Harassed by female colleague
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Originally posted by xzx:
Hey, although i'm only 16 but i think i already have a adult mindset. Since you don't wanna bad negative effect to happen, i can give you some advise but it might not work, but i do really want to help.. If i were you..
Firstly, i would tell my wife all these thing so as to avoid her being angry and feeling i'm a jerk after we married.
2ndly, since you know the "lady" know the boss, depending on how much they know each other, then you should decide whether to tell your boss. What i mean is, think first. If the boss treat that "lady" very well or whatever reasons, you might get fired or perhaps get him and "lady" angry.. I don't know how to explain myself in 2nd point, but i think you understand what i mean..
Thirdly, do not ever REJECT someone especially a lady infront.. Since you know, lady gossip a lot, i don't mean all but most do. That "lady" might tell other people that how good she treat you and this is how you treat her back or mayb something like talking bad behind you..
I think that is all the point i thought of now, there might be more if i think of later. Sorry for my broken english, i just wanna help you out :D
Hi, thanks for your points. My manager is fair towards us. This is something which i'm glad to have such a manager. But i don't think this will leads to being sack.
However, i do agree with you that girls are not to be offended even if they are in the wrong. Generally, they are simply too narrow-minded.
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Originally posted by oldbreadstinks:
i think you should seize the chance and screw her. really i do think that way if you can live with that.
if you don't want to, you have to let her know you're married its not good for a married man to be with a girl this way, might spoil a girl's reputation. Tell her you care for her don't want to spoil her reputation invite gossip.
if after saying stuff like that she still don't want to stop then ho seh liao lor.she definitely wants you and willing fight with your wife for you. so before saying anything also must prepare rejection speech in case instead of warning her only become warning+rejection.
Fight with my wife? Not for now since she don't know my wife. And i think its still too early.
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Originally posted by Rednano:
1) introduce her to your single friends.
2) find a correct time n place to say this line "ermm... (name), if i give u the impression that i'm interested, i'm sorry."
We are not even friends yet. -
I think you should not be too over reactive over this.
There are some girls who are one of the guys. They just being one of the guys.
You should just learn to live with the extra attention, and learn to enjoy it.Making a big deal with it will not do anyone good in the office.
You can jokingly tell her - stomach cannot anyhow touch, reserve for wife only !!! Any how touch must pay $10 next time.
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sometimes i feel male are often at a disadvantage when they wanted to complain on sexual harrassment from female colleages..
But do try to keep a distance from her and maybe she will get the ans.
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Originally posted by Meat Pao:
I think you might be thinking too much.....
Are you someone who is rather jovial...?
Or perhaps it is she who is rather jovial....thats just her personality.
It might not mean she is "harassing" you "romantically" please dont mistake this particular point, otherwise people might think your head is getting too big.
So my own suspicion is that it is just a combination of personality, maybe you are a little fat and look jovial, and she likes to joke with you, thats all.
As to any "confrontation" or "telling her to stop" , I seriously do not recommend you to take such an action, because it will be very awkward and will go down badly.
At most what you can do is to be less responsive, put a cool face, and so on. After some time she will be developing some distance with you naturally.
Remember, dont say anything openly.
Thanks for your advices (in red)!I'm not really jovial but i don't think i'm a boring person. Infact, i am serious when i'm at work. As for her, up to this stage, i don't know what kind of person she is.
I've been less responsive to her. I don't join in the conversation between her and my manager. I try to portray the image like "only talk business when working. No private matters." But sometimes, i do pass sarcastic remarks to her, hoping she will distance away from me.
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i wish i was TS.
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Hi Hawk Eye, I think you can try telling her verbally to show some respect to you since you're already married and those actions such as having physical contacts are not acceptable. If she continues to behave this way, you should bring it up to the attention of your direct superior who is your dept manager. If your manager is biased against you, you can always report this matter to HR.
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Originally posted by storywolf:
I think you should not be too over reactive over this.
There are some girls who are one of the guys. They just being one of the guys.
You should just learn to live with the extra attention, and learn to enjoy it.Making a big deal with it will not do anyone good in the office.
You can jokingly tell her - stomach cannot anyhow touch, reserve for wife only !!! Any how touch must pay $10 next time.
I beg to differ. Hawk Eye is not make a fuss out of it. If it happens only once or twice, then she's probably foolish at the point in time. But if she continues to do that, it isn't acceptable and there is a limit on what we can tolorate. I am sure Hawk Eye's wife won't be happy about it either. -
Originally posted by eagle:
Then he should get rid of the tummy!
Oei oei!
Ahem.. ahem... out of topic ah!
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Originally posted by Hawk Eye:
Oei oei!
Ahem.. ahem... out of topic ah!
keep fit, prolong life to maximum efficiency, if by natural death... -
As others said, she might just be friendly, trying to get to know you since she already knows the manager. After all, the three of you are the only ones in that Dept.
You could also find a chance to try and show her how loyal you are to your wife, so if she does have any thoughts about fighting over you, she would realise that you love your wife very much and would not split with her for any reason.
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you just play her game la...
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Originally posted by Hawk Eye:
How long have you known your female colleagues? I've just joined this company for no longer than 3 months. And that girl joined not even 3 weeks! Of course, if we've known each other for long, i'll feel comfortable with her attention towards me. But not at such an early stage right?I am not feeling that i'm cheating on my wife. Instead, i told my wife about this. But this is just the personal side of me that don't want such attention. However, if i've known her for long, it will be different lah.
Not all female colleagues are alike.
They can size you up instantly.
The social ones get friendly immediately.
The shy ones take some time to warm up to you.
The vicious ones hate you because... they hate you.
Which is preferable, one that likes your tummy, or one that hates your guts.
As long as she is not making a pass at you, or trying to seduce you, its ok, just enjoy it and work happily. Don't do anything you shouldn't be doing.
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Don't bother about her...Maybe her boobs are a little too heavy and didn't really realise that they are landing on your shoulder.. (don't laugh it DOES happen...)
Be nice...And smile..
She sounds like those kind of real irrtants..who seem to enjoy poking into other ppl's life. Perhaps it could be that there are only u, her and ur manager in the same dept and she just wanted to be "friendly"?
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Originally posted by eagle:
Then he should get rid of the tummy!
Use tummytrim
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Originally posted by Penny.lj.ying:
Don't bother about her...Maybe her boobs are a little too heavy and didn't really realise that they are landing on your shoulder.. (don't laugh it DOES happen...)
Be nice...And smile..
She sounds like those kind of real irrtants..who seem to enjoy poking into other ppl's life. Perhaps it could be that there are only u, her and ur manager in the same dept and she just wanted to be "friendly"?
Ya, and I'd reply... "eh I know they are heavy, but dun rest on my shoulder leh, later i sprain it how?"
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Trying to get her to stop doing that and showing discomfort when that girl does that will only make her feel hornier! Girls love guys who don't like them. If this woman really bothers you all you need to do is become a pervert and she will stay clear of you all of a sudden. Like put up racy calenders talk dirty and touch her back when she touches you. But haha you won't do that will you? Noooo i'm sure you enjoy the attention, LOL
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So many replies that i don't know who to reply to.
Thank you all for your precious advices. Except for some "naughty" ones. Heh...
So yesterday, she asked me how was the rendang. I said very nice, taste more like chicken cos the meat is soft. And she said the meat was from expensive part of the cow. Dunno which part lah. But i won't deny it. Its very nice!
Then i was leaving my desk, heading gents to wash my cup. Then she asked where am i going. Then i said "toilet lor. You want to follow me ah?" The colleagues nearby my desk laughs at my response.
Hmm... why would she want to ask where i'm going leh? Its either i'm going to other desk for support or to the toilet mah. And somemore its way after lunch time, i can't be going out to have lunch mah.
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u thk too much liao lah. as long as u don't do anything funny, it's ok. it takes two hands to clap. complaining or been unfriendly creates only bad vibes in the office. jus go along with the flow but don't cross the line is the best thing to do lah.
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Originally posted by Hawk Eye:
So many replies that i don't know who to reply to.
Thank you all for your precious advices. Except for some "naughty" ones. Heh...
So yesterday, she asked me how was the rendang. I said very nice, taste more like chicken cos the meat is soft. And she said the meat was from expensive part of the cow. Dunno which part lah. But i won't deny it. Its very nice!
Then i was leaving my desk, heading gents to wash my cup. Then she asked where am i going. Then i said "toilet lor. You want to follow me ah?" The colleagues nearby my desk laughs at my response.
Hmm... why would she want to ask where i'm going leh? Its either i'm going to other desk for support or to the toilet mah. And somemore its way after lunch time, i can't be going out to have lunch mah.
The best solution is to introduce her to unattached males like me so she will divert her attention. :-D (just kidding) -
Originally posted by xzx:
Hey, although i'm only 16 but i think i already have a adult mindset. Since you don't wanna bad negative effect to happen, i can give you some advise but it might not work, but i do really want to help.. If i were you..
Firstly, i would tell my wife all these thing so as to avoid her being angry and feeling i'm a jerk after we married.
2ndly, since you know the "lady" know the boss, depending on how much they know each other, then you should decide whether to tell your boss. What i mean is, think first. If the boss treat that "lady" very well or whatever reasons, you might get fired or perhaps get him and "lady" angry.. I don't know how to explain myself in 2nd point, but i think you understand what i mean..
Thirdly, do not ever REJECT someone especially a lady infront.. Since you know, lady gossip a lot, i don't mean all but most do. That "lady" might tell other people that how good she treat you and this is how you treat her back or mayb something like talking bad behind you..
I think that is all the point i thought of now, there might be more if i think of later. Sorry for my broken english, i just wanna help you out :D
you're stupid for even suggesting that...do NOT tell your wife. It'll only make her jealous and angry that you're not doing anything. James Bond doesn't complain to his boss when someone is making him feel uncomfortable. Because ONE, nothing makes him feel uncomfortable. and TWO, he handles all his problems by himself.
So settle this James Bond style. Look at her in the eyes and tell her to get away from you. Be serious - do not joke; do not smile. Tell her that there's no way she's going to get you because you are happily married and she's not your type. If you want to take it up a notch, tell her she's ugly. She'll probably cry, but just give her a piece of tissue and send her on her way. If she becomes crazy and stalks you or tries to screw with your marriage life..THEN tell your wife. but be sure to mention everything that you did too. and constantly remind your wife that you love her. Simple as that. Remember, James Bond is every man's role model.
this is not a joke...
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You better becareful, wait she put gong tao on you.
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she pretty or not? if not pretty, tell her what you feel honestly. if pretty, just sit back and enjoy the pampering but don't go overboard. be real, dun popomama.
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I think it is more of a culture differences.
Maybe her way of behaviour is normal for her country.
As you are friendly with her in the first place, so maybe she treat you as her office buddy and likes to fool around with you.
For you, if you are not comfortable to her, you can talk to her in the pantry, but, prepare to get cold shoulder from her after the talk.