Shd I make my move?
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Hey ppl, need some advice on whether I shd enter into a relationship.
Just to clarify, I am 22 this year, in a local uni.
I got to know this girl in January. She is in one of my weekly classes but we take different but equally demanding courses. We are groupmates.
Some basic facts/problems:
1) She is most likely single( her facebook profile) and from conversations with her and her frens, there is nothing to suggest that she is attached. And we shd proceed on the assumption that she is not.
2) I noticed that in many one on one photos that she took with guys, the guy had his hand on her shoulder. However, the problem is that the guy in the photos are always different. In other words, perhaps(fortunately) she does not have a superb close relationship with any guy yet.
3) She has many frens(both guys and gals), both within and outside sch. I noticed that sometimes one or two guys tend to tease her by pulling her hair when they spring from behind. She did not seem to object.
4) Currently, on a scale of 0-10(0 being total strangers and 10 being the best of friends), I would rate the level of closeness between us as 7. During exam period, I do join her for study sessions with her group of frens (both guys and gals included). I even had the opportunity to have lunch with her on a couple of occasions. We talk about almost everything, but mainly sch work, mutual frens and family.
5) We do not really exchange smses on a daily basis. But I try to sms her occasionally iust to keep in touch. But sometimes I noticed she may not reply my smses( I do not ask qns that intrude on her privacy though).
6) I am not aware of any competitors as of yet. But this might be due to the fact that I do not spend enough time with her to know who is always with her (different courses, timetables and schedules). Recently though, when I chanced upon her in sch, she mentioned that she was on her way to meet a male fren(for reasons unknown). She even told me who that guy was but perhaps that was because I also know that guy although not very close.
7) Recently, i faced some pressing personal issues. I called her to talk to her and she did say that I can call her anytime to talk about them. But I am quite sure that because of her very nice character, she would have told any other relatively good guy fren the same if they were faced with similar problems.
8) As mentioned before, both of us are quite busy students but I will definitely find some time for her if I do commit to this relationship.
9) I have not been in any previous relationships before and I think the same can be said of her( facebook and Friendster testimonials/comments). The reason why I am attracted to her is because I think she is quite attractive but most importantly she has the qualities that I would like in a potential gf/spouse.
So now, I am hesitant about going all out to go after her. This is due to the fact that I am not very comfortable with points 2 and 3. But then again, could I be too old-fashioned and conservative? Does points 2 and 3 mean anything? Or just the guys trying to get fresh? On a side note, is it a trend for guys to do that(teasing and placing arms on shoulder) in a 1 on 1 photo, even when the girl is not their gf ? And would most girls just consent to such actions?
I would appreciate any sensible and well-intentioned advice on whether I should make my move. Thanks in advance!!
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if u dun try u never know.
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From what you said, it seems that this girl is so friendly that she has a lot of guy friends. Ask urself this question 1st: Why is it that she is still not attached yet, if judging from what you said, that she seems to be attractive? Surely there would be some people chasing her, and yet she is still single? What could be the reason? Could it be due to some personality of hers that you had not seen yet? Or could it be that she don't want to be attached at this stage? Or could it be she is waiting for someone?
Secondly, are u the easily jealous type? Let it be known that with a personality like hers, she is the friendly type who probably put her friends above most things. If u 2 are to be together, would it bother u that she may spend more time with her friends than u?
From what i observe, u 2 aren;t really that close and very general, if all u talk about is mainly school work, family and friends. Try to know her more by talking more personal things. Know more about her likes and dislikes. If I am not wrong, u should be having ur exams soon. Ask her out ALONE for a movie/dinner date or something, and try to know more about her after your exams.
Do not think too much about where u are now in terms of ur relationship with her. Rather, think of it as getting to know a person better, and if she really suits u, go further into it. If not, hey, at least u have made a good friend.
Gd luck.
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Yep, if she is attractive & surrounded by many guys, there must be a reason why she's still single. Then again, it could be because she has many guy friends that's causing it (each guy would think she's so popular that she probably has a lot of suitors; so don't waste time).
Anyway, you don't know her thoughts on this matter. Besides getting to know her, you should get to know her friends too(especially female ones). They can provide you with further info/ammo.
Ya, nowadays it's common for guys n gals to be more physical even though they are not close or just platonic friends. Some say it's just friendliness, but I personally believe it's more than that; there's an undercurrent.
You wouldn't easily touch an unattractive person, would you?
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should you make a move?
No. remain a virgin forever.
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u can test her heart.(of course not saying u love her)
then u make e choice.
another thing is u might need more time to noe her.
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Firstly, thxs to all who replied.
To nanren4ever:
I dun think I am the jealous/possessive kind. And definitely I won't mind if she spends more time with her frens(male and female) unless of cos it is just with another particular guy. This is because I see nothing wrong in her spending time studying with her group of frens since both of us studied courses that are totally disparate and it would be much more beneficial if she studied with ppl who takes the same subjects and the same goes for me too. (Me joining her during the exam period was just to spend some time with her, apart from that, we were actually studying separate subjects together) I believe in mutual trust and respect in a r/s and I really mean it. But of cos I would mind if shd we get attached, other guys still continue to tease/put their hands on her shoulder and she did not object. And I am sure all guys will agree with me right?
To MissZ:
I presume u are advising from the point of view of a female? I currently know two of her very close friends. I did actually thought of asking one of her best friend like directly, but isn't it rather strange/embarassing? Esp if I decide not to enter into this r/s. Oh well, i suppose I must be much bolder then?
To AEW 5001:
What does it mean by to test her heart? Droping a very obvious hint?
But one doubt that still lingers on: Is there anything significant about the fact that she does not mind other guys putting their arms on her shoulder when they are just normal friends?
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Originally posted by student 17:
To AEW 5001:
What does it mean by to test her heart? Droping a very obvious hint?
by observing her a bit closer, understanding her perhaps thru her close frens, etc.i'm not saying u must love her wholeheartedly.
btw most likely single =/= single.
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when a breeze wafts through the windows of your (room) ... u take pleasure and enjoy it while it lasts, do u close the ... to own it and make it yours, or capture it to sustain the delightful experience, if u do it, eventually it will turn stale and suffocate and one is forced to open the ... to feel ok.
It would be wise to understand that love cannot be possessed, its a subjective expereince, existential and to objectify or quantify it is to reduce it into a thing, a thing is dead .... the wise would love and relate and understand that the uncertainty of it allows for peak expereinces and certainty is making something permanent - own it and not allow it to evolve. Hence the predicament - the fear of loving another. ....
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i disagree with linking "physical" with "being in a relationship" or "undercurrents". i hardly bother or notice whenever a guy friend puts his arms on my shoulders or the small of my back. she's just the friendly type.
anyway, you should just go for it.
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Cassie, so intuitive, thats the way to go :)
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Student 17,
You need not be direct ma..
Can hint hint one..You can say, 'wah, so & so, you have so many boyfriends ah..' (Depending on the situation )Then see how she reply lor..That is provided you both friendly enough for you to joke with her like that.Do her close friends have boyfriends? Can 'kek' ask them also ma..Their boyfriends may also be able to give you a more objective point of view (since they are not close to her).
'But one doubt that still lingers on: Is there anything significant about the fact that she does not mind other guys putting their arms on her shoulder when they are just normal friends?'
I really do not know. But in my own opinion, at this age, there's a lot of posturing. She could be trying to portray this image of being an open, friendly & popular gal. Most important, YOU must be comfortable with that. No point being with her & yet she continues to make you uncomfortable. Either that or once you're with her you could bring the topic up. It's impt that you both have similar values.
You are NOT old fashioned & conservative. It's healthy to have some beliefs & principles. Respect yourself, if not then others will just walk all over you.
I know I wouldn't like my partner to be casual with touching other ladies!
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How you move also no use if the girl just lie there and stare blankly at the ceiling.I think by now you know that she is not into you.
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-random-
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To AEW 5001:
So the only way to ascertain that she is single is thru asking her or her close friends?
To MissZ:
Hmm, yes, I shall try to find suitable opportunities to drop subtle hints and observe her responses.
AFAIK, only 1 of her close friends is attached. But I dun think that person is in my uni(probably somewhere in NS), so unless i go add him as a fren on fb and ask him(which is very very weird, he might even think i am crazy), I dun think i can get much help from the bfs of her close friends. Anyway, thanks for reasuuring me that it is healthy to have one's own beliefs and principles.
To Short Ninja:
Would u like to elaborate on why you think she is not into me? Meaning she only treats me as a normal friend?
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If you feel that shes the 1 for you, just give it a try.
Physial contact with between girls and guys these days i would say are pretty common between good friends and since you mentioned you are not easily jealous, that should not be an issue.
Either ask her friend or her personally if you are really interested in her. Ask yourself how much do you really feel she is the right 1 for you. If you are certain just go for it if not you might regret it in future esp you remain hesitant till some guy manage to cut queue and win her before you.
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I don't really know how to.. advice you much on this.
But i agree with MissZ.
You can try hinting her about it,
See hows her respond so you can make further steps on.
But do stop if she acts really weird.
But i think you should spend time like,
Go out with her and add 2-3 people,
Example go for an outing,
Beach? Zoo.
Just to understand her better.
Good Luck okay! :D -
Make your move, strike while the iron 's hot . I believe your efforts 'll not be wasted
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x
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Hmm, what you described her to be sounds quite the same as a girl who was my classmate last year. She was very popular and such.
She also had a lot of guy friends and they too laid their hand over her shoulder and stuff like that occasionally. She was single and seemed not to be in search for a boyfriend. In the end it turned out she liked me and she asked me out and stuff. Sadly for her I was not interested. She tried to ask me out a couple more times during that school year and in the end she gave up I guess.
But the reason im saying this to you is as following. The dudes who teased her and hands on her shoulder and so on, told her she was hot and stuff and they weren't shy about it or something like it. Since I didnt told her she was hot or made it clear that i was interested, maybe i was therefore the one she liked.
So my conclusion is that most girls (even the most popular ones) dont like guys who are physical in a friendly way (as i call it) in the manner of potential boyfriends, but more as friends. There are exceptions of course.
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Originally posted by student 17:
Hey ppl, need some advice on whether I shd enter into a relationship.
Just to clarify, I am 22 this year, in a local uni.
I got to know this girl in January. She is in one of my weekly classes but we take different but equally demanding courses. We are groupmates.
Some basic facts/problems:
1) She is most likely single( her facebook profile) and from conversations with her and her frens, there is nothing to suggest that she is attached. And we shd proceed on the assumption that she is not.
2) I noticed that in many one on one photos that she took with guys, the guy had his hand on her shoulder. However, the problem is that the guy in the photos are always different. In other words, perhaps(fortunately) she does not have a superb close relationship with any guy yet.
3) She has many frens(both guys and gals), both within and outside sch. I noticed that sometimes one or two guys tend to tease her by pulling her hair when they spring from behind. She did not seem to object.
4) Currently, on a scale of 0-10(0 being total strangers and 10 being the best of friends), I would rate the level of closeness between us as 7. During exam period, I do join her for study sessions with her group of frens (both guys and gals included). I even had the opportunity to have lunch with her on a couple of occasions. We talk about almost everything, but mainly sch work, mutual frens and family.
5) We do not really exchange smses on a daily basis. But I try to sms her occasionally iust to keep in touch. But sometimes I noticed she may not reply my smses( I do not ask qns that intrude on her privacy though).
6) I am not aware of any competitors as of yet. But this might be due to the fact that I do not spend enough time with her to know who is always with her (different courses, timetables and schedules). Recently though, when I chanced upon her in sch, she mentioned that she was on her way to meet a male fren(for reasons unknown). She even told me who that guy was but perhaps that was because I also know that guy although not very close.
7) Recently, i faced some pressing personal issues. I called her to talk to her and she did say that I can call her anytime to talk about them. But I am quite sure that because of her very nice character, she would have told any other relatively good guy fren the same if they were faced with similar problems.
8) As mentioned before, both of us are quite busy students but I will definitely find some time for her if I do commit to this relationship.
9) I have not been in any previous relationships before and I think the same can be said of her( facebook and Friendster testimonials/comments). The reason why I am attracted to her is because I think she is quite attractive but most importantly she has the qualities that I would like in a potential gf/spouse.
So now, I am hesitant about going all out to go after her. This is due to the fact that I am not very comfortable with points 2 and 3. But then again, could I be too old-fashioned and conservative? Does points 2 and 3 mean anything? Or just the guys trying to get fresh? On a side note, is it a trend for guys to do that(teasing and placing arms on shoulder) in a 1 on 1 photo, even when the girl is not their gf ? And would most girls just consent to such actions?
I would appreciate any sensible and well-intentioned advice on whether I should make my move. Thanks in advance!!
If 2 and 3 are your only problems, then you have no case not to go after her. She lets guys pull her hair and so on could be because she "does not belong to"/"is not in a relationship" with anyone.
Since you are quite close to her, why not just ask her directly?
"Don't you find it irritating that so and so pulled your hair?"
...and ask her directly about boyfriends
"How is it you never introduce me to your boyfriend?" or something like that.
Then you know.
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To dracas:
Thanks for yr invaluable advice. Yes, I will definitely try to get to know her better before making any further advances. And I will definitely bear in mind yr final advice regarding studying hard. But I am confident this will not distract me from my studies as my GPA is currently quite healthy (I compared it with my fellow classmates taking the same courses). The reason why I think I should get a gf in uni is becos my future occuaption is going to be very hectic and stressful and I probably will not have time to find a potential partner then. I entered uni with the mentality that getting a gf is important but not urgent. But since I think that this girl is likely to be the right one for me(we do share certain similarities in interest and idiosyncrasies), I think I should make use of the holidays to try and know her better.
To Glenn_nl:
I do hope you are right after all, haha, or it is just that she is placing her studies as first priority.
To AndrewPKYap:
Thxs for some useful hints to probe her relationship status, haha.
Thxs to all others who replied succinctly to show encouragement.
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its is better
if u just ask if she is single or not
then think later
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Originally posted by student 17:
To AEW 5001:
So the only way to ascertain that she is single is thru asking her or her close friends?
there r many ways; it's how u want to do it.
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well, finish your studies first.
brainy's best advice, singlehood is the best.
i lazy to read your wall of text*