Im lost at what to do...
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Hi pple...
guess some of u might know that sometime ago, i had the pro of unable to let go of a r/s that had ended...it has been 4mths later that i decided to hv 100% no communication w/ him and now it has been ard 1mth+
now here is the pro, after all these times, i still find that i still long 4 him, miss him etc and somehow this is giving me a hard time...i mean, despite the fact that i actually hv many things to do, frds to go out w/ etc, i still miss him!
so now what shld i do? shld i continue to hv 100% no communication w/ him...will i really get over it? or shld i try to hv him back? but 1 thing is, i dun 1 to hv a r/s where im not appreciated...coz some of my frds told me, if he really cherish u, he will come looking 4 u...but tt doesn't seems to be the case and i dun 1 to put myself in any of such situtation where i felt tt he dun value me...but at the same time, there is the saying which goes, u shld fight 4 ur own happiness...
wat shld i do???
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mi is here for u ...and mi will cherish u forever...
Since he does not cherish u, then 101% no communication would be the best.
There might be others out there looking at u...just look around...they are there...like mi
I guess u hav had enough of him liao...all the worries and him not cherishing u...hav a clean break and move on.
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i am a gentleman
Check for your smiley here -
if things r as easy done like wat is said, i dun think i will be here posting after all these time spent away fr him rite?Originally posted by sgboy2004:mi is here for u ...and mi will cherish u forever...
Since he does not cherish u, then 101% no communication would be the best.
There might be others out there looking at u...just look around...they are there...like mi
I guess u hav had enough of him liao...all the worries and him not cherishing u...hav a clean break and move on.
_____________
i am a gentleman
Check for your smiley here -
pick up a new sports, go out wif other friends...including guys...go dating wif other guys lor...join SDU...
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i am a gentleman
Check for your smiley here -
think he has already given up n probably on the look out for new gals n ya shopuld move on too
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move on, move on...get a new guy...wif qualities like mi can liao...
mi volunteer.
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i am a gentleman
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juz to add on the reason he gave is tt he finds tt he shld improve himself and he dun 1 any r/s at the moment....Originally posted by harryryan:think he has already given up n probably on the look out for new gals n ya shopuld move on too -
ur signature ans 4 meOriginally posted by sgboy2004:move on, move on...get a new guy...wif qualities like mi can liao...
mi volunteer.
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i am a gentleman
Check for your smiley here
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You were the one who decided to have 100% no communications with the fella and now you regret.
Every actions have results. You made the decision, you accept consequences. doesn't get any simpler than that. -
if i dun hv no communictions w/ him, he juz 1 a frdship while i still hv feelings 4 him...then how am i suppose to do?Originally posted by Flight Cadet Officer:You were the one who decided to have 100% no communications with the fella and now you regret.
Every actions have results. You made the decision, you accept consequences. doesn't get any simpler than that. -
still stay away from him till u are ready to accept him as a friend again...be cruel if u hav to...better protect yourself, esp. your own feelings...let it settle down first...Originally posted by hopy:if i dun hv no communictions w/ him, he juz 1 a frdship while i still hv feelings 4 him...then how am i suppose to do?
take care, hopy
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i am a gentleman
Check for your smiley here -
maybe youcan even meet the guys on the forum......think some guys here are quite nice......rite guys?but if they start to buaya...than pull out n retreat straight away.
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that really depends on how you break his heart.
you know guys are not psychic, they can't predict what you want, like, dislike, feel, know etc.
If you were the one who initially decided to break contact, but still have feelings for him, I reckon you should go talk it out with him. -
i knew him online 2...once bitten twice shy...think i will give online r/s a miss....Originally posted by harryryan:maybe youcan even meet the guys on the forum......think some guys here are quite nice......rite guys?but if they start to buaya...than pull out n retreat straight away. -
no, he is the 1 who 1 the break up and tt we juz remain as frds....but i tried and found tt i can't remain as juz frds as i still hv feelings 4 him...tt's y i need to let the feelings die....Originally posted by Flight Cadet Officer:that really depends on how you break his heart.
you know guys are not psychic, they can't predict what you want, like, dislike, feel, know etc.
If you were the one who initially decided to break contact, but still have feelings for him, I reckon you should go talk it out with him. -
The aim of zero communication is not to forget him... it is attempting to gradually diminish that sort of heated passion and love you have for him to such small measures - you are able to accept that it is no longer love.Originally posted by hopy:Hi pple...
guess some of u might know that sometime ago, i had the pro of unable to let go of a r/s that had ended...it has been 4mths later that i decided to hv 100% no communication w/ him and now it has been ard 1mth+
now here is the pro, after all these times, i still find that i still long 4 him, miss him etc and somehow this is giving me a hard time...i mean, despite the fact that i actually hv many things to do, frds to go out w/ etc, i still miss him!
so now what shld i do? shld i continue to hv 100% no communication w/ him...will i really get over it? or shld i try to hv him back? but 1 thing is, i dun 1 to hv a r/s where im not appreciated...coz some of my frds told me, if he really cherish u, he will come looking 4 u...but tt doesn't seems to be the case and i dun 1 to put myself in any of such situtation where i felt tt he dun value me...but at the same time, there is the saying which goes, u shld fight 4 ur own happiness...
wat shld i do???
The reason why you are unable to leave this spot of yours is because you constantly habour the thought and possiblilty that he may come back to you. Why bother so much about whether he will or will not come back to you as you could and *have to* leave everything to fate?
As your habour those thoughts, your heart will revert back to original status and all your effort in trying to diminish this liking is not achieve - instead a period of sadness and hurt when memories rekindled.
You so *sure* the missing is about him and not because there is no longer somebody there that you could depend on? People don't like to change - especially when relation has gone for so long and now reality is like forcing you to adapt. This missing is very likely the fear/uncomfortability/stress, etc that moving on *alone* in life brings. You miss all these stabilities and security.
Therefore all these factors doesn't = to him alone that creates that missing.
P.S: When people say you have to fight for your own happiness - it refers to situation where you may have did nothing and this advice is trying to get them to do something. The thing is that you did all you can and it still this relation is gone - this saying isn't applicable to you.
For so long already - I can tell you, your bf is already moving far ahead of you and probably he won't even be thinking of you than his work, possible crush, new interest, new friends, etc. If you don't drop the idea of being together with him again and just throw everything to fate *WITHOUT* expecting a miracle to happen, you will just remain there in that circle.
Singlish Advice: *Aiya, if future together than together lor... you think so much about the future for what? Possiblility of future being together is also quite low, then what for you ponder so much also. You think of being together once again, your bf don't even feel the same, what for?*
Cheers -
oh ok... well hmm ... i doubt you can be friends than, unless your able to control if he's found himself a gfOriginally posted by hopy:no, he is the 1 who 1 the break up and tt we juz remain as frds....but i tried and found tt i can't remain as juz frds as i still hv feelings 4 him...tt's y i need to let the feelings die.... -
i understd tt all these feelings could be only dependence...but somehow i dun think it is...or i hope im wrong...i am really trying....so does tt mean tt ur advice would be to hang on and continue w/ wat im doing now?Originally posted by Yunhaier:The aim of zero communication is not to forget him... it is attempting to gradually diminish that sort of heated passion and love you have for him to such small measures - you are able to accept that it is no longer love.
The reason why you are unable to leave this spot of yours is because you constantly habour the thought and possiblilty that he may come back to you. Why bother so much about whether he will or will not come back to you as you could and *have to* leave everything to fate?
As your habour those thoughts, your heart will revert back to original status and all your effort in trying to diminish this liking is not achieve - instead a period of sadness and hurt when memories rekindled.
You so *sure* the missing is about him and not because there is no longer somebody there that you could depend on? People don't like to change - especially when relation has gone for so long and now reality is like forcing you to adapt. This missing is very likely the fear/uncomfortability/stress, etc that moving on *alone* in life brings. You miss all these stabilities and security.
Therefore all these factors doesn't = to him alone that creates that missing.
P.S: When people say you have to fight for your own happiness - it refers to situation where you may have did nothing and this advice is trying to get them to do something. The thing is that you did all you can and it still this relation is gone - this saying isn't applicable to you.
For so long already - I can tell you, your bf is already moving far ahead of you and probably he won't even be thinking of you than his work, possible crush, new interest, new friends, etc. If you don't drop the idea of being together with him again and just throw everything to fate *WITHOUT* expecting a miracle to happen, you will just remain there in that circle.
Singlish Advice: *Aiya, if future together than together lor... you think so much about the future for what? Possiblility of future being together is also quite low, then what for you ponder so much also. You think of being together once again, your bf don't even feel the same, what for?*
Cheers -
y i say abt the fighting 4 happiness is becoz, i think last time both of us r still rather young n immature...dun really know how to handle things well...if given a 2nd chance, things might not be as bad? or maybe will still be the same...but...really wished to hv tt chance again...at least will hv no regrets...
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oops...true...true...you should try not to meet n start a serious relatioship with someone on line.... abit risky.....Originally posted by hopy:i knew him online 2...once bitten twice shy...think i will give online r/s a miss....
u just need someone to care for you..... someone to fill the gap.....u can always go out with frens or spend time with your family.....
since ya already made up your mind.....no point wanting to go back to him....cos if you do....he will just treat u like dirt,worse than before. -
happen 2 mi once...took mi abt 2 yrs 2 get over him...used 2 hate him alot...bt nw mi felt tt his a victim 2...shldn't hv treat him so cold...still can b frenz...kinda nei ju...
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You have decide upon to leave that circle since the previous time - don't ever turn back. The minute you do, you not only wasted the time and effort in trying to lead a better life - instead you will be undergoing emotional turmoil once and again.Originally posted by hopy:i understd tt all these feelings could be only dependence...but somehow i dun think it is...or i hope im wrong...i am really trying....so does tt mean tt ur advice would be to hang on and continue w/ wat im doing now?
It is not only sense of dependance, the sense of security that a boyfriend could give, a sense of togetherness, a sense of someone to care, and all the good positive sense of a relation. You missed those - which made you indirectly missed him because he gave you all that once.
You can't turn back now - you can only move forward. Time passed, don't just throw in a miracle - you have to strenghtened out your own thoughts and clear your mind. Because if you don't, I guarantee you will post back topic again saying you can't forget, leave him, etc.
Cheers -
ya...tt's wat i hv been telling myself so tt i will not go to him...if he cherish me, he would come to me n not me to him rite....*sigh*Originally posted by harryryan:oops...true...true...you should try not to meet n start a serious relatioship with someone on line.... abit risky.....
u just need someone to care for you..... someone to fill the gap.....u can always go out with frens or spend time with your family.....
since ya already made up your mind.....no point wanting to go back to him....cos if you do....he will just treat u like dirt,worse than before. -
2yrs to get over it? how long was ur r/s? and who wanted the break?Originally posted by ^mm^:happen 2 mi once...took mi abt 2 yrs 2 get over him...used 2 hate him alot...bt nw mi felt tt his a victim 2...shldn't hv treat him so cold...still can b frenz...kinda nei ju... -
thks i know i shld move on...but...sigh...i really hope like wat u say such feelings will disappear w/ time...guess wat i shld do now is to perserve on huh?Originally posted by Yunhaier:You have decide upon to leave that circle since the previous time - don't ever turn back. The minute you do, you not only wasted the time and effort in trying to lead a better life - instead you will be undergoing emotional turmoil once and again.
It is not only sense of dependance, the sense of security that a boyfriend could give, a sense of togetherness, a sense of someone to care, and all the good positive sense of a relation. You missed those - which made you indirectly missed him because he gave you all that once.
You can't turn back now - you can only move forward. Time passed, don't just throw in a miracle - you have to strenghtened out your own thoughts and clear your mind. Because if you don't, I guarantee you will post back topic again saying you can't forget, leave him, etc.
Cheers