why i don't dare?
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why is it that 20-20 plus yo guys seem to like girls younger than them?and not 19 or what,but sec sch??
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cause gals mature faster than guys. thats probably the reason why young gals prefer to be with older guys no? =_=
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maybe..and somemore i'm not very experience with girls and i think mature woman are quite hard to handle with or i think too much? it depends on what kind of quality woman.
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Its quite obvious actually that you have a fear of rejection, in this case it is a particular fear of rejection from a cute or attractive girl that you deem to be so.
It is called Caligynephobia, the fear of beautiful women (probably related to shyness and fear of rejection) [Seems like it does not interfere with your daily working life and leisure time and daily functioning]
It can also be classified as Venustraphobia depending on the extent it interferes with your daily life and functioning. It is an abnormal and persistant fear of beautiful women. The main keywords are Abnormal (being consistently unable to adapt and function effectively in a variety of conditions) and Persistant (over a prolonged or excessive period of time).
Allow me to share my experiences with you so that you will feel that you are not alone as you think you are. Here goes nothing:
"Frankly, i also share the same problem as you as I will inevitably get tensed up when i see a certain girl i love but can never able approach her without feeling so anxious and worked up. As i result, I can never ever talk to that particular someone in person face to face, even though my feelings to her are quite deep rooted in my heart.
I tried to overcome this problem by talking to her via MSN Messenger but after i while i did something foolish as my feelings for her are so deep and i want to express them to her but I can never do so face to face and she was graduating soon from JC and i could not delay any longer.
In order to show her that i really liked her i said these exact words on MSN Messenger: "You are perfect in my eyes". This made her say that she liked a certain someone already.
Even though we said we could still be friends, after that fateful day where I was really desperate till i rushed things too fast, she began to avoid me everytime I saw her in school for so many months.
It was heart wrenching and it really made me feel so empty and upset and regretful about my actions till I feel into depression. Consequently, i was sequentially referred to the School Counseller, the Principal and finally the Psychiatrist and Psychologist to treat my mental and emotional trauma.
Even up till today, i couldnt forgive myself and part of me hated myself for what i have done and how insensitive i was.
But i managed to clear things up recently by sending her an email telling her why I liked her(because she was outgoing, had a cute and lovely smile and was modest in what she does) and why she was important to me. I also expressed my desire to want things to be back to they were before and to be just friends again to forget everything that has happened and to seek a New Beginning.
She replied me via her SMS that she forgave me and even asked me to focus on my studies(as she knows im into Biomedical Research). She also told me to forget everything and the impact her actions had on me and my family as I recently had suicidal thoughts because of her (that i didnt disclose to her). She even told me to cheer up and live life to the fullest as I only have one life only.
After reflecting on this issue, it seems I get a clearer understanding of my confused emotions and how to move forward from here. Even though Im unsure on how to communicate to her in a more sensitive light and what should I do to proceed with this important relationship to me to make this attractive, confident, modest and well-dressed girl to like me better and also to know her more without having this excessive fear of rejection again.
Anyways, my greatest and most sincere thanks to the thread starter to allow me to express my confused feelings and emotions in a more objective manner. =)
PS: ALL THE BEST in your relatonship with this girl you really are attracted to as I understand what you are going through and know how much you can really like someone but find it excessively difficult to approach her no matter how much your heart longs to do so.
Just approach her and talk to her casually while smiling a lot as the smile is a universial gesture that you feel affectionate with someone. Also keep on telling yourself that you are worthy of her affections and believe in yourself and your strengths.
If all else fails, just be as confident as you can be as this type of experience is quite rare and you may regret it later (trust me, i have been in that horrible, excruciating experience many, many times).
However, as time flies you cannot deny you may find girls in your new found social circle in your new Secondary school, JC, Polytechnic or University as you move on with your academic career and graduate to institutes of higher education.
So if I were you and if you will not see her again, just move on with your life as you should never ever limit yourself to one girl only as there may be others out there that you never noticed before that are also close to you emotionally."
Heres a quote i will like to share with you by Alexander Graham Bell that I think applies to both our situations, to say the least:
"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us." -- Alexander Graham Bell Source: http://www.quoteworld.org/quotes/1168
Links you might want to visit to help you keep in touch with your emotions and for you to do further Research on the subject matter:
http://www.google.com.sg/search?hl=en&q=caligynephobia&btnG=Google+Search&meta=&aq=f&oq= (For Caligynephobia)
http://www.google.com.sg/search?hl=en&q=venustraphobia&btnG=Google+Search&meta=&aq=f&oq= (For Venustraphobia)
http://delpanicoalaalegria.com/Social_phobia.htm (Social Phobia)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abnormal_psychology (Abnormal Psychology)
http://net-burst.net/hot/cope.htm (Handling Rejection)
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Behind the facade - these guys (of course , not all lar) - afflicted with male chauvinist piggery lar - as for all the espousals - its a shot in the dark.
As for maturity, if one is supposedly mature - Does one (he/she) not accept the immaturity of another?
The way i see it - fulfil self-love, self-esteem, self-responsibility# - the first ripple(s) is either from one's centre or the periphery of one's being, from the periphery - one is held hostage lar
# - not to be confused as it is often with other-love, other-esteem, other-reponsibility - these is from outside given/imposed, one partakes of it and makes it one's own when the reality is the source of all these .... is not from within. when the other/source is no longer there - one feels anxious, insecure ....
Just knowing is enough!
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To Doom995 or any other broken soul here wants to have a heart to heart talk with me on any particular pressing issue that has been on your mind for a long time till you need someone who has been through almost everything you are feeling now to counsel you and also to give you advice:
You are free to message me or even add me on MSN Messenger so that we can have a heart to heart talk.
My email is [email protected].
All the best to everyone who visited this thread and also for you to have a successful academic career ahead of you all to give back to society. Cheers!! =D
PS: Off topic here but the reason I wanted to be a Biomedical Researcher was because I wanted to alleviate suffering in the world, by eradicating illnesses one by one till the end of my life, that cause numerous helpless, hopeless and worthless souls in the world that are suffering and even dying day by day to make them see the light again.
This is for them to be normal functioning human beings like us with limbs that are not amputated (due to Gangrene or Diabeties Mellitus) or fractured badly as these people cannot even walk anymore and have to rely on a wheelchair to move around for life or even a close relative to push them around all the time and as a result lose their sense of independence.
Some also even lose their sense of sight due to Cataracts or Muscular Degeneration of the eye muscles that prevents them from focusing on any image. The sense of sight is something we all always take for granted till the moment we lose it someday due to unfavourable circumstances such as aging or other illnesses caused by pathogens (disease causing agents like harmful bacteria (as some bacteria are beneficial to our survival as seen from an extract from Wikipedia on the article on Gut Flora,
"Most bacteria come from the genera Bacteroides, Clostridium, Fusobacterium,[8][2][10] Eubacterium, Ruminococcus, Peptococcus, Peptostreptococcus, and Bifidobacterium.[2][8] Other genera such as Escherichia and Lactobacillus are present to a lesser extent.[2]
Species from the genus Bacteroides alone constitute about 30% of all bacteria in the gut, suggesting that that genus is especially important in the functioning of the host.[3]
The currently known genera of fungi of the gut flora include Candida, Saccharomyces, Aspergillus, and Penicillium."
Source and other informative websites that I highly recommend you to read as it is quite interesting and intriguing as the world is much more beautiful and intricate than what meets the eye:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gut_flora (Gut Flora)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gangrene (Gangrene)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diabetes_mellitus (Diabetes Mellitus)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aging (Aging)
Yours sincerely,
LoneWolfX2
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Originally posted by LoneWolfX2:
Its quite obvious actually that you have a fear of rejection, in this case it is a particular fear of rejection from a cute or attractive girl that you deem to be so.
It is called Caligynephobia, the fear of beautiful women (probably related to shyness and fear of rejection) [Seems like it does not interfere with your daily working life and leisure time and daily functioning]
It can also be classified as Venustraphobia depending on the extent it interferes with your daily life and functioning. It is an abnormal and persistant fear of beautiful women. The main keywords are Abnormal (being consistently unable to adapt and function effectively in a variety of conditions) and Persistant (over a prolonged or excessive period of time).
Allow me to share my experiences with you so that you will feel that you are not alone as you think you are. Here goes nothing:
"Frankly, i also share the same problem as you as I will inevitably get tensed up when i see a certain girl i love but can never able approach her without feeling so anxious and worked up. As i result, I can never ever talk to that particular someone in person face to face, even though my feelings to her are quite deep rooted in my heart.
I tried to overcome this problem by talking to her via MSN Messenger but after i while i did something foolish as my feelings for her are so deep and i want to express them to her but I can never do so face to face and she was graduating soon from JC and i could not delay any longer.
In order to show her that i really liked her i said these exact words on MSN Messenger: "You are perfect in my eyes". This made her say that she liked a certain someone already.
Even though we said we could still be friends, after that fateful day where I was really desperate till i rushed things too fast, she began to avoid me everytime I saw her in school for so many months.
It was heart wrenching and it really made me feel so empty and upset and regretful about my actions till I feel into depression. Consequently, i was sequentially referred to the School Counseller, the Principal and finally the Psychiatrist and Psychologist to treat my mental and emotional trauma.
Even up till today, i couldnt forgive myself and part of me hated myself for what i have done and how insensitive i was.
But i managed to clear things up recently by sending her an email telling her why I liked her(because she was outgoing, had a cute and lovely smile and was modest in what she does) and why she was important to me. I also expressed my desire to want things to be back to they were before and to be just friends again to forget everything that has happened and to seek a New Beginning.
She replied me via her SMS that she forgave me and even asked me to focus on my studies(as she knows im into Biomedical Research). She also told me to forget everything and the impact her actions had on me and my family as I recently had suicidal thoughts because of her (that i didnt disclose to her). She even told me to cheer up and live life to the fullest as I only have one life only.
After reflecting on this issue, it seems I get a clearer understanding of my confused emotions and how to move forward from here. Even though Im unsure on how to communicate to her in a more sensitive light and what should I do to proceed with this important relationship to me to make this attractive, confident, modest and well-dressed girl to like me better and also to know her more without having this excessive fear of rejection again.
Anyways, my greatest and most sincere thanks to the thread starter to allow me to express my confused feelings and emotions in a more objective manner. =)
PS: ALL THE BEST in your relatonship with this girl you really are attracted to as I understand what you are going through and know how much you can really like someone but find it excessively difficult to approach her no matter how much your heart longs to do so.
Just approach her and talk to her casually while smiling a lot as the smile is a universial gesture that you feel affectionate with someone. Also keep on telling yourself that you are worthy of her affections and believe in yourself and your strengths.
If all else fails, just be as confident as you can be as this type of experience is quite rare and you may regret it later (trust me, i have been in that horrible, excruciating experience many, many times).
However, as time flies you cannot deny you may find girls in your new found social circle in your new Secondary school, JC, Polytechnic or University as you move on with your academic career and graduate to institutes of higher education.
So if I were you and if you will not see her again, just move on with your life as you should never ever limit yourself to one girl only as there may be others out there that you never noticed before that are also close to you emotionally."
Heres a quote i will like to share with you by Alexander Graham Bell that I think applies to both our situations, to say the least:
"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
-- Alexander Graham BellSource: http://www.quoteworld.org/quotes/1168
Links you might want to visit to help you keep in touch with your emotions and for you to do further Research on the subject matter:
http://www.google.com.sg/search?hl=en&q=caligynephobia&btnG=Google+Search&meta=&aq=f&oq= (For Caligynephobia)
http://www.google.com.sg/search?hl=en&q=venustraphobia&btnG=Google+Search&meta=&aq=f&oq= (For Venustraphobia)
http://delpanicoalaalegria.com/Social_phobia.htm (Social Phobia)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abnormal_psychology (Abnormal Psychology)
http://net-burst.net/hot/cope.htm (Handling Rejection)
wow.. lonewolf you have really wrote one whole bunch. i thank you greatly also on behalf of everyone ^^
Caligynephobia and Venustraphobia refers to 'beautiful women'. but wat if the woman isn't beautiful? or she is, but only in a secret admirer's eyes?
to fall for a person and not being sure if your feelings are reciprocated, or, if that person rejects you, is really heart-wrenching. im glad you got over it.
from what you have told us, it shows the girl cares for u, but she avoids you to prevent awkward situations, and to spare you pain.. hope all goes well for you and TS ^^
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wow so touching and heart warming... thanks for all those words..=) i will looking forward and should not think back of my past..and i getting better more..with friends and here for encourage me...im really happy together with you all =)
on may 30, i was at club with friends...and i finally my first time grind a girl and funny with her, ask her name, number..but i never get her number =_=''. i think she just wan to have fun at club only if im not wrong..
i will continue..is not the end...
really thanks to all of you =)
THANKS THANKS THANKS
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You try still got a chance.
You don't try..........CONFIRM NO CHANCE!
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Originally posted by Doom995:
wow so touching and heart warming... thanks for all those words..=) i will looking forward and should not think back of my past..and i getting better more..with friends and here for encourage me...im really happy together with you all =)
on may 30, i was at club with friends...and i finally my first time grind a girl and funny with her, ask her name, number..but i never get her number =_=''. i think she just wan to have fun at club only if im not wrong..
i will continue..is not the end...
really thanks to all of you =)
THANKS THANKS THANKS
lol u funny man, dare to grind a girl den dun dare just ask one girl for her name and number (the one u are agonizing over)..
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how i know...my mind sometimes crop up =_='' or balls sometimes qui~ in and out...lolz haha
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Bro I came across this blog post which I thought very good and relevant on how to pick up girls leh especially in situations like the one you just describe
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Just ask only, after get her number then ho seh liao right?
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ok. closed thread.
idiot HAM JI. a everyday happening. nothing special, nothing good for an attraction, nothing actually happened
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you can start by perfecting your grammar and vocab.
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really. just tell urself, just go la fuck. fuck care anything.
when u approach her, u stammer and shit like that. so what? funny what, make the girl laugh hahaha. always like that one, no fail. the girl already smile to you le mah.
u smile she smile both happy and um chio inside. like that sweet mah.
trust me, psycho urself, psycho urself to fuck care and get her attention. After u guys are face to face, den let things proceed naturally.
works everytime =)
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Coz guys that age usually think with the wrong head.
