Thinking of living alone.
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Hi everyone, much needed advice here.
Im a female, turning 21 this year and have recently thought of living alone with a colleague when she expressed interest in buying a house together and co-owning it.
My family is religious and very strict, especially my dad. He controls just about everything in my life; my job, my friends, the way i dress and even the tv shows i watch and frankly im getting sick of it. I have numerous times tried to sit down and talk to my parents about my unhappiness, but they are conservative and think that only their opinion matters and i should just follow whatever they decide for me.
Instance 1: My first perm job was as a manager at a convenience store and i really liked it there. There are times where i have to work after hours as i hate to leave my work unfinished or the store unruly, and when my staff are having problems, they would call me at home and i would give them advice over the phone. My parents think i place my staff above family and whenever im working late, they would repeatedly call and shout for me to come home thus disrupting my work flow. I do not agree since whenever i have my off days, i do stay at home and spend time with them like eating out together, shopping with my little sisters and taking off for BBQs and holiday trips etc.
In the end i quit the job because my father said im neglecting my religion and the family and that im doing too much for the company. He disapproved of my previous job at Sentosa and made me quit also when i came home at 11pm one day after eating out with my colleagues courtesy of the manager because we achieved our target sales.
Instance 2: I have a bf, and right from the beginning my father told me i cant hold hands with him. Above all, i seldom even watch tv but just recently whenever i do find the time to sit down and watch my fav shows, he would come and tell me to switch the channel and watch a religious forum with him. There was one time he forced me to sit with him while the forum talks about MARRIED WOMEN BEING ABUSED, just because i have a bf.
Also, my father does not allow any of his daughters to overnight at a chalet, even though we're already 21years old and even if its an all-girls chalet because he has a negative outlook of the world and thinks overnight-ing is not our religion's 'way of life'.
These are just some instances from the many other things i do not see eye-to-eye with him. And when i expressed the desire to live alone and to finally be independant and make my own decisions now, he told me that if i leave, i can forget about coming back home. He won't look for me and he would regard me no longer part of the family.
Of course, financially and mentally i am ready to live alone, but thinking about the future, i am a bit hesitant. I would need my father to give me away when i get married in the future and what if after living alone for a few months i realise its not something i want to do in a long run; i do not have the luxury of returning home and reconciling with my family.
Help me pleaseee, ur comments are much appreciated!
Thank you.
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You might need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your parents.
In their view, it may seem that they are doing these things for your own good.
But if views differ, you should tell them how you feel.
Bout the living alone with your colleague part, but at the end of the day.
Family is still the best, cherish them while you can.
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live outside for a while, and see if u like it anot lor
at the same time can gain experience of surviving without parents
its good training
and anyway, ur dad is kinda too protective, haha
about the move out part, just make it temporary 1st, and move out for a few wks or so
and tell ur parents nicely about the move out part, say u want experience living alone all these
dont be like, super bad temper and storming out kind of pattern
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Your father seems to be over strict with you and i understand why you would feel like moving out. Have you ever tried having a proper talk with him?
Hes trying to protect his children but maybe not in best possible way.
Somehow i feel that telling him you want to move out might lead to really serious arguments and affect the family relationship.
Would it be easier if you spoke to your mum and maybe seek her advice before approaching your dad?
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Originally posted by Haneys88:
Hi everyone, much needed advice here.
Im a female, turning 21 this year and have recently thought of living alone with a colleague when she expressed interest in buying a house together and co-owning it.
My family is religious and very strict, especially my dad. He controls just about everything in my life; my job, my friends, the way i dress and even the tv shows i watch and frankly im getting sick of it. I have numerous times tried to sit down and talk to my parents about my unhappiness, but they are conservative and think that only their opinion matters and i should just follow whatever they decide for me.
Instance 1: My first perm job was as a manager at a convenience store and i really liked it there. There are times where i have to work after hours as i hate to leave my work unfinished or the store unruly, and when my staff are having problems, they would call me at home and i would give them advice over the phone. My parents think i place my staff above family and whenever im working late, they would repeatedly call and shout for me to come home thus disrupting my work flow. I do not agree since whenever i have my off days, i do stay at home and spend time with them like eating out together, shopping with my little sisters and taking off for BBQs and holiday trips etc.
In the end i quit the job because my father said im neglecting my religion and the family and that im doing too much for the company. He disapproved of my previous job at Sentosa and made me quit also when i came home at 11pm one day after eating out with my colleagues courtesy of the manager because we achieved our target sales.
Instance 2: I have a bf, and right from the beginning my father told me i cant hold hands with him. Above all, i seldom even watch tv but just recently whenever i do find the time to sit down and watch my fav shows, he would come and tell me to switch the channel and watch a religious forum with him. There was one time he forced me to sit with him while the forum talks about MARRIED WOMEN BEING ABUSED, just because i have a bf.
Also, my father does not allow any of his daughters to overnight at a chalet, even though we're already 21years old and even if its an all-girls chalet because he has a negative outlook of the world and thinks overnight-ing is not our religion's 'way of life'.
These are just some instances from the many other things i do not see eye-to-eye with him. And when i expressed the desire to live alone and to finally be independant and make my own decisions now, he told me that if i leave, i can forget about coming back home. He won't look for me and he would regard me no longer part of the family.
Of course, financially and mentally i am ready to live alone, but thinking about the future, i am a bit hesitant. I would need my father to give me away when i get married in the future and what if after living alone for a few months i realise its not something i want to do in a long run; i do not have the luxury of returning home and reconciling with my family.
Help me pleaseee, ur comments are much appreciated!
Thank you.
Hmmm... You should tell them that this is your own life and you only got to live on this Earth once (and hence link to the point that you should make your own decisions).. Tell them that your generation and their generation very different... I strongly feel that you shouldn't let your parents (especially your dad) to affect you in a very bad way...
And also, in what way they said that you are negliecting your religion?
By right at the age of 21, you should have a lot of freedom already.... So.....
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I think your dad needs a shrink ......
you know, those overly protective fathers who were overboard in "protecting" their dotters ... some shrinks may tell you they actually have closet incest urges ..... like that josef fritzl fellow in austria ... being protective of daughters is one thing ... going overboard, is an indication of some serious issues.
and a more telling thing would be that he seeks an escape in religion ... one should always be suspicious of people who go overboard in religion, any religion .... they tend to be twisted one way or the other .... either blowing themselves and 50 others up with them ... or they go after little boys and their dotters and the like ... so they turn to religion in a bid to punish themselves or seek an absolution ... when, really, they should really go see a shrink ... instead of a priest who'd tell them that they are sinning .....
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to Q.C. Pak : Have already sat down with my parents and tried to voice my unhappiness countless of time, but we always end up arguing and in the end ill give up and keep quiet and let him lecture me. And then we ll stop talking for a few days and eventually start talking again.
to gigabyte: exactly! somehow i think living alone is something everyone has to try out at least once in a her/his lifetime...if only i can make my parents see that.
to dkcx: my mum has learnt over time not to argue with my dad because its pointless, he will never agree to something he feels strongly about so she agrees to his every opinion...without my dad, my mum is more lenient really....just that my dad is a driving factor backing up the family..
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Btw.. what religion is TS talking about? should be Abrahamic in nature..
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what channel in tv is a religious channel?
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not a religious channel, but a show.....u know....
when they have these forums and they broadcast live telecast from Malaysia.
I think you know what religion im talking about by now.
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u wear tudung?
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But you must know, very religious people have very strong faith so it is very hard to change their mindset
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Originally posted by Haneys88:
to Q.C. Pak : Have already sat down with my parents and tried to voice my unhappiness countless of time, but we always end up arguing and in the end ill give up and keep quiet and let him lecture me. And then we ll stop talking for a few days and eventually start talking again.
to gigabyte: exactly! somehow i think living alone is something everyone has to try out at least once in a her/his lifetime...if only i can make my parents see that.
to dkcx: my mum has learnt over time not to argue with my dad because its pointless, he will never agree to something he feels strongly about so she agrees to his every opinion...without my dad, my mum is more lenient really....just that my dad is a driving factor backing up the family..
just assure them lor
like telling them u will be staying for a few wks, but u will also go home to visit
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Originally posted by Master -_-:
u wear tudung?
fk la
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Originally posted by Master -_-:
u wear tudung?
Hor hor!
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Originally posted by motoway:
Hor hor!if i like moto moto liddat sho uglee me also wan live alone !
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Originally posted by thehappybunny:
if i like moto moto liddat sho uglee me also wan live alone !
U basket. Nothing do come suan me rite.
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what do you mean by religious, and what religion?
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Originally posted by Haneys88:
Hi everyone, much needed advice here.
Im a female, turning 21 this year and have recently thought of living alone with a colleague when she expressed interest in buying a house together and co-owning it.
My family is religious and very strict, especially my dad. He controls just about everything in my life; my job, my friends, the way i dress and even the tv shows i watch and frankly im getting sick of it. I have numerous times tried to sit down and talk to my parents about my unhappiness, but they are conservative and think that only their opinion matters and i should just follow whatever they decide for me.
Instance 1: My first perm job was as a manager at a convenience store and i really liked it there. There are times where i have to work after hours as i hate to leave my work unfinished or the store unruly, and when my staff are having problems, they would call me at home and i would give them advice over the phone. My parents think i place my staff above family and whenever im working late, they would repeatedly call and shout for me to come home thus disrupting my work flow. I do not agree since whenever i have my off days, i do stay at home and spend time with them like eating out together, shopping with my little sisters and taking off for BBQs and holiday trips etc.
In the end i quit the job because my father said im neglecting my religion and the family and that im doing too much for the company. He disapproved of my previous job at Sentosa and made me quit also when i came home at 11pm one day after eating out with my colleagues courtesy of the manager because we achieved our target sales.
Instance 2: I have a bf, and right from the beginning my father told me i cant hold hands with him. Above all, i seldom even watch tv but just recently whenever i do find the time to sit down and watch my fav shows, he would come and tell me to switch the channel and watch a religious forum with him. There was one time he forced me to sit with him while the forum talks about MARRIED WOMEN BEING ABUSED, just because i have a bf.
Also, my father does not allow any of his daughters to overnight at a chalet, even though we're already 21years old and even if its an all-girls chalet because he has a negative outlook of the world and thinks overnight-ing is not our religion's 'way of life'.
These are just some instances from the many other things i do not see eye-to-eye with him. And when i expressed the desire to live alone and to finally be independant and make my own decisions now, he told me that if i leave, i can forget about coming back home. He won't look for me and he would regard me no longer part of the family.
Of course, financially and mentally i am ready to live alone, but thinking about the future, i am a bit hesitant. I would need my father to give me away when i get married in the future and what if after living alone for a few months i realise its not something i want to do in a long run; i do not have the luxury of returning home and reconciling with my family.
Help me pleaseee, ur comments are much appreciated!
Thank you.
Obey your parents so that you may live long and fruitful.
If you trust me, you don't want to live alone or co-sharing a place with your colleague.
Ask yourself, how many more years can you still spend it together with your parents?
Nothing in this world can never buy you more time to spend with them.
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ur dad says u are placing ur job above family, but I think he is placing religion over you! it sounds like ur dad has his insecurities and he needs to place more trust in you and not treat u like a kid (well, u r a kid no matter how old u r in ur parents' eyes). (Tell them whos boss) First thing, u need to prove to him that u have already grown up and that u can be trusted But, Dont ever breach a person's trust cos its difficult to get it back. Secondly, try to interact ur family wif ur bf more often. I'm sure they will accept him if they find him he is a guy that can be trusted with and reliable. Any father in the world would not want his daughter to be placed in a wrong person's hands. This is a matter of trust issue. Ur father is conservative, but I think that he treats u this way because u r a gal.
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Originally posted by Haneys88:
Hi everyone, much needed advice here.
Im a female, turning 21 this year and have recently thought of living alone with a colleague when she expressed interest in buying a house together and co-owning it.
My family is religious and very strict, especially my dad. He controls just about everything in my life; my job, my friends, the way i dress and even the tv shows i watch and frankly im getting sick of it. I have numerous times tried to sit down and talk to my parents about my unhappiness, but they are conservative and think that only their opinion matters and i should just follow whatever they decide for me.
Instance 1: My first perm job was as a manager at a convenience store and i really liked it there. There are times where i have to work after hours as i hate to leave my work unfinished or the store unruly, and when my staff are having problems, they would call me at home and i would give them advice over the phone. My parents think i place my staff above family and whenever im working late, they would repeatedly call and shout for me to come home thus disrupting my work flow. I do not agree since whenever i have my off days, i do stay at home and spend time with them like eating out together, shopping with my little sisters and taking off for BBQs and holiday trips etc.
In the end i quit the job because my father said im neglecting my religion and the family and that im doing too much for the company. He disapproved of my previous job at Sentosa and made me quit also when i came home at 11pm one day after eating out with my colleagues courtesy of the manager because we achieved our target sales.
Instance 2: I have a bf, and right from the beginning my father told me i cant hold hands with him. Above all, i seldom even watch tv but just recently whenever i do find the time to sit down and watch my fav shows, he would come and tell me to switch the channel and watch a religious forum with him. There was one time he forced me to sit with him while the forum talks about MARRIED WOMEN BEING ABUSED, just because i have a bf.
Also, my father does not allow any of his daughters to overnight at a chalet, even though we're already 21years old and even if its an all-girls chalet because he has a negative outlook of the world and thinks overnight-ing is not our religion's 'way of life'.
These are just some instances from the many other things i do not see eye-to-eye with him. And when i expressed the desire to live alone and to finally be independant and make my own decisions now, he told me that if i leave, i can forget about coming back home. He won't look for me and he would regard me no longer part of the family.
Of course, financially and mentally i am ready to live alone, but thinking about the future, i am a bit hesitant. I would need my father to give me away when i get married in the future and what if after living alone for a few months i realise its not something i want to do in a long run; i do not have the luxury of returning home and reconciling with my family.
Help me pleaseee, ur comments are much appreciated!
Thank you.
You are already 21
While that does not mean that you are wise, it means that you should be able to understand that there are consequences to your actions.
As long as you are willing to face the consequences (for the benefits, fun, pleasure, life, experiences) you can do anything you want.
Some people know that what they do might land them in jail but they do it anyway. If you are not willing to go to jail, then dont do it. If you are, then it is up to you!
Only thing I would advice you is dont buy a property jointly with a friend!!! You will have many headaches further down the road..
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What type of religion is that sia... first time i hear such things before... you father is a control freak... you got bf, cannot even hold hand... might as well dont even have one then... if like that go on.. i think your father will tell you not to call him saying you place him higher than the family.... what ever you do your father dont seems to understand... Is ya father from china????????????????????
Oh my god... this is insane... try talking to ya mother... and somebody that does not side with ya father... what ever religion you might have, i dont think it is right to be so into it. Too much...
If you were my daughter I would be happy because you are willing to work late and work hard for your career... you father is abit abnormal... want you to come home and such... cannot stay over at chalet blah blah blah... haiz.... nonsense!!!
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The dad is driven by FEAR.
He fears for his reputation as a religious person.
He fears his manhood position in the family is being eroding.
He fears for his standing in the eyes of his community.
He fears for the honour of his family.
His authoritarian stance is just a facade for his FEARS.
He lacks LOVE, to him the most important word is " I ".
I don't want you to...... I want you to......, I this, I that, everything I.
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Seems like alot of people here are extremely unhappy with their parents.
Even though you don't like your parents, that doesn't means it is right to advise other people to follow you.
If we are unable to understand our parents and realised their intentions behind their strict restrictions upon us, then we have failed in our duty as their children and we are not good children either.
Everybody here will be a parent one of these days, if you are unable to fully comprehend your parents, then you will only end up becoming a bad parent in your own future.
It's not easy to be a parent and let alone becoming a good one in the future.
If it's really that easy to be a good parent, then every Ah Kao Ah Mao also can be a good parent and nobody will ever have family problems in the future.
So please give the right advice even though you do not like it. But if you're uncomfortable doing so, then you can refrain from swaying another child to join you.
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well, I'm telling you guys ... the dad reminds me of josef fritzl .....
the symptoms are the same .... that austrian nutcase was a control freak over his daughter too .... and after his daughter started going out with another boy .......
some people are punishing themselves and hiding behind the cloak of religion, when they could have probably gotten better with the help of a good shrink ....