Harassed by female colleague
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Hi, i felt that i got harassed by the new female colleague. Can anyone teach me how to shoo her off?
You see, i just got married, just changed a job. Then one month after i joined the company, theres this indonesian chinese gal who joins the company and is in my department. She knew my manager before she joined the company.
As of today, she joins the company barely for two weeks but on alot of occassions, her actions, gestures indicates that she wants to be close to me.
Examples:
- She "stupidly" ask me why am i so fat, got tummy. And answers herself that, "on nevermind, since you are married and does not bother anymore about physical appearances"
- When she can't finished her food, she ask me to finished it for her (using her used utensils).
- When she's bored, she comes to my desk, stand closely behind my chair. And on 2 occassions, i felt that her breast touches my shoulder. Which means she stands very close to me. So if i turn over, my face might just hit her breast!
- Then she asked if my wife got mind anything about my tummy. I said no, my wife will only carasses it. So she said that, since my wife "sayang" my tummy, she will hit/pat my tummy lor. So, during lunch, she would just hit my tummy for fun. As if i've known her for long, even when manager is with us during lunch time!
- Then theres some plastic bags or boxes on my table, she would just open it up and see whats inside. So rude right? So i just said to her "must you open up anything and see?"
- Today she gave me a tupperware of indonesian beef rendang made by her auntie. At first she said that she wanted to give it to the manager but the manager rejected and said that he had eaten before. Hence she gave me. So, is the rendang really for the manager or for me?
I felt that she should learn how to respect her male colleagues especially when one is married. There were two other male colleagues which was her university classmates but she don't treat them like this. Why me? How come me? Its not that i'm rich nor i'm good looking. Somemore i'm married!
Aren't she's ashamed of herself?
She is only 25 this yr, single and complains about no boyfriend.
Can anyone teach me how to stop this kind of harassement? Of course, i dont' want to be that fierce to insult her or be mean to her. But how can i make it known to her that i don't want all these attention and i'm married?
Note: I only appreciates good advices. If your "advice" was meant to be a joke, asking me to seize this chance and screw her, then you'll be automatically ignored.
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tis is an obvious case of sexual harassment.
not very proper cos one day it may affect your work. Hv u thought abt talking to your manager or HR abt this? Surely they can talk to her subtley to back off?
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How bout letting your manager know? (he knows also rite?)
Since they have known each other already, then perhaps your manager could have a word with her....... without embarassing her la.
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to add on,tell her that you feel uncomfortable when she do this kind of stuff also,at least she will know your feelings.
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Hi Dvon & Lorry,
My manager knew it but did not think much about it. Sometimes he would jokingly said "how can you treat a married guy like that?".
As for HR, well, no intention to tell lah. Don't want the whole company to know. And furthermore, i am still under probation, so i don't want to sound like i got so many problems.
I really feel like telling it to my manager.
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Originally posted by eeden.:
to add on,tell her that you feel uncomfortable when she do this kind of stuff also,at least she will know your feelings.
How should i tell her? I mean, in what kind of tone?Cos the whole IT dept, theres only my manager, me and her. So i don't want this to blow up and make it embarassing for her or rather for us. Cos we working under the same roof.
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Hey, although i'm only 16 but i think i already have a adult mindset. Since you don't wanna bad negative effect to happen, i can give you some advise but it might not work, but i do really want to help.. If i were you..
Firstly, i would tell my wife all these thing so as to avoid her being angry and feeling i'm a jerk after we married.
2ndly, since you know the "lady" know the boss, depending on how much they know each other, then you should decide whether to tell your boss. What i mean is, think first. If the boss treat that "lady" very well or whatever reasons, you might get fired or perhaps get him and "lady" angry.. I don't know how to explain myself in 2nd point, but i think you understand what i mean..
Thirdly, do not ever REJECT someone especially a lady infront.. Since you know, lady gossip a lot, i don't mean all but most do. That "lady" might tell other people that how good she treat you and this is how you treat her back or mayb something like talking bad behind you..
I think that is all the point i thought of now, there might be more if i think of later. Sorry for my broken english, i just wanna help you out :D
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You are focused on yourself. You are thinking "I am a married man, I have a wife." And you are worried for your married life, or for your wife.
I too always have female colleagues giving me special attention in office. That is because they like me, and because they are relaxed around me. And I am married too. I take it in my stride, their jokes, their pokes, their touches when they speak, their standing very close, their always offering me something to eat. This happens in every company that I worked in, there is always someone, or a bunch of them. I enjoy their company and comradeship, and we work very well together. My wife meet them at company D&D and all goes on well. I don't have any thought of taking advantage of their friendliness. I just reciprocate their generosity.
Don't be too selfconscious with a friendly, gregarious gal. And don't have thoughts too. Just be appreciative.
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yeah, i totally agree mancha... mayb you are just too focuse that point, but of course, you dun like it and think u might be cheating ur wife or something like that.... u can avoid as well
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Originally posted by Hawk Eye:
Note: I only appreciates good advices. If your "advice" was meant to be a joke, asking me to seize this chance and screw her, then you'll be automatically ignored.
i think you should seize the chance and screw her. really i do think that way if you can live with that.
if you don't want to, you have to let her know you're married its not good for a married man to be with a girl this way, might spoil a girl's reputation. Tell her you care for her don't want to spoil her reputation invite gossip.
if after saying stuff like that she still don't want to stop then ho seh liao lor.she definitely wants you and willing fight with your wife for you. so before saying anything also must prepare rejection speech in case instead of warning her only become warning+rejection.
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Originally posted by Hawk Eye:
Hi, i felt that i got harassed by the new female colleague. Can anyone teach me how to shoo her off?
You see, i just got married, just changed a job. Then one month after i joined the company, theres this indonesian chinese gal who joins the company and is in my department. She knew my manager before she joined the company.
As of today, she joins the company barely for two weeks but on alot of occassions, her actions, gestures indicates that she wants to be close to me.
Examples:
- She "stupidly" ask me why am i so fat, got tummy. And answers herself that, "on nevermind, since you are married and does not bother anymore about physical appearances"
- When she can't finished her food, she ask me to finished it for her (using her used utensils).
- When she's bored, she comes to my desk, stand closely behind my chair. And on 2 occassions, i felt that her breast touches my shoulder. Which means she stands very close to me. So if i turn over, my face might just hit her breast!
- Then she asked if my wife got mind anything about my tummy. I said no, my wife will only carasses it. So she said that, since my wife "sayang" my tummy, she will hit/pat my tummy lor. So, during lunch, she would just hit my tummy for fun. As if i've known her for long, even when manager is with us during lunch time!
- Then theres some plastic bags or boxes on my table, she would just open it up and see whats inside. So rude right? So i just said to her "must you open up anything and see?"
- Today she gave me a tupperware of indonesian beef rendang made by her auntie. At first she said that she wanted to give it to the manager but the manager rejected and said that he had eaten before. Hence she gave me. So, is the rendang really for the manager or for me?
I felt that she should learn how to respect her male colleagues especially when one is married. There were two other male colleagues which was her university classmates but she don't treat them like this. Why me? How come me? Its not that i'm rich nor i'm good looking. Somemore i'm married!
Aren't she's ashamed of herself?
She is only 25 this yr, single and complains about no boyfriend.
Can anyone teach me how to stop this kind of harassement? Of course, i dont' want to be that fierce to insult her or be mean to her. But how can i make it known to her that i don't want all these attention and i'm married?
Note: I only appreciates good advices. If your "advice" was meant to be a joke, asking me to seize this chance and screw her, then you'll be automatically ignored.
1) introduce her to your single friends.
2) find a correct time n place to say this line "ermm... (name), if i give u the impression that i'm interested, i'm sorry." -
Just enjoy it
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I think you might be thinking too much.....
Are you someone who is rather jovial...?
Or perhaps it is she who is rather jovial....thats just her personality.
It might not mean she is "harassing" you "romantically" please dont mistake this particular point, otherwise people might think your head is getting too big.
So my own suspicion is that it is just a combination of personality, maybe you are a little fat and look jovial, and she likes to joke with you, thats all.
As to any "confrontation" or "telling her to stop" , I seriously do not recommend you to take such an action, because it will be very awkward and will go down badly.
At most what you can do is to be less responsive, put a cool face, and so on. After some time she will be developing some distance with you naturally.
Remember, dont say anything openly.
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Errm.......me auntie liao.
And I normally pat my friend's tummy (from 18 to 55 years old men).....or I used to open up their wallets to make sure they have some cash in them. Pretending to be just kaypoh.
Your collegue is as macha mentioned, is just ultra friendly. But if you like some Singaporean guys needs to be ultra uptight. Then warn her off about touching your tummy, with the suggestion that your wife dont allow other females to touch you.
Then if she still continues, then make it known to the rest of the world that she touch your tummy and scares away your toto luck, and that you are not happy.
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dude this is life, just dun cross the line, stay faithful, everyone's stressed.
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just tell her politely tat u dun feel comfortable being so close with a gal.
it kinda works for me when told tat to my indian coli.. he is those ang moh pai fair indian, always like to hug ple as a frenly gesture.
until i told him actually i do not feel comfortable with tat gesture. he never does it again.
of cos, tat female coli of urs must noe how to catch the ball la..
i always shoot tat indian coli of mine until now he seldom talks to me le...!!
haahaa!!!
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point to your ring and smile at her
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hahas i like the part where point at the rings and smile to he, hahas
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Remember what I said.
Dont do or say anything too directly.
Just be a little less responsive, thats all.
The best solution for you.
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Originally posted by Hawk Eye:
Hi, i felt that i got harassed by the new female colleague. Can anyone teach me how to shoo her off?
You see, i just got married, just changed a job. Then one month after i joined the company, theres this indonesian chinese gal who joins the company and is in my department. She knew my manager before she joined the company.
As of today, she joins the company barely for two weeks but on alot of occassions, her actions, gestures indicates that she wants to be close to me.
Examples:
- She "stupidly" ask me why am i so fat, got tummy. And answers herself that, "on nevermind, since you are married and does not bother anymore about physical appearances"
- When she can't finished her food, she ask me to finished it for her (using her used utensils).
- When she's bored, she comes to my desk, stand closely behind my chair. And on 2 occassions, i felt that her breast touches my shoulder. Which means she stands very close to me. So if i turn over, my face might just hit her breast!
- Then she asked if my wife got mind anything about my tummy. I said no, my wife will only carasses it. So she said that, since my wife "sayang" my tummy, she will hit/pat my tummy lor. So, during lunch, she would just hit my tummy for fun. As if i've known her for long, even when manager is with us during lunch time!
- Then theres some plastic bags or boxes on my table, she would just open it up and see whats inside. So rude right? So i just said to her "must you open up anything and see?"
- Today she gave me a tupperware of indonesian beef rendang made by her auntie. At first she said that she wanted to give it to the manager but the manager rejected and said that he had eaten before. Hence she gave me. So, is the rendang really for the manager or for me?
I felt that she should learn how to respect her male colleagues especially when one is married. There were two other male colleagues which was her university classmates but she don't treat them like this. Why me? How come me? Its not that i'm rich nor i'm good looking. Somemore i'm married!
Aren't she's ashamed of herself?
She is only 25 this yr, single and complains about no boyfriend.
Can anyone teach me how to stop this kind of harassement? Of course, i dont' want to be that fierce to insult her or be mean to her. But how can i make it known to her that i don't want all these attention and i'm married?
Note: I only appreciates good advices. If your "advice" was meant to be a joke, asking me to seize this chance and screw her, then you'll be automatically ignored.
seems like u r oversensitive over her actions.. shes jz friendly so dun tink so much... she mite jz find u easy 2 get along n can crap arnd wif u... or would u rather 2 hv a backstabbing coli who makes fun of ur stomach behind ur back? -
Yeah, I think she's just being friendly and you're just being oversensitive. Girls at her age tend to be a bit more "friendly" cos they are still unattached or not married. Not that they are desperate or anything...
Dun think too much about until she really overtly does something.
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Originally posted by xzx:
Hey, although i'm only 16 but i think i already have a adult mindset.
Lols
Originally posted by Shotgun:Yeah, I think she's just being friendly and you're just being oversensitive. Girls at her age tend to be a bit more "friendly" cos they are still unattached or not married. Not that they are desperate or anything...
Dun think too much about until she really overtly does something.
Agreed. She's not trying to harass you or stuff. Rather, it is her way of being friendly. Perhaps you're being a little oversensitive here
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From what i read....
it looks like she's more into ur tummy than you...
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Originally posted by Q.C.Pak:
From what i read....
it looks like she's more into ur tummy than you...
Then he should get rid of the tummy!
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Originally posted by mancha:
You are focused on yourself. You are thinking "I am a married man, I have a wife." And you are worried for your married life, or for your wife.
I too always have female colleagues giving me special attention in office. That is because they like me, and because they are relaxed around me. And I am married too. I take it in my stride, their jokes, their pokes, their touches when they speak, their standing very close, their always offering me something to eat. This happens in every company that I worked in, there is always someone, or a bunch of them. I enjoy their company and comradeship, and we work very well together. My wife meet them at company D&D and all goes on well. I don't have any thought of taking advantage of their friendliness. I just reciprocate their generosity.
Don't be too selfconscious with a friendly, gregarious gal. And don't have thoughts too. Just be appreciative.
How long have you known your female colleagues? I've just joined this company for no longer than 3 months. And that girl joined not even 3 weeks! Of course, if we've known each other for long, i'll feel comfortable with her attention towards me. But not at such an early stage right?I am not feeling that i'm cheating on my wife. Instead, i told my wife about this. But this is just the personal side of me that don't want such attention. However, if i've known her for long, it will be different lah.