully..... most cases i see like yours the guy cannot think rationally anymore to see the situation.
Even if she does leave her husband, she needs time to unbond.
I think you need to disappear from her life for a while. If not, maintain some distance until her divorce ba.
I vote for patience. In your case, good things come to those who wait.
One mth is a bit too short ba..
Are you both walking v close together now? You hv to make sure she is not doing this on impulse, im saying this cos u mentioned she has got abt 10 diff bf over a period of 2 yrs..
Shdnt u both wait a while more?
Originally posted by Aear:Even if she does leave her husband, she needs time to unbond.
I think you need to disappear from her life for a while. If not, maintain some distance until her divorce ba.
I vote for patience. In your case, good things come to those who wait.
The issue now is that she wanted to move in with me ..........
Originally posted by Lovelyman:The issue now is that she wanted to move in with me ..........
Is it because she doesn't have a house?
Or because you have her utmost devotion?
maybe its better to spend more time together to understand her situation before making any rash decisions. RMB THERE'RE STILL THE KIDS THAT WOULD BE AFFECTED
Originally posted by Aear:Is it because she doesn't have a house?
Or because you have her utmost devotion?
Yes she is from malaysia and doesnt has any relatives here or any close friends.Actually she said even she didnt meet me she will still move out and live on her own.But atm her income doesnt allow her to do so.
I do not know if I have her utmost devotion cause its still early to tell.However she is cutting down on her smoking and stopped all her clubbings.
Let the divorce be her thing. Sorry it may sound hard, but its her personal problem with her husband and viceversa.
For the time being you stay out of it. You be just a colleague, or friend, or even "close" friend. She may see you as a wimp too, but don't be the one to break up the marriage. Let her divorce come through first, then only you think of your next course of action. (You can post here again when the time comes.)
Divorce is based on irretrievable breakdown of marriage, and not any other reasons.
Originally posted by mancha:Let the divorce be her thing. Sorry it may sound hard, but its her personal problem with her husband and viceversa.
For the time being you stay out of it. You be just a colleague, or friend, or even "close" friend. She may see you as a wimp too, but don't be the one to break up the marriage. Let her divorce come through first, then only you think of your next course of action. (You can post here again when the time comes.)
Divorce is based on irretrievable breakdown of marriage, and not any other reasons.
Having so many relationships outsider her marriage even got impregnanted isnt irretrievable?Totally ignored n neglected by her husband isnt irretrievable marriage??
I know I am abit emotional but
Lets say a normal unmarried couple.This woman wanna leave her present relationship but feared of being alone and unable to find the next boat.Wait for the next boat to come in order to leave which we knew happen alot of times.However her situation is kinda complicated cause her husband "PURPOSELY" impregnanted her to force her to marry him cause she rejected his proposal alot of time.
Originally posted by Lovelyman:Yes she is from malaysia and doesnt has any relatives here or any close friends.Actually she said even she didnt meet me she will still move out and live on her own.But atm her income doesnt allow her to do so.
I do not know if I have her utmost devotion cause its still early to tell.However she is cutting down on her smoking and stopped all her clubbings.
What will she do if you don't offer a roof?
Let her current situation be a test of faith ba. Her actions hold more weight than what she says. It's a good indication of whether she can be taken seriously.
Mancha is right. Observe, be patient. Then listen to your gut and decide.
Originally posted by Lovelyman:Having so many relationships outsider her marriage even got impregnanted isnt irretrievable?Totally ignored n neglected by her husband isnt irretrievable marriage??
I know I am abit emotional but
Lets say a normal unmarried couple.This woman wanna leave her present relationship but feared of being alone and unable to find the next boat.Wait for the next boat to come in order to leave which we knew happen alot of times.However her situation is kinda complicated cause her husband "PURPOSELY" impregnanted her to force her to marry him cause she rejected his proposal alot of time.
Your feelings are strong but imho, you need to fight them. At least for now. Because it paves the way for mutual trust further down the road.
When it comes to the heart, tread with care and decide with mental clarity. Be tough and don't shortchange yourself.
I understand what U wanna tell me Aear.I can understand your concern.
Thats what I realised about me.I had never have a relationship for the past 5 years since mine last relationship of 5 years.
The emptiness and loneliness in me is making me hard to resist n reject.I realise I need a woman in mine life.She just happened to be there.
But I cannot feel complete trust in this woman.Her histories and she is attracting too many guys.
I dont know if our "honeymoon" feeling will last too.
Originally posted by Lovelyman:Having so many relationships outsider her marriage even got impregnanted isnt irretrievable?Totally ignored n neglected by her husband isnt irretrievable marriage??
I know I am abit emotional but
Lets say a normal unmarried couple.This woman wanna leave her present relationship but feared of being alone and unable to find the next boat.Wait for the next boat to come in order to leave which we knew happen alot of times.However her situation is kinda complicated cause her husband "PURPOSELY" impregnanted her to force her to marry him cause she rejected his proposal alot of time.
Please lah, she and her husband must argue it out in court before a judge. She must prove to that judge, not me or anyone else, that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. She must prove she cannot tahan anymore, to the judge.
You can anyhow get married, but cannot anyhow divorce.
Originally posted by Lovelyman:I understand what U wanna tell me Aear.I can understand your concern.
Thats what I realised about me.I had never have a relationship for the past 5 years since mine last relationship of 5 years.
The emptiness and loneliness in me is making me hard to resist n reject. I realise I need a woman in mine life.She just happened to be there.
But I cannot feel complete trust in this woman.Her histories and she is attracting too many guys.
I dont know if our "honeymoon" feeling will last too.
That's the problem with life, gives you scars.
The bad part about your situation is, she needs time to be emotionally ready for her next relationship. The good part is, it sounds like so far she hasn't let you down.
You understand her history but do you understand her personality? Get to know her on a deeper level, find out more. Spend time together, interact with her children. It gives you the confidence to go further.
When you're in control of your needs and wants from a woman, there is higher chance for success in the choice you make.
Start with smaller steps if you're not comfortable with a sudden leap of faith. Just remember, the final answer comes down to you alone and it doesn't have to be now.
From my view, i think that it is best for you both is to take things slowly. Try to understand what went wrong in the marriage, and if it is really sufficient enough to make a divorce, then divorce. BUT! I still will advice you to take the time to know her well, not rushing into things. There is a movie called ' The Heartbreak Kid ', it is something like your situation, so go watch it. Before you regret. Good luck. =]
leave her.