Should I love this woman?
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You are like cutting this guys heart out man!!!
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Originally posted by Lovelyman:
Her history is kinda complicated.
She is married at the age of 20 and claimed her hubby (boyfriend) then purposely impregnanted her in order to get her to marry him.After 4 years of marriage with 2 kids.He totally stopped all kinda intimacy with her.His reason is he is too stressful but she found out that he is watching porns from time to time but just dont want to do with her.
During this time her body has changed alot weight from 43/45 kg to 60kg and breast size from C to A/B very saggy.
Her dad commited suicided 4 years back and her husband dont care n dont bothered.At the same time cut all her allowance which was $300 and she decided to come out to work.Since then they stopped talking to each other other then the 2 kids problem.
After working sometime she managed to reduced her weight to 47kg and became very attractive.And for the past 2 years she has took up smoking n clubbings.In that 2 years she had almost 10 diff boyfriends and 1 of them got her impregnanted which she decided to abort it cause that guy kinda wimps.
She has decided to divorce her husband many times but failed.But this time round she is very determined to leave.And she decided to leave becos of me........
Those short-lived multifarious relationships that came along after the gradual crumbling of her marriage is a sign of emotional instability and blatantly a need to fill an emotional void. Some people who resort to 'clubbing' to attract 'new mates'. However, that quality of guys from there are pretty bad and those she ends up in a relationship with probably deepened her karmic love cycle and unleashed greater misery in a seemingly unbreakable chain.I am assuming that you got to know her through the similar medium as well. And I must warn you that if your relationship is born out of a classic fling and after that, you then decide to develop it into a relationship - be prepared for serious cognitive dissonance.
Without deliberate conscious effort to steer away, all relationship shall perish the same way it was born (Law of Mirror Ending - CloUdiSm). This law corroborated with the logic that if you want X, then you cannot seek to find X in Y because X is X and Y is Y. Hence, you should seek to find X in X and not X in Y. The process in the metamorphosis in evolving Y into X, although served as a conscious effort to steer away, this decision often promise much misery and disillusionment.
In simple, if I want to eat chicken rice, then I cannot make my way to KFC and then request to order chicken rice. Although source might be similar (chicken), but the primary products that KFC is selling is entirely different from your individual expectation of desiring to consume chicken rice.
Hence, if it born of a fling, it often dies of a fling.
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Her complication in love does not stem from the fact that she is helpless. In fact, she had made many choices in life; just that these choices are decisions that will almost set to plummet the condition of her love life into some karmic crisis in the future (she is facing it after four years marriage).One must understand that 'having no choice' is a choice. Having poor judgement is part of the reason for choice to be undertaken.
Should you decide to pursue this relationship; unless you take active steps to steer the relationship into a brighter path that could ensure better longevity, if not, you will probably perish in this RHC (R`ship of Higher Complication) because you are unable to assist your woman in eradicating her own karmic love ties.
Cheers
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knowing her by just one month only is way too short.
let her sort out her things first.
just remember ... don't commit anything to her.
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like wat others said, let her divorce be her issue... if she really wanted to divorce, she will divorce w or w/o ur presence... if she only divorce cos she "has" u, then u r nothing but a lifesaver...
u only know her for a month... seriously do u really love her? i doubt so, else u won't be starting tis thread... and does she really love u? or u r just thr to fill the void, or be the lifesaver to get her out of her unsatisfying marriage, or a free landlord?
if she really wanted to be with u, let her have a clean cut with her hubby 1st...
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Are u the one or take up this burden to fix this broken woman?
nuf~
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ur a nutcase to be involved with her. wake up friend, you don't know what you're into obviously.
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Originally posted by Lovelyman:
I dont know her past is kinda big mess up.I dont know to love her or not cause I fear I might be hurt cause I have never encounter such a complicated situation before.
I am willing to take up responsibilities to care for her.But she has not gone to the lawyer to proceed the divorce cause she cannot afford the fee.
I do know some woman are those that cannot leave a present relationship till a ship comes along.But I do not want to be the person to break a marriage.
Dude. Wad u mean by dont knw how to love her? The way i see it, in this case, u dont even love her at all. There is ur contradiction.
. U want to be with her, but yet u dont want to destroy a marriage. So, are u concern for her well being? or u just want something? Actually i dont really understand wtf u doing. -
I think you need to give yourself and her more time to develope. One month is too short a time to know if a relationship works.
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Omg she told me something very shocking today.
She had a child with an affair whom she wanna be with but that guy got freaked out and so she had aborted it.But now they still remain as friend.
She also tried to get pregnant with the last guy she was with..........
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she sounds like a really wild girl
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Can you handle her? Can you set her straight? Can you be in control?
If you can, then love her, and set her right.
If you can't, then leave her to her fate. Feel sad, feel bad about it but save yourself.
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Originally posted by Lovelyman:
Omg she told me something very shocking today.
She had a child with an affair whom she wanna be with but that guy got freaked out and so she had aborted it.But now they still remain as friend.
She also tried to get pregnant with the last guy she was with..........
please, dump this girl... -
Thanks for all the concern here.
I really dont know what to do now.I wanna help her protect her n love her but I realised I overestimated myself.
The more she told me of the past 2 years the more I couldnt handle it.
I mean how can U still remain as friend to some1 impregnanted U??
She said she can forgive her mum for causing her dad to commit suicide whom actually died.So why cant she forgive that guy.
1 more situation is that she is still in contact with a guy whom is married and had affair with and EVEN visited his daughter's birthday!!!!!
Wow this is getting more and more I dont know what to say anymore.
I really dont mind of her past but the problem is her past is a present and future problems cause she is still in contact with those "EXs"
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You may be way over your head in this complex relationship. Don't you yearn and long for a simpler relationship - boy meets girl, fall in love, get married, have kids, live happily ever after?
Life isnt a fairytale i do know, but that doesnt mean we cannot live with hope and aspiration, can we?
From what you had written, she leads a rather complex life, her life is total messed up and her values are screwed - a mother of 2, cohabiting with men after men, while still married? What kind of impression is she giving to her kids, or doesnt she love them at all? Even if she did, it is a strange kind of love that will eventually mess up the kids lives later.
Being friends is one thing, but being bedside friends is another. It may sound highly moralistic in this time and age of liberalisation of sexes, but in the end, true love is that exclusive kiss and touch reserved only for the one you love. What meaning of love can there be if she is kissed and touched by any passing men she takes a fancy upon? No matter how 'liberal' you may be, can you or she accept such facts or watch/think either you or her in bed with another and more? Be honest with yourself.
You may be prepared to accept her past and build a new life together, but thing is, is she prepared to let go of her past and way of life? If she doesnt, the chances are high you willdo silly stuff later after much effort had been put in, like skydive without a parachute.
Be a friend if you want....but walk away...she needs to grow up and decide what she really wants and am responsible for....
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was quite puzzled..TS you mentioned she got like 10 different bfs eh?was she divorced already that time?
if she was a good mother herself,she wouldn't have got herself involved in this mess.isn't it?
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just one month into the r/s and u she pin u as her saviour?
wont b surprise if she too tried to impregnate herself once more just to lock u down.
To be honest, i wont even want her to be my fling, not to mention my wife.
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dear ts ,
you mentioned you haven't get into rs since 5 years of singlehood ( tts y diff to resist temptation now) until you met her .. maybe you need some drama in your life temporary , now you have it. but seriously, this is a nightmare. Either you wake up from it or continue living in this drama which will cause you to have the feelings you are having right now for as long as you are with her.
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i think she won't wake up one so unless you're ready for a roller coaster rider you need to keep away from her.
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Sad......
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These few weeks she has stopped going to clubbing and cut down on her smokings as well.She said that she actually wanted to stop going all along.
All the time when her sms comes up she will always wanted me to take a look as well.
She seem to be changing which is positive.
I have been thinking perhaps she is just seeking some1 whom will really love her n treasure her.
The pregnancy matters is that I wonder if she gonna get pregnant again as it seem to be very serious damage to her health since the last abortion.
Oh ya she is a malaysian so she got no friends,relatives here in Sg.Came to work from the age of 20.
I asked her what about her friends the closer 1,she said they r good friends for clubbing but not any serious personal issues.
Can U imagine she is living like a widow from the age of 24 with no friends n relatives to fall back on??
Could it be why she got no one to really talk to and trust with thats why she had been seeking out guys whom can give her comfort which her husband cant.
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I think so. But together with her for one month, do u really know her in and out. I don't think u should be together with her, or commit too much emotions because one month is simply too short a time. Maybe for now, keep a distance from her. But good thing is seems like she is totally honest with u about her complicated past, but u won't know if she is still hiding anything else from you? aiya one month is too short to know a person..If she wanna divorce her husband, how can she say it is becoz of you, clearly in a way that means if u didn't appear into her life at this point, she won't divorce him. That means, u have become a "life boat"
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u shld probably rethink it, together for 1month only, if she can suddenly divorce for u, why cant she do it to u for another guy in future, plus her love life is kinda messy...sort of black record....how is it for the guy to "purposely" imprenate her???sex can choose when impregnate de meh, unprotected sex can prevent de mah why she don stop it....then why 2nd time another guy also....rethink..
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"Can U imagine she is living like a widow from the age of 24 with no friends n relatives to fall back on??
Could it be why she got no one to really talk to and trust with thats why she had been seeking out guys whom can give her comfort which her husband cant."
Don't make excuses for her. She is an adult, with a child.
She chose to act in a destructive way. She choose. And she don't care about the way she behaves. Take heed of that. She blames her circumstances for her behaviour. That means she does not take responsibility for her actions.
When she is with you, everything better goes well all the time for her, because she will blame you when she goes clubbing and picking up men.
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LEAVE THE GIRL. Dont let her problem became your problem just becos u like her.What you ve posted , she seems like those of one kind of lady making use of you .
How can one abort her own flesh and blood ( esp. in her own case two abortions? )She probably did not tAKE HER LIFE SERIOULSY and she could jolly well take you another sex fling to satisy her own needs too.How can you have any thoughts of committing to her ?
Also, you mention she's a Malaysian , she might relying on you in order to gain her citizenship here.
Getting to more dates , will ease your loniness as well as getting know more girls from all walks of life,before settling down.
she's making her life more complicated than ever and I could not imagine dragging you along
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1. You are not calm enough to think about the situation
2. She has yet to mature.
That's why everything seemed complicated and messed up. It's not about SHOULD you love this girl or not, but it's really up to HOW you love her despite knowing her wild nature.
If you can't find any reason to love, then don't. Getting yourself involve among the tension between she and her husband is not going to help at all.